okay so this actually happened many years ago but i wanted to share.

when i was a kid, my asshole of a dad told me it was proper etiquette to “warm someone’s seat for them” when they get up to use the restroom, grab a drink or whatever they’re doing. “nobody wants to get back to a cold seat!” he put real effort into convincing me, he followed this rule at home with my mum and i. of course my mum played along because i mean come on it’s pretty funny.

and so, a kid in class next to me goes to the toilet? sit in their seat. kid on the other end of the room goes to the toilet? scold the kids on their table until someone warms their seat.

i was a little goody two shoes as a kid, i’d take any opportunity to do something for even a stranger. YEARS went by, eventually i got old enough for a “what the fuck?” reaction. i was at the doctors waiting room when the lady next to me gets up to use the restroom, as soon as i heard her ask the receptionist where it was i hopped straight on that thing, spreading all my mass to cover as much surface as possible, just as i was taught.

see where this is going? she got back and i went to my seat, she gave me a grimace. i explained, “i was warming your seat for you! you’re welcome:)” she thought i was joking, fair enough… she went on to tell me off, saying that she’s in for a cancer exam and a doctors office isn’t the time to be joking around. i tried to explain, i grabbed my mum for some help. “you actually still believe that?” i genuinely could not believe the words coming out of my mums mouth.

that was an awkward wait at the doctors office… with the lady next to me still scowling, i saw every single memory of warming a strangers seat flash through my mind.

was it fucked up? yeah. will i tell my kid the same thing? fuck yeah.

TL;DR dad convinced me it’s polite to warm seats. i learned the hard way that this is not the case (poor lady got upset)

I woke up early this morning and decided to scroll on instagram. I saw that a guy I knew and had went one date on with liked a post of mine. I was really bored but didn’t want to get up so I was just messing around on my phone and decided to play with my username and see what my first name would look like with his last name.

That’s pretty embarrassing to admit, but what’s more embarrassing is that in my sleepiness I hit save instead of cancel and now it’s stuck like that for 14 days. And he follows me.

Im so fucking embarrassed right now, Ive only been on one date with this guy and my Instagram username is my name with his surname. Im actually so scared he’s going to think I’m some creep who‘s obsessed with him.

We follow each other too. I swear Im gonna deactivate my account permanently or something.

TL;DR: Accidentally changed my Instagram username to my first name and the last name of some guy I have a crush on and we follow each other.

So I (30s male) wanna preface this by saying I'm not a really big guy, im only 5'9 but I'm kinda wide, and I have a really bad case of resting bitch yes.

Thanks to the combination of my eyes, eyebrow ridge, and voice, I look and sound like I'm about ready to swing on someone. Its not intentional, I just look like this. I normally try to hide this with a combination of a cat eared beanie and by wearing the dorkiest looking pair of wire frame glasses I could get. Without them, if I relax my face and just go default, I'll look like I'm glaring.

My voice, there isn't really much helping that, I just try to sound as happy and chipper as I can without going into a baby voice. It can be exhausting sometimes, but its better than having people asking me any variation of "whats wrong? What's your problem? What pissed you off?" Or just straight up telling me."You should smile more."

I work the night shift and have 1 hour for lunch, I unfortunately can't be out of the building for too long most days since I'm the only one certified on certain things despite not being a manager, but we're not gonna get into that.

I decided i want sheetz today, I order my food via the app so I can just grab it and go when lunchtime comes i go to get it. It's about 3am. It's raining, and Im tired since I've already had a long day and didn't get much sleep (insomnia). Before heading in, I made the mistake of removing my beanie and glasses cause you know it's raining, my hats wet now, and my glasses are smudged.

I get in, and I slowly look around without fully turning my head. No one else is there, and my foods not in the pick-up spot. I approach the counter register, and I glance around again. It's just me and this petite sheetz worker who's almost a foot shorter than me. I can see it's just her and only her here, I can see the full kitchen and how she's just now making my food. I look around again before stupidly asking, without thinking, probably the worst thing I could ask a young lass alone at night, in my real, slow, angry ish sounding voice, "Are you by yourself tonight?"

I know! I was tired and I wasn't thinking fully. I see her kinda freeze up, her back was to me but not anymore, she turns and stutters a little bit, I can see the manager tag on her shirt, "n-no ive got other employees here! They're just on break." I look around again, we are clearly the only two people here, but I kinda just nod at this and say "its good that you're not alone," while tiredly questioning to myself why she'd clearly lie.

This poor girl makes my food but doesnt take her eyes off me until I'm out the door. It isn't until I have my mid lunch energy drink and think about this more that I had an "oh shit" realization that I definitely came off as a total creep.

TL;DR I accidentally acted like a total creep to a sheetz worker by asking her if she was alone late at night while being the only two people there.

