r/mildyinteresting • • Sep 03 '26

shopping shenanigans 🛍️ Saw these at a “wellness” store

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1.7k Upvotes

211 comments sorted by

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987

u/Nacktherr Sep 03 '26

Can we just use the old fashioned version with codeine, morphine, cocaine, alcohol, heroine, and probably some other goodies in the concoction?

157

u/Beautiful_Book_9639 Sep 03 '26

It would fix me 😂

99

u/strippersandcocaine Sep 03 '26

The money I would pay to microdose this shit…

13

u/Ok_Pool_9767 Sep 03 '26

Username checks out

5

u/Nacktherr Sep 03 '26

There is no microdose. It's an all or nothing type of deal with this.

11

u/SlumxLordxMillionair Sep 03 '26

You spelled macro-dose wrong.

6

u/ElegantCoach4066 Sep 03 '26

Everyone: That combination would be dangerous, aren't you worried?

Me:

https://giphy.com/gifs/DIuf1nZCDvupSmBQ95

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1

u/TimBen89420 Sep 09 '26

The money i would pay to macrodose this shit...

8

u/Puzzled-Mistake-584 Sep 03 '26

Until it breaks you.

Trust me, man is only meant to be so happy, and only at certain times.lol

6

u/Beautiful_Book_9639 Sep 03 '26

It was a joke anyways. I don't drink or smoke or anything like that. I just have a lot of mental health issues.

1

u/Trewsmokes Sep 06 '26

This will fix anyone which is why its forbidden.

19

u/murpymurp Sep 03 '26

Imagine having a cold and the doctor is like here’s some heroin?

9

u/Blank_Canvas21 Sep 03 '26

Fuck I’ll take it, if it gets me to fall back asleep, ugh I hate this fucking cold rn lol

6

u/Cozen_Pillowtalk Sep 03 '26

I mean if you wonder why the the woman who sang songs to kids reminding them to take their cough medicine flew around with an umbrella? This is why.

1

u/DoesntMatterEh Sep 03 '26

If I imagine hard enough can I make it reality???

1

u/IfDreamsCouldHappen Sep 03 '26

It’s an extremely effective cough suppressant so it would work lol

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7

u/Allthemudlizard Sep 03 '26

Yeah, my P.o. might not be too happy with that...

7

u/raisedbytelevisions Sep 03 '26

Your PO is gonna be P.O.ed

4

u/RIF_rr3dd1tt Sep 03 '26

Your PO is gonna be P.O.ed if you p.o. that

2

u/nderthesycamoretrees Sep 03 '26

I don’t have one of those. So let’s do this concoction!

6

u/justjohnny1024 Sep 03 '26

Here’s my personal favorite. Morphine for kids! (And babies)

2

u/Nacktherr Sep 03 '26

If they can't have Whiskey, have to make them toddle somehow!

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2

u/PanKakeManStan Sep 03 '26

Lmao I love how there’s a range on the concentration

2

u/ItCat420 Sep 03 '26

You know how fucked up the guy making it was?

16

u/pseudoportmanteau Sep 03 '26

Heroine is a female hero

5

u/Top_Giraffe1616 Sep 03 '26

I fuckin wish

4

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '26

It's like colonial lean.

3

u/rIceCream_King Sep 03 '26

That sounds really nice

3

u/That-Beagle Sep 03 '26

Ngl I’d take a swig and I don’t even do the hard stuff…

2

u/Chemical-Arm-8429 Sep 03 '26

I mean, shit, it probably worked.

2

u/Ooficus Sep 03 '26

“Just fuck me up”

2

u/Gold-Leopard-5042 Sep 03 '26

I ask the same question weekly

2

u/CyberDalia27 Sep 04 '26

I’ll take 3 bottles please

2

u/Needles2650 Sep 04 '26

Ah, you found my bottle. Please give it back.

3

u/Schneir5 Sep 03 '26

Heroine is a feminine hero. Heroin is the brand name from Bayer for diacetylmorphine.

479

u/tO_ott Sep 03 '26

I mean. Yeah. It's a pretty solid multi-vitamin. D3 and B12 specifically.

The unknown amount of caffeine is alarming though.

201

u/Dealer_Puzzleheaded Sep 03 '26

Yeah the lack of caffeine info is what initially alarmed me but reading this definitely made it worse lol

87

u/Slow-Schedule-7725 Sep 03 '26

I used to take SAMe for several years as recommended by a psychiatrist I was seeing. It definitely helped a bit, but when I stopped I had a complete mental breakdown and my nervous system was shot for months- make sure to taper down if you are ever on it and want to stop, affected me worse than some antidepressants I’ve stopped. I think it was particularly helpful with my general energy levels, but would not describe it as a “happy pill”

12

u/Fit_Kaleidoscope4493 Sep 03 '26

My experience with SAMe is specifically for after care when you finish rolling Molly. 

