r/weddings • u/Technical_Ad414 • 5d ago
Kinda upset at how we'll get married
So my fiance (26m) and I (22f) have been engaged for a few months now. We're getting married next month and I don't know how to feel. I love him so very much but the circumstances around our wedding are making me sad. So for context, I am German and live in Germany, he is American and currently has to live in the US due to his visa situation in Germany (it's a bit complicated). He proposed before he had to leave. Sweet right? Yea, thing is tho, I knew he was going to, he told me, I knew the place, the time, and who we'd be going with. I had to put on a cheap ring from my jewelry box and hand it to him before he proposed so there'd be a ring when our friends filmed the proposal (which lasted like 10 seconds). I had to buy a ring myself so that I'd at least have an engagement ring so no one would ask (I would've been fine with a ring pop and he knows that...). Now for the wedding he said we'll do the self uniting licence cuz it's faster. I never imagined we'd just sign papers and call it a wedding.. he knows I want my grandma and my dad there but I guess that won't happen now.
I'm excited to marry him and call him my husband but I just wish we'd at least have a little ceremony.
Tldr; getting married out of country, no ceremony, no officiant, no family, no rings.. just paperwork. I'm very sad about it.
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u/Local_Gazelle538 5d ago
Are you just getting married for him to have a visa? Because that’s what it sounds like. He put no effort into the proposal and ring and none into the wedding. Doesn’t sound like a great start to a marriage.
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u/frostquill27 4d ago
thats what im thinking too, the whole thing reads like a checklist not a wedding
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
Kinda, otherwise he has no option of coming back home to Germany .. he still wants the signing filmed but it's just signing a paper. What's there to film?
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u/DaBingeGirl 5d ago
Yeah... why can't he go back? There are a ton of red flags here. Do not go through with this. He's using you for some reason.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
We've been together for 2 years. He's not using me for it. He has no other option of coming back home due to the Immigration office fucking up his Visa's and basically pushing him out. He has C2 german, he is able to work in the medical field and germany still wont let him.
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u/DaBingeGirl 5d ago
If there was a legitimate mistake made, he needs a lawyer, not a marriage license.
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u/Summerisle7 5d ago
Yeah idk how it is in OP’s country but in my country, if you’ve already screwed up one visa like this guy did, and had to leave, it will now be harder to get a new visa. Especially when you’re unemployed. OP could be looking at a long road
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u/DaBingeGirl 5d ago edited 5d ago
Yep. I know someone who fucked around by overstaying in another country. She got married thinking it would speed up her work permit. It did not.
To be clear, they're both assholes who are absolutely perfect for each other and planned to marry, the lack of jobs just pushed things faster. Anyways, her idiot husband told he they didn't needed need an immigration lawyer because he "talked to a friend about her visa." 🙄 She's back to living with her mom in the US and has zero hope of getting the visa issues sorted.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
Yea he came here on a language learing visa and later switched to be able to work. The immigration office hated that (they even insulted us to our faces at an appointment while providing no help whatsoever, we even had to bring a print out of a paragraph for a visa when they said it didnt exist.) After that they basically tried their most to get him to leave and eventually just said you have to leave in a month and that was that...
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u/DaBingeGirl 5d ago edited 5d ago
I'm shocked, shocked that the immigration office told him to leave.
Seriously, they did you a massive favor. You are in no position to get married. You're living in student housing and he doesn't have a job, this would be a disaster.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
he is starting one next week and i dont live in student housing it is a studio appartment.
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u/DaBingeGirl 5d ago
You said "student" in another comment, not studio. We'll see about next week, but the main point is that he doesn't have the legal ability to reside in or work in Germany. Marriage doesn't automatically solve every problem he has with his visa.
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u/redwallet 4d ago
With respect, do you love him?
Because his inability to work in Germany, at the end of the day, is NOT your problem. You are SO young, and this post has so many red flags that I am seriously begging you to consider calling it off.
I know it will suck, and it’s unfair for him about the visa, but he doesn’t sound like he loves or even likes you. Don’t legally saddle yourself with this man.
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u/DaBingeGirl 4d ago
Agreed. You're right, his inability to work in Germany is not her problem. A marriage license doesn't automatically give him the ability to work. There are still hoops to jump through and those will be extra challenging in light of his existing visa issues.
If he loved her, he's have at least brought a ring with him to the proposal. He'd also be talking about doing something in Germany with her family to celebrate. He's controlling everything, even "matching outfits," for signing the paperwork. JFC.
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u/Summerisle7 5d ago
Where is this “signing” taking place? Are you flying to the US or are you doing this “self-uniting” online?
What’s the rush? Maybe plan a small wedding or elopement in the US, or in a third country you can both travel to.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
Im flying to the US to spend some time with him and we're doing the self uniting there. The rush is, i can only stay for about 2 months due to my studies resuming in feburary and he wants to be back home asap too.
