Alone

[u/Past_Machine7189]

The very first time I met you, I felt you in my bones. Your eyes, your smile, they claimed me. I knew I’d have to wait for you, and I did. Longest year of my life, before the after. I finally got my time, and it was magic. Fast, powerful, all-consuming. You were mine, and I yours. Engaged, unexpectedly pregnant. We buckled down and committed to a family, and then we had two more kiddos. I sacrificed everything outside of you and our babies, I was home every day. I loved you with everything I had. Good and bad. Even when I knew it wasn’t healthy, when I knew it was pain you were navigating with. I tried so hard. Thought I could love you so deeply that I could heal you. I lost myself. I forgot we were on the same team because you shoved me so far away, because you didn’t want me to know how miserable you were, ever though you loved us so much. But you didn’t feel worthy. We both made mistakes and drifted. Tried to survive, and keep ourselves afloat. We wanted to be together because we loved each other so much, but we were scared. Too much was on the line. 9 years go by. And then you drank behind my back on and off, and then consistently for a year and a half. Got sloppy, and then we weren’t safe anymore. I begged you to get help, and had to leave to keep our babies safe. And then you lied. Moved on, and picked up a new substance: lied and messed with my head, and then a year later, I get a call from your neighbor that you’re dead. I didn’t know you were using. And I blame myself for leaving. But you didn’t tell me. I tried to fight for you. I miss you. I can’t do this without you. I love you. Please come back.