I once saw a woman struggling to remove all the weights off a leg press machine that some asshole left on, so I quickly went there to help her remove them all, it was like 150kg in plates. Today, that woman is my girlfriend.
She also was already my girlfriend when that happened.
Yeah. Cause she's there to work out. They know that. But they wanna help and feel like they have a chance. So the only real option is to ask to help lift a weight for her, not knowing it's having the opposite of the intended effect
Right, because it's kinda weird to "ask" but not wait to hear them confirm they actually want your help at all.
And putting a weight on for someone who is already lifting weights for recreational exercise at a gym is like... Interrupting someone as they're about to choose a golf club out of their bag to swing with? Then asking if they'd like help choosing a club, and picking a club for them without waiting for an answer.
Oh yeah, I completely agree with your take. It's very likely just an incredibly awkward attempt at "polite" flirting. I was just processing exactly how intensely awkward that was. 💀
I feel like "need a spotter?" would be way more normal to start lol. I've asked and been asked by random people at the gym that (guy), never had anyone put a weight on the bar for me though 🤣
As a lady with back problems, this grinds my gears. Wait for me to confirm or deny if i need help. Most of the time I DONT and youre just bothering me. If i do need help, i would have asked for it. If for whatever reason ive already lifted and started moving with the item, and realize i need help, I'll need to put it back down and readjust/recenter with help.
But when you come up and just take heavy shit out of my hand, youre messing with my balance and messing with my back. This shit irks me to no end.
Completely sane response. This is exactly why I would never think to do this to someone, regardless of how hot or charming they were. It's just a poorly thought out gesture that can go wrong and/or offend so easily.
In all fairness, lifting the plate onto the bar typically uses different muscles than the exercise in question uses.
I can squat a decent amount of weight, but curling the 45 lb plates onto the bar is... not hard, but heavy enough that it's hard to sharpshoot the bar through the home. And I'm a decently strong man.
I'm on the bench next to you loading up my bar. You're on the far side loading up your own bar for bench. I see you put a 45lb plate on. I am already there so I grab a plate and put it on your bar for you so you don't have to walk around the bench multiple times. I ask what wait do you want. We both put the extra plates on in 1/3 of the time it normally takes. I offer to spot you and ask you for a spot.
This is a very common gym interaction. I could also ask if I can work in if you're lifting a similar weight to me.
So, real answer - meet them through hobbies. If you see a woman at the gym regularly, make occasional small talk. Ask if she needs help but wait for the answer and respect it (unlike in the comic). If you're into gaming, go to a local game store and ask for an appropriate gaming group to join (DnD group, Magic, Warhammer, board games, whatever). Join a book club. Make friends with women - treat them like real human beings with interests and desires and autonomy. And when you do make friends, don't assume it'll lead to a relationship - use the friends to meet their friends. That's how I met my wife. My roommate took me to his coworker's party, and that coworker's friend was there, and started talking with that friend of my roommate's coworker and exchanged contact info and then flirted online for a few months before I finally asked her out.
Also, you absolutely can ask women out at random places, just accept rejection gracefully. Most guys don't, and that's what creates these problems.
This is basically the advice I would give to high school me forever ago. I've switched locations, environments and countries so many times and each time this remains the surefire way of making friends and meeting people. The biggest thing is you've got to be genuine, your going to an event for YOU to have fun, not as some kind of secret lifehack to meeting women.
your going to an event for YOU to have fun, not as some kind of secret lifehack to meeting women.
This is so key, you gotta be doing stuff you enjoy. People (of all genders) can sense when you aren't interested in the activity. Plus, if you're having fun, you'll be more relaxed and confident, which is attractive.
Well, first of all, in all of the places you listed, you don't have any opportunity to get to know anything about the people there, other than what they look like that day. That's not much to base asking someone out on, or being asked out. Do you spend any time in places where you can get to know people? Clubs, activities, school, volunteering, work, but hobby-related things are really the best. That way you already have something in common and can get to know someone a bit, and them you, before you decide if you want to ask them out, and they have something to base their answer on.
