r/seinfeld • u/CasinoNitro It's not a lie if you believe it • 6h ago

I’ll start…She ate a stale hot dog from the silent era🤣🤣🤣

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73 Upvotes

69% Upvoted

372 comments sorted by

40

u/laconix31337 6h ago

She was distracted driving past Sue Ellen Mishke, ran right into a telephone pole.

5

u/Hot_Cold83 6h ago

She was run over by a team of Iditarods and a sled.

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71

u/cainkilledabel I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate. I've got it all! 6h ago

She got quoned for too long.

18

u/pylbh 6h ago

She was getting difficult.

6

u/Glitter_Health 4h ago

Her demeanor did her in!

6

u/thatsanewone26 3h ago

Unbridled enthusiasm?

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4

u/WhiteEel Feels like an Arby's night 3h ago

Demeanor?

3

u/Glitter_Health 2h ago

Now you're being difficult.

2

u/JB102285 2h ago

Haha “I QUONE you…” that was the best answer.

57

u/razzle_dazzle321 Serenity now, insanity later 6h ago

She had problems. Internal.

7

u/Think1ngTh1ng Driving around in Jon Voight's car 4h ago edited 3h ago

How old would she be now if she had lived? 

12

u/1PerpetuallyAnxious I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate. I've got it all! 3h ago

She'd never make it.

28

u/Spicy6Chord 6h ago

Second-hand smoke from George.

48

u/bobtrack22 6h ago

Don't you see, she's not dead, it's to fool Lloyd Braun!

19

u/magicnumber33 Del Bisto Becko 6h ago

So again, it all comes back to Lloyd…

6

u/thatsanewone26 5h ago

🛎️💥📞😀

8

u/MilqueD-schaaje 5h ago

Mortality now!

18

u/tech_auto 3h ago

Kramerica industries dropped a rubber ball of oil ontop of her head

9

u/haikusbot 3h ago

Kramerica industries

Dropped a rubber ball of oil

Ontop of her head

- tech_auto

I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.

Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"

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2

u/BackAlleyFreakShow These pretzels are making me thirsty 3h ago

There's nothing dirtier than a giant ball of oil.

16

u/ctmt813 6h ago

She ate Frank’s army beef from Korea

13

u/Bass-n-Bonefish 6h ago

She ate the pocketed mutton.

2

u/Glittering_Stress_32 5h ago

Something stinks to...high Holly!

14

u/Complex_Message_5339 4h ago

she died laughing at the thought of George dating Marissa Tome'

3

u/Teal-Prowler505 Professor Highbrow 2h ago

Little did she know... Marissa is into short, stocky, bald men

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13

u/BenRichardson76 6h ago

One of her dolls was a Chucky. World's collide!

10

u/BringBack4Glory 5h ago

She called Elaine “Suze” one time too many times

10

u/sj_numba1 6h ago

Eric the clown put her out with his big shoe

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9

u/UncleMoesFamFeedbag 5h ago

The Van Buren boys got her.

10

u/Joshua_Longsack 5h ago

She woke up in the Hudson River IN A SACK!

10

u/OptiGuy4u 5h ago

Backwoods mail hating survivalists.

7

u/Ok_Yogurtcloset_9793 6h ago

The Moops got her

7

u/GrossenCharakter Driving around in Jon Voight's car 5h ago

A huge tidal wave lifted her, tossed her like a cork! And she found herself right on top of it, face to face with the postage stamp

8

u/Actual-Implement-870 4h ago

Her and George were mugged by the Van Buren Boys and George refused to give up his ATM code.

7

u/fourleaf88 6h ago

Her fiancée was a marine biologist, freak accident swimming with the turtles

6

u/ctmt813 6h ago

Don’t you talk about Lily!

3

u/magicnumber33 Del Bisto Becko 6h ago

She had problems. Internal.

7

u/theatrenearyou 3h ago

infection from a Junior Mint

13

u/5319Camarote 6h ago

Spoiler: She’s not really dead, if we remember her. 🪽

3

u/xio_ID It's not a lie if you believe it 5h ago

That’s not it; it was something about a light wasn’t it? And a way? Oh who the hell knows haha

19

u/Kindly_Ad2794 6h ago

Isn’t her name Susan ?

19

u/howimetmyrunner 5h ago

Poor Lilly

10

u/Glittering_Stress_32 5h ago

Yes, but she looks like a Lily.

9

u/MessCdOk469 5h ago

She died of misnaming

2

u/jinreeko 4h ago

She really looks like a Susan

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5

u/FinalFantasiesGG 6h ago

Her mother was a mudder.