So I’m a hairdresser (not a barber, technically, that’s a different thing) and at my salon we keep track of what each client’s last haircut was with little notes. It helps keep us organized and makes it REALLY easy to just check a client’s notes, go “oh, they get a #4 on the sides and back and 2 inches on top” or whatever, and get to work. Simple. Easy. Clean. Nobody has to actually remember shit, the system just tells us what to do. If they wanna change stuff - go a little longer or shorter - then whatever. We can do that.

So.

I had this client in. It was pretty early in the morning, I think we’d only been open for an hour or two maybe, and I get excited as soon as I take him back because the notes are REALLY simple: #1 on the sides and back, 1.5# on the top.

That right there is a buzzcut. And seriously, hairstylists LOVE to give buzzcuts. It’s just sooooo easy and quick and fun and satisfying and UCK. So I’m actually kinda amped because FINALLY I get to just shave someone’s fucking head and take all that stupid hair off (just kidding, hair, I love youuu). Seriously, I felt like I hadn’t gotten a nice, easy buzzcut in soooo long. 

So I take the guy back, get him draped, introduce myself, blah blah blah. Obviously I’m not gonna share his ACTUAL name, so we’ll just call him Throckmorton I guess. Throckmorton honestly comes across as kind of a dick immediately; just one of those dudes with a splintery broomstick all the way up his ass. He constantly looks like he’s trying to break all his teeth by clenching his jaw as hard as he can and he just… idk. Like if I just WROTE what he said it wouldn’t sound that bad, but I swear the TONE was fucking awful.

Case and point: I read him his notes and say “A ‘1’ on the sides and back, ‘1.5’ on top?” and he’s just like “Just do what the notes say”. 

That’s it.

Now I just need you to imagine him saying that in this shitty, little, disrespectful, flippant, douche tone that IMMEDIATELY made me not wanna talk to him at all. That’s how he talked the ENTIRE haircut. Like I was the most tedious, boring, annoying person he’d ever had to deal with. Still, I’m technically paid to be friendly or whatever, so I ask him a few basic “how was your weekend” and “crazy weather, huh?” type questions and Throckmorton’s like “Mh” and “Hm” and whatever. He clearly doesn’t wanna talk. Fine. I tried.

I start shaving up the sides and back, all good, no problem, but that really only takes me a second.

So I switch to the 1.5 guard on the clippers and kinda glance at him and…

Okay, look, I am 100% a fuckup. I’m a mess. I’m a dumbass. I DEFINITELY could’ve made it crystal goddamn clear that I was about to shave his head down almost to skin, but… like… I didn’t.

I glance at him, reiterate “1.5 on top, right?” and he’s like “Whatever. Yeah.” like this is just SO exhausting for him. So I’m like “Alright. Nice and short.”

And then I shave a strip out of his head.

He does not react.

Cool.

Now, I think the REASON he didn’t react immediately is because he’s on his phone, distracted, and probably doesn’t QUITE realize that I’m taking clippers to the literal top of his fucking head, but after another swipe or two he suddenly looks at me in the mirror and is like “One and a half INCHES, right?”

Istg I felt my heart stop.

So I stare back and I’m like “The notes say 1.5 GUARD. As in clippers.”

Just to clarify, a #1 setting for clippers is ⅛ of an inch. #2 is a ¼ inch and so on. #1.5 on clippers is sooooooooooooooo much shorter than 1.5 inches. It’s practically to skin.

So Throckmorton now has like ⅓ of his head buzzed and we’re just kinda staring at each other for a second and I’m torn between trying to defend myself and trying to make things right. I literally have never done this before and the worst part is that I HONESTLY think it’s kind of hilarious, even as I’m lowkey mortified. 

So Throckmorton just gets this look of NUCLEAR disappointment, like he’s my dad and I just told him I’m dropping out of high school or something, and he’s like “Just finish it.” which is a REALLY unhelpful thing to say because does that mean he wants it buzzed the rest of the way off or wants to try to salvage what’s left orrr…? So I have to ask him to CLARIFY which of course only pisses him off MORE, so that’s fun. He’s like “Yeah. Buzz it. Fuck it.” and so I do, but now it’s just stressing me out. I obviously promise that the cut’s free and blah blah blah, but like… that is soooo not helping at this point.

So I finish buzzing him and he basically went from ‘white collar office worker’ to ‘mug shot’ like INSTANTLY. I try to remind him that it’ll just take like two months to grow back (which is a LITTLE optimistic but I was desperate) and he basically looked like he wanted to put his fist through the wall. The second I was done cleaning up the perimeter he was GONE. Not one word.

Obviously I double-triple checked the goddamn notes and I WAS NOT DELUSIONAL. They SAID to buzz his fucking head, so whoever put them in last put them in wrong but it got to be MY problem. So that sucked. 

Still, it was really my fault. Like obviously the dude was not rocking a grown-out buzzcut, he had a fade. I SHOULD HAVE known better but I was just excited to get a buzzcut and didn’t wanna deal with him any longer than I had to, so I just… went for it. I 100% was rushing, cut a corner, didn’t bother communicating properly aaaaaand it turned into the single worst, most stressful buzzcut of my life. Istg I feel like he somehow gave me a NEGATIVE tip, like his spite caused a dollar to evaporate from my wallet.

