r/daddit • u/tomerFire • Sep 05 '26
Discussion How do you cope with the realization there no more free days?
I never thought about it before the kids but what's getting me into panic its the realization that there are no more free days for who knows how many years.
It was after another hard week at work (and in general in life) thinking to myself like me before the kids "I can't wait for the weekend" and then its struck me. There are no weekends anymore. No days off. Nothing to even look for! And I got into panic. It's endless grind without a break that will break me for sure when this constant burnout.
I feel like a nice running in a spinning wheel with no end. How to cope with this?
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u/pukacz Sep 05 '26
This is true when the kids are small. Once they can take care of themselves in the morning you can at least sleep in. Over the past summer I rarely saw my 14 year old he woke up, ate and went out to see his friends came back after sunset.
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u/Unacceptable0pinion Sep 05 '26
Curious what kind of community you live in? This kind of free play / kids disappear for a day lifestyle that I grew up with seems to be absent in most of today's towns and cities.
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u/pukacz Sep 05 '26
6th biggest city in Poland. He goes out with friends and plays football (soccer), goes out on a bicycle trips or uses public transport (kids have a year pass for about 15 USD). Couple of times they went to the swimming pool/lake and of course the mall. At 14 he has his own bank account and debit card so pays for stuff. Just before summer vacation there was the first police call because they decided to do "urbex" but disregarded the abandoned part :P nothing serious just the "do you know what your kid is doing". I have his location on my phone via Google family
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u/BrainDamage2029 Sep 05 '26
Yeah I don't know where people get on about this "kids don't spend the whole day out anymore." They absolutely do when they hit the preteen age, have a bike and some demonstration of basic responsibility.
What's changed since the 80s and 90s is there aren't (as many) latchkey kids or kids with that sort of freedom at like age 8.
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u/veebs7 Sep 05 '26
The people who feel that way are Americans living in car-dependent suburban hell with nothing around
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u/jupiterspringsteen Sep 05 '26
I live in a UK city. My 15 yr old boy has spent the summer pretty much doing the same. My 12 yr old daughter goes off for hours at at a time with her friend. Although she mainly (but not always) stays in our district. My son roams the city and sometimes goes to the countryside or a neighbouring city. My city makes bus travel free for under 16s throughout August, which is great for them exploring with friends.
They've been fine, although I realise there is a chance they could get into scrapes etc, but they have phones with location tracking turned on so we can see where they are.
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u/ragingmoderate1776 Sep 05 '26
Idk if this is actually true or another culture war. I just moved from the city to the burbs and all summer I saw kids zooming around on their e-bikes with each other
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u/DrMonkeyLove Sep 05 '26
Sleeping in would be easier if they could learn to close the damn doors quietly!
SLAM!
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u/Adventurous-Mind6940 Sep 05 '26
If they slam a door and wake me up, we are doing chores for the next four hours.
Rinse and repeate. Kids are smart. They will learn.
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u/BetInformal6081 Sep 05 '26
i think the mindset shift is realizing weekends don't have to be completely free to still be restorative even a protected hour a solo coffee or a morning walk can give you something to look forward to..
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u/KanedaSyndrome Sep 05 '26
yeh this - we mourn the loss of 14 hour Valheim sessions though
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u/ImportantToNote Sep 05 '26
You need to figure out how to look forward to spending time with your kids.
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u/Smushsmush Sep 05 '26
Looking at my toddler, she doesn't even like spending time with herself 😂
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Sep 05 '26
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u/Smushsmush Sep 05 '26
Heh, she's never watched TV at home or spent time on a phone, apart from video calls with grandparents... A few weeks into her sibling being born she still turned into a turbocharged reckless goblin. It's like someone flipped a switch one day and now she's hitting grandma, telling her she doesn't love her and is overall much harder to handle. I still love spending time with her, but it's a lot to figure out atm.
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u/kylejoesph11 Sep 06 '26
I know you’re not asking - but toddlers have zero ability to regulate emotions without us, their parents, doing it for them. Unfortunately, you flipped the switch bringing a new baby home and your toddler recognizes “my parent(s) are spending time with them and caring for them and telling someone else how much they love them” and they feel that but can’t regulate. So before you know it - grandmas getting hit, everything’s a tantrum, and you’re already not sleeping so it probably feels suffocating.
Truly, the fix is a lot of hugs and tears (probably from toddler, baby, and you). But you’ll get through it, and you’ll do it well, I know it. 🤟
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u/Smushsmush Sep 06 '26
Thanks :')
I noticed she listens very intently when we talk to her about us loving both of them and that we are a team.
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u/Nice-Grab4838 Sep 05 '26
I came to say the responses to this depends on what stage your kids are in and what is planned for that day tbh
A weekend day with zero plans, a 3 year old, and bad weather? Hell
A weekend day with some activity ending right before nap time, nice weather to play outside after, a few errands to run (and a kid who enjoys going along for them), heaven
I’ve learned you have to have plans every weekend as a toddler parent lmao
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u/Krimmothy Sep 05 '26
This can be so hard. My son is 3.5yo and in peak threenager mode. He’s either hyperactive and wanting constant attention or having a tantrum. It’s difficult to look forward to the weekends.
