UPDATE: she passed away. Thank you for all your advice.

My sister is dying from cancer and I’ve been told she only has a few days left. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in years.
We’re estranged because her husband sexually abused me when I was a child. She knows what happened and chose to stay married to him. After I finally told her, my trauma became so severe that I developed seizures and ended up spending about a year in and out of hospital getting treatment and working through everything. She knew how badly it had affected me and still chose to stay with him. That was something I couldn’t forgive, so I cut contact completely.
Now that she’s dying, I’m having really complicated feelings. I don’t suddenly forgive her or feel like I want to repair our relationship. It’s more the finality of knowing that soon I’ll never have the option to see her again even though I never planned to.
My parents are devastated and have wanted us to reconcile for years. I think if I went now, it would mostly be for them and because I’m scared of future guilt. When I ask myself whether I actually want to see her, the answer is no. If I knew for certain I wouldn’t regret it later, I wouldn’t go.
Has anyone else chosen not to see an estranged family member before they died? Did you regret it afterwards? I’m struggling with whether I should trust how I feel now or whether everything will feel different once she’s actually gone.

I think I may have PTSD after being the victim of an attempted murder – looking for advice from anyone who has been through something similar
I’m posting this because I’m really struggling with what has happened to me and I’d really like to hear from people who have experienced something similar.
A few months ago, I was the victim of an attempted murder. The perpetrator was a neighbour who I did not know and have never spoken to, he had a mental health breakdown and possibly psychotic although nobody knows the reason for the attack. I was attacked with a baseball bat and suffered a fractured arm that required surgery, as well as other injuries. The person who attacked me is currently on remand and the case is going to trial.
Physically, I’m recovering, but mentally I feel like I’m struggling more as time goes on.
I’m wondering if I could be experiencing PTSD, although I obviously know I need a professional to properly assess me.
Some of the things I’ve been experiencing are:
● Constantly being on edge and hypervigilant, especially at night.
● Being extremely sensitive to banging, footsteps and unexpected noises.
● Feeling frightened when I hear someone outside or near my door.
● Checking doors and feeling like someone might try to get in.
● Flashbacks and intrusive memories of the attack.
● Replaying parts of what happened over and over in my head.
● Having difficulty separating normal noises from danger.
● Avoiding going out or being around unfamiliar men because I feel unsafe.
● Panic and intense fear that something bad is going to happen.
● Crying unexpectedly, particularly at night.
● Severe problems sleeping. There have been periods where I haven’t slept for 2 days at all.
● Feeling exhausted but still being unable to switch my brain off.
● Feeling like I’m constantly waiting for something terrible to happen.
● Sometimes doubting my own memories of the attack or wondering whether I’ve remembered certain details correctly.
One of the strangest things is that I can know logically that I’m safe, but my body doesn’t seem to believe it. A noise can happen and I immediately feel like I’m back in that situation again.
I also have a young child, which makes the fear particularly difficult. Sometimes when my child isn’t with me, I become overwhelmed thinking about something happening to them, even though I know they’re safe.
I’ve been trying to get help and I’m hoping to access counselling/mental-health support, but I’d really like to hear from people who have actually been through PTSD after an attack, attempted murder, serious assault or another traumatic event.
Did anyone else experience symptoms like this after what happened to them?
How long did it take before you started feeling safer again? What actually helped you? Did therapy make a noticeable difference? And is there anything you wish someone had told you in the first few months after the trauma?
I’m particularly interested in hearing from people who initially thought, “I know I’m safe, so why do I still feel terrified?”
I’m not looking for sympathy or a diagnosis — just some reassurance that I’m not completely losing my mind and hopefully some advice from people who understand what this feels like.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to reply.

In short:
* We can not leave for various reasons
* One of those being we rely on her and are not in a position to just "figure it out"
* She is gaslihgting my brother the way she used to me and since she started doing that, she has treated me VERY odd (ie overtly ignoring me but also buying me random treats??)
* She is telling him things like "we're the only ones that love you" and calling him crazy and telling him that I don't want to be around him. She also stopped us from talking privately freshly after she gaslit him for like an hour
* I want to at least support him since I know how rough it is, plus when she treated me that way he was always there for me, but do not know what to do

How can I help?? If I confront her or she finds out I'm trying to help, she can and WILL use that as justification to hurt ALL of us, from emotionally to medically. It will NOT go well. It has to be covert enough to have a chance of avoiding her attention.

