Life isn't a dream, it's living. They aren't living your dream, but rather you are stuck dreaming of a life with them. Your dreams of that will fade, but only if you use this opportunity to grow and see your potential to be yourself. Look ahead rather in the rearview mirror or daydreaming of them. You need to live your own life. It hurts that they left, it can leave a nasty hole; but it seems like you were relying on your partner to complete you, to make you feel good enough for them/you/anything. You put far too much emotional weight on "being good enough", but sometimes people just drift apart. Idk, you both probably made mistakes, but this isn't about perfection which is impossible. They don't hate you, they just don't feel a romantic connection anymore which isn't neccesarily anyone's fault. Breaking up doesn't automatically mean someone did something wrong. If you hate the idea of being friends with him, then don't be friends, but don't use that as a coping mechanism for secretly dreaming of them or being jealous of their happiness in life.
Beyond the initial “I hope he rots in hell” I know I wish him well. I know I’ll never find someone as good so it’s just so much harder. Life had given me a chance and i just wish I’d known/done whatever was needed to have made it work. I know I sound pathetic. I’m sorry - it’s all too fresh and painful. And I know he’ll have a wonderful life with someone who deserves his love. He deserves nothing less.
You deserve happiness too. You are so down on yourself as if this one relationship was your only chance or he is the best person in the world. Nobody is perfect, not even him. Life has unexpected paths, and now your path is leading away from him. It doesn't help anybody for you to keep dwelling on this, it doesn't even help him.
I hear you although I can’t stop blaming or pitiying myself as yet. I hope to start healing soon. Really appreciate your kind words and perspectives in your earlier comment too.
I know the wound is fresh. Healing doesn't happen overnight. This isn't a failure on you, it's just one of the many trials in life that we persevere through. You deserve love, but that needs to start with loving yourself. I sincerely wish you the best.
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u/whirdin 1d ago
Life isn't a dream, it's living. They aren't living your dream, but rather you are stuck dreaming of a life with them. Your dreams of that will fade, but only if you use this opportunity to grow and see your potential to be yourself. Look ahead rather in the rearview mirror or daydreaming of them. You need to live your own life. It hurts that they left, it can leave a nasty hole; but it seems like you were relying on your partner to complete you, to make you feel good enough for them/you/anything. You put far too much emotional weight on "being good enough", but sometimes people just drift apart. Idk, you both probably made mistakes, but this isn't about perfection which is impossible. They don't hate you, they just don't feel a romantic connection anymore which isn't neccesarily anyone's fault. Breaking up doesn't automatically mean someone did something wrong. If you hate the idea of being friends with him, then don't be friends, but don't use that as a coping mechanism for secretly dreaming of them or being jealous of their happiness in life.