r/deadpool • u/thepartlow • 5d ago

[Humor] It's Hugh Jackman Birthday. What is Deadpool getting him?

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372 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

112 comments sorted by

89

u/mariusioannesp 5d ago

A copy of his People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive cover signed by Deadpool šŸ˜

39

u/Potential_Incident_3 5d ago

And pages stuck together

13

u/Flimsy-Gazelle-4409 5d ago

With what?

16

u/Potential_Incident_3 5d ago

..............something

9

u/Conscious_Pass_1615 5d ago

Blood. And the other something

3

u/Rottentaste 5d ago

Std most likely

5

u/Conscious_Pass_1615 5d ago

Healing factor. No STDs with either of them.

1

u/Rottentaste 5d ago

Wade doesn't have a healing factor that cures. He still has his cancer.

2

u/Flimsy-Gazelle-4409 4d ago

He technically has a cancer factor but idk how it works with STDs

1

u/Conscious_Pass_1615 4d ago

I think it sometimes works by taking whatever disease he could get and mutating it to cancer? Idk im not explaining it well xD

2

u/alelan 5d ago

Don't worry about it...

4

u/Accomplished-Clue145 5d ago

And a hole through the middle, r8ght where Hughes mouth is.

6

u/alelan 5d ago

This is the correct answer.

5

u/pertante 5d ago

I was going to suggest an alternate cover with Deadpool wearing just his mask and a couple golden pistols tastefully placed.

22

u/mokti 5d ago

Smooches

20

u/ComfortablyBalanced 5d ago

A Honda Odyssey

20

u/JadeHellbringer 5d ago

Hepatitis-C.

2

u/AngryHoboKing1 5d ago

ā˜ļø when I saw this answer I decided there was nothing I could say to top it. ......(you win!).....

18

u/Loud_Traffic_1487 5d ago

A diamond studded cock ring

4

u/mommybody33 5d ago

That vibrates šŸ’…

12

u/igame2much 5d ago

A nice set of steak knives.

3

u/u9Nails 5d ago

Underrated comment!

2

u/DryAd296 4d ago

steak knives are basically his claws with a handle lol

deadpool would def wrap em in a chimichanga wrapper n swear it was sentimental

11

u/u9Nails 5d ago

Aviation Gin, and a Mint Mobile phone.

7

u/No_Cash_3935 5d ago

Well. I know one group that knows the answear. Go ask The Lonely Island

4

u/Ok-Row-6246 5d ago

A Richard in a box?

3

u/u9Nails 5d ago

Cake thrown to the ground?

1

u/astrobuck9 5d ago

Three douchebags in Japan?

7

u/Normal_Sweet_2974 5d ago

Over the pants stuff with light eye contact

7

u/Star_Petal_Arts 5d ago

Nail Polish

6

u/whomesteve 5d ago

Flowers with a card thatā€™s says ā€œHappy Birthday Loganā€ in calligraphy and inside the card is a picture of Deadpool in sexy lingerie signed by Deadpool saying ā€œFor my biggest bub on his big day xoxošŸ’•šŸ’‹ā€

6

u/unclekrok 5d ago

Vegemite

6

u/Dagenhammer87 5d ago

Both are big softies deep down - so there'd be a cutesy present and then something pisstakey - like a manicure voucher to make those claws sparkle.

6

u/u9Nails 5d ago

Preservatives. He's gotta last until he's 90.!

3

u/RedHeadRaccoon13 5d ago

Smooches and a big fight!

3

u/NY-Black-Dragon 5d ago

Dick in a box

2

u/LewdyRooty 5d ago

A bad dragon

2

u/distastef_ll 5d ago

A couch to sleep on after the divorce settlement.

2

u/ironmirza5 5d ago

Metal shining kit

2

u/New-Season-2073 5d ago

Same thjng he got from Scoutmaster Kevin

2

u/generaldogsbodyf365 5d ago

Something to keep his "smooth criminals" in peak condition.

2

u/Grimreeper720 5d ago

Another romp in the van

2

u/ShutterBug1988 5d ago

His right hand and a unicorn toy

2

u/Fantastic_Acadia8341 5d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/0Jcabh8Uy2XW5ZeYZX
( but female- but whatever! Thereā€™s enough Hugh to go around!)

2

u/Ravmyster1121 5d ago

A cake saying "One less year till you're 90"

2

u/kingepoch 5d ago

I can't tell you here, but it's sloppy....

2

u/RayneShikama 5d ago

Iā€™d post a picture but itā€™d need to be blurred.