Anyone know how I can help him without hurting everyone???

Hey everyone!

I’ve been trying to find a good YouTube lecture or educational video that goes in depth about complex PTSD (C-PTSD), particularly how prolonged childhood trauma affects brain development, the nervous system, and a person’s ability to regulate emotions and change certain behavioral patterns. I’m hoping to find something that could help both me and my partner better understand these effects.

My partner and I have been together for over five years and have known each other for more than a decade. He’s been a close part of my life throughout much of my trauma history and has witnessed firsthand many of the ways it’s affected me. I have an extensive history of abuse and have struggled with a number of mental health issues as a result. I also have a really difficult time expressing my experiences and explaining why I struggle with certain things, largely because of fear. Sometimes I forget that what feels normal to me isn’t necessarily something other people can relate to.

A few months ago, my partner told me about a conversation he’d had with an AI model while trying to understand some of my behaviors and why, despite years of effort and promises to change, certain patterns have continued. He mentioned that something the AI explained about the effects of early childhood trauma on the brain finally made things click for him. I can’t remember his exact wording, but the general idea was that my brain developed differently as a result of what I experienced, and that some of the things I struggle with aren’t simply a matter of not trying hard enough or choosing not to change. There are things I haven’t yet learned how to manage, even when I genuinely want to.

That comment really floored me. I think I’d always assumed that, given how long we’ve known each other and how much of my history he’s witnessed, he understood the extent to which my experiences have shaped me. I knew that understanding it intellectually and truly grasping what it means in practice aren’t necessarily the same thing, but I hadn’t realized how much of that gap might still exist. I’ve tried to explain my experiences in my own words and have even shared *The Body Keeps the Score* with him, but I struggle to articulate a lot of this myself.

I’m not saying that trauma means I’m incapable of change or that I’m not responsible for working on myself. It’s more that I wish I could better explain why some things that seem straightforward to other people can feel so difficult for me, even when I’m trying. I’d love to find something that explains the neuroscience and psychology behind C-PTSD in a way that’s thorough, accessible, and helpful for someone who hasn’t experienced it firsthand.
Does anyone have recommendations for YouTube lectures, documentaries, or other educational resources that explain how complex trauma affects brain development, emotional regulation, behavior, and relationships? I’d especially appreciate something in-depth and evidence-based, rather than a short introductory video.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for any of your advice.

TLDR: strict home, anorexia relapse, grooming/online sexual exploitation, potential SA

hey people. I’m 16f from England and don’t know what to do. btw I’m not good at writing so sorry if this is bad. I’ve had a lot of bad things happening to me and idk what to do.

My current situation is that I want to leave home so badly and in the uk (correct me if I’m wrong) 16 year olds have the right to leave home (children act 1989 - section 20). my home is very sad place for me and it’s stunting me from being an independang person like everyone else at college. I have screen time restrictions on my phone, I can’t download any apps, I can’t have money, I can’t go out by myself , I can’t wear anything that shows any amount of skin apart from head hands and feet (can’t be tight or seee through either), I can’t express myself, I can’t have opinions, I can’t be a little queer so on and so forth. Social workers have had to intervene so my parents no longer beat me but they still degrade, swear at me and threaten me.

in the past when I was 14 and my home was rocky but I was too brainwashed to realise it yet I tried thinking in my head what was wrong with me so herd of anorexia and thought “I’m insecure maybe this is it” so I slipped into starving myself as a way to make my mental pain physicalally visible. So I didn’t feel crazy when I was trying to understand what’s wrong with me. I joined a lot of pro Ana spaces online and made a gc on Snapchat were I had other girls with the disorder.