8

u/farmerKev420710 Sep 03 '26

Same with 5-htp. Really bad to use long term

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '26

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1

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13

u/Bananaland_Man Sep 03 '26

depends on how much b12 since the human body is really bad at taking it in outside of micrograms amounts, lol, the rest just gets wasted

9

u/tO_ott Sep 03 '26

Don't we just pee out any excess?

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5

u/WhiteRabbit_412_ Sep 03 '26

My mom used to give these to me when I was 11...

2

u/theshiniestmuskrat Sep 03 '26

Man I dunno about everyone else but huge doses of caffeine make me feel so incredibly sick and decidedly UNHAPPY only a few hours later. So not worth it.

1

u/SaurikSI Sep 08 '26

So it’s totally useless unless your blood work showed a deficiency.

92

u/OptimalSprinkles3327 Sep 03 '26

Who knew happiness only costs $14.99.

35

u/IBeDumbAndSlow Sep 03 '26

I live how the price tag sayds "budget happy pills"

17

u/AppleToastBed Sep 03 '26

sayds

Username checks out.

11

u/IBeDumbAndSlow Sep 03 '26

You missed how I also accidentally said "I live". I didn't take my Adderall today

9

u/Dealer_Puzzleheaded Sep 03 '26

Lowkey bullshit cause my prescription max dose antidepressants are like, $7 for 3 months lol

5

u/Ok_Gas_7455 Sep 03 '26

That’s about what I spend on a bottle of wine for a weekend these days so yea. Can confirm ~$15 works for a bit at least.

2

u/Fyaal Sep 03 '26

Inflation is insane. It only used to cost one dollar sent to 742 Evergreen Terrace

64

u/LuckyCod2887 Sep 03 '26

unless it’s literally a combination of cocaine and morphine like they did during the Victorian era, I don’t fucking want it.

23

u/Dealer_Puzzleheaded Sep 03 '26

Give me meth or give me death

2

u/IfDreamsCouldHappen Sep 03 '26

Oh but there are things that are way better than meth

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103

u/Dealer_Puzzleheaded Sep 03 '26

118

u/rabidparrots Sep 03 '26

They really shouldn't include St. John's Wort in a mix like this where the average person probably doesn't know what they're taking.

It has a side effect with a lot of people that makes them way more susceptible to sunburn.

66

u/More_Bookkeeper_1407 Sep 03 '26

Plus it interferes with birth control

37

u/Pappiwook Sep 03 '26

lol happy pills that mess with birth control. The devil has humor

4

u/Illustrious_Sea_962 Sep 03 '26

St John wart and Saint John's dick.  Bad combo. 

46

u/Dealer_Puzzleheaded Sep 03 '26

You’re also not supposed to combine it with SAMe which this contains

33

u/DudeDeudaruu Sep 03 '26

Especially with 5 HTP in there too.

13

u/UnhappyImprovement53 Sep 03 '26

These wellness stores dont care if its good for you. They just want you to buy it.

7

u/Actual-Wave-1959 Sep 03 '26

St John's wort interacts with pretty much everything

2

u/The_Troyminator Sep 03 '26

Tyrosine is cheap. I have a feeling it’s almost all that and some caffeine and trace amounts of the other ingredients.

I still wouldn’t trust it, but it’s likely just a placebo.

2

u/postpwnmalone Sep 03 '26

That mixed with niacin OD sounds like hell

11

u/EmployerWide1123 Sep 03 '26

st johns wort AND 5htp, what could go wrong??

2

u/Producer131 Sep 04 '26

seizures and hyperthermia with convenient cute packaging!

24

u/FrostGamer1119 Sep 03 '26

4

u/yourmoosyfate Sep 03 '26

This game creeped me out hardcore

3

u/Marshmallow09er Sep 03 '26

What game is it?

5

u/Suolamamma Sep 03 '26

We happy few, the game is broken as hell though.

2

u/yourmoosyfate Sep 03 '26

Yeah, the game is shit, which is sad because I thought the idea had potential.

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16

u/BlueButterflytatoo Sep 03 '26

Hi, yeah, can I take 12 at a time? Like repeatedly?

14

u/LectroRoot Sep 03 '26

Yes, but you need to crush them up and rail them.

6

u/BlueButterflytatoo Sep 03 '26

If it stings even a little, I’m out 😅

18

u/UnhappyImprovement53 Sep 03 '26

Scam product that might be dangerous in a scam store. Not very surprised.