TL;DR: I skimmed over details on a client’s haircut and ended up buzzing all his hair off.

A few weeks ago I was heading to see some friends and typed the address they sent me into the taxi app. I saw a matching result, tapped it, and got in without checking the city or ZIP code. The ride was about an hour and a half. I had no idea it was only supposed to take around 40 minutes, so I didnt really question it. I just figured they lived farther away than I thought and spent the whole ride looking out the window like everything was normal. When we finally got there, nothing looked right. I checked the address again and realized there was another place in the same state with the exact same street name and house number, just in a different town. I had picked the wrong one.I told the driver what happened and he just gave me this look like he was trying very hard not to ask how I managed to mess that up. Fair enough. So I paid for a 90-minute taxi ride to a place where I knew absolutely nobody, and I still wasnt anywhere near my friends. I had to explain what happened, figure out the correct destination, and arrange another ride. My friends were pretty annoyed at first because I was obviously way later than expected, but once I finally got there and explained the whole thing, everyone started laughing about it. Now every time I’m going to their place, someone inevitably asks if I checked the town this time. The worst part is that nothing went wrong with the app. It showed me exactly where I told it to go. I just never bothered to check the city. TL;DR: I picked the right street address in the wrong town, took a 90-minute taxi ride in the wrong direction, showed up ridiculously late, and now my friends remind me to check the city every time I visit

I am genuinely mortified

I work in a hotel and the kids family were staying here on the local councils money which is pretty common in my work but at they were getting ready to leave today this 6-7 year old boy was asking me questions and the conversation went like this:

“Why do you need to work?”
“Because I need money.”
“Why do you need money?”
“So I can buy cool things.”
“So why do you need to buy cool things when you aren’t even cool?”

And I, in my infinite wisdom said back “well I have more money than you so that makes me cooler than you.” (I was totally joking I don’t genuinely think I’m cooking than a 5 year old bc I have money)

Actually put me down. I completely forgot in that moment that this kid was staying at the hotel because his family was homeless and people came to check in like 2 seconds after I said that so he didn’t get to respond and I feel awful

TLDR: I said I was cooler than a homeless kid because I had more money

This happened a few minutes ago.

I generally do not call my grandpa on the phone. For one, he’s hard of hearing so talking on the phone is tough. We are also neighbors so when I need to talk to him it’s often easier to just walk to his house and speak in person.

However, it’s raining right now and I’ve also not been feeling well today, but I needed to call and ask him a kind of time sensitive question.

I called and he didn’t answer.

This is where the fuck up was.

I was NOT mentally, or emotionally prepared to hear my deceased grandmother’s (whom I cared for in her final days of horrible dementia) chipper, clear, and cheerful southern voice come across the answering machine to state that they were sorry they missed our call.

Holy fuck. That just about had me sobbing. I couldn’t even listen to the whole message, I had to hang up.

Like, it’s VERY sweet that he has kept the answering machine message the same all these years, I’m sure it brings him comfort to hear her voice echo through the empty house when he doesn’t pick up the phone, but his damn was I ill prepared. I had no idea that it was still her on the machine. I just wasn’t prepared to hear her again. Especially because towards the end she had lost the ability to speak and so we went for a while before she passed not hearing her voice.

Anyways. That’s it.

I’m just gonna wait until the rain clears and I feel better to walk over and talk to him. And at least next time I call I can be mentally prepared to hear her in the event he doesn’t pick up the phone.

TL;DR: I called my grandpas landline and the answering machine played my deceased grandmothers voice because he never changed the recording after she passed. I was unaware and was shocked when I heard her.

Every month, my team and I hold a DEI meeting to plan events for our employees. We do this so employees feel more engaged and appreciated. Before the meeting, I jotted down some ideas which included no shave November and a mustache growing contest. Everyone was sharing their ideas and then it was my turn. I am going on a 2 week vacation starting tomorrow so I’m basically mentally checked out at this point. Instead of sharing my no shave November/mustache growing contest idea, my mind shit itself and I said “It would be cool if all the men in the office participated in no nut November”. The second those words left my mouth, my body completely froze and I realized what had just happened. Thankfully, everyone laughed about it knowing it was a honest mistake. Although, one of my douchey managers looked at me as if I killed her first born. Let’s see if I have a HR meeting scheduled soon.

TLDR: I blurted out that all the men in the office should participate in no nut November instead of no shave November.

Earlier this week my teenaged daughter added an item to the family shopping list: multisubject notebook. I checked to see what she needed it for and was informed she had already almost filled her AP Chemistry notebook and wanted to fit the rest of the year‘s notes in one place, rather than scattered among multiple notebooks.

I bought a red notebook. For a chemistry class. Arguably one of the most science-y of the science subjects. We all know red notebooks are NOT the science colors. What ever your preferred pallet, science is green or maaaaybe blue. Never red.