I swear people act like it's completely hopeless for their love life if they are gently discouraged from "cold calling" a random person in the middle of a task to be like hey girl, you hot
it works for some people sure, but it's not unreasonable to suggest maybe trying something else lmao
also I've been flirted with very creepily and rather awkwardly. there's a difference. no, I'm not going to pepper gel someone for being a little awkward
I mean, I give general advice just to be mindful of when people are in situations where it isn't easy to get away from a person flirting (like a waiter or waitress, retail worker etc)
also someone mid workout is probably not going to appreciate "help" if they're in the zone
believe it or not, you won't get smited for flirting with a person somewhere I personally recommend not flirting.
what are you even looking for in a partner?
real talk, focus on meeting people, not exclusively hitting people up for dates. sounds counterintuitive I guess but being open to new experiences is most likely going to help vs idk chatting people up in grocery stores
The original
Comment got deleted so posting it out of place.The rule of thumb is if its going to be awkward afterwards on a rejection an no way to exit the situation probably not a good idea.
So for example at work. You work close by and you don’t know them and are in the office not a great idea. You have hang out a few times and gotten to know each other good time but be ready if it doesn’t go your way then just don’t mention it again.
On the gym that tends to be part of people daily routines so doing it out cold might not be a great idea.
But for example at a sports event , why not shoot your shot. Unless you are season pass holders and are next to each other
what I find frustrating is when people lament about how hard it is to flirt with women and I try to genuinely give then advice they don't want to hear it
not everyone obviously but idk I guess they want to be told women are the problem instead of consider trying a different approach
Wtf is this even supposed to mean? No girl ever asks him out because he's the "reason" but then when he asks why so that he can try to better himself he's gendering questions and making it someone else's problem?
Do you see how unhelpful that is? It's not a problem for him to want a romantic partner and also not a problem to ask were might he be able to approach one without coming off as a creep.
Drifter I'm not anything close to a playboy or an expert but the biggest things you can do is to have somethings you enjoy as a hobby that someone else can as well, I enjoy cooking and that is just generally loved by anyone with a stomach. The other thing is to listen to them and understand that most won't straight up tell you they're interested. They'll try to spend more time with you or go out of their way to invite you. Start talking to some women with it intent to understand them first and foremost.
Women generally approach men less than the reverse, that isn’t a reasonable yardstick. It’s really warped to tell people they arent allowed natural methods of meeting people and instead have to participate in the nonsense that is online dating.
Yeah. Cause she's there to work out. They know that.
The flip side is that we all spend 90% of our lives at some sort of place to do some sort of thing. If we didn’t make space to socialize a bit even in those contexts, nobody would ever get to know anybody. Not saying this particular gentleman picked a particularly well timed moment or approach
From my experience people use gyms to socialize and get to know others.
I personally don’t like to talk when working out but my workplace gym is generally used by my coworkers to socialize with people from different departments, while working out
This heavily depends on the gym. I've been to gyms where everyone is just trying to work out without being distracted, and I've also been to gyms that are community gathering spaces.
Honestly, as a dude, if someone wants to load the bar for me, fuck yeah. Literally my most hated thing to do when I'm already exhausted and slightly shaky from other lifts is to have to repeatedly throw a bunch of 45 pounders on the bar.
Real talk. How the fuck is anyone getting dates when this same thing said everytime. Grocery shopping is "She's just there to buy food". At the bar is "she's just there to relax and have a drink". Everything I've seen has made it clear that you aren't allowed to talk to anyone under any circumstances
If it’s a place you both frequent you’ll eventually start doing like downward nods and then brief hellos and waves and whatnot. Just go about your day and don’t try to force it sheesh.
You're welcome to talk to women in scenarios like a bar or places where you're expected to be social! Just don't be mad if they don't want to talk or you get rejected. Grocery shopping is...fine, most people don't want to talk to randoms in a grocery store or while waiting for food, so just don't be mad if they don't want to talk to you or you get rejected. In a place where people are there to achieve a goal or get something done like at the gym or at work, just consider maybe it's not the place. And again, don't be mad if you get rejected, because it might be a lot harsher depending on the person and situation.
