My dad passed away two years ago at age 63, the last 8 of which we didn’t speak because I had been listening to him lie and blame his failures in life on her for 40+ years and was so sick of it I told him to stop it or don’t call me
If he had even the smallest amount of humility and grace shown here myself and my brothers would’ve been so much better off.
The problem is that it’s rarely a mutual split. Like, learning your partner’s romantic love died by discovering they’ve been cheating on you for months isn’t going to have a happy ending where you support the new relationship.
Also, just throwing this out there because no one ever likes to admit it, but even if cheating does happen, a lot of the time, there's a reason one of the people went outside the relationship for something anyways. They don't always just do it because they're a piece of shit.
Yeah, they fucked up and did the worst thing possible, but the other person was also fucking up and wasn't giving them what they needed too. Saying this AS the person who's been cheated on, but was also totally guilty of neglecting my partner's needs and didn't realize it until it was too late.
Not to excuse cheaters, but there can be a reason for it at least.
Saying there’s a reason for something isn’t the same thing as saying there’s an excuse for it, I agree.
Anyway, I think if more people were to accept the problems in their relationship and deal with it in a healthy way there would be a lot less cheating - either by working through their issues or actually getting divorced before cheating occurs. You’d have a lot more harmonious exes if clearly unworkable relationships ended when they should, not when bitterness develops or something unforgivable is done by one partner.
Well that’s understandable (but forgiveness goes a long ways too, in time of course, but probably less weight to drop bitterness and let things be water under bridge but completely understandable if not too)
That's how me and my ex are. Basically still do everything together. Love each other, just not romantically. We got married way too young, but we're still family.
It's crazy how many people want to completely cut ties with people they were really good friends with before just because they shared the bed for couple years.
You can still be really good friends even if you lose the romantic part, also when the romance is not working equally many people are afraid of moving away from it and try to forcefully stay in relationship even if it's obviously not working.
The interesting flip side to this is that people also view the idea of cutting ties with (or otherwise moving on from) really good friends who you didn’t share a bed with as abhorrent.
It’s like, romantic relationships must end in a complete separation and platonic relationships must last forever
Don't know why you'd see it as crazy? It makes sense, people want to move on. Even if the split is the healthiest possible thing ever, some people still would want to move on from the past.
Honestly, forcing yourself to remain friends with someone you can't really see as a friend anymore is far unhealthier than moving on, lol.
In a dating sense tho there are people who say this but still have feelings for their ex. Its not confusing as to why dating prospects would see someone who is friends with an ex as a red flag.
I consider it more of a green flag if people can split and still have a friendship obviously it’s going to look different a lot of boundaries and much more space, etc. but I’d find that much more green flag than somebody telling me all their exes are horrible and crazy and they want nothing to do with them. That comes off as more of a red flag to me. Obviously I’m not going to want my part or to be best friends hanging out with their ex every single day because that’s like a third wheel in your own relationship type of deal but I think they can definitely be a healthy balance a lot of issues arise from insecurities regarding harmless post split relationships, just as much as people that are only trying to maintain access because they haven’t moved past relationship.
These people have kids together, so obviously they are family forever.
But that doesn't mean everyone should stay friends with all their exes. Sometimes letting people drift away and move on is the healthiest option. That doesn't mean the person is bad or that you hate them.
I have seen a lot of drama come from people who need to keep all their exes in their life.
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u/shenanigans2day 5d ago
Honestly wish more people operated like this, just because romantic love died doesn’t mean you have to become mortal enemies .