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u/cjmason85 Sep 05 '26
I know what you mean. My son seemed to go through terrible twos at 18 months and threenager at 2.5. Now he's just about 3.5 and suddenly he's entered a phase where he's got a lot of empathy, calling everything his favourite and generally being nice (when he's listening that is). It will get easier mentally. It's still physically exhausting of course 😅
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u/The--Marf 1 boy - 4yrs Sep 05 '26
My wife and I joke that Monday morning remote work is so peaceful..... And I hate that she's right.
I find myself working later and later on Fridays because it prolongs it.
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u/HankLard Sep 05 '26
Kids are in nursery Monday and Tuesday for us and we work from home. Mondays and Tuesdays are our weekend now. That's not to say that we don't enjoy our time spent with the kids on the weekend, but we actually get to relax on Monday and Tuesday since work is so much less stressful and mentally taxing than the weekends.
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u/litecoiner Sep 05 '26
Things will get better, as they grow up, they start to enjoy hobbies and you participate and have fun too
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u/Bigrick1550 Sep 05 '26
Just wait for the "fuck you" fours to start! Although you might just be starting early.
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u/ntkhpkmg Sep 05 '26
LO is 7mo, and i’m still figuring this out. experienced dads, please share some wisdom.
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u/Udeze42 Sep 05 '26
You'll figure it out as your kid gets older. Once they can walk and talk and start to understand the world around them - that's when the fun starts (when they learn how to play)
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u/AllThingsEvil Sep 05 '26
And then you can start again in ~2 years and make things more chaotic with a 2nd kid! It doesn't have to stop there! (Thankfully it has for me).
But yeah make dad/mom friends too. It makes things a lot more pleasant when you have others around. And you can go drop a deuce with peace of mind if mom isn't around.
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u/IAmCaptainHammer Sep 05 '26
Honestly man, I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve been having fun with my kid for good whole life. I’ve loved every second. From birth to now. It just keeps getting better and better is all.
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u/inhalingsounds Sep 05 '26
Just like everything in parenting, it gets better and easier and more fun.
First year is just not that fun, you miss old you and everything is a burden. Once they start being more independent and talking, it gets progressively more interesting.
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u/Fabulous-Badger-2094 Sep 05 '26
Needed to see this with my almost 8 month old who fusses and cries 24/7. It’s hard out here.
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u/6BigAl9 Sep 05 '26
People who say it’s magical and can’t relate usually have easy babies that don’t fuss/scream constantly if you’re not holding them, sleep more consistently, actually eat food at mealtime without going into a fit or completely rejecting the bottle even though they are hungry, etc.
Moments with my 10 month old are certainly magical and I love her to death but most of the day to day grind is just not that enjoyable. My son is almost 3 and fun as hell though. I can legitimately play with him or have him help me do projects around the house, work on cars, and even “play” music with me. Lots of work but most of it is good at this point. And when they’re sleeping is when I can sometimes relax.
Every kid is different though. Some are easy babies and terrible toddlers, vice versa, or just more difficult or easy at any age. They change so much so at least if the current version is difficult you can probably look forward to something different in a few months.
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u/Fabulous-Badger-2094 Sep 05 '26
Thank you so much for this. I felt awful about not enjoying most of it. Don’t get me wrong, he is an absolute ray of light, he has times where he is so happy and smiley and he gets excited to see us now and it makes our day. But we argue over who will get up for the first “shift” with him on weekends, and it always makes me feel terrible that I don’t enjoy that cranky 3 hours early on a Saturday morning
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u/inhalingsounds Sep 05 '26
It's very taboo to say it, but I have no problem telling you that I hated 95% of the first year, 65% of the second, 30% of the third. Then, you stop counting - it's just "life".
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u/Fabulous-Badger-2094 Sep 05 '26
I see friends who have babies who have slept 8+ hours a night since birth, 4 hours during the day, and are just chilling whenever they’re awake. It’s actually pretty annoying when they look at me funny when I say I’m overwhelmed or overstimulated. Like, let’s swap for a day, and you can get back to me lol
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u/inhalingsounds Sep 05 '26
One thing I've learned the hard way with parenting is to NEVER listen to other's opinions on what you "should be doing instead" or "this is why it's difficult". Every child is different and there's no way to make the same formula work for everyone.
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u/chardeemacdennisbird Sep 05 '26
I always remind myself that any minute, hour, day not spent enjoying having your kids at home will be one you never get back. I mean they're only seven months, one day old once. Then they're seven months, two days old. You never get that day back. And as they get older, the faster the days come and go. Before you know it, they're not babies anymore, then they're not toddlers anymore, then they're not kids anymore. And you only get once chance at each moment, so try to make the best of each day. But at the same time, don't feel bad for taking breaks. It helps you be more present when you are. It's a balance and no one gets it 100% right, but you try and that's the point.
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u/KalixStrife453 Sep 05 '26
It's easier said than done, people will tell you it's magical being around kids, but it simply does vary for people. You can love your kids and be a good guardian without being able to be constantly present. You can take a break while they are playing independently, look at your phone, read some of a book, etc.
