r/toastme • u/Biomum06 • 2d ago
Let's see how this goes.
32 F, People always say my daughter looks just like me, and lately ive been spiraling worrying about it.
I was bullied relentlessly for my appearance in school, and im worried she will be too, Kids are mean man.
Single my whole life, kid was an anomaly, shes my whole world now.
Never accomplished anything in schooling, high-school degree and done, barely worked for 5 years.
Probebly going to have to work again once the kids in full time school, not looking forward to it, dont have anything I strive to do/be, other then stay existing and raise the kid right.
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u/ScrappyRooster 2d ago
Do you want your daughter to strive to be something? To finish school? How would you want her to handle bullies and other types of adversity? Kids pay attention. The best thing you can do is lead by example.
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u/Biomum06 2d ago
I plan to, anything she asks, I do my best to help her achieve, shes only 5 right now, so no big goals, but were getting her in gymnastics despite not being able to afford it because she seems so intrested in it (working through paperwork that helps cover it for low income) she told me she wants to "help dead people" when asked about jobs xD (she ment when people get hurt)
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u/thecakegoblin 2d ago
There's lots of ways to do this without classes. My son's only four but with today's economy classes are too expensive. I don't plan to put him in classes unless I have to. I bought a gymnastics bar for $80 and thanks to YouTube have been teaching him how to flip. I also bought a gymnastics mat that folds up so he can practice somersaults! You definitely will be a good parent since that is your priority.
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u/Biomum06 2d ago
Yup, I got her a bar and rings and mat and trampoline xD (thrifted a good amount, got lucky) but my limit is in trying to teach her, im not athletic in the slightest, and have trouble even if we use video guides, she needs someone who knows what theyre doing to teach her beyond the simplest things i can manage (she wants to learn to cartwheel so badly. And I have TRIED but I for the life of me can not teach this child how, luckily with the program thats helping us i only pay 30 out of pocket for the lessons instead of 300 🫠, and thats just for one season (fall, spring, or summer, it would be 900 for the whole year)
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u/thecakegoblin 1d ago
That's great. You should toast yourself for being a good mom. That's all you can do is try your best.
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u/mokumpride 2d ago
I think you’re lovely.
People are mean !! I hate hate hate bullies
There needs to be laws , kicking them out of school!
Keep your chin up
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u/ChanceTadpole1479 2d ago
You genuinely seem like a sincere person. Like you would be great to have a conversation with.
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u/Biomum06 2d ago edited 1d ago
Thankyou Ive been told im wonderful to talk to xD but ive never had a friendship with someone irl in almost 10 years, so they dont see me when im not in socializing mode.
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u/Careless_Syrup_8774 2d ago
Hey, raising your daughter right is absolutely something to strive for. Especially in this day and age who cares if you finished school but if you want to you still can. Baby steps! You can do this
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u/Biomum06 2d ago
I do not wish to xD school sucks, audhd and the schooling system are like oil and water 🔥 (And I did "finish" school, highschool, I saw colledge/uni as an expensive debt machine that would do nothing to help with work hearing all the stuff about how hard it is to get hired even with the degrees)
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u/ScumDugongLin 2d ago
I have Audhd, I completely understand how you feel. You should see about getting a pell grant If you are below the poverty line. Getting my associates degree actually did a lot for my self esteem and at the end of the day it does give you a leg up in the hiring process.
