r/stopdrinking • u/imthegreenmeeple Day 1,446 • 7d ago
RULES REFRESHER
Hi everyone. In the last several weeks, the mod team has seen an overwhelming amount of rule breaks, mostly the "Speak from the I" rule and the "Don't ask for Medical Advice" rule. Unfortunately, this is leading to entire comment sections being deleted. It's not fair to the OP who, in most cases, is reaching out for help, only to be met with an entire comment section being deleted because folks are giving their opinions vs sharing their experiences or giving medical advice they are not qualified to give. We'd like to ask everyone to take a look at the rules which can be found here --> https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/wiki/index/
We're open to answer any questions you may have about the rules, just shoot us a modmail.
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u/ExactlyEnoughRazors Day 1,782 7d ago
A heartfelt thank you to the mod team for keeping this community together and at its best.
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u/oxiraneobx Day 826 7d ago
Absolutely! I mod a little sub for a specific place, and that can sometimes have it's own drama. The mods here are top of the line, managing a very significant sub that goes worldwide. Keeping it a place for all to come for support is so important, and they really do it well. This sub has been so helpful for me in my sober journey. Just so thankful for them as well as everybody here.
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u/UnclassifiedPresence Day 27 7d ago
Agreed! It’s been unsettling to see so many people lately just outright telling other people what they should/need to do about their drinking.
I’m glad the mods are so diligent about keeping this a healthy space for everyone. Truly a rare gem on Reddit.3
u/farmpatrol Day 140 7d ago
I’ve not been very present in this sub the past week. Mainly because life has been getting busy but I will likely leave at least one comment a day on someone’s post - Feeling a bit guilty for missing the DCI’s but will go do it now! I wonder if it is to do with the fact October is often a popular month for sobriety testing and an influx of new people - Whatever it is I do hope this message goes far and wide to all members!
Congratulations on day 20 too btw - That’s an amazing feat. I remember it being so fresh for me. I hope you’re feeling fab! 🫶
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u/UnclassifiedPresence Day 27 7d ago
Thank you! This is my 7th Day 20, so it’s not exactly a novel experience for me, but I’m happy to be here again nonetheless!
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u/dbpcut 3289 days 7d ago
I know moderating here can be a challenge but it's because the team's hard work that this is one of the best communities on the Internet.
Thank you
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u/Hairy_Koala6474 Day 386 7d ago
Best sub reddit and best mod team I do really appreciate you guys.
I need the refresher and the help speaking from the I sometimes.
Am I crazy that I try and speak I in my everyday life now sometimes too 😆
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u/markymark0123 3354 days 7d ago
"I suggest......." has always worked for me.
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u/UnclassifiedPresence Day 27 7d ago
“If it were me” avoids putting it on the other person altogether
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u/Vegetable-Editor9482 1376 days 7d ago
Respectfully, "speaking from the I" means citing our own experience, not our opinion. "What I did..." "What worked for me..." "When I was faced with that, I considered..." "I suggest..." is introducing an opinion re: what I think the person should do.
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u/Accomplished-Zone495 Day 13 7d ago
Thank you so much mods. I have caught myself using you language and often change it to “I” statements before I post. This is a great refresher.
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u/MimironsHead Day 291 7d ago edited 7d ago
I believe that Speak from I is vital to StopDrinking. Even and perhaps most especially when it seems obvious to everyone what OP "should" do.
"Should" is judgement. Running and hiding from what we "should" do in life is often the biggest reason we abused alcohol in the first place.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it (not) drink.
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u/UnclassifiedPresence Day 27 7d ago
Appreciate you having the self awareness and checking yourself!
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u/Jimmy-the-Knuckle Day 662 7d ago
I thank you so much for doing the work you mods are doing here. You really run a well organized sub. This place is so useful and has been one of my daily visits since I started visiting almost 2 years ago now! Thank you again, sincerely! I help mod at [r/stopdrinkingfitness](r/stopdrinkingfitness) and [r/Dads](r/Dads) and a few others and I appreciate the work you’re putting into this space. Cheers and I am always happy to help if needed!
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u/Square-Available 1115 days 7d ago
I feel like this sub was mentioned on another social media app and it drew in a lot of new people.
Thanks for your hard work
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u/abaci123 Day 12,866 7d ago
Thank you for the reminders! And thank you so much to our great mods!! 🙌
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u/pimdiffyisalesbian 1805 days 7d ago
Thank you, mods. Your dedication to keeping this a safe place has kept many of us sober 💜
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u/Frosty-Image7705 Day 352 7d ago
Thanks for the reminder. I've seen a lot of OP's posts and the comments run off-track here.
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u/InspectorPopcorn 7d ago
Thank you, mods! I hope your pillows are always cool, and that your socks and shoes always fit just right!
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u/Haunting-Dance-2365 Day 99 7d ago
Thank you to the mod team, glad to have had a refresher on the rules.
I do want to apologise for not hitting report instead when a comment hasn’t hit correctly. I will now do that instead of saying their comment wasn’t it.
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u/farmpatrol Day 140 7d ago
I love the “speak from the I” rule. I genuinely feel that it changes the whole atmosphere and is truly what makes this sub special.
That you for this reminder and thank you for being the best group of people I’ve ever found online.
Love to you all and of course - IWNDWYT
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u/ContemplativeRunner Day 48 7d ago
Speak from I and not giving medical advice keep this a safe space, and I appreciate our amazing team of mods.
