Is this right?

[u/poleclimbinggymnast]

A guy who I liked invited me to stay the night at his place. I initially thought he was inviting me over for intimacy. But he told me I could sleep in his spare room. And nothing intimate happened while I was awake. So I assumed he didn't want that and went to sleep in his spare room while he slept in his room. Later that night I woke up to him touching my chest. My psychologist says what he did is wrong and the way he went about getting intimacy from me is wrong when he should have just asked me for it while awake and I would have said yes. When I asked him about what happened that night he said I am liar and that nothing happened then blocked me. This incident has really affected me coz we were friends for 4 years prior to this incident happening. I am confused why he didn't just ask me for intimacy while I was a awake? And why did he say i am a liar and blocked me when what happened did happen?

Me 36 (F) him 56 (M)

[u/Such_Access_4578]

Your so called friend is a predator and a creep. Be happy you woke up when you did. Block him and never look back.

[u/poleclimbinggymnast → u/Such_Access_4578]

But surely there is a reasonable explanation for this type of behaviour? I just can't think of one and my psychologist can't either. Hence why I am asking in here. Like we were friends for 4 years prior. Then he suddenly changed.

[u/Such_Access_4578 → u/poleclimbinggymnast]

There’s no explanation for sexual deviants. Look at pedophiles, same thing. He didn’t want consensual sex because that’s not what gets him off. Why did Bill Cosby drug and rape women when they were unconscious when a famous rich guy like him could surely have many options? There’s something wrong with him and you just need to know it’s not you and you did nothing wrong. Stay far away from men like this.

[u/Inside_Pianist_7132]

First. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

Second, no one should be touching you like that without express consent. You were unconscious and therefore unable to give consent.

As far as why, he lied and then blocked you, it’s irrelevant his thought process is not your responsibility. If you feel comfortable mutual friends you have what happened so it doesn’t happen to them and as the other commenter said block him.

[u/poleclimbinggymnast → u/Inside_Pianist_7132]

I know I didnt give consent as I was asleep and couldn't but i would have said yes if I was awake. But I don't understand why he didn't just ask me for intimacy while i was awake? I would have said yes and this whole situation wouldn't have happened.

[u/empire_of_the_moon]

You learned that the person you thought you were friends with doesn’t exist.

It will be hard but you must not try to find excuses or justifications for his behavior.

His actions were wrong and offensive. His behavior afterwards was immature and potentially psychotic.

Either he knows what he did and wants to gaslight you after sexually touching you without consent or he is mentally ill and has created a false narrative in his own head that what you claim never happened.

Sometimes mentally ill people will protect themselves from their own actions by creating a narrative, that they believe, where the offense didn’t occur.

Either way, it’s best for you to block him and never, ever let him into your house and never, ever return to his house.

[u/poleclimbinggymnast → u/empire_of_the_moon]

Ahh so maybe he has schizophrenia? And doesnt remember doing this? Is this possible? Would explain why he said what happened didn't happen. I know from being friends with him for 4 years he has told me he has had mental health issues in the past. But he never told me what he was diagnosed with. So maybe he does have schizophrenia and went into a psychotic episode hence why he doesnt remember

[u/empire_of_the_moon → u/poleclimbinggymnast]

I can’t diagnose him as I’m completely unqualified.

But I have an experience with someone who is mentally ill. I was walking by their house when unprovoked they attacked me and drug me into their house.

I had to fight for my life and I wasn’t certain I would leave alive.

After he was arrested, the police told me that his neighbors had no idea he could be violent. They were shocked. They knew he had mental issues but never thought he was dangerous.

I’m sharing this very ugly memory with you because I want you to hear from someone who has been attacked. It’s too easy to dismiss the danger - don’t make that mistake.

I will never underestimate a mentally ill person again.

[u/Such_Access_4578 → u/poleclimbinggymnast]

Stop looking for rationalizations that minimize his wrong doing. What he did was a violation that should not be forgiven. I’m sorry this happened to you but you must understand anyone who would do this is a very disturbed person. I think he blocked you because he didn’t expect you to wake up and catch him and now you know what he is.

[u/MasterpieceWaste774]

You knew him, but you didn't know-know him.

Whatever internalized homophobia he's dealing with is INTENSE.

By the way, what country or society did this happen in? And how old are you two? (It's hard to give an opinion when a lot of relevant information is missing.)

[u/poleclimbinggymnast → u/MasterpieceWaste774]

Homophobia? I am female and he is male. You think he is gay? I am 36 and he is 56. We live in Australia.

[u/MasterpieceWaste774 → u/poleclimbinggymnast]

Ha! Well..... I misread that one, didn't I?

Did you put in that you were a female in this? I had no clue who was writing this.

I didn't see F(36) anywhere or M(56).

[u/poleclimbinggymnast → u/MasterpieceWaste774]

No i didnt I didn't know i had to. But I can now

[u/MasterpieceWaste774 → u/poleclimbinggymnast]

How would anyone know?

[u/poleclimbinggymnast → u/MasterpieceWaste774]

I have put it in the body section now. It will not let me put it on the title though

[u/lHappycats]

Sorry OP he is not your friend and he probably doesn't want consensual intimacy otherwise he would ask Going by his age and behavior he is a creep.