3

u/Forever_Breathless 5h ago

Her father was a mudder?

5

u/Ok_Bag_3484 6h ago

She attempted to retrieve a titlest from a fishes blowhole.

3

u/INFPinfo 6h ago

Mammal

5

u/aiksd 6h ago

Whatever

3

u/irishpisano 5h ago

Fish

And that’s why she died

Would have been safer with a mammal

6

u/greensangre 5h ago

Yada yada yada she died

6

u/TFG4 5h ago

I heard she died in a cabin fire, some hipster doofus started it with cigars

4

u/Aveeye 5h ago

George used a knuckle... that's his move. It's not a good one.

5

u/you-are-number-6 4h ago

Mr Marbles

4

u/JaMicho34 4h ago

She had problems. Internal.

6

u/Friendly-Bite4611 2h ago

She caught gonorrhea riding a tractor.

After a visit to Kramers herbalist friend Tor Eckman, she turned purple and died.

4

u/Federal_Variation566 6h ago

Marisa Tomei killed her.

2

u/Venice_Beach_218 Yo-Yo Ma 6h ago

More like she tried to break in to Marisa Tomei's condo to kill HER but fell off the fire escape.

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5

u/Ok_Kaleidoscope6134 6h ago

Cancer from Georges toupee.

4

u/Venice_Beach_218 Yo-Yo Ma 6h ago

I love how Susan agreed to marry Season 7 George in his post-hat phase and he STILL sabotaged it.

2

u/JohnBarnson Ask the 8 ball 5h ago

From the Chinese hair growth cream

2

u/molonlabe1811 Flew too close to the Sun on wings of pastrami 5h ago

Cancer from George’s second hand smoke.

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4

u/Fusilli_Agent_Cooper Lord of the Idiots 6h ago

The Lopper took care of her.

4

u/beavis617 6h ago

She laughed so hard at George’s suggestion of a prenuptial agreement that she couldn’t catch her breath, she passed out and slipped into a coma and never recovered.

4

u/jyutkowi 5h ago

Kramerica Industries oil tanker bladder accident.

4

u/db_156 5h ago

She was MURDERED by JERRY SEINFELD!!

5

u/HilsMorDi 5h ago

She did have a pony growing up.

5

u/send_it_431 5h ago

Bad supreme flounder

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4

u/FestivusRestOfUs It's a Festivus miracle! 4h ago

Decapitated. Whole big thing. We had a funeral for a bird.

2

u/boultzboi77 3h ago

I don't think any of that is real

3

u/FestivusRestOfUs It's a Festivus miracle! 3h ago

You’re not real, man!

6

u/TCM_407 5h ago

She never made it.

4

u/JohnBarnson Ask the 8 ball 5h ago

How old would she be now?

3

u/Lordmiles09 6h ago

Poppy's pizza

3

u/SgtMcNamara 6h ago

She swallowed a fly

3

u/bhoose19 6h ago

An air conditioner fell out of a 5th story window and crushed her skull.

3

u/DaddieTang 6h ago

She got crushed by the Commando 8

3

u/DrClutch93 6h ago

They used a retractor....

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3

u/Inside-Moose-7064 6h ago

She ate a garbage donut George handed to her 😂

3

u/ParkSalope 6h ago

She was a victim of The Lopper (aka The Denogginizer)

2

u/BenRichardson76 4h ago

I prefer Son of Dad myself

3

u/WKRPinCanada 6h ago

She ate Susan

3

u/Crazian78 6h ago

Died while trying to recover the Cheever Letters to Mr. ross

3

u/lorem_opossum Vegetable Lasagna 6h ago

Pastrami allergy activated during sex.

3

u/ASP41661 6h ago

The giant ball of oil got her.

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3

u/MybklynWndy 6h ago

She was strolling through a park when a bird flew right into her head, like he couldn’t avoid it. Yada, yada, yada the bird had avian flu, which caused such a high fever that it unfortunately led to Lily’s demise.

3

u/DorkSideOfCryo 5h ago

The supposedly non-fat yogurt gave her a heart attack

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3

u/AggravatingAct7841 5h ago

Unbridled enthusiasm

3

u/ThatItalianGrrl That's a shame 5h ago

She sat through a screening of The English Patient.

3

u/kschaffs 4h ago

The Riverside Park Lopper.

Poor Lilly

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3

u/M_Sizzlak 4h ago

She put the balm on

2

u/PinkLed1970s 1h ago

Who asked her to put the balm on?

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3

u/chaosindenial 4h ago

Choked on a sandwich while getting frisky with George

3

u/Sammy_Dog 4h ago

She died eatting a spoiled piece of Kenny Rogers' chicken. George had left it lying on the kitchen counter for four days.