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u/KanedaSyndrome Sep 05 '26
yeh this, the adult brain also needs stimulation, pausing that for 6 years leads to insanity.
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u/Jeffde Sep 05 '26
Read a book hahahahhaaha. I’m sorry, I hope somehow you’ve cracked the code on how to spend more than 30 seconds performing a singular task whilest your children under the age of 4 are in the same room or close by, and awake.
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u/Bodidly0719 Sep 05 '26
If they are content doing what they are doing you learn to tune out their sounds. You don’t completely tune it out, as certain sounds that could be alarming will get through though.
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u/_another_throwawayy_ Sep 05 '26
How do you make dinner lol? Let the kiddo play with Little People and use their imagination. Easy 10-15min that I can step into the other room.. and usually if I have to come back it’s for a “dad come look at this”
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u/MoMoneyMoSavings Sep 05 '26
Dad with a 3.5yo & a 2yo here. I’m currently reading through Dungeon Crawler Carl. It’s definitely possible.
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u/erifro25 Sep 05 '26
At 7mo I used to go for long walks with a stroller ,that was a nice habit. Fresh air is good for everyone involved.
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u/xanduba Sep 05 '26
Kids are like plants. If there's a problem, either take it outside or put it in water
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u/IAmCaptainHammer Sep 05 '26
Kids are magic. Be present. Put your phone away. Take in that experience and just be in the moment. Get interested in what’s interesting them. Make stupid faces and silly sounds and pretend to eat their feetsies. Be their first laugh. Show up and do the work.
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u/hasheyez Sep 05 '26
My son just came running down the hall pissing all over the place out of nowhere. Now I'm wiping up piss puddles instead of chilling with a cappuccino and a crossword. So magical man. Mystical really.
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u/IAmCaptainHammer Sep 05 '26 edited Sep 05 '26
You’ve got a choice; be pissed about it and grumble, or see that it’s pretty funny but not an event we’d like repeated. One day you can tell the story of your kiddo running down the hall with his pre installed water gun firing in all directions and how damn funny it was, or you can tell it like you missed 15 minutes of cappuccino time. It’s all perspective.
A few days ago my kiddo had a stomach ache and I told him to run to the toilet to throw up if he needed to. He didn’t make it. He threw up in the dining room then when I grabbed him to run him into the bathroom he left an entire trail of puke the whole way as I was carrying him. Why waste time being mad about that. I feel bad he was so sick and in retrospect the image of me running and holding a vomit spewing 4 year old is hilarious.
Edit: fixed spelling
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u/ins0mniac_ Sep 05 '26
You will never get this fine with them back. They will never be this little again. When they’re teenagers and want nothing to do with you, you’re going to think about this time and miss it terribly.
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u/Cold-Caramel-736 Sep 05 '26
I feel like from 18 months it just gets more and more awesome. Still tiring but definitely enjoyable
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u/tomerFire Sep 05 '26
It's all about balance. I spent a lot of time with him but I also need my time
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u/profheg_II Sep 05 '26 edited Sep 05 '26
I get it. And I think we see these different attitudes online partly because we're wired differently as parents, but also because there's a very wide spectrum of how much challenge and free time we experience between families. Some people are all about being in parent mode literally 24/7 (and good for them!). But other people (including some I know) will make comments like the one you're replying to, while their baseline situation involves e.g. semi-frequent travel away for work, every other Saturday being a grandparents day and kids who are old enough to be fairly independent anyway. Meanwhile you may be there with a baby, little variation in your life and no family support, and it can feel like the differences in circumstances just aren't acknowledged. I'm not saying the person you're responding to is necessarily doing this, but it's always a big question in my mind when I read through threads like this one.
My youngest has just turned one and with them starting childcare I'm just starting to feel like I'm coming out of a particularly intense period. Meanwhile my oldest is 3.5 years, and the difference is night and day with how much independence she displays. I imagine a weekend with only her would be a pretty flexible and fun experience. I don't know what your situation is, but these things definitely at least change as the kids get older.
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u/Peterleclark Sep 05 '26
There isn’t any. Not for a while. It depends on your extended (family) support network.. we pretty much don’t have any.
Our kids are five years and 18 months. My wife and I have almost no time for ourselves or each other. That’s just the chapter of our life that we’re in. We love each other, and our kids. It won’t always be this hard. This too shall pass.
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u/Griot-Goblin Sep 05 '26
This is true. But one thing thats hard to adjust for me is lack of sleeping in. My kids only 20 months but normally wakes up at 6. So its either go to sleep right after we put him to bed and do some chores and be rested. Or get some adult time and be tired.
And I love spending time eith him. I just miss sleeping in to 10am on a saturday
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u/DrMonkeyLove Sep 05 '26
That's all well and good, but spending time with kids can be absolutely exhausting too, and it's hard to look forward to something you're doing all day every day. He also needs to be able to have some free time to himself. It won't be the whole weekend, but I think everyone needs some "me" time too or you just get burned out.
