Had a really rough appointment with a psychiatrist today. I went in looking for help with trauma, OCD, and AvPD, but came away feeling judged, blamed for my avoidance, and shamed about my low weight.

He told me that because I stay home all day, people are going to judge me and they're right to do so. Hearing that from a psychiatrist was genuinely hurtful. I don't stay home because I enjoy being isolated. I've spent years struggling with fear of judgment, rejection, and feeling inferior, while also desperately wanting connection and a normal life.

He kept telling me to relax, change myself within a week, and come back ready to change, as if a decade of struggling could be undone just like that. I understand that recovery requires effort, but there's a difference between encouraging someone to face their fears and making them feel ashamed for having them in the first place.

The comments about my weight hurt too. I've already been struggling with eating and feelings of not deserving care. I went there looking for help, and instead I left feeling more judged and misunderstood.

The appointment triggered a lot of pain and made me want to shut down and isolate myself completely. Part of me now wants to avoid seeking help again, but I know I still need it. I'm trying to remind myself that struggling with mental health doesn't make me lazy, weak, or deserving of humiliation. I can acknowledge that I need to work on things without accepting shame as the price of getting help.

Just needed to write this somewhere people might understand what it's like to finally seek help and leave feeling even worse.

I am on my breaking point.

I want to leave school. Im majoring in a dead end major that won't get me anywhere.

My best friend keeps on pushing therapy nonsense. He understands I don't want to go but keeps on spouting concepts that come from CBT, DBT, etc.

I want to move to the middle of the woods to avoid everyone.