2

u/rasmuseriksen Sponge-worthy 6h ago

She was sickly from the moment I met her!

2

u/Junior_Chemistry_751 6h ago

She was out for five minutes before. She couldn't feel her extremities

2

u/TheAnswer310 6h ago

Her wiper fluid was NOT FINE. Motor vehicle accident.

2

u/Fortyouncestofreedom 6h ago

She died while waiting too long for a table at that Chinese restaurant in season 2

2

u/Anxious_Drive_9998 5h ago

Joel Rifkin killed her.

2

u/makinglunch That's gold, Jerry. Gold! 5h ago

Holistic healer turned her into an eggplant

2

u/MilqueD-schaaje 5h ago

SHE had a pony

2

u/baconinsider 5h ago

She became paralyzed, George bought her a defective wheelchair, yada, yada, yada... she was never seen again.

2

u/No-Newspaper8600 4h ago

Her Himalayan walking boot got stuck in a sewer drain on 5th and a street sweeper, yada, yada, yada.....she's gone.

2

u/gdg6 3h ago

Husband feel asleep while smoking and burned down their vacation cabin

2

u/Esotericcc__ 2h ago

SHE WAS MURDERED…. BY JERRY SEINFELD!

2

u/Temporary-Seat-1788 6h ago

But she really looks like a Susan!

1

u/laynegot_em 6h ago

She had makeup sex with George

1

u/mc78644n 6h ago

Second hand smoking

1

u/DualSpiresCinnamon 6h ago

Kramer's hot tub. It was super heated water, nothing could survive in there.

1

u/vaskark White lotus, yam-yam, Shanghai Sally 6h ago

She’d never make it anyways.

1

u/kickinwingdvm 6h ago

Clearly Newman..

1

u/This-Breadfruit-1958 6h ago

I thought it was Susan Ross?

1

u/abby-rose Hellllloooooooooooo 6h ago

The black and white cookie got her

1

u/layzeefly 6h ago

She got bit by a strange dog and had rabies, which is fatal - you don’t want that.

1

u/FutureDogSitter 6h ago

Someone was talking about hating dolls and people that owned dolls. Coming from a doll packed country to a non doll country, it was very hard to hear.

1

u/eugenesbluegenes Driving around in Jon Voight's car 6h ago

DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT LILLY!

1

u/psilocybin6ix 6h ago

She was holding that sack that was full of stories and she tumbled down a flight of stairs

1

u/Total-Region2859 These pretzels are making me thirsty 6h ago

You all are forgetting the video evidence of multiple paper cuts on the tongue. The tongue bleeds, baby.

1

u/mintchip360 6h ago

Carpet cleaners got her

1

u/Worried-Industry6239 Get OUT! 6h ago

So she was carrying these two pieces of pizza…

1

u/jeffbob2 Professor Highbrow 6h ago

She’s not really dead. She ran off with Darin

1

u/Relative_Soil7886 It's a Festivus miracle! 6h ago

Pancaked by a drunk dump truck driver.

1

u/CultOfSensibility It's not a lie if you believe it 6h ago

She suffocated trying to give the bubble boy a blow job.

2

u/Coveted_AF 5h ago

It’s more of a plastic divider

1

u/cmiller704 6h ago

Expired Beef-a-rino

1

u/unclejohnnydanger Feels like an Arby's night 6h ago

She drowned…right in front of Jerry and Newman

1

u/mklatsky 6h ago

Burst appendix.

1

u/Tholian_Bed 5h ago

She was kidnapped!

1

u/Anxious_Drive_9998 5h ago

Yada yada yada

2

u/pixeltweaker 5h ago

Death by yada yada yada.

1

u/WhitePoweryBeef 5h ago

She took part in the bet, but too much abstinence caused her to explode.

1

u/soldier4death 5h ago

Isn’t it obvious? She was killed by Marisa Tomei.

1

u/TheHeadbanginHippie The Jerk store called, they're running out of you 5h ago

I'm not too worried about it.

1

u/Electronic-Space-480 5h ago

Kramer and his intern, Darren, caused her death.

1

u/mp3god 5h ago

Stamped out!

1

u/mymoama 5h ago

She kisses to many things

1

u/Dry-Ad-4190 5h ago

Got run over crossing the street - Frogger style

1

u/Stormlight_Silver 5h ago

Junior mint in her open body

1

u/Joshua_Longsack 5h ago

During the feats of strength.