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u/Mr_Midwestern Sep 05 '26
I have a work schedule that gives me days off during the week. Our oldest just started kindergarten. I had the realization he and I have no more days during the week together. He’s 5 years old…but he’s in the school system now. No more week day shenanigans with dad. I feel robbed. I know he’s only 5 but I feel like he’s gonna be graduating high school soon.
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u/poop-dolla Sep 05 '26
Yes, but it also is important for parents to get solo time to themselves to do whatever they want and for both parents to get time together without the kids. For the first, each parent should get a certain block of time each week where the other parent watches the kids by themselves. For the second, you either hire a babysitter at the frequency that works for you, or you get lucky by having family or friends to help.
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u/Spare_Simple_6587 Sep 05 '26
I have 3 kids and a free day tomorrow. I get to wake up to 3 healthy kids, we get to go get donuts and go downtown, they get to run around and play for an hour+. They get to take a nap and I get to spend an hour+ uninterrupted with my wife. Then I get to go swimming with them and go to a friend's house for dinner.
Your definition of "Free days" changes drastically when you have people that think you're their entire world. I never wanted marriage or kids but damn I can't imagine living without them now.
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u/Pile_of_AOL_CDs Sep 05 '26
This is the way. Something I started doing a few years ago is when I would normally say "I have to..." I change it to "I get to..." It feels much better to say "I GET to hang out with my kid all day tomorrow" instead of "I have to".
Also, learning to take care of others over yourself makes you a better person. I say embrace the new life. You can either fight the currents and lose, or steer by them. You will end up in the same place eventually either way.
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u/latlog7 Sep 05 '26
This might be the wisest thing Ive ever read, complete with a stark wakeup call. Im gonna try doing this for myself, thank you for taking the time to write your comment!
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u/BrainDamage2029 Sep 05 '26 edited Sep 05 '26
Also if you choose to you can scrounge time for yourself. It requires coordination and trade offs with your spouse. I have a 2 year old. Tomorrow is "daddy day off". I can sleep in as late as I want to and have no obligations or childcare duties until 5pm. I'm planning on hitting my bike. My wife is going to take Sunday. Its our occasional treat to ourselves every....IDK 6 months or so?
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u/papinek Sep 05 '26
This. Day with my kid is my happy free time day. I wouldnt justify going every week too zoos and playing with toys and legos without him lol.
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u/Academic_Boot2413 Sep 05 '26
I used to take a day off of work when the kid was in daycare so I have time for me
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u/sciencetaco Sep 05 '26
This is the way. A few days to myself here and there does wonders for my mental health. You don’t have to use all your annual leave for stressful family holidays. Use some of it for yourself. Bonus if you can convince your partner to do the same. A day off together can be fun, too!
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u/Academic_Boot2413 Sep 05 '26
we are both working from home, with a day per week to the office, man, that day, when I'm either alone at home or get to actually leave the house, combined with the daycare, is the cherry of my week to be honest..
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u/eww1991 Sep 05 '26
I've literally just finished a week off of holiday by myself. I stripped, filled, sanded and painted a wall in her bedroom and cooked all the dinners and did all the washing up all week but it was still 5 free days. I'm feeling incredibly de-stressed right now because of it.
Going to be a lot harder when she's school age and we have to juggle school holidays, but also she's playing more games etc by herself, giving us a good hours break at a time
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u/OverUnderX Sep 05 '26
Yup - even a WFH day when the kids are off to daycare or school can be a game changer. Something has to give. Use PTO or even take a sick day and get a break from the grind.
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u/xrossfader Sep 05 '26
Nah, you’ll get plenty along the way. It doesn’t feel like it at the beginning but it’ll happen and you’ll be bored. lol.
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u/Confident-Active7101 Sep 05 '26
Gday there. Just curious when this boredom starts?
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u/Fridsade Sep 05 '26
i had 5 days to myself a while back. by day 2, i was already bored. made me realize, i didnt have any hobbies or anything like that anymore
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u/Ocelotofdamage Sep 05 '26
Man every day I get by myself is an absolute blessing. 5 days off still doesn’t feel like I’ve gotten enough lol
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u/rckid13 Sep 05 '26
I made the mistake of buying a house that needs tons and tons of work so even when the kids are in school I'm never allowed to be bored. I haven't watched a TV show or played a video game since buying the house.
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u/F1R3FLYYY Sep 05 '26
You just need to change your hobbies up a bit to include the kids in your days off and you'll enjoy the weekends so much more. I love the weekends off, wife works one of the weekend days so it's just me and my son and we always make the most of the day. Seeing him happy is what makes me happy!
If you see your kids as a chore it'll burn you out and you'll end up resenting them, you just have to accept that your hobbies have to take the bench a bit and reduce them, when the kids get older you can try involve them in whatever it is you want to do.
I used to climb loads before being a dad, but I had to cut it back to once a week and go for an hour or two, next year I can start taking the little one climbing too and I'm so excited to share something I love with him and hope to see him love it as much as I do!
I also love picking up new hobbies that my kids are interested in, really leaning hard into Lego and trains at the moment, he's got a Lego train set for his birthday in a couple weeks and I'm probably as excited as he will be to build and play with it.