I knew it was for chemistry, but I didn’t even look for other options. Just grabbed the top book from the bin at the store. I’m so ashamed of myself.

My only redemption may in the fact that there is a lot of math in chemistry, and so maybe it will be accepted.

TL;DR. I bought a red notebook for a chemistry class and brought dishonor on me, my family and my cow.

Background: I (24M) have been job hunting for about four months. I finally landed an interview at a company I actually care about. Marketing coordinator position. I spent days preparing. I rehearsed answers, researched the company, ironed a shirt. I was ready.

The interview was scheduled for 9 AM today.

I woke up at 8:15, feeling confident. I showered, shaved, and then—for reasons that made sense at the time—decided I would get dressed after setting up my laptop and testing the camera. My thinking was: get everything ready, then put on the shirt right before the call. Avoid wrinkling it. Flawless logic.

I was in my bedroom, which doubles as my office. I placed my laptop on my desk, opened the meeting link, and joined the waiting room. Then I walked over to my closet, which is across the room, to grab my shirt.

Here's where the universe decided to punish me.

The interviewer was early. She joined the meeting five minutes before the scheduled time. And because I had already joined the waiting room, the host was able to admit me immediately. I did not hear a notification. I did not see the screen change from the waiting room to the actual call. I was across the room, facing my closet, completely naked, with my back to the camera.

I heard a woman's voice say, "Hello? Can you hear me?"

I turned around.

I saw my own face in the corner of the screen, tiny and naked, and the interviewer's face, large and horrified.

I shouted something—I genuinely don't remember what—and lunged for the laptop. In the process, I knocked over a lamp, which crashed to the floor. I slammed the laptop shut so hard I cracked the screen.

The interview lasted approximately six seconds.

I sat on the floor for twenty minutes, naked, holding a broken laptop, staring at the wall. Then I opened my phone and saw an email from the interviewer's assistant: "We noticed a technical issue occurred during your interview. Would you like to reschedule?"

Would I like to reschedule. Would I LIKE to reschedule.

I have not responded. I don't know what to say. "Sorry for the nudity, I was getting my shirt" feels insufficient. "Sorry you saw my entire body, can we try again" feels optimistic. I don't think this company is going to hire me. I don't think any company is going to hire me. I think I need to change my name and move to a cabin in the woods where there is no internet.

TL;DR: Joined a job interview Zoom waiting room early, walked across the room naked to grab my shirt, interviewer admitted me before I was ready, and saw everything. I broke my laptop slamming it shut. They asked if I want to reschedule.

Picture it. 20+ years ago a sailor is on a port visit in some far away country. Buys the gorgeous woman waiting for him at home, this beautiful silver band and she never takes it off.

Gorgeous woman is at work, staring at spreadsheets when the urge to evacuate her bladder hits. She goes to the restroom, afterwards washing her hands and walking back to her desk she fixes a tag in her pants and gets to her desk and starts back working. Only to realize she does not have her ring.

Gorgeous woman emails the HR person who sends out a company wide email, she searches the restrooms trash can and no luck. She goes back to work heartbroken.

A little while later gorgeous woman has to empty her bladder again. In the stall she pulls down her pants and hears it. The unmistakable sound of metal hitting the toilet. She tried to grab it but it was to late, the auto-flush activated and down the ring went with such velocity you thought the toilet had it out for the ring and wanted to make sure it never saw the light of day again, it won.

Gorgeous women is heartbroken, and her husband the once young sailor joked that it was at one way to go about a divorce. But alas the the pool I do not have still lives with his parents and it would be weird to live with him while also being with the dad. So Gorgeous woman and sailor will stay married.

TL/DR: I flushed my wedding band down the toilet at work, after losing it on a previous bathroom trip. Ring was purchased while my husband was in the Navy during a port visit over 20 years ago before we married. I adored that ring.

My doctor prescribed me metformin recently (and I picked the script up yesterday) to help with my weight, as I'm a woman with PCOS and it has been shown to have positive effects for someone in my shoes. Since I also have IBS though, we went with the extended release to help spare my guts, and I'm sure it would have worked great if I hadn't gone and fucked up.

See, I'm not great at taking pills. One of my sensory issues as a neurodivergent individual is in swallowing them, so I try to keep them small. Metformin is anything but small, so I just defaulted to splitting the pill in half without reading the paperwork fully. I sort-of glanced at it and saw it said not to split the pills, but I guess it didn't fully register or something because I did it anyways.

In my mind it'd be fine, but I'm here 12hrs after taking that split pill with a burning asshole from shitting just about every 20min for the last 2hrs to tell you it's NOT fine. As it turns out there is a coating on the extended release version of metformin that makes it work the way it does (I googled it after the 4th trip to the porcelain god), and splitting the pill breaks this and can thus allow the whole of the medication to dump into your system all at once.

