r/liberalgunowners • u/aboabro • 15h ago
question Need advice around risk
Sorry for the weird title I could not figure out a good title name. I’m trying to be very sensitive with what I post. I have a cousin who is kind of a “loser “he has access to guns in his house that I think are open and free for the most part. I think there is a gun safe though, and he goes to the shooting range and has been trained on how to use guns. They are very gun, friendly family.
He has been having problems at school. Like he spent 10 days skipping school just sitting in his car in the parking lot. He doesn’t have a lot of friends and he’s not the brightest and so he really struggles at school generally. I am just worried about him and I don’t think his parents are really paying attention or doing anything to help. What is some advice that I can give to his parents to try to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself or others in the future?
I am just really worried because of his demeanor and he’s very quiet and I don’t think he really has a lot of emotional support or emotional intelligence or skills to deal with his issues.
I just will really feel bad if something does happen and I never tried you know? But also, I don’t want to overstep because maybe it’s just my mind being overly sensitive. But I did actually talk with another cousin and they actually agree with me.
But anyway, what are some steps that I can take to confront the parents in a disarming way. Maybe it’s just asking if they can have their gun safe completely locked up? But he is nearly 18 so he can probably own his own gun soon anyway, and probably already does.
Edit: just found out he’s suicidal and his parents aren’t doing anything. I think this is a crisis and he needs potentially partial hospitalization and intensive therapy. I’m going to look for programs and maybe try to help them pay for it since they complain they cant afford it. He lives in another state and I’m like 15 years older and we are not close. So I don’t think reaching out will do much.
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u/minotaur05 15h ago
- Have a talk with his parents
. Both about behavior and the guns. Ensure the safe is not accessible
- Are you local with your cousin? Invite them out and spend time with them. Community is the #1 way to prevent this stuff
- If you are worried, contact some local help resources like counseling to get him into some professional help
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u/Pattison320 10h ago
All safes are accessible, especially if someone in the household really wants to get into them. If the cousin has to cut through it with a wafer wheel, that might be enough of a defense for the parents from a legal standpoint. IANAL.
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u/ToraNoOkami 15h ago
As already said are you local with them? Then you have the power not to derail their life with worry but uplift them. Reach out, hang out, be the support, mentor, and structure you see he needs
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u/aboabro 2h ago
I am not local but in a different state and like 15 years older
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u/ToraNoOkami 2h ago
… what does age have to do with it? You can’t get along with a younger family member? If so if this is how your family operates it’s no wonder he acts isolated
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u/BoxedCub3 15h ago
That is a very difficult topic. But yea, start with his parents have a conversation with them. Get that on record as well as their reactions.
See what laws and assistance exist in that area too. It may direct you as to who you can talk to.
But also seenif you can get involved in his life. Find stuff you both enjoy and make life easier. Sometimes its one little thing that helps
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u/Salty-Gas-1172 12h ago
Engage with him directly, if his parents were going to do it they would've by now. They probably don't have any better EQ than the kid does. Be patient with him. I had a similar situation with my nephew including free access to guns. I got him past the worst and he's functional now and no longer suicidal but the damage was done long before I was able to help.
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u/aboabro 2h ago
Yeah the parents aren’t helping that’s why I’m concerned. Dad learned he’s suicidal and didn’t do anything
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u/Salty-Gas-1172 1h ago
Dad probably doesn't have any idea what to do even if he's willing. Directing dad to resources in your area may help from one front. Letting the kid know he's not alone. Maybe take him out and do things now and again. I don't know enough about your respective lives to make suggestions on what. Bonding things; have him help you build something or play video games together or go to a ball game or something. Just so he's not so alone all the time. It takes time and effort on your part to do this and I'm not sure if you have the time and energy to sustain that level of engagement. Doesn't have to be every weekend but him knowing someone wants him around could be helpful.
I sure hope you all find a way to work this out.
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u/You-Asked-Me 11h ago
Tell his parents that since he is having a lot of trouble in school, you are concerned, and can they please make sure all of the guns are in the safe, and set a new combination.
Then go take your cousin disc golfing or something. It can be really hard to get through to people, but an activity like disc golf, regular golf, hiking, something where you have physical activity, but a casual pace, I find opens the door to start conversations that might feel awkward or forced otherwise.
Like you have plenty of time to kill, so asking about "what was the deal with Mr. X at school last month" seems more like you are just filling time casually, verses, if you just walk into their bedroom and ask them on a Sunday morning out of the blue, it might feel like an interrogation.
Don't force it, just just open the door, so they know that these are things that you are comfortable talking about.
It helps to start with mentioning one of you own insecurities. People feel like they are the only one that that is going through their issues right now, because people don't talk about it, so they assume everyone else is just fine, and that there is something wrong with them. When you open that door an they see that you have the same kind of shit to deal with it makes talking about it a lot easier.
In college, on of my friends was struggling, but I did not know what really was going on. I half jokingly mentioned that the anti-depressant I was on made it hard to climax, but my girlfriend loved the stamina I had, haha. When he found out that we were both on the same prescription, he expressed so much relief, that it was normal. He was not sharing anything with anyone, because he felt like he was the only one with issues, and somehow he was defective. We were carpooling to classes a couple days a week, and it gave us time to have some real conversations, disguised as small talk.
Fast-forward a couple decades, and now when I go backpacking I get middle aged men to open up about aging, GLP-1s and how well our hair loss treatments are working.
Sorry if that was a lot to read. Point it, make yourself vulnerable, so it opens the door for him to feel safe talking about his insecurities. Don't push too hard though. Do it is a situation where its just the two of you, and nobody feels pressed for time.
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u/AsstToTheManager 14h ago
You really have a serious situation there and I don't have any great advice other than echoing what others have said abut talking to the kid and his parents. I'd add that if you don't feel like you're getting through to them you should talk to the authorities before something tragic happens. While that sounds like a nuclear option it'd be much worse if any innocent got hurt.
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u/Leptonshavenocolor 14h ago
Probably start with engaging more with him directly would be a best place to start.