Embrace your inner child and do the things with them that you wish you did more of when you were a child. Short term sacrifice, long term gain. Getting it right early and putting the effort in will make your life so much easier in the long run!
You'll also have your bad days with the kids but don't let it get to you, the good days will far outweigh the bad ones and they'll be a distant memory one day!
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u/howesicle Sep 05 '26
I always tell my kids that the secret to a good life is figuring out how to love the things you have to do
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u/_another_throwawayy_ Sep 05 '26
Dude just take a day off from work. I take multiple half days throughout the year to fish, hike, snowboard.. kiddo is still at daycare, wife is at work.
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Sep 05 '26
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u/Icy_Place_5785 Sep 05 '26
Father of 12 recognised children
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u/SorenShieldbreaker Sep 05 '26
And could’ve spent many more years with them by getting one toe amputated
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u/JeffozM Sep 05 '26
I am a shift worker and rotate through weekend work. I have never realised how beneficial it was until the last month when I did a stint of Monday to Friday day shifts. I realised very quickly that I have no time at home alone where I can just chill out. Sometimes I want to just watch a action movie in the middle of the day with the speakers pumping.
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u/GWindborn Sep 05 '26
You sound like you're in the early stages. It gets better, and you learn to pick your moments. I choose to wake up early on the weekends - my daughter has always loved her sleep, so I use the early weekend hours to game and do whatever. I'm enjoying a cup of coffee and have been playing video games for over an hour now and she's still snoozing. Wife is too. Eventually they'll be old enough to entertain themselves, or you just bring them along and they don't need constant supervision. We went to a fun convention last weekend and she stuck with me, we did some of what I wanted to do and she did some of what she wanted to do, and we both had fun.
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u/tomerFire Sep 05 '26
16 months old. Can't even have a coffee in peace
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u/Sh4rp27 Sep 05 '26
I'm in this window with twins. I've found that when I need a reset I have to take PTO to get it.
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u/DevOeps Sep 05 '26
My wife and I both had this fear, we manage to give each other a full day off sometimes while the other handles 2 kids, yes those days are though for the home parent but I'm equally as exhausted when we are both parenting. At least one of us is having a chill day.
I spend my previous day playing RuneScape from 8 AM till 4 PM, one hell of a day
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u/too-far-for-missiles Sep 05 '26
The real life hack is to get divorced and go 50/50. Plenty of free days then /s
Realistically though, do you have grandparents who might be happy to help? Friends to trade playdate duties with? The occasional sitter? You can still have free days.
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u/DoubleLigero85 Sep 05 '26
It's hard.
First, carve out a little time for yourself every day. I walk the dog every morning. It's 30 min, and I do it before everyone else is awake. I see cool stuff.
Second, make a plan with your wife. You can give each other open days.
Third, activities are great. My kids are in gymnastics all Saturday morning. I set up with my laptop and look up every few minutes to encourage them.
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u/Likeapuma24 Sep 05 '26
Both you and your partner likely are feeling the same exact thing.havr a discussion about it & work together to get some solo alone time, if that's what you need.
Also, relatives were a huge help for us. Ik it depends on how close you are to family. But having them take the kid(s) for a night every once & a while is such a huge relief. And while it's not every weekend, putting it on the calendar gives you something to look forward to.
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u/Silly-Resist8306 Sep 05 '26
I never found being with my kids was a grind. Hearing a kid laugh and being called daddy were two of my favorite sounds.
My kids now have kids and live 1.5, 4, and 18 hours away. Going weeks and even months without seeing them is the real grind.
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u/MyHeartIsAncient Sep 05 '26
My daughter just left for university, I’m fucking gutted. The emptiness, the sudden sense of obsolescence has me beaten to a pulp.
Hear me when I tell you, that fatherhood, especially if you’re fortunate enough to have a daughter is THE BEST JOB YOU WILL EVER HAVE.
Cherish every second you have with them.
The time does not come again. 💔
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u/intothewoods76 Sep 05 '26
Believe it or not this time in your life is extremely limited. You get them for about 15 years tops and then you lose them. In your free time you’ll wish you had this time back. It really does go by in a blink of an eye.
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u/d332y Sep 05 '26
I spun out during the baby years too. As they get more self sufficient, things ease up. My son is 9 and I’ve got a reward system in place for making his bed, setting out his clothes, packing his school lunch..etc. While I’m knocking out my chores, he’s knocking out his. I share all my hobbies with him so we game together, exercise together, play card/board games together. I’ve got dad friends that come over and the kids play while we throw a few back and bullshit. His karate has parents night out so I can drop him there for 3 hours and catch a movie or whatever.
The biggest thing though, I realize this isn’t forever and it breaks my heart. I’d rather give up all my weekends and free time to spend as much time as I can with him because, in no time, I’ll have all the free time in the world and he’ll be busy with his life, friends, family, etc. I’ll wish for those moments back. Soak it up man, being a dad is dope.
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u/Napervillian Sep 05 '26
We go out and do things we enjoy together. I enjoy the minutiae of child rearing. It is a labor of love. Think of the perspective: We get the privilege of spending our time with the children.
