I'm decapitated, i plead
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t3ebt with looking for you, I missed you enough to find you, missed you enough to steal a glance, to share a flower.
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i missed when it felt like i finally belong, missed sharing a feeling, missed having someone to reassure/love/care/support but it's not what I want to talk about anymore when it comes to you.
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i missed you, as a person, as a being, the moment we separated, not after 5 ish days, not when I reached out, not when i "harassed", not when i vanished, again.
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so many things happened and you're always the person i think of, especially when things take a wide turn or shift in spaces i couldn't imagine.
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i apologize and the whole herd can adhere, i never meant to disappear/escape/vanish or abandon/neglect but allow me to over explain, even when you're reading it again;
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i felt the same way you did and the way you behaved made sure that it was true, I never assumed, never doubted, never judged you but I couldn't digest the fact that you couldn't just spare a single word out for someone who had the same good intentions you had for them but in the end you had me really confused and unaware of what was going on, if you ever had anything for me, who influenced you to act like this...
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i know it went bad, it was awful, it felt tormenting but I'll always clear my statements and say that I purely loved you and still do, detached from any possessive tendencies, mischievous acts or general deceit; I only wanted what you also wanted for yourself, I missed that smile.
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i adored you just the way you exist, you can't do this to me; when I said I'm not trying to rekindle anything I was only trying to avoid overwhelming you or idk just sabotaging the whole reach out.
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in the end I did, I'm sorry but it was unimaginable, unseen, unforgiving and such a devastating phase i was going through, I hope you understand, i wasn't really harassing you nor trying to get anything/take advantage of you, i just wanted words, context, something edible; i was drained and we never talked really love, ad ma hkina but now i have something different.
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i understood everything and by that not us, not you, i understood myself amurti, i was excessively depressed, we kinda shared that too but that's not the topic, i tapped in into what i actually needed to be the person i showed you when we were in love, the person you stalked, you bumped into in the morning.
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that person is still there, they had death experiences, got betrayed, abandoned, homeless, their whole family gave 0 fux about them.
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but i took a manageable risk because every year August whispers something in my ears, every day away from you felt more horrible and insensitive, it wasn't just the bad jokes you had or your mother's critics.
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I'm glorious now, satisfied, energetic but I miss you, i can have and recreate all the memories i always wanted to have but I look around and I don't see you, i try to reach out but you have me blocked; I understand but let me in again, I'm already saying that I'm willing to forget everything and just take what we've both learned and try again.
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I want to rekindle things again, go slow, i changed and still changing, i promise and i know that you want this, just trust me again and for once, a second chance is all i think we need.
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we can talk about anything and i told you i made my convictions, I'm certain now, convinced completely, aside from religious boundaries that I can't give 2 fux about or what society allowed you to live by (lifestyle, socializing...); i made peace with everything, I made peace with letting you go but i want you, i just want to prove it to you that we are for each other & i feel you all the time/anywhere.
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