This is when my biggest hurt happened. It’s honestly quite embarsssing too so I’m gona keep it pretty vague. When I was so mentally gone, when I was chronically on Snapchat, I had messages from guys. The average person would tell them to fuck off and block them but remember, my home life was lonely and my head couldn’t think straight cus of the lack of food. the first message was someone offering money to see me and since I just stole my parents cash to buy makeup, I needed a way to replace it before bad things happened. So I caved in and I didn’t even give him my PayPal so it was all for nothing. Then after whenever someone asked for pictures or videos of me I just sent them. I thought it was normal. And especially one dude (I think his name was Michael) he said he was 16 (I was 15 at this point) and I trauma dumped to him a lot and he acted like he cared and my naive ass thought someday I would meet this boy and I could be his gf. Even though he would ask for pictures all the damn time. And in retrospect he did ask about my at the time 7yo sister a bit too much for my likings and he’d ask me really degrading things.

Eventually he told me he was older and was praying on me and I texted a suicide hotline and then police came and told my dad. He scrolled through all of it. That was really hard for me cus now he looked at his daughter who he forces to dress practically Mormon and see a disgusting slut where his kid used to be. Of course they sided with the guy who done this to me and blamed me for it all. I mean I would blame me too but atleast don’t rub it in my face, we’re family. A lot of bad things were sad to se times I don’t think I can repeat on here. I was very depressed.

aftweall, on my 16gh birthday my brother (17 at the time)grabbed me on my frount. for, context my parents were on holiday and I had to get ready for school but I had a exam and I was depressed so I didn’t want to leave my comfy pillows at the crack of daw. It wasnt even late. My sister made a routine of face timing my parents who shouttted at me to get up Then my sister would pull me off my bed. she 19 btw. On my birthday apparently the floor wasn’t enough and my parents ordered my brother (who has a history of beat8ng me up all the time) to get me to the bathroom door. Then he procedes to wrap his hands under my armpits, thumbs on my ribcage and his hands on my chest. And used lifting me up as an excuse. He had once before told me to sit on his hand when we were younger but idk maybe he was tryna be edgy. Also he has no female attention and watches slot of true crime and icel things so that’s why he done it. But again. I could be wrong it couldve been a mistake. I told police about this and they think I’m lying and wrote that he grabbed my armpits.

there’s probably a lot more to my situations but I can’t think right now. I know it’s not as bad as other people have it but it still makes me sad. Please give advice.

All my life I've been strong. But last year before I turned 43, I had a whole emotional meltdown. I was doing the inner work on myself trying to let go of my past trauma. And I've been stuck everyday a sad crying basket case,how to change my mindset when everything I'm going through and feeling is so present.

The impact of trauma in my life is very big, I still don't have enough financial resources to visit a psychologist, so I have to try to learn how to solve my problems on my own.

I can't protect myself when needed. Just during those stressful moments by body starts shaking and my hands sweating, I cant think clear and around people I am completely different person than I actually am irl. Its all trauma and I feel hopeless because its been years I am trying to beat it.

I want to finally defend myself and stand up for myself without shaking. Life is getting harder day by day and I feel like I am just created wrong.

For context, im an 18 year old girl and I’m looking for some advice on whether my parents left some toys for me to find on purpose.
When I was 10 I found a condom on the top of the trash in the trashcan like it was left there deliberately (i would at least try to put it under some other trash if i had a 10 year old in the house).
Now a couple weeks ago i found a pregnancy test in my parents’ bathroom so i started snooping and went in their nightstand. I found some pink rope, an eye cover/mask, and some small suction cups maybe for nipple play and a box of condoms.
A couple days after i went over to our other house and my mom asked me to take some of my old clothes which are in bags in their bedroom and take them elsewhere… when i removed the bags of clothes from their wardrobe, behind it was anal lube, 2 vibrator boxes (like the packaging only, no vibrator) and an unopened box of condoms (which i stole(mom if youre reading this sorry its in exchange for the trauma)).

So yeah idk what to think tbh, i did NOT know up until i opened the nightstand that they were even into this kind of stuff and it came as a huge shock, but tbh it does clear some stuff up about myself as well. Its was a huge shock when i found out at 10 that they were apparently sexually active as they never talked to me about this stuff, instead of having “the talk” they got me a book about it which is where i know about periods and everything from.