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u/karl_mainz Sep 05 '26
It depends if you have family nearby that can take care of the kids for a day etc.
I live abroad and I haven’t had a single day away from my kid (except for a few days of work trips) since the day he was born.
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u/Pietes Sep 05 '26
feel you. same here. 11 years, 3 kids, have had 4 nights without the kids in that time.
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u/Da_Funk Sep 05 '26
OP I hear you. Most of these responses fucking suck, just telling you you're wrong or a piece of shit for not loving having to be "on" constantly.
My kid is 3.5 and exhausting. I love him so very much but he's much harder than my actual job. I suppose that means I'm doing a good job being present with him as much as possible but christ I miss not having to be available and attentive CONSTANTLY.
He's much easier now than he was when he was younger but I can't wait til he gains more independence and stops being a jerk to me because I'm not mom, shit like that.
I don't get why all these Bluey enthusiasts don't just accept that being a dad can also be miserable. You have to to put in the work and be a good dad but it can still suck, and that's okay to admit.
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u/frankie31313 Sep 05 '26
When you don’t have kids you’re literally on vacation everyday and you don’t realize it.
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u/mberrong Sep 05 '26
I am typing this before 6am on a Saturday morning in a dark, quiet house, drinking coffee. It is my favorite hour. Usually starts about 5am everyday of the week. It’s my time. No one else’s because they’re all asleep. Soon the house will creak and rumble as everyone wakes up and the feet (and the paws) hit the stairs and then I am back “ON”.
My point is two fold. Learn to find YOUR time and enjoy it but also learn to enjoy the lack of “me time” because as I type this there are 3 sets of feet that won’t be coming down those stairs because they have grown up and moved on and have their own stairs.
Breathe. Enjoy. You’ll be good.
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u/iDroner Sep 05 '26
If you try to hold on to the old you, your old life, your old hobbies and etc… you will not handle this well and break somewhere down the line.
If you decide your life is now in service of this new life you and your wife created, then you’ll be fine.
You did make the decision by getting your wife pregnant but let’s assume you didn’t, you gotta make it soon.
No you will hardly have time for anything other than taking care of your baby and even more probably; taking care of your wife who will carry 80% of the load.
At first this might be, for most fathers, a dreadful first period but you have to take responsibility. Work at work and work at home.
In time it will get much, much better. You and your wife will learn to manage time and energy, balance effort/reward ratio’s and you’ll love the baby more each day.
I miss my hobbies and hopefully one day I can pick them up again. But, I wouldn’t trade it with being a father to my amazing little boy.
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u/ukmike92 Sep 05 '26
Before becoming a father, I had-had enough… (free days)
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u/Zorbin666 Sep 05 '26
Yep, got my kid at 35, I've lived plenty and had plenty of me time. Now I look forward to my kids days. It's pretty rewarding living for your child's life instead of your own.
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u/ME-McG-Scot Sep 05 '26
You learn you don’t need a whole weekend to revitalise. Getting an hour to go for a walk by yourself does wonders.
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u/dkmuldoon Sep 05 '26
My wife and I each take the kiddo on some sort of adventure for half a day each weekend, giving the other some free time. It’s been super helpful to get a little bit of disconnect time.
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u/AdNegative2708 Sep 05 '26
Personally I don’t think the “learn to have fun with your kids” comments help. I’m sure you love your kids but we also do want adult time.
I think it’s just leaning on your partner. If you need an afternoon or night to hang out with some buddies or something then plan it and have your partner hold it down for half a Saturday. Just be willing to be the same for them. If they don’t want a break then make sure to either do extra chores or just make an extra effort to show you appreciate the free time you are getting.
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u/icekapp Sep 05 '26
I take my kids to local cars and coffee every other weekend. It’s free, teach him about the names of the cars since he was 2. Now he is 5 and says “DAD LOOK, your favorite car, a mini cooper!”. Fills my heart. Include them on things you like to do and they may catch on.
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u/Due-Outside-2102 Sep 05 '26
I've been having 50 hour work weeks for the last month, and I'm super exhausted. Today my wife took the oldest (2.5y) swimming in the morning, I got to stay with the 7month old and it's the most relaxed I've been in a long while.
Make arrangements with your wife and enjoy the time you have with your kids. They're so much fun, you just need to see it.
There will come a time you will miss being this busy, enjoy it while you can!
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u/WanderingGalwegian Sep 05 '26
I was a guy who lived for my weekends tbh.
I still do. Only now I get to plan absolutely action packed weekend adventures with a person who thinks I’m a fucking superhero. Ego levels have never been higher.
Even mundane life events like doing a Costco run. I don’t boringly walk the store anymore. I am a F1 race car whipping sharp turns and strategic overtakes. My Vroom Vrooms as the trolly picks up speed is akin to the V10 F1 era as well.
Life is more fun than ever.
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u/soonerwx Sep 05 '26
“Have a nice weekend!”
Thanks, I mean, I will in ways, but also I’ll breathe again when my butt hits this seat with a hot coffee Monday morning.
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u/T-WrecksArms Sep 05 '26
About to leave for a soccer tournament for the kiddos. No more free days but you can definitely plan and get some free hours.