Gyms are complicated in this context. Some gyms are community gathering places where people are expected to socialize. I am personally friends with most of the regulars at my gym. I've also been to gyms where people don't talk at all. Really you just have to recognize what kind of gym you are in and engage with that or find a new gym.
Idk, I'm more of the type that doesn't want anyone to talk to me while I'm in the middle of a workout because it interrupts my flow state. I've had it happen more than once, and not for something like helping me correct a stance or do the workout more effectively. An interaction like in the image also makes 0 sense to me because of the fact that, if she couldn't lift it, she wouldn't be putting it on the bar in the first place
I totally get why someone would prefer a more focused gym, that makes sense. I just meant in general if you are at a more social gym it's very normal to talk to women whearas at a less social gym it isn't.
Though either way I agree this interaction is weird. Grabbing the weight she's already holding to load it for her is strange and unhelpful.
Any public space is a social space, these social interactions even may help you achieve whatever goal you have in mind. Colleagues at work are there to help you do your work and can make your work more fullfiling, lots of colleagues become friends. Humans are social animals.
Nah, there are clearly places approaching people is more than appropriate. You can approach people at bars if you do it right and they seem open to talk but asides from that every other sport than gym, party’s clubs etc, any kind of social gatherings your friends invite you too(most people find dates through friends of their friends) and if you look there are always events being held in every place for the sole purpose of meeting people. Like a running dinner where you cook a part of a three course meal and then go two to other homes to eat the other parts.
If you are not interested in your partner having a social life apart from your own you need to reflect man. If partying is not for you like i said there are a lot more places. Went to a book club once meet a lot of cook people there.
I went to a very atypical college. A particular group of people there were big proponents and practitioners of approaching people straight up with, "Hey, we've chatted for about fifteen seconds and I think you're kinda cute and funny. Are you interested in flirting tonight or would you like to keep things on the up and up?"
I've never put it into practice myself, but it was always refreshing to be on the receiving end of it. So there's one approach
Step 1 is to ignore what some people tell you online. Some people will always be judgmental and have a certain way of thinking, and you will never be able to please everyone anyway. Literally who gives a fuck what a couple of internet strangers on here said?
Step 2 is to not force things or push boundaries. It's easier to strike up conversations with people you see often (like at work) and you should respect a rejection immediately. As with everything in life, being socially succesful isn't easy (for a lot of us) and it simply won't always work out. But there's ways to be social and outgoing in a healthy way, and sooner or later you will find people you vibe with.
Don’t listen to these pandering losers man. As long as you’re respectful ofc you can ask someone out at the gym, the store, a music class, college class, whatever.
You obvs want to meet someone with similar interest.
These people are just scared of rejection at a place you frequent. Reasonable, but cowardly.
I don't get this tbh. Why would it have the opposite effect? I can clearly see she can move the weight. But racking and unracking weights can get tedious. As an avid gym going male if anyone wants to rack my weights for me please, please, feel free lmao
I feel like everyone is always trying to take gestures and interactions nowadays negatively. Like I don't hold doors open for people because I think they're too stupid to understand how a door works.
This isn't the same as, like, someone unloading their deadlift bar next to your squat rack and asking if you want em to load your bar instead of rerack the weights entirely. Same amount of effort, but one helps the other person and it's non invasive.
The comic is pretty dang weird. I've done the former over a hundred times, "hey, mind if I grab those from you?" "Yeah sure, how many do you need?" And then we both unload their bar and load mine and we go about our workouts. But she's already got the weight 90% of the way there and he's not spotting her.
To be honest helping someone load the barbell is nothing weird. Of course if it’s unprompted it’s a bit less common, but can still just be a nice gesture
A bit, but i’ve seen it and have had it happen to me too, if some gym nerd sees you load a heavy weight it’s not unusual that they’ll offer to help you load and spot you (granted that they’re not busy)
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u/ShadowTheChangeling 6d ago
Really the only other possible reason than anything unsavory tbh