18

u/Dealer_Puzzleheaded Sep 03 '26

I went in there for electrolytes that my doctor recommended and got overwhelmed very fast lol it’s like irl pop up clickbait ads

7

u/thisisnotivo Sep 03 '26

Verity pills,YaY

6

u/WillametteSalamandOR Sep 03 '26

“There’s no ‘I’ in Teamocil, at least not where you think…”

5

u/bloodshotforgetmenot Sep 03 '26

Goodbye blue Monday ✨

3

u/FullDust69 Sep 03 '26

what about grey tuesday and wednesday, too?

4

u/moewluci Sep 03 '26

wash em down with some wine

8

u/alaric49 Sep 03 '26

Certainly works in terms of advertising at least.

9

u/Trans_Force_1 Sep 03 '26

I want to get these just a bit of my cabinet and pull them out as a joke

13

u/Dealer_Puzzleheaded Sep 03 '26

Good idea. I want the box to store my prescription antidepressants

4

u/Thin-Piano-4836 Sep 03 '26

This reminds me of Teamocil from arrested development!

2

u/nomnomsquirrel Sep 03 '26

Lmao that was my thought.

6

u/Late-Solution6249 Sep 03 '26

The pills Lisa Simpson took in that episode

3

u/dangerous_service Sep 03 '26

So did they make you Happy?

3

u/scarlettohara1936 Sep 03 '26

"May help support"

🤣🤣 What does that mean!!!

3

u/XxRiver101xX Sep 03 '26

Last time I took something like that I woke up with my bed bent in half and my door wide open with the floor soaked in mystery fluid. Would not recommend

2

u/northcascadekittycat Sep 03 '26

What is SAMe?

2

u/magumbastate Sep 03 '26

S-adenosyl-methionine

5

u/Dealer_Puzzleheaded Sep 03 '26

Well, this came up when I googled it

2

u/Kaurifish Sep 03 '26

You can buy some crazy shit in the health food store, ex DMSO.

2

u/Significant-Roll-138 Sep 03 '26

I bought them, they didn’t do an awful lot but I can talk directly to Josh Wink in my head now so that’s cool.

2

u/SnooPandas5070 Sep 03 '26

"Non-Perscription Feel Good Formula!" Thats wild Lmao

https://giphy.com/gifs/v6AuajTg9zYSna6aAH

2

u/nellyjimbob1228 Sep 03 '26

The 'may help' says it all.

2

u/ImpossibleExercise43 Sep 03 '26

Anything with herbs is not FDA regulated so if that has herbs I am very concerned. Still concerned none the less cause it seems like a kid could take them thinking it’s candy.

2

u/SlipperyStairs420 Sep 03 '26

Grant Harting would like to know your location.

1

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1

u/The_Troyminator Sep 03 '26

Tyrosine is cheap. I have a feeling it’s almost all that and some caffeine and trace amounts of the other ingredients.

I still wouldn’t trust it, but it’s likely just a placebo.

1

u/X__Anonomys_xX Sep 03 '26

I wouldn’t count on it, saw some “male health booster” pills at the store and they said that would cause EDS and biological castration… sounds like male health to me…

1

u/The_Troyminator Sep 03 '26

At that price point, they likely didn’t put much of the more expensive ingredients in there.

1

u/future_pirate Sep 03 '26

I remember overhearing some people talking about taking "happy pills" when I was going into an AP test in high school but I always assumed they were talking about ADHD meds

1

u/IfDreamsCouldHappen Sep 03 '26

Well amphetamines and meth do make people “happy”…so it checks out.

1

u/Therealginahandler Sep 03 '26

"budget" happy pills

1

u/BrewItYourself Sep 03 '26

🎶 Doctor, please…some more of these 🎶

1

u/mynewredditacccount Sep 03 '26

Came looking for this lol. Mothers little helper ahh pills

1

u/Competitive-Big1572 Sep 03 '26

there’s something about this that feels incredibly dystopian

1

u/daneato Sep 03 '26

I wonder if these were covered by John Oliver in his “Gas Station Pills” episode… it’s been a few months since I saw it so my memory is fuzzy.

https://youtu.be/mRZqHzDG_c8?is=VE8xGImvUGBNiRkM

1

u/SnooDonkeys5186 Sep 03 '26

Well. It did catch my attention, is cheaper than I suspected, and made me smile. It worked and cost me nothing!

1

u/Natural-Seaweed-5070 Sep 03 '26

St. John’s “WORTH”

1

u/lildegenerate8008135 Sep 03 '26

Funny story, I bought some of these from china about 13 years ago (I was a depressed teenager and didn’t know where to begin lol) The package got stopped in customs and were opened for investigation.