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u/FallaciousPeacock Sep 05 '26
Yup, I have to make time for myself or I'll burn out. This morning I'll take my kiddo for a few hours, and tomorrow morning my wife will.
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u/Buttman_Poopants Sep 05 '26
You know, a bare handful of times, my wife has taken our kid to see his grandmother for an afternoon, a day, or even a weekend, and I get bored because I miss him. Your idea of fun just changes.
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u/FAHQRudy 2 girls Sep 05 '26
This is one of those threads where the divide between personality types and mental health really get exposed.
I would die for my kids. I love them to the end of time. I also miss silence. I miss jazz music. I miss my friends. I’m a part time technician, so I’ve spent almost the entire summer with my kids and we’ve done some really great stuff.
Now, I’M FUCKING READY FOR THE SCHOOL YEAR!!! I need to clean things. I haven’t touched my scuba gear and it’s already September. I want to watch adult movies, and maybe adult movies. I want to play my drums. I need personal mental space. Nobody should be made to feel guilty about this. We are individuals too.
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u/Lemonfarty Sep 06 '26
I get free-ish days sometimes. I get excited about it but I just end up missing them
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u/Opposite_Visit_4874 Sep 05 '26
I'm currently tinkering on my laptop with a coffee while my 4yo and 8yo play in the cushion and blanket fort they built last night. Couldn't ask for a better Saturday morning. Free time isnt gone, it's just different.
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u/Sumpner Sep 05 '26
I think you are looking at it wrong, you only get a handful of years with them, make the most of that time or you will regret it
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u/sossighead Sep 05 '26
You know you’re allowed to enjoy weekends with your children?
If you don’t, yes you’re going to have a miserable few years.
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u/Desperate-Public394 Sep 05 '26
We have twins, and no family close, so even when they come, we are with the kids all together.
The best thing is to not need free days. I dont, I like being with my kids, going places, showing them the world.
I get enough me time at night when everyone sleeps and I go on dates with my wife when grandparents are in town.
Also if we want/need to be out for something, the other one stays with the kids for the day, at 3yo is more than manageable alone if the other wants to go somewhere with friends or to some non kid friendly event.
Your main problem is thinking your kids are shackles. They are not, they are your family, and family means you are all together. I wish you the best of luck!
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u/December_Warlock Sep 05 '26
I spent my workweek looking forward to spending time with my wife and baby. I cam sit on the couch and get snuggles from them, hang out and laugh with them, maybe watch some tv and play some games depending on the sleep schedules. I love my weekends.
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u/ValueAppropriate9632 Sep 05 '26
Taking kids outside is a good alone time. They get busy playing and you can rest there
Play dates is another
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u/Udeze42 Sep 05 '26
If you have multiple kids, there will come a time when they will play with each other. You won't get a free day at that point, but you will get some free time (until they start kicking lumps out of each other at least). These periods will get longer and longer as your child grows up and gains independence (something to nurture and encourage as our children will need to learn how to safely live in the world around us when we're gone).
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u/Ninjeye Sep 05 '26
Allow me to offer you some perspective. I'm a father of a disabled child, I won't have free days - not for a dozen years - but for the rest of my life.
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u/Ancelege Sep 05 '26
My wife and I make it a huge point to have “me” time as needed. She’s off on a solo trip for a one night thing by herself, and I’ll have a day here and there where I can go and get some time by myself while she looks after the kids. Goes a long way to keep us sane. Her parents also live kind of close, and they help out a lot.
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u/MuldersXpencils Sep 05 '26
A) it's temporary. Free time will come back through the years and B) it's part of the job. Learn to enjoy to relax with your family.
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u/francois_gn Sep 05 '26
I am reading that taking a shit after a long night, while my kid is staying with his grandmother. Tomorrow I may even go for a 3-4h bicycle ride before he comes back.
Still, I had moment where i felt the exact same as what you just wrote.
There are also _free days_ that are actually moment with your kids, _free days_ that you want to spend with them as spending time with them can become a very enjoyable hobby. You’ll figure it out.
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u/230195 Sep 05 '26
At the age where you do start to get free days, you’ll miss spending that time with your kids.
Enjoy it while it lasts, before you know it they’ll be too busy away with friends or off doing their own thing.
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u/A_single_droplet Sep 05 '26
My kids are 3 and 4. I still get a bit depressed when I remember that I don’t get to sleep in ever. It’s like my brain will have a flickering thought of “can I just lay down for a bit?” and immediately the answer is “no”.
It’s gotten a tiny bit better now that they can get themselves out of bed and use the potty and go shoot down in the living room. The oldest one can make waffles in the toaster. It’s still only a matter of time (always before 7:30am) where someone needs something.
I guess I cope by saying to myself that someday they won’t need me, and I’ll miss it.
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u/evestraw Sep 05 '26
You don't have parents anymore. My daughter loves to sleepover at the grandparents some time
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u/thecashblaster Sep 05 '26
Can you take a day off work while the kids are in daycare/school/baby sitter?
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u/SCnyy24 Sep 05 '26
It would help to change your mindset.