Thanks if u read it, if you have any thoughts lmk!

First time posting here.

I recently had a repressed memory come up (I have OSDD) and it was big T trauma to say the least. I broke down sobbing for 3 hours and was completely destablized for days.

Ive seen my therapist since then and she gave me more grounding techniques but Im kind of struggling with what to DO with the whole thing now. My therapist said we dont have to do anything with it, but I feel like ive just been sitting here staring at it for days and its looming.

It keeps replying over and over and I cant forget it, and it wasn't enough information for me to like...make any moves towards a resolution.

I feel very stuck. Any advice?

I used to be the woman loyal to any man I was in a relationship with gave him my all the relationship everything always prayed for him his success everything within the relationship gave him all the care the empathy the love I possibly could, then there came this man he assured me I can share every hurt with him all my trauma’s there was just something about my post my stories always something so deep so sad a lot of people would usually say why am I so sad etc I’d brush it off with a joke he was actually my friends cousins, and a little something about friends I was never lucky to have good friends I was SA when I was 16 I became suicidal was admitted to a mental hospital they did ECT treatments on me which resulted in complete memory loss but the sad part was everything that I ever wished to forget was so embedded in me, that I remembered everything bad that every happened to me and forgot everything good. I didn’t remember what people certain people were like to me before it before everything that happened I just disappeared from socials and all deleted my accounts there were just a hand-full of friends that I remembered just had to look at socials to confirm their names etc there were two different groups of friends so I reconnected with one but soon figured I might not have been so close to them so I kept my distance then this other group that was the group when after everything happened actually spread the rumors about me but never once came to me to ask what happened 2 years the same people I called my friends ruined my reputation I didn’t remember but had this feeling of not talking to them until the friend I talked to she said she was so glad I was alive and there she said she wondered where I was I just disappeared after all that and so connected with another friend friend B which is the guys cousin so Mr.A we will call him he said he wanted to marry me and everything I said should we tell her he said to wait then she figured we were together but said her family will never accept me if I’m dreaming about marry her cousin it’s never gonna happen how I ruined his 8 year long relationship I was gonna break it off but I needed the truth so I reached the girl out who he said was his ex she broke off with him so that’s why he wanted to be with me and was talking about marriage, I also got married at 21 it was arranged the guy was abusive also killed our baby inside my womb so after that I was like I’m not staying in this marriage, supposed his cousin friend B called his mother and told her about me my self Hrm my admission to a mental hospital my miscarriage etc which I already told him everything his mother started saying like tomorrow if you get married how will she take care of the kids on pills she’d be sleeping who will take care of the kids etc then came his real side he was on dating apps and everything I prayed so much for him when he met me he was just love bombing me or something too perfect to nice so loving calming he can’t stay a moment without me but he was on dating apps all along when I found out about it he said it was a mistake he was just curious how the app worked that’s why he installed it he wanted to check a location feature and he said it was true he never made an account or whatever I stopped talking to him when I found it , I found his dating app a month ago before I confronted jt all that month I kept seeing the way he behaved with me and all the same love you’s on my face the same kindness but I couldn’t take it my ex-husband also cheated I never gave him a second chance cuz Once a cheater always a cheater same thing his ex said about him she told me she did broke off but she doesn’t leave his family alone not his sister not his mother I told him he can’t even take a stand for me we did secretly marry no one knew but I was just so angry angry about him with dating apps angry how his ex was still in touch with his family and his family listening to his ex and not considering me in anything so I texted his dad about how I’m his wife he abused me called me a bitch a whore a sisterfucker that when I forwarded his voice recordings to his father the ones he was abusing me in but Idk why I went back to him I started talking to him begged him to just end the marriage beach it was too much for me I was all alone in it the family was all supporting his ex being friends with her , was I really wrong being his wife while the family was bitching about me behind my back with his ex and he was also involved and he never took a stand for me there? Never put boundaries? Anyway the family didn’t reach out to me his whole family just blocked me. Then I found the the I wasn’t talking to him he was on every dating app imaginable everyone of them when I checked his account not a single woman replied to him honestly was a bit embarrassing for a man trying so hard on dating apps angry. I don’t know what I’m saying or what but I don’t pray anymore I don’t want to believe in any religion any of that I don’t wish or pray anything good for him anymore nor I do for myself or anyone else no more . I don’t think I’m a good woman anymore cuz I don’t believe there is anything good but this time I genuinely believe there is no use of being good in this world. As everyone around is evil pure disgust why should one go the extra mile to do good why ? I don’t wish anyone or anything good anymore I don’t believe in praying for good at all means anything. No one is gonna change for the better if they don’t want to . I talked to my therapist he said he’s manipulating you. My therapist said I already know the facts it’s my decision for what I have to do next why is it so hard for me to let this man go ? It really hurts but only the things he promised the way he promised which he wasn’t.
And like I said he was unemployed was hardly eating anything on the daily I would order food at his place I couldn’t see him sleeping hungry now that I begged him and promised him I would be with his way as long as he’s with me he started earning really good and with that came something over him like entitlement like he’s something or somebody who better then everyone and everybody else he started looking down on me like I’m some ant he’s ready to squash all the time anytime he pleases he’s been so rude arrogant and he hurt me with every hurt that he begged me to share with him while he promised me he will cherish me with love and never ever hurt me with all that in anyway , he used all thy but way worst to make sure he hurts every part of me . **What’s going on and what is all this happening ? What should I do ? How many more times to convince myself not to go talk to this man when everytime I alone I have no one else’s to go to ?**
When he came into my life I only had 3 friends all of them said he’s not the right man so I asked my cousin too all said to stay away from the man and the family isn’t good his family is also involved in black magic it sounds so absurd but he genuinely loves that shit he even told he helped a family member in a ritual but claimed he didn’t know anything about it
I had a feeling when I met him that he would be arrogant and would change his behavior with me and maybe completely changed once he got a but of money on his hands but so quickly I never would have thought. **Why would he do this all to me after everything he already knew. That family is absurd horrible people inscest things too it makes me puke even thinking about it**