1

u/breakingboring Sep 03 '26

“Budget happy pills” 🤣

1

u/GinRummage Sep 03 '26

My dog takes SAMe

1

u/melanie_no_overtime Sep 03 '26

lol i call my antidepressants this

1

u/MoatEel Sep 03 '26

My mom bought me these when I was depressed in college over a decade ago. I puked so bad my bf called poison control lol

1

u/shinakohana Sep 03 '26

This feels a lot like We Happy Few…

1

u/GarbageInteresting86 Sep 03 '26

Wow, there’s a lot of Freedom just sitting there. We would regulate that shit out of existence, or at least to petrol station toilet vending machines 🤣

1

u/OpeningActivity Sep 03 '26

It sounds eeriely similar to happy endings

1

u/Anon_Chemist Sep 03 '26

I need them

1

u/Tinycatgirl Sep 03 '26

SAMe saved my life. I wouldn’t take this brand but man did it ever get me out of a terrible place.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '26

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1

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1

u/Leather_Line6223 Sep 03 '26

thought it was a pilsner beer, someone should do that.

1

u/Professional-Gear88 Sep 03 '26

It’s SAMe. I’ve tried it before and didn’t notice it having an effect. But it’s been marketed as mood boosting for years. I was a biochemistry student and I used to remember what SAMe is but I don’t right now. It’s just a metabolic intermediate though.

1

u/CommanderMcmuffin Sep 03 '26

This is something my mom would buy or probably has bought

1

u/Miss_Pondersmith Sep 03 '26

Supplements are not regulated by the fda….not that anything will be anymore.

1

u/greenhornblue Sep 03 '26

I’m curious what’s actually in it

1

u/Burntoutn3rd Sep 03 '26

Read closer, it's just SAMe.

Perfectly valid.

Though the price leaves me to think it's shit quality. SAMe is fucking pricey.

1

u/Alt-out-boy46 Sep 03 '26

Reminds me of these patches my grandmother gave my mom.

1

u/ASwagPecan Sep 03 '26

Hello, Carol

1

u/jenijelly Sep 03 '26

Anyone else remember the happy pills they used to spell at Spencer‘s or just me?

1

u/dazzleunexpired Sep 03 '26

It's SAMe. That's a real thing, it's been tested. It's.... effective to a degree.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements-same/art-20364924

SAMe is safe in treating depression in studies, but it's unclear if it's placebo, and higher quality studies for effectiveness are needed.

If it is effective, it's probably similar to things like fish oil, b & c vitamins, and st John's wart. That is to say, they are adjuvant therapies that work best in combination with rx medicine; or for mild, situational things like mild Seaonal Depression.

1

u/redheadwbangs Sep 03 '26

I used to take these when I was younger!

1

u/jakethelizard99 Sep 03 '26

Product ingredients

1

u/augustoof Sep 03 '26

I can't believe they put innocent glaggles in pills. Shaking my smh...

1

u/ewewewe69 Sep 03 '26

Are we sure its not amphetamines?

1

u/Level-Cherry4839 Sep 03 '26

It’s giving dystopian society

1

u/Xtrafishy Sep 04 '26

SAMe 🙂

1

u/[deleted] Sep 04 '26

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1

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1

u/Accomplished-Ad6110 Sep 04 '26

Yeah don't take that fr

1

u/ajprunty01 Sep 04 '26

I thought that was a research chemical...

1

u/g0zer000 Sep 04 '26

I'll never forget when 15 year old me, in foster care and trying to survive the severe C-PTSD that my pre-foster care life caused, saw a bottle of St. John's Wort (which this blend contains) on the shelf at Brookshire's (back when they had their own pharmacy) and took it to the pharmacist to ask if it interacted with the specific psychotropic prescriptions I was taking at the time.

He took the bottle, examined it very briefly and said "St. John's Wort interacts with a ridiculously large amount of drugs, It can cause photosensitivity, I do not recommend this to anyone. I personally wish it wasn't even available in our pharmacy but I don't control that here".

He didn't even hand that specific bottle back to me, it was crushing to hear as someone who was dealing with poor efficacy of their prescribed antidepressants at the time, but reading some of the comments on this post criticizing St. John's Wort's presence in this product I appreciate that pharmacist a lot more than I did already.

1

u/SirTopX Sep 04 '26

Verity👀👀👀

1

u/camaal95 Sep 04 '26

that looks like the old Walmart smiley face! :D

1

u/Agreeable-Donut8476 Sep 05 '26

"Wellness Store"? Bah hahahahaha 

1

u/EasedCeiling586 Sep 07 '26

I kind of wanna buy SAMe but from Amazon would that be better 

1

u/pizzaking94 Sep 07 '26

these are for kids

1

u/MaleficentMarket4745 Sep 07 '26

SAMe effects have a rebound. So if you take it daily for months and stop you'll get depressed. Maybe in just weeks

1

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1

u/Pooradoxical Sep 08 '26

i would do literally anything to get my hands on a god damn happy pill that works

1

u/pringa_ja_mouch_2 Sep 09 '26

I’m not gonna read the comments yet but this has to be kratom