I just want to sleep. It's 5:17am and I'm tired. My asshole is on fire from so much shit and the wiping of said shit. My guts are angry. My anxiety is spiked. I'm nauseous. This was a terrible decision. I will never make this mistake again. I just assumed that the whole pill had a slow-release mechanism (not just a coating), and I was wrong. The unspeakable things that have happened in this bathroom tonight are going to assault my partner's senses when he wakes up in about an hour, the poor man. He too shall have to face the consequences of my choice. I have so many regrets, and so will his nose.

TL;DR: Cut my metformin extended release pill in half not realizing this would ruin the "extended release" part of the pill, and am suffering the side effects of gut distress and nausea in full-force.

As the title implies, I decided to make a joke while interacting with one of the vendors at my job today and it didn’t go as I hoped.

For context, I work at a hardware store as a merchandiser and while I was taking pictures in a specific area, a third party vendor happened to filling the spaces with product. Normally when a regular employee from a department is doing that I’ll joke around with them. I have to submit before and after pictures of each bay to show what I’ve done, so if another employee happens to be stocking merchandise I might say something like “With you doing that, it will look like I worked and I can take credit for it!”, which most of the department associates seem to find humor in since they know I have to take pictures. But when I said that to the vendor, he did not find humor in it. Instead he said something like “Yeah, I bet you will. You don’t realize how many hours I put into doing this.” I tried to explain, but then he said “I don’t want to talk to you. I already said my piece.”. I tried apologizing but I don’t think he wants to hear it. I plan on apologizing again in the near future and owning up to it but I don’t know how soon I should. I understand why he’s pissed but I don’t want him to hate me for something that wasn’t supposed to be taken seriously.

TLDR: I made a joke about taking credit for the vendor’s work at my job and he took it personally and now he’s pissed off and doesn’t want to talk to me.

I (35M) have been single for essentially my entire life. I’ve wanted a partner for as long as I can remember, but I’m aware that I’m not conventionally attractive and intimidated/terrified of most people. And when those barriers haven’t gotten in the way, bad timing ruined what was, in hindsight, my best chance with someone. I still have a decent number of friends, but the qualities I have don’t show up on a dating profile or the end of a bar, so my friends are all I have for the most part.

Among my friends are (fake names, obviously) Kristen (29F) and Riley (32M). I hit it off with the two of them extremely quickly, and they hit it off with each other. I always thought Kristen was attractive, but never thought it could amount to more than that, because A) she was in a long-term relationship for almost the entirety of our friendship and B) I knew deep down that Kristen and Riley would be a better match than Kristen and myself. In fact, while she was still in her previous relationship, she said as much to both of us (she said to us (paraphrased) “If it doesn’t work out with my current bf, Riley’s first in line, you’re second.”), so I put the notion of us winding up together to bed. Then earlier this year, she dumped her long term boyfriend. Riley and I gave her time to pick herself up and dust her off. Then one night, I was texting with Kristen and mentioned that Riley really liked her. I thought she already knew that, seeing as they did a lot together. They even went to several concerts in other states together. However, this completely blindsided her, and she told me that she did not reciprocate those feelings with him. Riley eventually developed the courage to tell Kristen how he felt about her, but she rejected him. She feared it would ruin their friendship, so to save his heart, he stepped away for a while.

With Riley not talking to her for a while, she started talking more to me. We started hanging out at each other’s houses. She also confided in me that she isn’t physically attracted to Riley. All the while, she started complimenting how I look, and we started cuddling together and telling each other “I love you.” It started to feel special, even after Riley started to talk to her again as good friends. Kristen and I even started planning a trip together later next year. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Kristen tells me that she had been having dreams about Riley, but still wasn’t attracted to him; basically she was asking me what I thought it meant. They started hanging out again and spending the night together. She changed her mind about Riley, and she asked him out on a date. According to her, the date went well, but she said she still wasn’t ready yet to date after her breakup. Next thing I know, I’m getting texts from Kristen saying that Riley got her super turned on (we’re both very open about that sort of stuff).

Then yesterday (less than two weeks after the “Riley got me turned on” text), I got the text I was dreading: “Riley is officially my boyfriend.” Just when I thought I had a chance, she changed her mind about the person I basically wingman-ed for months ago. I was crushed, but I still managed a “congratulations,” because they are both still my friends. Even if I’m sad for myself, I can still be happy for them. Then this morning, I got a text from Kristen talking about her and Riley hooking up last night, and I really didn’t need to hear that. I was already crying the night before, but I eventually had to tell her why I didn’t want to hear about them. I told her how I felt, but made clear that I am not asking her to do anything about how I feel. All I wanted was for her to keep her private life out of my ears (at least for now). Like Riley months earlier, she was blindsided by my confession. However, whereas Riley walked away from Kristen when she rejected him, it was Kristen who has now stepped away from me. Our trip is probably kaput too. I'm not mad at either of them; it just feels like more awful timing for me. So now I’m alone with nobody to talk to about this (it’s the only reason I’ve turned to Reddit), and feeling like I have to start over yet again. And I probably deserve it for not thinking highly enough of myself to ask her out before Riley did.

