can someone critique my sonata exposition?

[u/MoistM4rco]

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1iOzg2GdDIw1NKQtXS5j8w4xuLxDK3a3t?usp=sharing

[u/CoffeeDefiant4247]

At bars 1 and 7 the piano dynamic should probably also have the subito or sub marking since it's directly after forte
you could notate the rall at 16
Bar 24 has a crescendo to no specified dynamic
The dynamics from about 42 onwards aren't correct for what's in the recording
You don't need the piano marking at bar 56 since it's at bar 54
You don't need the pianissimo dynamic at 74 since it's already pianissimo
You could notate the accel at 83

There's also a general convention that when changing dynamics you don't just go up or down by one. What is the difference between the piano at bar 7, mezzo piano at bar 8 and mezzo forte at bar 16 or the pianissimo at bar 40, the piano at bar 41 and mezzo piano at bar 42

It's all pretty much just clerical things, the music itself is well done

[u/God_Bless_Oklahoma]

Your counterpoint is a bit haphazard. (If you're trying to stick to a classical/Neo-Classical style)

Bar 36 evokes the second mvt. 2 of Hayden's string quartet op. 76 no. 1

[u/Albert_de_la_Fuente]

I think you have very good starting material and you have a very good sense of harmony and melody. The ideas are solid and well handled, and you know how to modulate effectively.

However, the overall structure is quite strange. I can hear that you're going for, the start of the second theme is obvious, but there are many parts that should probably be shuffled around, while I miss very important "milestones" in the structure that yould clarify its layout. It is very important that you map your cadences clearly in your structure.

The first thing that threw me off a bit was the new mode and material already at measure 8. This can be perfectly valid, but you're forcing things a bit already. Then you go on with even more new material, and it's like I don't expect you to come back to the first idea. While opening with a short phrase of about 4-8 measures that never returns in the expo is OK in early classical works, it's a bit bold, because this isn't in that style

Then at measure 25 you do a quintessential medial cesura, i.e. a "break" in the texture and motion, reaching a clear dominant. This signals the secondary theme very strongly, but, instead, you return (finally) to material of the opening theme. This is very misleading.

At measure 34 we finally have the second theme. Here, the new key hasn't been prepared strongly (no medial cesura), but also, the previous bars were going somewhere else (probably to the key of Eb) and you suddenly backtracked and forced a V-I in C major.

The secondary theme group has several parts. It's nice, but some parts need "tightening". First you have the first block in C major, and then you have a longer block in Ab that's thematically related but different enough. The second part has a buildup that leads to a quiet restatement of the first block, now in Bb major. Then you add more stuff and end quietly in Ab major.

Whereas I missed more "circularity" and repetition in the first theme group, the second group has it too much. Secondary theme areas can be looser (read Caplin's book). Also, seconday theme groups tend to have noticeable buildups leading to a cadence and an ensuing emphatic codetta, whereas here the buildup is "wasted", because you still dwell in the 2nd theme for longer.

Here are my suggestions: First, read Caplin's Analyzing Classical form. Here you'll find basically concept you need. Second, analyze at least 10 reference works, with special emphasis on marking the cadences, the medial cesura, and the bar lengths of every section and subsection. Count, even, the lengths of every phrase of every theme.

As to this exposition, I'd pack measures 1-33 tighter, probably in a small ternary form with the Ab major part acting as a "mini-trio", something that Schubert did often. You may also dwell on the first idea longer before moving to the Ab major part. You could use 18-25 (probably transposed) as a transition part that does lead directly to the second theme. I'd keep the first part of the 2nd theme group unchanged, but I'd probably make the melody in measures 42-50 more similar to the C major part, to give it more cohesion. Meas. 48-65 are a clear dominant prolongation and should close the 2nd theme area with a perfect cadence, and be followed by the codetta directly. The cadence here should probably be in the key you close the exposition with, so you may need to change which dominant is being prolonged here. The codetta itself may be whatever you want, it can be the theme at meas. 82 or you may even reuse the meas. 26 part if you don't know what to do with it.

Cheers

[u/MoistM4rco → u/Albert_de_la_Fuente]

Thank you very much for this detailed overview, I shall review it thoroughly :)

[u/Expert_Heat_2966 → u/MoistM4rco]

Yep definitely look into caplins book as he mentioned and also hepokoski and darcy’s. Also the youtube account “sonata she wrote” is incredible for simply explaining all the parts in different types of sonatas.