Hi all! This is my first time posting in this thread. I plan on sharing my story on how I ended up with HIV, and all the things that took place, but I wanted to first talk about something that’s been weighing on my mind throughout this year involving a relationship was in, and hopefully you all can provide some insight. For info about me, I am a 24 year-old Black, Transgender Woman in North Carolina.
So earlier this year, in June, a person, (his code name will be bob) I have been seeing as a friend with benefits, we started becoming a little closer and more serious Every time we met. for context, bob and I have been hooking up since the end of 2023 up until that point in June 2026. we originally met through Grindr, and would hook up on and off throughout those two years until we realized we really liked each other presence and energy and wanted to take things in a more serious direction after going on a date or two.
Fast-forward to a night bob came over, we did the do, and on his way out. He saw a medicine bottle on my counter. Initially, I thought it was my allergy medicine because all of my medicine comes in the same bottle. Well, obviously, it wasn’t just allergy medicine hence this post lol, turns out it was my HIV medication, Dovato
On his way out. Bob asked me what this bottle was for and I said would medicine because I would never leave my expensive as Life medicine on the counter, but of course, I did this day, and he took no of the name mentally, and when he got in his car, looked up the medication, and proceeded to go absolutely ballistic on me through text and phone. Call asking why I haven’t lying to him, and why I didn’t tell him this information, and that he can never trust me again, but here is the kicker:
I definitely had my undetectable status in my Grindr bio, when we met. I also was pretty sure that I brought it up again to make it known to avoid situations like this one. right After this confrontation happened, I checked my account to see that I had that information in my bio, and it absolutely did, there is a slim Chance that it wasn’t in my bio two years ago, but I remember being pretty Open about talking about my status with everyone that wanted to know.
I have been undetectable fully for five years consistently. Now I get tested every other month, and I have missed six days in total of my medicine sporadically in these five years, I shared my results with him, did as best as I can to educate him on everything, and the next day I even went and got screamed for every STD possible, and came back with a Complete bill of health, he still decided to end things stating he cannot trust me ever, and that it sucks because he was really starting to fall in love with me
And the state of North Carolina if you are undetectable for a certain amount of time, you are not required to tell anyone about your status because the transmission possibility is ridiculously low like less than 1%. I told him that when he tried to threaten to Sue me, and I was 100% sure. I told him about my status before we linked.
And the recent years. However, I have been going to therapy and psychiatry appointments and found out I have some Really bad undiagnosed PTSD surrounding my Sex A that I have fully blocked out anything regarding HIV, especially around sex, so I begin to have really strong second thoughts that I even mentioned anything in the first place, it’s not like I chose to be SA’d but I would quite literally die. If I exposed anyone to what I have to had to go through mentally the last five years.
I think I covered everything, but did I do something wrong in the situation? I did my best to be very upfront about everything. Knowing that now I might have some unconscious, locked away, emotions, feelings, and conversations around HIV, would that Still justify all the harm he caused me and weeks of crying for something I didn’t do to myself? I apologize over and over, I was willing to do anything, but I don’t know what to do in a situation, do you guys have any guidance?