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u/GirlyWorryWart 2d ago
Bullying ruins your entire perception of self, but because you're going to raise your daughter right, and because you're her mother, she's going to find everything she got from you beautiful, like I imagine you think she's beautiful too. You don't have to have a goal at every given moment in life to have a purpose, you'll know what you want to strive for when it appears. Btw, I love your taste in posters- Huntrix 4eva! 😆
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u/CheesecakeExisting21 1d ago
we are conditioned to think that fulfilment should be attatched to work and school and that's what defines if we are successful or not. you love your daughter and you are raising her right and that's a very huge accomplishment. you are very pretty and i definetly see you in something edgier, maybe a pixie cut with a vibrant dyed color! never too late to experiment, that's where i found my confidence
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u/BodhingJay 2d ago
You gotta give yourself a ton of compassion when preyed on like that.. have to love every cell in your body as hard as you can. Not because youre telling youre perfect or the best. But because youre lovable as you are. You gotta adhere to your values and virtues so you can feel the truth in it. Thats the armor you get. We often gotta ween ourselves off our more unhealthy vices and indulgences in order to feel the truth in it but we become unstoppable when we start creating that self love.. doesnt mean insecure people stop trying to poke you for weaknesses. But we do stop fearing it from the secret strength residing in our subconscious. It cannot be forced or trained or practiced out disingenuously.. mimicking it doesnt work. We can only grow it for real by cultivating self love by doing this properly for the sake of everyone and not mostly just ourselves.. everything we are after becomes ours indirectly by doing this for everyone else. So we shouldnt even bother trying to focus on appeasing our insecurities or selfishness by indulging any of it
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u/Meagazilla89 2d ago
Parenting a daughter can be extra scary. The thing I always focused on with my daughter was to be herself unashamedly. Sometimes you have to fake the confidence and loving yourself so that they have a good role model. And if you fake it enough it just might become real. You seem like you’re already a real good mom to your daughter. Keep it up. Sending positive energy.
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u/PhotoArabesque 2d ago
You're doing GREAT! You survived a rough time and are a responsible parent who puts her daughter first, which is more than tones of people. You keep up the phenomenal work and stop to give yourself a pat on the back!
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u/Western_Purple_2533 2d ago
People can be mean. They can also be good. The hairstyle suits you. Missing a smile. I hope these comments help you in some way, even if its small. Feel free to dm. Otherwise have a good day/night.
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u/hoothizz 2d ago
You seem like a great person to talk to you and kick it with and pretty intelligent
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2d ago
[deleted]
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u/Biomum06 2d ago edited 2d ago
...like mother like daughter, mom always had people calling her a man too xD its genetic I suppose (LOL your fine bro, didnt have to delete, ive accepted my androgyny)
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u/Suspicious-Fly-7614 2d ago
Do you have multiple Roblox accounts?
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u/Biomum06 1d ago
I do >.> why? (Ive got 4 or 5 across my devices for when my daughter wants to play with her friends)
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u/hornybutdisappointed 2h ago
Even conventionally attractive people can get bullied, not to mention attractive AND intelligent! She will need therapy if she does get bullied for whatever reason, or to educate herself about it.
Be wary to also build a life of your own so that when your daughter will want to be independent she won't feel guilty about it! It will also set a good example for her own independence.
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u/Adrasteia-One 2d ago
Fellow girl dad here. You are doing your best for her by being loving and present, and that is the most important thing. I was bullied badly in school too, but we can learn from that how not to be to others and teach that to our kids. You will be alright. Just take things one day at a time.
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u/theelephant7 2d ago
Yeah, kids suck. If your daughter looks like you, then I would call that a win. You said you are 32 F. The stupid part of life is F are always complimented and judged by their appearance first. There is more to people than that and there is more to the beauty of a woman than looks. I personally dig your look. But I bet there is a lot more about you that is appealing than how the light bounced off of you and hits rods and cones in the back of eyeballs.
Why do you think going to school means accomplishing something?
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u/katubug 2d ago
Okay so first off, you are clearly of elfin stock, and I think that will serve your daughter well. Secondly, HELL YEAH KPOP DEMON HUNTERS. Are you the fan, or is your daughter? Good taste either way!
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u/Biomum06 1d ago edited 1d ago
Both plus grandma, im an anime/manga nerd, grandma is into kpop(bts) and we make sure to teach videogames before abc's in our family, all nerds 🤓 💖
though despite this ill need an explination for "elfin stock" XD despite how much i want to be into traditional nerd culter (dnd, tolkin etc) ive never had enouph chances to learn :sad:
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u/kag11001 2d ago
If "all" you do in this life is raise your kid right, you're kicking a$$, and you'll have done one of the hardest jobs there is. ❤️
Plus, you have excellent taste in posters. 😎