r/genderqueer • u/GeminiCoffee89 • Sep 08 '26

Dressing Advice as a Feminine leaning AMAB individual

Hey Y’all,

I would appreciate some advice on purchasing more feminine leaning/women’s clothing. I’m a size 3xl shirt and 40 to 42 inches males jeans depending on the brand; so I run into a bit of an issue of finding clothing in general. But with being a bit older (37) and often has to order clothes from online or rely on shopping at box stores like Walmart and Target or second hand shops, I don’t know the best way to search online stores for clothing I would possibly like. For example, I will often google “feminine men’s clothes” and it doesn’t seem to bring the results.

The general vibe I like and am drawn to is cardigans, loose, and solid colors.

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u/PotentialCopyx Sep 08 '26

I think if you're looking for cardigan/ top layer statement pieces, you could shop the "women's" section if you see things you like? I feel like loose cardigans tend to have a unisex cut. But is there a specific style of fem clothing you are looking for?

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u/GeminiCoffee89 Sep 08 '26

Pants and also one shoulder tops.

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u/NicklovesHer Sep 15 '26

I definitely recommend 2nd hand stores, its an excellent and cheap way to try a lot of different types of things. 

You'll need to figure out how women's clothes work on you, what looks good, what just doesnt work.  Then theres what you will wear when you feel amazing, and what you can wear when you are feeling nervous.

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u/cazort2 Genderqueer / Nonbinary / Agenderflux (They/them) 16d ago

Try on lots of cardigans from the women's section and you will eventually find ones that give you the vibe you want. Women's cardigans are incredibly diverse and the first thing that you need to understand is that you can be the most gender-conforming cis woman of exact average proportions and you can walk into a typical store and look through a whole rack of cardigans and not find a single one you like. This is just the reality of women's clothing. There are so many things that can be off about it: material type, coarseness, cut, how it flows, length, fit on the shoulders, fit on the sleeves, sleeve length, etc.

If you try on a bunch of stuff and you hate all of it and feel frustrated and you visit three stores and it's the same experience in all of them, congrats. Welcome to being a woman, this is what being a woman is like, generally. Yeah, being AMAB makes it slightly harder. But only slightly. And it's already hard for everyone.

If you keep searching though you'll find stuff. I highly recommend thrift stores, because instead of just having 2-3 cuts of clothing in each type, and the whole array focusing on whatever is "in style" and "in season", you're going to have a whole rack of clothing and each item on it is unique and it will span a wide array of seasons and years and styles.

You also will find that certain thrift stores are more likely to carry stuff that fits your body. For example there are two thrift stores in town where I live. One tends to carry smaller sizes for thinner people, and the other tends to carry larger sizes and be better for thicker people. People with an average build might be able to shop at both stores. You're going to be at the large end of the women's section so you might need to search for a few stores to find one that has a good stock of clothing that fits you, but the good news about cardigans and loose clothes is that they are pretty forgiving about dimensions.

Then just try on a lot of stuff. I probably try on at least 20 cardigans before I find one I actually like. Set a goal of trying on 100 different items. I bet by that point, you'll find a handful of ones that you like, and can go from there.

If you are feeling intimidated, ask a friend to come along. I'd seek out a bigger woman who is likely to also have trouble finding stuff because of her size, and ask her to come with you and give you advice and feedback and stuff. It is much more fun to shop in groups and having someone else more experienced in women's clothing to come along can help with your confidence if you're struggling with that.

You may also find some things you like in the men's section if you scour them long enough. I own a ton of cardigans. Some are women's, some men's. I pretty much mix them up freely.