r/casualiama • u/average_texas_guy • 9d ago

Sexual I'm a newly claimed sub AMA about D/s dynamics

I'm an open book. Nothing is off limits, and if you prove me wrong I'll let you know.

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u/Zedress 9d ago

Were you looking for a dom or was it something that just happened?

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u/average_texas_guy 9d ago

I wasn't looking necessarily but I am very active on various kink subredddits, especially those focused on femdomme. As a result, I had a lot of domme friends that I talk to everyday. No sexy talk, legit friends.

One of those friends CLAIMS that she had been sending me signals for a while. This is highly likely because I am absolutely clueless in life.

Anyway, she just told me she was interested, we had a VERY long conversation about how to navigate that, and we jumped in.

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u/Zedress 9d ago

Good for you. What exactly does your relationship entail with being dommed? I'm pretty vanilla and I've seen TV shows but having never been in the lifestyle I don't know the in's-and-out's.

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u/average_texas_guy 9d ago

Unfortunately, for now, we are LDR. We are discussing how to change that.

I am what's known as a service sub, and she is what's known as a gentle femdomme. What you see in media is never a great representation of femdomme in reality. They always portray the same type of dynamic.

Here's what ours looks like. When I wake, I send her a message or voice note just telling her good morning, a list of things that I believe make her amazing, and reassurance that, even if she has a bad day, I'm in her corner. Most days, sometime after that, I will record a confession of my sins in a voice note for her. We have a blasphemy/religious kink so me confessing to my Goddess is something we very much enjoy.

We use an app called obedience. She gives me tasks to complete and I either gain or lose points based on how well I do. Failing results in a funishment and gained points I can exchange for rewards.

Not long after that, I send her a daily baseline blood pressure and pulse reading. Then we start talking. Normal conversations and also some very spicy conversations. If something really gets me during sexual talk, I'll send her another reading. She likes to see the power she has over me.

Basically, I have surrendered full control of my mind, body, and spirit. I have done this because my trust that she values these gifts and would do me no harm is absolute. She decides a lot for me and I obey. Including when I'm allowed orgasms and when I need to wait. I obey because of the trust, care, and respect we have for each other.

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u/Zedress 9d ago

If it's working for you both, and you're both happy and consenting adults, I'm glad for you. Not my scene, not my kink. Who am I to judge?

(And yeah, I kind of figured that media doesn't show a great representation of femdomme. I also figure that most porn doesn't either. Though I don't really go looking for it so I've probably never found good representation.)

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u/average_texas_guy 9d ago

You are so correct about media and porn. They all tend to push toward masochist/humiliation domination. While that is fun for a lot of people, it's a VERY small section of the D/s community.

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u/Zedress 9d ago

What would you recommend if I wanted to learn more?

My wife has said she wants to be dommed before. We tried but all I will say is that it didn't go very well. Not really a role I am/was comfortable with and I'm also pretty sure she didn't fully understand what she wanted (understand might not be the best word but maybe neither one of us has/had the ability to describe what it is/was she wanted). Neither one of us are very good at communicating desires like that.