I tried bringing this up at home but my wife’s boyfriend keeps telling me to shut the fuck up. It’s like he doesn’t even care sometimes

Make peace with your god now.

Pflugerville always gets the best views.

Isn’t that king-like behavior? Why they not follow pedestrian signals and cross on white, letting others use the roads too?

They act like entitled monarchists! A**holes all.

Hello Austin neighbors,

I was wondering if anybody has a backyard I could borrow for an hour or two for my perineum sunning. Winter is coming and the photon levels are dropping dangerously low. Most people don’t know this but your perineum is basically a solar panel for your body and if you don’t charge it regularly your organs start getting confused.

I usually put a refrigerator magnet behind my neck to pull the photons down through my spinal cord and into my undercarriage. Last week I tried using two magnets and got so much magnetic circulation that my left foot went numb and my microwave started making noises. So now I just use one.

I’m also looking for somebody with a really powerful flashlight, preferably one of those police flashlights that can blind a deer from three miles away. If you could stand behind me and shine it directly at my perineum for about 45 minutes that would be wonderful. I can bring an extension cord and some protective goggles for everybody.

I’ve already contacted Mayor Watson about building a public perineum charging station near Barton Creek but nobody from his office has called me back. I don’t understand why Austin Energy spends millions of dollars on streetlights but won’t install even ONE municipal butt lamp.

I tried doing it on my condo balcony but the lady upstairs started throwing birdseed on me and now the grackles think I’m their mother. One of them follows me to H-E-B.

Serious inquiries only please. I’m willing to share my magnets and teach beginners how to properly circulate their photons. Please don’t bring pets because they interfere with the magnetic frequencies and last time somebody’s golden retriever got stuck to my neck.

Our sources are showing that T*sla has created a vehicle capable of skipping the dreaded southbound light at 45th as you make the final approach to Chili’s.

I for one WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!! This gives the RICH the ability to get the gloryhole even FASTER than the working class and unemployed. Think about how many people will have to wait longer for their satisfaction because they couldn’t jump over the light.

I DEMAND THIS PROJECT BE SHUT DOWN!!

This was just a right wing political stunt. Everyone knows a car can’t fly. And if it could, who would afford it? And wouldn’t we regulate it into oblivion as soon as we get regime change in Washington?

I feel like Central Texas is enabling this. We’re
providing a welcome environment. We’re not out blocking this work. We could if we want to. Instead we’re putting our effort and attention in electing a guy who backtracked from saying there were six genders.

Honestly, sometimes I just want to scream. With my
mask off.

I’m looking for a Halloween party date in S Austin. I’ll be the male Buck! I’ll pick you up in S Austin on my Lime Scooter! Easy parking!

Just two requirements:

Trans woman with actual fake tits!

Willing and able to snort ket off various objects

Bonus points if you are in the gays for Gaza group, have piercings, tattoos, blue hair, a gender studies degree and crazy liberal eyes.

Needless to say, no Kings, no MAGA, no actual women, no productive jobs, no gas car that’s causing climate change, no one that supports genocide in Gaza or Iran, no productive degrees,

"*MEDICAL MASKS ENCOURAGED!"

keep it "non-partisan" at our unitarian, commie, trans blm Lesbian Women Voters pegging party to force you to vote like an ally party!

...totally going for the tackle box faced hot babes with daddy issues. Lots of hawt tumblr witches and sexxx rejects for sure

EDIT: yes, sadly this is very real and certified 100% outjerked.

I’ll bring potato salad with green onions on top so you know it’s me. Wink twice when you spot me.

It infuriates me when I’m tailgating the car ahead me, because they won’t drive 30 miles over the speed limit, only for them to hit the brakes instead of running through the red light.

We’ve put in all this work protesting on social media to rid ourselves of Flock cameras- yet some people refuse to take advantage of it.

Who cares if you’re crossing the intersection a few seconds after the light turns red. It’s the responsibility of the crossing traffic to wait and check for cars when the light turns green.

Too many new Californians here who don’t know how to drive in Texas.

Tested this out at my favorite off Mopac filling station. Should’ve looked before I “leapt.” Definitely not a glory hole. Now I’m in a splint and have to find a new place to stop on my 3 hour commute from downtown to Round Rock…Stay safe out there!

I primarily listen to Doom noise and some experimental sounding equipment banging against my balls when I’m trying to blow a load. I need to add more heft to my library preferably something better than the sounds of loose car parts dragging under vehicles across the frontage road of I-35.