r/teaching • u/Dependent_Title9871 • 1d ago
Help Having Suicidal Thoughts Due to Teaching
This is going to be a bit of a heavy post, but I’m at my breaking point and need support from people who will understand.
I’m in my 3rd year of teaching high school science. I am 25 years old and I feel like I have no life beyond teaching. My workload and to do list NEVER ends. I have four different preps and am the only teacher of two of the subjects and was not given a curriculum for either of them. I am writing both of these curriculums myself on top of my 2 classes. 2 of my classes have 30 kids in them and I have over 40 total IEPS this year. I was asked to advise a club last year and stupidly said yes because I felt pressured to, and now I never have free time. I feel like my list of tasks is never ending and I’m so angry that I’m getting paid such a small salary considering the work that I’m being required to do. Some of the students are so disrespectful and genuinely mean that it makes me question if I can do this forever. I throw up almost every single morning due to stress and I am having suicidal thoughts and panic attacks often. I feel like I’m drowning and my body is genuinely in fight or flight mode 24/7.
I used to love this job so much and I still have so many amazing moments. I LOVE science, I love working with teenagers, and the actual act of teaching is incredible. I can’t imagine myself doing anything else, and I worked SO hard to get to this point. But my body physically cannot handle the extra tasks anymore. I feel like my day is 10% teaching and 90% behavior management and random assignments from admin and my workload seriously NEVER ever ends. It’s one thing after another after another after another and it’s making me lose interest in life. By the time I get off of work I don’t have energy to do ANYTHING so my entire life is just consumed by working. I have never been so depressed in my entire life.
Has anyone dealt with this feeling before and overcome it? I am so passionate about what I do and used to love my job so much, but I’m genuinely scared that it’s going to kill me. Please help.
78
55
u/KC-Anathema HS ELA 1d ago
I've been there. You gotta pull back on what you're doing and give the school only what it demands. You're doing A+ work. Pull back and do C- work. Do more completion grades.
I stopped taking a lot of written work. I have kids respond verbally, reading their sentences and paragraphs out loud. I can then just add discussion grades. They present so I grade in class. All tests are multiple choice.
For the club, it has to be student led. If they don't take the lead, then the club is just time for them to meet. You should be the sponsor, a room where they meet, not the club president.
4 preps could kill anyone. Create a template class outline and use the same shit for all classes where you can. Science? Can any assignments from the first level classes be reviews for next level courses?
And if you arent using AI, you need to. It helped me reduce the drag from my classes so I can do more verbal stuff than essays to grade.
15
u/Swimming-Fondant-892 1d ago edited 1d ago
I agree with all this and will add that you need something or some way to destress. Working out is that for me. I take my gym clothes with me and at end of day I change at school. If I go home and sit Im done. Only way I survive.
Also, you gotta find your fight in you. The grit, soul and that which will allow you to endure. Get pissed if you need to.
19
u/Maestradelmundo1964 1d ago
Please remember that feeling sad or despondent is temporary. You will feel differently sooner than you think. Change is the only constant.
7
u/Tidbits1192 1d ago
I did, but it was mostly because I was teaching a group that had extreme behaviors only six months into Covid. That group had a total of nine teachers quit (myself included). The lady with a doctorate who was hired after me to teach them also quit at the end of the year.
I switched schools.
6
u/fancyolives 1d ago
27F newly teaching high school. I’m a music teacher. I empathize with you so much. I taught middle school for 3 years before moving school districts and grade levels. I taught at some very difficult schools with little admin support. I got so depressed and often would wish I would get into a car crash just so I didn’t have to go to work. I sorta got what I wished for at the end of the school year and got hit by a drunk driver. Took the last 2 weeks of school off and drained my sick leave I needed to use anyways since I couldn’t take it with me to my new district.
Now, while I am SO much happier at my new school and can finally teach without having to manage behaviors, I’m still struggling with stress and anxiety. The workload is quite unsustainable and my to do list never ends. I have one prep (45 minutes) and teach 2 different levels of guitar, an AP class and three levels of orchestra. 6 classes. It’s impossible to get the work done in that time, so I often stay late or work when I get home. Then I’m too tired or don’t want to do anything after work. It’s exhausting.
I don’t have solutions yet, but I see and hear you. You’re not alone.