2

u/-HeyYouInTheBush- 4d ago

He's just going to have to reach into Deadpool's pocket and find out.

https://giphy.com/gifs/l0ExklZm2rV69Dhqo

2

u/mogley1992 4d ago

A handmade book of coupons with things like "good for one free massage from your best friend, Deadpool"

1

u/Miserables-Chef 5d ago

A migraine

1

u/Key-Needleworker2866 5d ago

A half empty bottle of Jack he lifted from behind a bar and a cigarette he bummed from a guy on the way out the door.

1

u/Sharp-Yak9084 5d ago

Prostate exam

1

u/grofert 5d ago

A baby knife

1

u/Mission_Peach_2038 5d ago

Acting lessonsĀ 

1

u/DumbCumpzter 5d ago

Baby knife!

1

u/Slayerkgc 5d ago

a wolf tail for the waist

1

u/Will_I_am69 5d ago

Happy Birthday Hugh Jackman šŸ„³

1

u/SmashU23 5d ago

Loganā€™s Claws

1

u/rockape702 5d ago

A baby knife

1

u/bathoryduck 5d ago

A used blow-up doll, an expired $5 gift card to Radio Shack, and half of a Chimichanga.

1

u/Lawrenceburntfish 5d ago

A giant black dildo of course.

1

u/Putrid_Department_17 5d ago

Wolverines skeleton, with a horsecock dildo stuck on its crotch

1

u/pfhorr 5d ago

a zj

1

u/faratnight 5d ago

Bearclaws

1

u/Extra-Air-1259 5d ago

... a baby knife šŸ”Ŗ

1

u/Limp_Intern4158 5d ago

A long box taped to his

GETS SHOT OF SCREEN

1

u/Ok-Engineering3922 5d ago

Dildo in a box

1

u/mklilley351 5d ago

Male grooming kit with nail clippers

1

u/RubberDucky702 5d ago

A pet wolverine

1

u/scotch_miist 5d ago

Nothing hugh is a cheat

1

u/The_Nerd_hinox1986 5d ago

A loaded gun to the jaw (thatā€™s wade for ya)

1

u/ishitsand 5d ago

Pregnant

1

u/LukeQatwalker 5d ago

he's gonna break out that marilyn monroe dress he used to trick zomibie JFK, and sing "happy birthday mr wolverine"

1

u/TheGroovyGhoulie 5d ago

Ringmaster costume with the butt cut out

1

u/SunEater_90 5d ago

pregnant

1

u/Smoke0057 5d ago

A role as James Bond

1

u/GodWithoutAName 4d ago

A blowie. Real sloppy. The kind you tie your hair system back for.

1

u/bidooffactory 4d ago

(doorbell charmingly chimes)

(Hugh opens the front door)

...

Hey that's not right, mate. That's the third sack of shit you've dropped off on my porch today. The fuck are you eating? You alright? Okay... I'm going back inside.

1

u/ResonantCreationsKM 4d ago

An sealed copy of Xmen Origins: Wolverine and a Van Helsing action figure

1

u/illucio 4d ago

A present box held suspiciously close to his crouch.Ā 

1

u/RealClothes3089 4d ago

Baby Knife

1

u/No-Blueberry-- 4d ago

A wolverine doll

1

u/EnvironmentalCrab563 4d ago

Adamantium cockring, 2 elbows of Crown and a box of Cubans.

1

u/EyeSimp4Asuka X-Force Deadpool 4d ago

Adamantium claws whether he wants them or not

1

u/cris090382 4d ago

The antidote

1

u/BoardLoud2771 4d ago

A Wolverine action figure holding hands with a Deadpool action figure.

1

u/The_Guy_3446 4d ago

A big bottle of Aviation Gin, and a brand new phone with a Mint Mobile plan with the first year free.

https://giphy.com/gifs/l0ExklZm2rV69Dhqo

1

u/Sinistermarmalade 4d ago

Plush unicorn with a useful hole

1

u/Cute_Protection_8330 4d ago

Naked pics of Bea Arthur.

1

u/Brilliant_Fun_2007 3d ago

A copy of Deapool and Wovlrine, no cuts to film

https://giphy.com/gifs/n1uOzKXVMW9LBYgtNa

1

u/Internal_Gur_4268 3d ago

Pancakes. Or a chili dog.

1

u/Free_Contribution321 3d ago

Strap on? I know Deadpool likes it lol

1

u/420enty 3d ago

A better healing factor.

1

u/SupermanFarris83 3d ago

A scratching post.

1

u/Hour_Specialist9334 3d ago

His own hand flipping him off šŸ–•

1

u/Artsy_traveller_82 2d ago

Hairy rainbow disco balls

1

u/Smldckbiboi5 1d ago

A birthday cake with Sabertoothā€™s severed hand holding it

0

u/nekoandCJ 4d ago

Himself