I have a really unstable mom and an emotionally distant working father. Being around my mom brings back memories of her hitting me as child. She stopped hitting me when I grew up.

But the memory is still there and whenever we get into an argument that memory makes me more mad and causes me to say things I don’t want to say.

I am also forced to commute to college by my parents and I am not allowed to work or get a job.

They are very controlling and I realized I still have some unresolved trauma which I would like to get resolved myself. But I wouldn’t want to pay for a psychiatrist who probably won’t help and be very expensive.

I was wondering if any of you can hook me up with free or accessible resources online or in person

Before bed, I do physical therapy exercises, then spend 15-30 minutes on mental health therapy worksheets (currently doing Cognitive Processing Therapy), do somw deep breathing, then shower and brush my teeth, do my hair, etc. I'm usually pretty consistent with everything daily but I do procrastinate and some days I'll skip showering. I want to be sure I'm not hindering any progress by missing a day here or there with therapy worksheets if I'm exhausted, and not necessarily just avoiding due to anxiety. I already feel like I'm not doing enough (my trauma tells me I'm not good enough). Any advice?

I (32) am not traumatised, but my spouse is - she is in therapy, but she hasn't been game to tell her therapist the worst of what happened to her yet, as talking about it is very hard for her.

When she is feeling particularly vulnerable, she can express some very "unnuanced" black-and-white opinions (not any form of bigotry), and she can become angry if anyone offers a different point of view. This has caused her to argue with friends and also become triggered multiple times. Over time she has started withdrawing from this group of friends, and worse, stopped feeling safe around them.

On one hand I am a bit sympathetic to my friends who are getting their heads bitten off by my wife just for politely disagreeing with her, but on the other hand I really feel like they have failed to understand that they need to be way more sensitive when discussing certain topics with her. They all know she has PTSD and why.