1

u/bigtuna989 5h ago

Kramer dumped Gatorade on her

1

u/Joshua_Longsack 5h ago

Trapped in a bathroom stall with no opening at the bottom.

1

u/Brilliant-Ad8607 5h ago

Thats a perfectly sane food to eat

1

u/PrestigiousBlood14 5h ago

She was thrown in the ocean after falling asleep on someone.

1

u/krombough 5h ago

She's not really dead, he spirit lives on- oh who the hell knows.

1

u/TGRRAG81 It's not a lie if you believe it 5h ago

A crazy amount of gum

1

u/Few_Success4460 5h ago

Denim vest...he smoothed her to death.

1

u/deeptropicalmoisture 5h ago

Second hand smoke

1

u/send_it_431 5h ago edited 5h ago

Mandelbaum collateral damage

1

u/FiveAssedMonkey 5h ago

She went golfing with Gendason. Caught him cheating and things got ugly.

1

u/OleBoleHole 5h ago

Choked on an ostrich burger.

1

u/JohnBarnson Ask the 8 ball 5h ago

Smothered to death by Jayne Mansfield’s breasts

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1

u/Wooda1 5h ago

Poor Lilly

1

u/Big_Sky8996 5h ago

She died in prison after getting popped for importing dirty diapers.

1

u/cathys6319 5h ago

Beef-a-Reeno

1

u/Coveted_AF 5h ago

She’d never make it.

1

u/Ok_Teaching_4858 5h ago

Sponge withdrawal

1

u/Wooda1 5h ago

She heard the pachyderm joke

1

u/Strange-Industry132 5h ago

She was assassinated by Marisa Tomei's minions. Using the vile weed in Newman's frozen yogurt

1

u/walex2863 5h ago

Listening to George’s boring stories.

1

u/b1fft 5h ago

Boredom, from reading the same stale comments in r/seinfeld over and over again

1

u/RedMaple007 5h ago

Shrinkage

1

u/irishpisano 5h ago

She went with J Peterman to visit the bush people of the kalahari. She was bitten by a rabid mosquitoes and succumbed to dengue fever while wearing the foremost in safari fashion with this jungle green canvas jacket and hat forever known as the Serengeti sombrero.

1

u/slingbladde 5h ago

Contaminated sponge..was george sponge worthy

1

u/thizzdanz 5h ago

He took…it… out

1

u/jspr1000 5h ago

She was kayaking out beyond the breakers at Rockaway Beach and got hit in the head with a golf ball.

1

u/AlanSinch 5h ago

Got stabbed in prison after she stole from commercial lobster traps.

1

u/Gen7Malibu 5h ago

Murdered by Jerry Seinfeld!

1

u/Rick_Grimes_Is_King 5h ago

She ate a big salad… in fact it was too big!

1

u/BoyManWombat 5h ago

Did you hear about Newman?

1

u/astralnautical The Bizarro Jerry 5h ago

He gave her the papers, and she signed em

1

u/ConferenceBulky405 5h ago

She’d never make it

1

u/Gamblor14 Firestorm 5h ago

Lung cancer from all those Cuban cigars.

1

u/SS3599 5h ago

Doll collection came to life in the middle of the night and took her out

1

u/Exact_Afternoon694 5h ago

Rickshaw incident

1

u/RiDDler5150 5h ago

Kruger over-smoothed her.

1

u/Mammoth_Bug_3221 5h ago

Frank Costanza’s lawyer couldn’t save her.

1

u/skyrimphil 5h ago

She choked on one of Kramers cinnamon raisin pizza bagels while on his petermans bus tour

1

u/5wum Professor Highbrow 5h ago

she had problems. internal.

1

u/chprkr 5h ago

Giant ball of oil

1

u/SupremeChancellor66 I was in the pool! 5h ago

She had problems, internal.

1

u/ORANGENBLACK101214 5h ago

Being stale is the least of your problems if you're eating a hot dog from the silent era. Also, who's Lilly?

1

u/VagrantMoon 5h ago

There was an eclair in the trash yada yada yada...dead.

1

u/retro_specs_ 5h ago

She was DOWN for some rock climbing

1

u/Anti-Dentite-999 4h ago

It was a crime of passion!

1

u/NIUgrad90 4h ago

The sponge. She was not sponge worthy

1

u/Misterslate No Flair for you! 4h ago

Paper cut on the pre-nup, bled out. 

1

u/MissMimiKat 4h ago

She would never have made it

1

u/DrShortGame 4h ago

Severe infection from a paper cut. Envelopes were involved.

1

u/Pumpnethyl The sea was angry that day my friends 4h ago

E Coli from eating poppi’s pizza