r/UnfuckYourHabitat • u/Empty_Arm_5985 • 11h ago

Support Panic attack

I've been working really hard at uf-ing everything. My front hall and living room are clean and free of trash now so that I can open my curtains and front door without being embarrassed. My kitchen and backhall are still gross (but making big strides). My eldest didn't go to his dads this weekend since he felt sick, though his younger brothers went. My ex knows how I can be (he's not much better tbh), and he tried to force his way into my house saying he wanted to see his son but I know he was just snooping. I blocked him because my son was SICK. My son did come to the door but was obviously unwell.

I know now that I'm going to get phone calls and messages accusing me of hiding something. Its set off a panic attack and now I'm going to panic clean all night despite having work in the morning.

26 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

14

u/MsMajorDepressive 9h ago

You are safe. You are in your home and he cannot come in without your permission. You are safe. Please try to get some rest. You will probably have anxiety either way but it will be easier to manage later if you can at least rest your eyes for a while. ❤️

7

u/Empty_Arm_5985 8h ago

That's whats making me feel better. Theres nothing he can do.

12

u/RetroReactiveRaucous 10h ago

Girl. Take a deep fucking breath. He isn't worth this. :(

8

u/Empty_Arm_5985 10h ago

I think its also the 21 year toxic relationship we had isn't helping. I know there's nothing he can do about any of it.

6

u/beltwayhumor 8h ago

I hate to say this, bc the words are so obnoxious, but I stg my new first line of defense is sleep and water: people will be ridiculous but it's never not once been easier to confront/ignore/release/grieve/manage when I'm running on empty 😭🫠

5

u/Empty_Arm_5985 8h ago

Luckily I had a wonderful night of sleep last night, I stayed at my partners. Water is probably a good idea LOL

1

u/DingoMittens 4m ago

It helps me to frame it as "I'm remembering how I used to feel." Your ex showing up and being his awful self triggered an avalanche of bad memories. Some memories are images, some are stories, but some are just raw emotions that got stored in memory when we couldn't fully process them at the time. When they come up, it can be helpful to know you're not feeling new emotions now. You're remembering how those emotions felt then. 

You can find center by grounding to all your five senses here and now, and do some self talk about all the resources and safety you have now compared to when you lived with him. And then take some time to imagine comforting your past self. Nest of this is mostly non-verbal, like imagine hugging her or inviting her into your current home with a warm smile, showing her around. It may not be perfect, but it's yours and it's safer than where she used to live.