r/askanything • u/Elder_Thud • 9h ago
General Question Why is reddit so against age gaps when the female is the younger party, but when the male is the younger party it stays silent?
Seriously asking. I see it a lot in the dating subs, and its ONLY when the younger party is a woman do the virtue signalers come out.
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u/Material-Trip-9893 9h ago
This is a younger generation thing as opposed to reddit specifically. That being said I don't know the reason. Maybe Epstein backlash?
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u/MasterpieceEvery1652 9h ago
I don't think this is a Reddit thing. I've seen the double standard all over. Darron Aronofsky dates his young star, Jennifer Lawrence, people are like, "ick," but Olivia Wilde dates her young star, Harry Styles, people are like, "you go, girlboss!"
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u/ririiii00001 2h ago
Olivia was 36 and Darron was 48. I think that makes a difference.
(Both Harry and Jennifer were 25)Also I'm sure the usual backlash is when the younger person is 18-23. 25 and above is fair game imo
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u/MasterpieceEvery1652 1h ago
Both were dating their subordinates. That's generally not even allowed at most firms.
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u/Pompous_Italics 9h ago edited 9h ago
They don't?
But anyway, I have this helpful guide for anyone concerned about age gaps:
Are both parties consenting adults? If yes, shut the fuck up.
Thank you.
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u/VegasFoodFace 9h ago edited 9h ago
It's not necessarily reddit just a certain group of very outspoken younger generations. But there is a point where it becomes negative and damaging.
The thing is as people get older age gaps truly matter less. I am 43 now and no one bats an eye that my gf is 6 years my junior. Had we been dating when I was 25 and her 19 that would trouble a lot of people.
Overall there's almost a joke that age gaps are ok if within half your age plus 7. So technically at 43 according to this humorous joke. I could date a 29 year old and it not seem to unseemly.
What is more troubling is if there is a power dynamic issue where the older man is taking advantage of a younger woman who does not have the resources to live as she would with the older man, or even the other way around with gold diggers. That is questionable behavior on both sides. But has way less to do with age. Other than men find more of their financial success obviously later in life and many do want some arm candy to show it off. Causing those not willing to date older and successful people to simply judge age gaps as inherently wrong. And then get pissed off as they see their current generation of financial opportunity vanish.
As a millennial I see this aspect too. As a manager of Gen Z workers myself it has definitely become economically more difficult, not that Millenials didn't live through 2008 in our prime earning years while raising you Gen Z'ers. But I also do see a lot of Gen Z girls dating older more successful Millenials and I don't judge. Gen Z you got it tough don't judge the actions of your fellow cohorts as they begin realizing that their own Gen Z fellows may not really be all that great dateable material. And this attitude is polarizing my new crop of Gen Alpha workers too. As they try to lecture Gen Z and Millenials about how we're not supposed to date each other. Who's the one showing lack of maturity when there are plenty of mixed gen couples and it's fine so long as everyone is consenting.
Not like I'm making this up. This is literally the complaint of my current gf, she kept trying to date closer to her age and just was consistently disappointed at the lack of maturity in even middle aged men older than me. And forget about younger men.
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u/Dangerous-Safe-4336 9h ago
When I started seeing the young man who would become my husband, I was 19 and he was 25. That was many years ago.
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u/VegasFoodFace 8h ago edited 8h ago
It was fine then. It was fine for my parents. Perfectly normal not to marry until you had financial stability, meant you were typically an older man.
And back in the day all the older women would have already been taken already. And I remember even back in my day my sister saying she preferred older men for their maturity.
Typical men's brains don't fully mature and undergo final pruning til about 26. Doesn't surprise you that that's typically 4-6 years later than women. When they mature in their earlier 20's.
Hence you typically see this 25 yr old man and 20-ish woman combination the world over. By the age of 30 you should already be done having children, prime childbearing years make past 30 pregnancies more risky not just for the mother but also tends to increase developmental challenges in the baby as female eggs do not continuously replenish themselves thus genetics tend to degrade in women faster. If you want healthy children, women need to have them before 30. Later in life pregnancies often resulting in the potential for more disability in the child too.
Thus you end up seeing this older man younger woman thing in all of human history. And now one generation wishes to challenge this? That's a little bit presumptuous.
Also women my age tend to be slightly old fashioned and not willing to date younger anyways. So I don't argue with them. I already look young as an Asian man. With most people I meet thinking I'm younger than my 6 year younger than me gf.
Age really is just a number especially when you're 43 and if I shave I get mistaken for 25-30. Got those eternally youthful Filipino genes anyways. My mom won carnival guess your age games. 65 years old. Mistaken for 35.
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u/Material-Trip-9893 9h ago
My wife and I originally started dating when I was 29 and she was 19. We simply clicked perfectly. No grooming, no power influence. We are 42 and 32 now, no age related issues ever along the way.
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u/VegasFoodFace 8h ago
I think you'll find more successful age gap partnerships when you actually talk to real ones and not just one little aspect of a younger generation's judgements. At least my Gen Z and Alpha workers are realizing this now as they know of specifically my healthy relationship with what they saw previously as an inappropriate age gap.
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u/LazyCatRocks 9h ago
Because men tend to be predators more often than women. A man could groom or otherwise influence a younger woman and it's natural people find that repulsive.
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u/citizen42069101 9h ago
And it seems like the men are rotating them out, while the relationships with older women seem to last.
But like others said adults 👍
Not adults 👎
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u/Simoslav 9h ago
Lol, that sounds more like a societal standard than something specific to Reddit...slightly scary you associate that as a "Reddit" thing...
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u/britneys_bigtoe 4h ago
look closer. there's a recent BORU where they shit on a 24 year old man for dating a 36 year old woman
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u/Tough_Pangolin_7471 1h ago
No this isn't true at all. GirlDinnerDiaries is insane about women who date younger men. There was a 30 year old woman who was interested in a 24 year old divorced father and they treated her like she was a predator chasing a child.
Sam Taylor-Johnson gets criticized constantly by women because her she was 41 and her husband was 18 wheh they met.
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u/QueasySpell1946 9h ago
It's subconscious misogyny. The fact that people don't complain about older female, younger male relationships. but they complain when it's the other way around tells a lot about themselves.
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u/Weary_Capital_1379 9h ago
No. There’s a lot of bigotry about older men with younger.
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u/TheMammaG 9h ago
That's not what bigotry means.
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u/Weary_Capital_1379 9h ago
Irrational hate=bigotry
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u/TheMammaG 9h ago
Hate for groomers = rationality
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u/Orthos_ate_my_chair 9h ago
It's almost like there's millions of people on reddit, and different ones are commenting.