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u/Ghostlizard74 Day 929 6d ago
Much love to the mod team! You have a tough and at times thankless job keeping this community running and you're all volunteers! Thanks so much for keeping this the most positive space on the internet. 💜
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u/imthegreenmeeple Day 1,446 7d ago
My friend, we won’t boot you for breaking rules unless it’s atrocious. This is just a reminder for everyone. 💜
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u/BrotherExtension2569 Day 213 7d ago
I have been careful to develop other tools and resources for my sober journey. This sub is good but reddit isn't really a place where you can speak freely lol
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u/NinjaCompetitive6003 799 days 7d ago
Thank you for your great work and contribution to this wonderful community.
I have a question. I've gotten my comment deleted sometimes, since the OP mentions things which happened while drunk, but at the same time, the others involved were jerks too.. So naturally, I do speak from the I, but at the same time I feel like comforting OP saying how the others aren't worth their time and were being jerks...
If that's the rule, then I'll refrain henceforth from swaying away from the topic at hand
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u/imthegreenmeeple Day 1,446 5d ago
I’d have to see the interaction to really answer your question but if you ever have a comment removed, just shoot us a modmail and we can explain or reverse the decision if we messed up, that happens too 😊
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u/BanMeOwnAccountDibbl 5d ago
Just to make things clear: does "speak from the I" apply to the comments too?
If it does, it's not going to be easy to respond to posts asking for advice or guidance.
It doesn't seem very natural or genuine to respond to a question like "Do you guys think I could have just one" with our own life story. Sometimes you have to call spades spades, especially when you are specifically asked to do just that. I have no experience driving drunk or substituting alcohol with ketamine. Does this mean I can't say, when asked, that I think it's not a good idea?
The answer to "do you think X", imo, isn't "Well, I Xed once and it was really Z but you do you". It's either yes I do or no I don't. I don't see how going about this in a roundabout way is useful.
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u/imthegreenmeeple Day 1,446 5d ago
Yes, the SFTI rule applies to comments. In fact, that's primarily where it comes into play.
One of the reasons this community is so valuable is that we're encouraged to speak ONLY from our own experiences. We're not here to tell anyone what to do, but rather to share what we've experienced and learned along the way.
For example, if someone asks about drunk driving and you have no experience with that, you could simply say, "I don't have experience with that, but here's something I learned." Or you could move on to another post where you have something relevant to contribute.
The same applies to questions about moderation. If someone asks whether moderation is possible, I can share my own experience with trying to moderate, what happened, and what I learned. What I wouldn't say is, "You can't moderate," or "Moderation never works." My experience doesn't determine someone else's outcome.
And yes, even when someone explicitly asks for advice, the SFTI rule still applies. "Any advice welcome" doesn't override it. We can offer guidance through our experiences without telling someone what they should or shouldn't do.
The purpose of the rule isn't to make conversations awkward or force people to jump through linguistic hoops. It's to encourage thoughtful, experience-based responses rather than assumptions, judgments, or directives about someone else's recovery.
It boils down to "this is what worked (or didn't) for me" vs "you should or shouldn't do this."
Hopefully that helps explain why we place so much importance on the rule.
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u/CherrieBomb211 5d ago
Would it be inappropriate to ask a question here regarding topics? I’m an intern student helping those who are in the middle of an addiction. I wanted to ask something because I want to be better at groups and understanding this topic to adequately help clients in the future.
I just wanted to know what was something everyone wished they knew more of while they are seeking help.
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u/imthegreenmeeple Day 1,446 4d ago
Please send a modmail. It would be against our rules to post here. 😊
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u/Alco_anon_help 4d ago
How can I send a modmail? I tried to make a post but it was removed by a filter. Totally respect that but looking for support/encouragement
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u/Slouchy87 6748 days 7d ago
Thank you so so much for this rules refresher!!
The "Speak from the I" rule is the most important rule that exists. Someone's experience shared through speaking from the I can't be debated or argued, unlike someone's opinion or judgement. If we can stay away from arguing and debating, this sub will continue to be extraordinarily helpful. If we debate and argue, it will turn into a shitshow, like a lot for the other garbage on the internet.
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u/PlanetBarfly 7d ago
Respectfully, I think you guys are stringing to the wire, a bit.
You do you. It's ok.
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u/imthegreenmeeple Day 1,446 7d ago
Hi, could you elaborate? We’re always open to discuss our rules to give better understanding or even historical context for why they were created.
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u/BrotherExtension2569 Day 213 7d ago
Did they mean singing to the choir?
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u/imthegreenmeeple Day 1,446 7d ago
I think they mean it’s kind of a lost cause because it’s happening so much. But we’re pretty vigilant!
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u/PlanetBarfly 7d ago
"Stringing the wire" is a copper wire term
Simply meaning "...somebody's not watching their post"
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u/imthegreenmeeple Day 1,446 7d ago
We do try. We’re a small team of volunteers. There’s 700k people here. We do what we can. But we have an amazing community that helps.
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u/PlanetBarfly 7d ago
I apologize, I sometimes forget not everyone grew up in the Tug Hill and the vernacular doesn't carry.
All's I was saying is that I think it's an attempt to pull back something already well developed. I guess in most parts of the US, the phrase would be "horse is already out of the barn" is all
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u/imthegreenmeeple Day 1,446 7d ago
Ah, I see. I will have to look up Tug Hill! I suppose you may be right. It might be an uphill battle but we can try to get back on track. Thanks for the explanation 😊
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u/imthegreenmeeple Day 1,446 7d ago
You guys!!!! 🥹
Thank you for all the support and thoughtful responses.
This place is truly special. I owe this sub and all of you a huge debt of gratitude and thanks. I would not be sober without you.
We are fortunate that we have an incredible mod team, and the mods are fortunate that there are those that came before us that taught the team how important it is that we keep the boundaries of this place in tact. We couldn’t do it without you all. Thank you for being diligent and reporting posts that need attention and for just being an incredibly loving community.
Love you all to pieces 💜