I want to kindly take my friends aside and say, "hey, when she says something like this is the future, she's not asking for a sharing of ideas and viewpoints. She is asking for commiseration and solidarity. If you disagree with something she has said, then say something in support of her that you DO agree with, or just don't say anything at all"

Is this a fair request? It feels so selfish to say "please don't disagree with my wife :'(" but she is literally getting triggered by these discussions. Does anyone have any experience struggling with the same kind of problem with their social group? Any advice appreciated.

EDIT

Thanks everyone for your input and advice. I won't talk to them without my wife being present or without her permission. I reckon I'll seek also therapy of my own as a few of you suggest.

God, this is fucking hard. Good luck out there everyone.

I’m a 23-year-old woman who was recently diagnosed with autism, and I’m currently being assessed for C-PTSD. I’ve struggled with severe mental health issues for as long as I can remember, but in 2021 I decided to try, once again, to stop self-harming. I haven’t done it since.

There have been times when I’ve wanted to, especially last year, when I became seriously ill and was bedridden for six months because of disabling chronic pain while doctors kept telling me it was all in my head. I still don’t have a diagnosis for it.

I managed to finish university and I’m now working, but lately I feel like I can’t cope with continuing to do it. Unfortunately, I still have the annoying habit of needing food and wanting to pay my bills, so quitting isn’t really an option.

I know self-harm isn’t worth it. The idea of doing it again genuinely terrifies me, and I don’t even believe it would make me feel better. It’s more like a primal, overwhelming impulse. I don’t really know how to explain it. When it happens, I’m scared because I don’t want to hurt myself, but my body seems to want to react that way automatically. I sometimes end up sitting on my hands or restraining them as though they were wild animals.

During some of my recent crises, meltdowns or shutdowns—I’m still unsure which term fits best—I’ve started hitting my head. It doesn’t feel like a conscious decision or something I do with the intention of hurting myself. It feels automatic. However, I’m worried that it may be serving the same purpose as self-harm, even though I know that head-hitting can also happen during autistic meltdowns.

I never feel the urge to be violent towards other people. Instead, all of that anger and distress seems to turn inwards and become self-destructive. Over the past year, I’ve had the urge to self-harm several times, although I’ve always managed not to act on it. But during a crisis the other night, the urge became extremely intense, and I was terrified that I would lose control.

In the past, I was prescribed benzodiazepines as rescue medication to de-escalate these crises. However, my doctor discontinued them because I now take pregabalin for chronic pain. This means I no longer have anything that can switch off that frantic state in my brain.

The other night, I gave in and took part of one of the benzodiazepine pills I still had. I split it and took the smaller piece. It interacted badly with my usual medication: I had cold sweats, vomited, became extremely dizzy and developed a severe headache. However, it did stop that unbearable physical and mental state. I know that taking it again isn’t a safe or sustainable solution, especially because it was originally prescribed only for occasional emergencies, not for daily or almost daily use.

Lately, my only other way of getting through these episodes has been crying for hours until I eventually fall asleep. But this is no longer a viable coping mechanism for me, because it genuinely takes many hours and I need to remain functional enough to work, take care of my home and manage everyday responsibilities. I’m dealing with this largely on my own, and I can’t afford to be unable to function for long periods of time.

If I had simply cried until I fell asleep the other night, I probably wouldn’t have slept at all. I had to wake up 4 hours later, and I already knew the episode would last too long for me to calm down and get any meaningful rest. In fact, that is exactly what had happened the previous night.

I’ve tried different coping strategies, but it feels like nothing works for me apart from medication that I can no longer safely take. I need something that can help me de-escalate these situations more quickly. I’m not looking for an instant cure, but I do need a coping mechanism that can bring the intensity down within a realistic amount of time, so that I can stay safe and still be able to function afterwards.

I’m terrified of relapsing because I feel like seeing my clean streak return to zero would make me feel so ashamed and hopeless that I might not be able to stop again. I genuinely don’t want to hurt myself. I really don’t. I just feel afraid of losing control over my body during one of these crises.