TL;DR - I tried to set up my friend with his crush, she rejected him, I caught feelings for her, then she changed her mind and left me alone (which is probably for the best at this time).

I 26M have a gf 22f. We enjoy sex with each other but wanted to spice it up as she wanted to try something new and I was all for it. She had me order cuffs, a blindfold, and a vibrating plug which I thought would be fun to try. I let her know when they arrived and a few days after they arrived she came over and we got ready. She had me out the cuffs on her and blind fold first before I did anything else, followed by getting the plug ready. I put what I thought was a good amount of lube on it as one does. Well sadly when I slowly put the plug in, it immediately went all the way in as off it was just sucked in followed by a loud “AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHGHHHHH” which my dumbass at first thought “Oh she must really like it!” Until i realized it was from pain. I started panicking for a second then realized she was in pain, blind folded, and handcuffed. When I asked if she wanted me to take them off she said no and just sat there for about another 5 minutes. It didn’t completely ruin our spicey time but it definitely wasn’t the vibe and we stopped after a few. I still feel so bad and now she doesn’t want to use the plug anymore.

TL; DR I put too much lube on a plug that hurt my gf

I work at a small company and we've been reviewing some outside contracts to save money. One of our contractors has been working with us for almost two years, but management is considering not renewing her contract next month.

My manager asked me to schedule an internal meeting with three people from our team to discuss whether to renew her contract and who would take over her work if we didn't.

Instead of creating a new calendar event, I duplicated one of our weekly project meetings, changed the date to Friday, updated the title to "Contract renewal review and possible handover" and added a few notes about what needed to be discussed.

What I forgot to change was the guest list.

About 15 minutes later, the contractor replied to the invitation asking if she was supposed to attend a meeting about potentially ending her own contract.

She was still included because she'd been attending our weekly meetings for almost two years.

My manager called me immediately asking what the hell I'd sent out. They hadn't even decided whether to renew her yet and were planning to discuss their options before speaking to her.

She's now asking for clarification about her contract, and my manager has spent most of the afternoon dealing with it.

All because I couldn't be bothered to create a calendar event from scratch cause I was too invested in a kick stream.

TL;DR: Duplicated a work meeting and forgot to remove the guest list. Accidentally invited a contractor to an internal meeting about potentially ending her contract before management had even made a decision.

Obligatory I'm on mobile, sorry for whatever blah blah blah.

Anyway, I work in a place where the next coworker to come in relieves the previous person. He showed up on time, we chatted. Not a bad guy, but it's a relatively new job and I don't know him that well yet. He seems nice, regardless.

While we chatted I gave him the notes and updates from my shift. Nothing much to say and it takes like 2 minutes. I grab my purse and make sure I have everything. And then I look him dead in the face and say, "Well, let me get out of your hair!"

Just my happy, autonomous customer service voice, loud as hell.

This man is shiny bald. Like reflecting the sun bald. Like you might go blind if you look at his head for too long bald. I'm not even sure he has hair anywhere, I mean his eyebrows could be fake and glued on for all I know. And you know what? I will never sleep again. That will replay in my head on a reel at 2am for the rest of my life. I have no idea what his reaction was. I had to leave immediately because WHY DID I SAY THAT??? And how do I face him again? We work together HELP HAHAHA

I'm not even sure if this belongs in TIFU, but I hope you, dear reader, are as entertained as my friends where when I told them.

TLDR: I said "Let me get out of your hair!" to a very bald man today.

I had just gotten out of work and was feeling a bit of a sweet tooth. I was mentally exhausted from work and had eaten a fairly hearty lunch, so I decided I deserved a treat. Normally I would go to Wendy's for a frosty, but sadly the one on my route home closed a few months ago, so I decided to settle on the nearby McDonald's instead, despite not particularly liking their food.

I pull into the drive-thru and order a chocolate milkshake. The total comes out to $5.61. Despite my earlier justifications, I still feel uneasy about ordering only a McDonald's milkshake at 2:30pm. Whenever I'm feeling shameful about something I'm buying, I prefer to pay in cash, and this was just such an occasion.

(EDIT: I now realize how neurotic this sounds without context. I honestly don’t know why I thought this would be self-explanatory, lmao. As I explained in a reply, I periodically go through my transaction history on my banking app to check for fraud and review my spending habits. Therefore I’m frequently reminded of every single purchase I make with my card, and I’d rather not think about impulsive McD’s milkshake runs in the future. As to why I felt so shameful, well, that’s a whole other issue that you’re free to criticize me for.)

As I get in line with the other cars, I check my wallet. Empty. Well, the line was pretty long, so I figure I would have enough time to scrounge up some change from the center console.

Sure enough, by the time I'm at the window, I had collected 22 quarters, a dime, and a penny. I imagined that I must look like one of those assholes who pays in change just to ruin the cashier's day, but I was hoping I could laugh it off with them.

