My mom needs help with decluttering

[u/grain-of-sky]

Found this sub and thought it looked helpful. My mom has a lot of stuff and doesn't know what to do with it. She gets really overwhelmed and wants me to help but I'm not around much. Her issues come from not knowing what to do with everything. Some of it is perfectly good and she'll want to sell it but gets overwhelmed with that whole process. She believes that donating clothes is the same as throwing them away because they'll just end up in a landfill anyway and so instead of doing either they just sit in her home and stress her out.

I have my own clutter problems that I've mainly solved by becoming kind of nihilistic and selfish about my clutter. I feel that getting it out of my space is more important than what happens to it afterwards, which may or may not be the right viewpoint but it's where I'm at. There's just so much guilt associated with old clothes and old products that she bought and never touched but doesn't want to get rid of because of that guilt.
I don't know how to help her besides throwing everything away and that's not what she wants

[u/joelene1892]

It sounds to me like it’s her mindset that needs to be addressed. A couple ideas from me:

Yes, some donated items might end up in the landfill. Some. But not all — if even some of them are sold, is it not still worth donating? Especially if you can donate them to a charity with a second hand shop, the ones they sell will support them.

Alternatively, is there a charity nearby that would just take the items? Especially for things like clothes — a woman’s shelter might take clothes donations, for instance.

[u/msmaynards]

There's a step between selling and donating that might appeal to her - giving away. No buy groups on Facebook, free on Craig's List and so on. I put durable stuff on the curb, take a few photos, write out what is there and post an ad on CL. I wouldn't put out books or clothing, messy and can be damaged by damp.

Selling is a lot of work. Sell in lots and there's somewhat less work and price lower than thrift stores at $1-3 per item and maybe it will go. Set a date and donate or give away when time is up.

Right now she's treating her home as a landfill. Stuff no longer needs must go.

I'm with you. Do not care what happens to my discards. Ideally it's treasure that makes somebody happy but if somebody takes the time to sell it and makes a living off that or it goes to the dump that's fine too.

[u/Wide_Breadfruit_2217]

Tell her about the whole clothes process for perspective maybe. It gets donated, then it often goes to dollar bin places, then sometimes overseas where people pick through again, then sometimes sold by pound to rag merchants. Things aren't commonly dumped right off bat unless heavily soiled, ripped etc. Hers probably aren't like that! My thoughts are-dumping costs shops money. They're not going that route without a fight.

[u/so_shiny]

If she wants to sell her clothes but does not have the time and energy to sell it herself, she could take it to a consignment store. If you want to make it really, really simple (and don't care about the $$ return much) use a consignment app like ThredUp, which recycles clothes they cannot sell.

I personally have given away a lot of clothes on my local BuyNothing group (donating direct to a neighbor) or donated them to local women's shelters (which allow women to take home entire wardrobes for free, so they often need new donations and do not go to waste).

For clothing which cannot be donated (anything worn out, soiled, or otherwise unwearable), you should hold a funeral for it (seriously) before tossing it. Idk why but saying a few words of gratitude to the objects can do wonders for the ability to let go.

[u/liedowndeaddog]

Look for your local Buy Nothing Facebook group. It is private to your city/neighborhood area. You can post pictures of items and people will coordinate to come pick them up. That way you can directly give them to someone else who wants or needs it without money exchanging hands through a corporation. If anything doesn’t get claimed, then donate. I for one would be ecstatic to find someone giving craft supplies in my group!

[u/jackaroo1344]

Can she donate her items to somewhere that will use them directly instead of a thrift store thaf is reselling them?

For example my city has a several Free Stores, low income people can come and shop for clothes, household items, etc but it's free for them. There are also Foster Closets where kids in foster care can get free clothing. There is also a Furniture Bank that takes furniture and household items and gives them for free to people setting up a home after leaving homelessness.

No one in nonprofits is throwing away usable items. Donate them to a nonprofit, or if tracking one down is too much effort post then for free on Facebook Marketplace for someone who wants them.

That way your mom knows somebody is getting use out of it and she doesn't have to worry about things going to waste.

[u/literalprofiterole]

I was hesitant to help my mom because we argue a lot but in the end I was able to help declutter because a lot of the apps were easy to use and upload photos to. I had all of them just have a weekend for pickups like a free yard sale, I didn’t do individual conversations because I get irritated at flakes and repetitive questions about measurements etc. It didn’t get rid of everything but it got the ball rolling.

[u/Murky_Possibility_68]

Set a timeline on the selling. Either do it and see it isn't worth her time or (more likely) it won't even get listed by then and out it goes.

[u/FluxitRed]

Are there options to sell via a professional service? That might be the most accessible solution here.

If you cannot help - which is okay - it comes down to: Does your mom's overwhelm outweigh her guilt? As long as the guilt is bigger, there won't be much movement, just resistance. And that may be okay, her choice. Sometimes a kind of threshold needs to be crossed first. You can be open about that. You will not be able to resolve her emotions, and more importantly, it's not your task to bear.

... or, you indeed help her sell. What might work is a compromise: She tosses x% while you sell her favourite / most expensive pieces, or since you are not around much, you offer a "I come one day and we pick what I sell, but not more". That's a handshake somewhere in the middle, which may make it easier for her to let go.