Has anyone experienced something similar, particularly other autistic people or people who have been free from self-harm for several years? What distress-tolerance strategies help you when the urge feels physical and automatic rather than like a conscious choice, especially when you need to de-escalate relatively quickly?

It's been going on for months now. No matter how early i get to bed, i can't leave until the morning's almost over. Even if i have morning classes. When i wake up, it feels like there's this weight in my chest and i just want to keep sleeping forever. I'm in my last semester of college and i haven't studied or done any assignments in ages. I'm panicking at the amount of stuff i have to do but i can never actually do anything.

My wife and I are in a therapeutic separation. Both of us are working on ourselves with the hope we can come back together and give our marriage another chance. My wife experienced SA twice in college, shortly after we met and started dating. She has only ever told me about what happened and only shared one of them until recently. In couples therapy recently she shared that there was a second SA before we met and that something I was doing to initiate sex was triggering trauma for her. She shared this weekend that she is beginning to unpack the trauma with her therapist for the first time ever and this week was really hard for her. She asked for an extension on our separation (was originally 30 days). She said I might not like a realization she had but she said that she realized the trauma has been at the wheel for her unknowingly for a long time. And because of that she hasn’t felt like herself. She said she thinks she was drawn to me when we first met since I “didn’t find her attractive” in her words. (I do and have always found her attractive, I told her that after she shared). I think she may have been trying to express that I didn’t sexualize her or wasn’t after sex I was after a relationship. She said that she has started feeling more like herself again and feels like she may have been acting in part a certain way for me and that she isn’t going back to her old self. I told her im so sorry that she is in pain from unpacking this and am happy to hear she is feeling more like herself. I dont know what to think though if by unpacking this she is somehow thinking the past 11 years together was all her acting a certain way?

I've been wanting to get better, and heal from it but its has affected relationships throughout, im with a guy right now and i always fear theres ulterior motives i love him dearly, but i get so scared and keep remembering my past and what he did to me my SA, i want to heal and move on from it but im struggling to. What are possible ways to heal and move on from what happened to live in a healthy relationship

I feel like I have developed a problem with emotional sensitivity and overthinking.

About three years ago, I was a bright and highly focused kid. I could pay attention to my work for hours, especially to things I was genuinely interested in, such as rocket science and space. I used to learn a lot about these subjects simply because I enjoyed them. If someone said something rude or meaningless to me, I usually didn't care. I didn't overthink people's behaviour or worry much about what they thought of me. My attention naturally stayed on my work, my interests, and the things that made me happy.

However, everything changed when I entered college. I met some people who affected my confidence badly. There were conflicts, arguments, insults, and situations where I felt abused and disrespected. Unfortunately, I cannot simply leave the environment because I still have to complete my degree.

Since then, I have started thinking excessively about people's behaviour and about things that happened in the past. I often replay situations in my head, wonder why someone behaved a certain way, or think about what I should have said or done differently. It consumes a lot of my mental energy and leaves me with very little attention for the things I actually care about.

The biggest problem is that I still have to see many of these people on campus. Even seeing their faces can sometimes trigger memories of what happened, and then the overthinking starts again. I lose focus, waste time, lose motivation, and find myself doing nothing even when I have important things to work on.

I have tried to stop thinking about these things and become the person I was before, but I find it difficult. What I really want is to regain that old ability to not let other people's behaviour control my mind—to see something unpleasant, acknowledge it, and simply move on without allowing it to consume my thoughts.

I don't necessarily want to become emotionless. I just want to regain control over my attention, stop being trapped by the past, and reconnect with the curiosity and passion I once had for the things I loved, especially space, rockets, and learning.

I want to be that guy like if anyone insults me i should not have any care...I know it doesn't sound good but it is necessary for me right now.

I've had a lot of bad experiences in the past, and at night, even without trying to remember, I get this feeling that things from the past are happening right now. Even when I'm doing something fun, it suddenly comes back to me and I hyperventilate. It's weird, isn't it? I think it's weird too. What should I do?

