r/traumatoolbox • u/BumblebeeFar5075 • 3d ago
Needing Advice How to fu*kin stand up for myself already?
The impact of trauma in my life is very big, I still don't have enough financial resources to visit a psychologist, so I have to try to learn how to solve my problems on my own.
I can't protect myself when needed. Just during those stressful moments by body starts shaking and my hands sweating, I cant think clear and around people I am completely different person than I actually am irl. Its all trauma and I feel hopeless because its been years I am trying to beat it.
I want to finally defend myself and stand up for myself without shaking. Life is getting harder day by day and I feel like I am just created wrong.
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u/Different_Space_768 3d ago
It takes practice and accepting that this is a skill you will develop in time. You won't be perfect at it, but as you practice you will get better at it.
For me, the first step was to work out what was putting me into flight/fight/freeze/etc. Not just the situation, but the process from "this is uncomfortable" all the way to "I am now reacting based on my lizard brain". Knowing what that felt and looked like for me meant that I could start trying to change the outcome as soon as I realised I was getting reactive.
The other part is knowing how you want to stand up for yourself. I think most of us don't want to be aggressive in this, but we also don't want to be trampled on. I know for me, minimal verbal responses help me maintain my boundaries. So I stick to things like "no thank you", "that doesn't work for me" or "I am not going to do that" and similar short phrases.