6
u/drunkyogainstructor_ 1d ago
what do you teach?? i’d be more than happy to share activities with you. i also teach multiple science preps and have curriculums (enviro, bio, phy sci, medical careers) i’m also EL certified and teach sheltered so have resources for that as well.
what helped me the most with reducing workload is a good planning method. it’s different for everyone but i have a slide deck with weekly agendas and i link all activities, notes, handouts, etc. so the kids one have to go to one place. but all teachers have different preferences
3
u/WillowAny9768 1d ago
I am so sorry to hear this. I am dealing with the same exact thing. Please take sick leave and go get some help. Your sanity is worth more than this damn job.
5
u/tennmel 1d ago
Work no more than 40 hours per week. You have been set up to fail. It’s not your fault. Things are not going to get done. you’re not going to be doing great teaching this year. You’re not going to be giving great feedback. You are just going to be checking the box. Focus on having a good relationship with the students and that’s really the most you can do. Anything else you do beyond creating an environment where the kids are safe under your watch is now just a bonus.
2
u/This-Instruction-812 1d ago
I’m really sorry you’re carrying all of this. Please reach out to 988 (call or text) if the thoughts get heavier, they’re there for exactly this. You don’t have to fix the job tonight, just get through tonight. You matter outside of teaching too.
2
u/LizTruth 1d ago
See if you can get away with work-to-plan. When your gours end, so does your labor. If your kids use computers, make multiple choice/short answer assignments you can grade quickly for daily grades, use last year's lesson plans with minor adjustments, if needed. When yor contract hours are up, go home. On club days, grade then, but don't take anything home if you can help it. If you can plan around it, get a sub and take a personal day and go shopping, hiking, whatever.
If you get flak for working your assigned hours, ask them for better ways to streamline the work they need you to do. It's an important, rewarding job, but you are more important. Sending you love.
2
u/OnlyExplorer879 1d ago
Find another school or another job. I spent 33 years in teaching thinking it would get better and it only got worse. My daughter has left teaching after only 6 years. She went back and got an MBA degree .
2
u/sunnyflorida2000 1d ago edited 1d ago
Thank you for writing this. A lot of what you expressed is exactly how I feel as well. I feel so despondent at times and it’s taking the love away that I once had for this job. I would consider seeking some therapy (even if it’s ChatGPT), set firmer boundaries…. Or worse case scenario…. Have some courage to make a change.
2
u/littlemsintroverted 1d ago
You sound like me. I'm in Canada and I have 2 positions in the school; neither of which I hsve have the background for but it doesn't matter.
I'm at the most challenging school in the city. I cover multiple classes and the behaviors are over the top. Fights, swearing, disrespectful, rude and some kids are telling me I'm rude to them.
I wake up wanting to throw up, crying, heart palpitations ...I highly doubt my Dr will put me on a leave.
1
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Welcome to /r/teaching. Please remember the rules when posting and commenting. Thank you.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/JukeBex_Hero 1d ago
Do whatever you have to do to get some distance. FMLA might be worthwhile if you're able to handle the lack of pay. If you decide to stay in this industry, maybe you need a new job; if you stay in this job, you definitely need less on your plate.
You're doing the best you can, but you're being held to unrealistic expectations. Please ask someone for some help, with your workload AND your mental health. ❤️
Edited for clarity
1
u/Bonethug609 1d ago
It’s a job bro. Fuk them kids and admin. It gets easier. Should probably
call a help line
1
u/IneligibleLand 1d ago
I have personally gone through something similar. I ended up voluntarily admitting myself to an in patient mental health facility and was there for 11 days. I took a couple weeks after that before I came back. It was hard, not going to lie and I did end up leaving that school at the school year anyways (actually went on FMLA leave for the fourth quarter). I don't really have the answer for you, except you need to take care of yourself.
Does your district offer EAP? That might be a first step.
Ultimately I hope you feel better and take care of yourself.
1
1
1
•
u/hannahismylove 1d ago edited 1d ago
I hope the words of encouragement are lifting you up. Please go and seek help from a real human currently in your life immediately.
It's ok if teaching is not for you. It's ok if that school isn't for you.
Edit to add: This post is locked. Everyone who commented is amazing, but I don't want trolls posting ugly comments.