I was raised to have a very skewed and nearly nonexistent one and now that I'm trying to improve I don't know how. I was taught bad things are good and good things are stupid (eg taught to use people and that that's good but that even feeling bad for people is shameful). I want to have a moral compass but idk how to get past the "People consider this good/bad; this will have an unwanted consequence" metric I've gone by. I mostly just emulate the morals of whatever group i'm with since I assume they know more than me on how to act. How do I form my own?

Hi, everyone.

I (20F) am struggling so much right now. My heart is completely broken and I am so scared. I’m having panic attacks every day. I’m completely overcome with guilt.

For context, I just (partially) escaped a very abusive situation with my mother over the summer after she put me through something that left me with a “trauma disorder” (per my psychiatrist. I don’t know exactly what that means, kinda vague.)
I just started my junior year of college about 2 weeks ago. I decided to stay in my hometown for this, as opposed to going back to the larger school I had been attending because it’s further away & housing is way more expensive. I know now it was a horrible decision. I really am not enjoying the school I’m at now, or being back in my hometown, & am filled with guilt. I was in no condition to make such a decision, but I had to, and I made the wrong one.

Anyway, let’s go back in time a little further. I did really well in high school, but I had no idea what I wanted to do & lacked confidence & therefore I didn't pursue any one thing enough to have the same head start as my peers. For example, my best friend knew she wanted to be a psychologist & literally started college as a sophomore. now she's on the way to graduate soon & start her doctorate which is amazing. I gave up a full scholarship to my dream school to be closer to my family, only to end up in a horrifically abusive situation for years & come partially out of it now with permanent and severe psychological damage. I also have been in complete survival mode the past 2 yrs so now I’m a junior & still have no clue what I want & am too deep in my major to change. Sorry for writing a novel, I’m just suffocating right now & need to get it out.

Any advice is appreciated. Please be kind, I’ve been through a lot 💗

Have you found anything that helps when it keeps you up at night or when it wakes you up in the middle of the night?

I’ve been struggling a lot with intrusive thoughts and memories about my SAs and abuse when the day is over and it’s dark and everything’s quiet and I’m supposed to fall asleep. And when I wake up from nightmares or dreams in the middle of the night it’s hard to come back, never mind try to relax for falling back asleep. Sometimes I’m just up for the rest of the night and sometimes I cry myself out or lay there until my body eventually gets so exhausted and I fall asleep.

I was in about a 3 year relationship where i was being sexually assaulted but at the time i didnt know thats what was happening but im starting to accept it now the only issue is that my body still holds trauma so when i try to go into new sexual experiences, i feel sad or bad feelings and it usually just ends with me crying during. I dont know how to go about healing this if ive already accepted thats what happened and i dont feel like theres more i can do does anybody know any methods to try and heal this to have a normal sexual life again?

I was wondering if anyone has any coping strategies for constant/residual guilt? I constantly feel like I’m misspeaking/saying something rude or mean, so when I actually do say something offensive or rude (accidentally, of course) I feel physically sick and unable to stop apologizing.

I think it might come from the places of not feeling safe to make mistakes, being afraid of blame, believing I’m undeserving of forgiveness/deserving of punishment so I punish myself, or a belief that my friendships can’t survive even small mistakes from me. I also have OCD, so I’m pretty familiar with the whole “Am I a bad person?” spiral.

All this to say, does anyone else experience this/have any advice for coping with it? I feel like a lot of people I know can take a “You didn’t know” or “don’t worry” and move on, but I just don’t know how.

Hi, I just joined to try and figure myself out. I've been struggling really badly with relationship issues. I came from an abusive childhood with a neglectful mother. I recently got a divorce due to an abusive situation, and both of those have made my social life a living hell. After my divorce, I pretty much immediately turned to three of my friends and started attaching to them in some pretty unhealthy ways.

That led to me exhibiting some concerning toxic behaviors that have led to all three of them stepping away from me to try to snap me out of my behavior pattern. I struggle with NEEDING people around me, and I find it difficult to be alone.

The reason I reached out to this community is to get some help. I'm in therapy, but trying to unpack all of that takes more work than that, I realize.

So I guess my main question is, how do I learn to be okay with being my own separate person, away from other people?