The window opens, and I see the cashier girl with my milkshake. She says the price, and I extend my fistful of coins to hand off. She reaches out her hand, but, to my surprise, her hand happened to be highly deformed, smaller than normal and missing about 3 1/2 fingers. Before I realize what's happening, I'm already dropping my absurd pile of coins into her unsuspecting palm. With no ability to properly grasp them, half the coins tumble right off her hand and scatter on the floor.

In a disappointed voice, all she says is "ohhh, why would you do this to me?"

I profusely apologize, throw my car into park, and open my door to collect the fallen coins. I very carefully hand the rest to her, then she counts them up with her one good finger and tells me I'm good to go. At this point, I'm horribly embarrassed, so I peel off with my milkshake as quickly as I can.

Naturally, I didn't get a chance to "laugh off" the situation, so I have no idea if the girl thought I was being a jokester or if she knew my payment method was totally incidental.

As expected, the milkshake was extremely mid.

I think, next time, I'll take a detour to the next nearest Wendy's.

TL;DR: I bought a milkshake with coins, but the poor drive-thru cashier didn't have the fingers to hold them. The other cars in line watched as I shamefully got out of my mine and picked up spilled coins, one by one.

My sister helps organize a kids soccer tournament and they rented this giant fox mascot costume for the weekend. I volunteered to return it since the rental place is close to my apartment.

One of the kids had spilled orange soda on the costume during pictures, so before returning it I figured I'd clean the sticky patch. I grabbed my mom's handheld clothes steamer thinking it would be harmless.

It worked for about 10 seconds until I noticed the orange fur starting to shrivel up. Turns out the heat was melting the synthetic fur. I panicked and tried trimming the damaged bits with scissors, which somehow made everything worse. The fox now had a massive bald patch across its stomach.

The rental place noticed immediately and showed me the tag inside that specifically says no heat. They're charging me $380 to replace the damaged part, that I'm gonna have to pay from my kick revenue.

My sister also told me they were planning to rent the same costume for another event next weekend. So now the organizers know exactly why their fox is temporarily unavailable.

TL;DR: Tried to remove a soda stain from a rented mascot costume with a steamer, melted its fur, made it worse with scissors and got charged $380.

A few weeks ago, I ordered some cookie dough to support my nephew's kid's sports team, and after shipping it cost me around $100. That makes it seem like I ordered a lot. No, each variety made 24 cookies, cost $24, and I ordered three total. Two weeks ago, I bought a costume for my niece from an online cosplay shop for Halloween. A week ago, a box was delivered while I wasn't home, so my partner brought it inside and set it in the living room. I'm sure you can see where this is going.

I have a habit of not opening something right away if I know what it is, and this time was no exception. I saw the medium-sized box and just assumed it was the costume, and left it on the floor for the next time I would see my sister.

Today was that day. I started getting everything together for her so I wouldn't forget anything, and picked up the box for the first time. It was heavy. A little too heavy for just a costume and wig. Confused, I opened it up to see a large thermal foil bag, and I legit thought the cosplay shop scammed me by sending whatever these hard lumpy things in this bag were.

Yeah, it was three damp boxes of cookie dough and two melted freezer packs. And they were just sitting there, for a week, on my living room floor. $100 wasted. in this economy! I should've just donated cash.

TL;DR: wasted a significant amount of money by not opening a delivery of frozen cookie dough right away resulting in it thawing out and going bad.

EDIT: After a third person asked about the status of the costume, I decided to actually check my email about it. First thing I noticed was my email must've been sold from the influx of emails from costume websites that I'd never heard of before, but more importantly, I found a tracking number. The costume has cleared customs! I thank you all for your concern about it, but I will not, as one commenter suggested, eat said costume upon its arrival lmao.

Obligatory this happened yesterday

I (26F) had a job interview at an eldery home/neighborhood facility. For context the job was for activities coordinator as well as volunteer coordinator (they work with a lot of volunteers to help with the activities). I've worked in travel/events sector with a lot of volunteers, but never in eldery care.

The first interview went very well and I got invited for the second interview. I prepared good for the first one but the second one I wasn't really sure what to expect because I've never had a second job interview before.

I was really excited, because it's a very cool facility in terms of living conditions for the eldery, with the perfect amount of hours, great pay and I was genuinly excited to work in this place.

The fuck up happened when they asked me why I'd wanted to work with eldery. The answer I would've given was that I wasn't specifically interested in the job because it was working with eldery, but also because there are so many different parties you'd be in contact with (residents, volunteers, organisations, family/friends/caregivers), and that I think I could learn from eldery people. I like to spend time with a different generation.

Except I completely blanked and forgot what to say and I just went with the first thing that came to me which was that I don't have grandparents anymore. However before I even said that I started choking up, but it was too late, so as I started saying that sentence I started getting tears in my eyes. I was MORTIFIEDDDD. Tbh I thought I recovered well bc no tears actually left my eyes lol but now that I'm looking back on it I really didn't, because I went on to say I'd just like to spend time with that group of people. Instead of saying that I feel like I can try to connect with the residents and give them a nice day like I would've wanted my grandparents to be treated, I couldn't even come up with that in the moment. So it was just so bad all around.