I play baseball one night per week. I leave at 6, my wife is solo for 2 hours before daughter goes to bed. I always offer her time to take to herself as well to be fair. I go and get to play my favorite game with my friends and brothers once per week. If I want to grab a bite or drink after the game, baby is sleeping so I can.
That’s enough “me” time.
With young children, there are no days off, but you can create opportunities to socialize or exercise in small pockets throughout each week.
One day our kids will be in high school and want us to leave them alone. We’ll have a bunch of free time then, more when they go to college… and we will be wishing for the days our kids clung to us.
Hang in there brother. Talk to someone if you are struggling.
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u/xXThreeRoundXx Sep 05 '26
I take days off and bring my kids to daycare. Then I can catch up on projects and housework, and maybe if I work real hard, get 2-3 hours to play video games before they come home.
That was yesterday. Now it's the weekend, and I'm on duty.
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u/ChillyTodayHotTamale Sep 05 '26
My kids are 7 and 9 there are still free days. It depends on how busy you keep your kids with sports. They get more independent as they get older. What sucks is nobody asks me to play anymore they just go outside and play with kids in the neighborhood. Free days sound good now but trust me, I wish I could go back to being their whole world. I'm going to be absolutely crushed when they actually leave to start their own lives.
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u/thiefofalways1313 Sep 05 '26
I have a 3.5 year old son that wakes up at 5am at the latest. Won’t nap and is neurodivergent. I’m 48 years old. Im longing for the day that I have sole resemblance of a life again. I feel guilty saying this but sometimes I’m resentful.
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u/Emergency_Ant7220 Sep 05 '26
Proper planning is the key. I have a 6 month old, I just got back from a 5 day fishing trip. My wife is a rockstar, we had the grandparents come in to assist for that time. She knows I will do the same for her when she needs time off.
It's all about communication.
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u/e6r6i6c Sep 05 '26
So that's one way to look at it. But just turn it around, you are going to show your child the world together, and sure you get tired from time to time, and want to do your own stuff, but you also will be doing a lot of fun stuff together with your child you would not do on your own. And like most of these things, don't fight it, just accept your live will be different from now on.
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u/andruby Sep 05 '26
They get older. Then you can share days off together.
Sent from my hot tub with my 3 kids. I should get off my phone though..
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u/SnukeInRSniz Sep 05 '26
I don't know, man, but I'm tired. Kid is almost 5, I'm up at 7am after being kicked and rolled on by the dogs and my wife all night, my wife has a couple chronic ailments which means she has to take medications that make it impossible for her to be out of bed by 9. So here I am, exhausted like always, taking care of the kid early in the morning like always.
I'll rest when I'm dead I guess.
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u/Hawkknight88 Sep 05 '26
You sound like me. I grieved the loss of my free time for years lol. I still am.
Therapy. Dealing with my own shit. I was/am "white knuckling" my way through life. When I'm that tense all the time, I'm desperate for alone time to recuperate.
Couples therapy. The marriage is the most important relationship in the home and we didn't know how to communicate.
Now I communicate what I need and usually get it. I still spend plenty of time with the kiddos. We're gonna camp out tonight and I'm looking forward to it!
Books that helped me:
- Homecoming by John Bradshaw https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/12124
- No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/97642.No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy
- The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/58537332-the-myth-of-normal
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u/Western-Image7125 Sep 05 '26
You cope with it by having help from others who can offload the childcare duties from you, thats all it is. And anyway once kids are 7+ years old they dont need to be constantly supervised they can play by themselves and you can have some quiet time in another room (cant leave alone at home of course).
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u/uberfission Sep 05 '26
Since having kids I consider my weekdays to be the break, my jobs have always been considerably easier than taking care of our kids and making sure they aren't overwhelming my wife.
I recommend picking up a hobby that gets you out of the house, running, cycling, hiking, whatever. You'll have that to look forward to.
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u/MudLOA Sep 05 '26
What? My son is 11 and he’s hanging out with his friends this weekend. I get to spend my time alone. This is a bit of exaggeration here.
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u/Ok_Quantity_2573 Sep 05 '26
My wife and I tried for years to have a child together. Our little boy turns 3 next week.
For me, fuck a free weekend. I hope I never have another free weekend again. I love this shit.
Edit: I do want to add we only have 1, and are comfortable financially also our mental health is good. We also have a great relationship together. I’m sure my thoughts would be different if our situation was. I don’t want make anyone feel like they can’t vent
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u/Thuong_vo_nhieu Sep 05 '26
Look for free hours instead of free days. That’s how I coped. For me personally it was 1hr early morning swims, and 1-2hr free in the evening before bed with my wife.
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u/fennecfe4 Sep 05 '26
When they get to be 5-8 years old they want "days off" too. It's not like a true day off but pretty close
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u/blur494 Sep 05 '26
Free days are from 1045pm until 12pm 3 days a week in my experience. Assuming you also wake up at 6am
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u/Secret_Enthusiasm_21 Sep 05 '26
typically you don't have children by yourself. Nature is smart that way.
If you need a day, communicate this to the other parent of your children.
There are no automatic days off, but with some planning, it's entirely possible to even have regular days to yourself