I really miss my grandparents and honestly, I really like working with eldery people (I've had them as a target group during events before). I'm generally a quite emotional person and this was just way too personal of a comment and I immediately knew I fucked up because 1. I'm choking up during a job interview which is just so unprofessional and 2. it's soooo the wrong answer because the residents there die every couple of months. 😭 Like it's the worst thing to say probably lol.

The lady replied really nice and said it was beautiful but the other guy was very straight, from a village, not a bs type of guy. They never even discussed salaries or conditions with me after that so I knew they already had written me off.

Honestly I feel like this will be the type of thing I can look back on and laugh about in a while but I just feel so embarrassed and mortified. They were gonna call me in the afternoon after the job interview, so I was waiting anxiously all day just wanting to get the rejection over with. But they never even called yesterday, I just got a call this morning and she also sounded like she just wanted to get it over with lol. I was going to ask what the reason was but really felt way too uncomfortable to do that. Raaaaaaaaah

TL;DR went in for a 2nd job interview at an eldery home, the recruiters asked why I wanted to work with eldery bc i haven't before and i choked up whilst saying i don't have grandparents anymore. :|

I was helping out at a community center fundraiser over the weekend. They were trying to save money by having volunteers handle everything, and I somehow ended up in charge of announcing the raffle winners.

There were two raffles, one for restaurant vouchers and another for a donated kids bike.

When it came time to announce the bike winner, I accidentally mixed up the raffle bowls and pulled a ticket from the wrong one.

I read the number and this guy in the back starts cheering. His son, probably around 10, comes running up and hugs him. Everyone claps, we hand them the bike, great moment.

About five minutes later the woman organizing everything realized I'd drawn from the wrong bowl.

I had to find the dad and explain what happened. The kid had already taken the bow off the handlebars and called his grandpa to tell him he'd won a bike.

The dad was surprisingly understanding, but having to ask a kid to give back a bike he'd just won in front of everyone was probably the worst interaction I've ever had.

We put his ticket back in the correct bowl and redid the bike draw. The actual winner even offered to give it to the kid, but his dad insisted he keep it.

I spent the rest of the event stacking chairs because nobody trusted me near the raffle table anymore and just went home to watch kick.

TL;DR: Picked a ticket from the wrong raffle bowl, gave a kid a bike he hadn't actually won and had to ask for it back after he'd already celebrated.

This happened a few days ago at work. Part of my job is handling renewals for company vehicles.

In late July, I keyed in the road tax renewal for one of the company cars on our requisition system. I filled in everything, saved it, and moved on. What I didn't do was click "Process", so the requisition never got submitted to the Procurement Department. I also never went back to check its status. In my head, it was done.

Mid-September, the road tax quietly expired. Nobody noticed.

On October, I got a call from a colleague in another department. The car had been stopped at a police roadblock because the road tax had expired. She asked about the renewal status. I told her I had assumed it was already renewed, then logged in and saw the requisition sitting there unprocessed since July.

The next day I told my supervisor what happened. She and a couple of other colleagues, plus our vendor, helped me sort it out. The vendor handled the insurance and told me to renew the road tax in person at a post office counter. I did that at same day.

Today I found out someone filed a whistleblowing report about the incident. I have to cooperate with the governance department

TL;DR I filled out a company car's road tax renewal but forgot to click "Process" and never checked on it. The tax expired, the car got stopped at a police roadblock, and now it's become a whistleblowing case where I have to submit a full chronology to governance.

It’s really hard to explain this without dodging my friends but I’ll try.

So my friends are trying to do something, and I’m trying to join them, however I’m not there yet. So today i try to do something nice, just trying to make their lives a bit easier, and i manage to really upset them. Firstly, i would probably have been fine to do this if i had asked them, but me being an idiot didn’t, and my friends got really upset. Next, i managed to accidentally dox them. It was only up for about a minute, and i checked the views and only me and one of my friends saw it, but i was still being an idiot and theyre all really upset at me. And i have to see all of them tommorow to play DND.

TLDR: I try to help my friends and accidentally really upset them and dox them temporarily. And I’m really nervous to confront them.

she meant Kendell. Her daughter. I only heard the end of the sentence (think, "[...] when my Kindle died.") I asked her what she liked to read. She asked me what I was talking about. Oh, just her Kindle, like she was just talking about. And then I learned we don't even have compatible reading tastes. They're going to put me down like a dog for this one. Why did I enter the conversation. She wasn't even talking to me. I was just in the same room as her. I could have wondered about her out-of-battery ereader for ten seconds and moved on with my life but I instead reached for the juiciest can of worms in arms' length and cracked that sucker open right in the break room

TL;DR: asked about a coworker's device (Kindle) dying when she was talking about her daughter (Kendell) dying.