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u/Summerisle7 5d ago
Why can’t you plan a small civil ceremony, at the courthouse or wherever? “Self-uniting” is the cheapest most minimal effort thing I’ve ever heard of.
Will he have an engagement or wedding ring for you by the time of this ceremony?
Pro tip, (assuming you’re not a dual citizen): when you land in the US, don’t disclose to the border officers that you’re coming to the US to get married. You will not enjoy their reaction to that.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
I have an ESTA and clear return plans so even if i mention the wedding it shouldn't be a problem. I dont know if he has a ring tho. The self uniting is just the fastest and easiest for us to do as we can do it on a weekend instead of having to wait on the courthouse i suppose.
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u/Thick_Emergency8977 5d ago
In this sort of circumstance, I'd suggest you don't view the paper signing as a marriage yet. If you really want to go through with this, do, but plan an actual wedding in a year or two so you can still have all the celebratory events you want. This is a legal marriage, but really, it's your promissory note to each other that you will do better to provide a wedding both of you want. Also, make him get you a ring. You shouldn't have to buy that yourself, and if he can't do that simple task, I'd be debating if this was the right move and looking into annulment.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
Thank you, i'll think about it and talk with him about that.
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u/Local_Gazelle538 5d ago
Maybe it’s time to let him know what your expectations are. He’s treating this like it’s just paperwork, but it’s still going to be a marriage, and you want some of the romance and celebration around that - he needs to step up to give you that!
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u/Majestic-Living2829 5d ago
Yikes girl. You are only 22 years old, do not marry this man it will be a huge mistake. The fact that there was zero effort on his part proves that this is a massive red flag
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u/therealcherry 5d ago
I’m confused by the engagement. Why did you provide the ring and hand it to him?
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
He didnt have one for the proposal. I noticed and just put one on beforehand.
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u/Nishi1126 5d ago
Bad sign.
My husband proposed without a ring, but, it was because he wanted me to pick my own. About 2 days after he proposed, we went to the diamond district here in NY and I chose my ring.
He had no ring for you and no intention of getting one? Not even from a pawn shop or something? 😵💫
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u/DaBingeGirl 5d ago
This. My dad proposed without a ring, then took my mom to a jewelry store so she could pick out the shape and setting. Not even knowing if he plans to get one... JFC.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
He wanted to porpose within a year anyways but due to him having to leave he basically just moved it forward. I dont know if he wanted to get me one or not im not sure tbh
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u/therealcherry 5d ago
Girl, this a mess. Please slow down. An American man would know to present with a a ring (or at least discuss based on your preferences or culture). He’s not doing shit and appears to give zero thoughts to your needs and wants.
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u/poposaurus 5d ago
You dont have to do this. You should have the wedding you want, and especially have the people there you want
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u/kokopellii 5d ago
Honey…the effort he is putting into this is the effort he’s going to put into your life together. Are you going to be happy with your life together? The man couldn’t even buy a cheap ring from a cheap jewelry store. Has he suggested anything in the way of, next year on our anniversary we’ll throw a party? Or, we’ll have the civil ceremony and go out to dinner with dad & grandpa afterward? People who are broker than you get married everyday, and they still find a way to make it special. If he’s not doing that, I don’t think that bodes well for the life that you’re going to have.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
We are planning to have a small "date night" afterwards. We havent had any discussions about a party or anyting yet. We do plan on getting matching outfits for the signing which was his idea. We have lived together for a year before this and havent had any issues in our relationship (which was caused by him or me, always 3rd paries like the immigration office)
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u/JeanCerise 5d ago
Are you a willing, active participant in this relationship? Are your preferences, tastes, opinions ever factored in? Why couldn’t you speak and let him know what you want?
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
Yes I am and yes they are. It's just the only option we have ATM to get him home. We don't have the means to fly any of my relatives out or anything either but yea
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u/Summerisle7 5d ago
How will this ceremony help in getting him “home?” Do you mean you plan to sponsor him as your spouse to immigrate to Germany? Have you spoken to an immigration attorney to see how it would all work? Who’s paying all those fees, if you guys can’t afford an engagement ring or a wedding?
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
Yes i would be able to sponsor him so hed be able to apply for a spouse reunification visa which would allow him to stay in germany long term without a 2 month deadline in our neck every 2 months. He gets disability from the VA and we support ourselves with that atm as well as my student loans.
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u/Summerisle7 5d ago
Student loans? 🤦♀️ This can’t be real
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago edited 5d ago
We live seperate. I live in germany in my studio appartment so i have student loans. He gets the VA disability. I work on the side as well. I wanted to live on my own for a bit and learn adult things and such due to having lived with my parents before that and then immediately living with him so ive never lived on my own before. Its a good learning opertunity for me which i wanted.
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u/Summerisle7 5d ago
Is he ever going to get a job again or he will be living on his benefits plus whatever you provide?
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
He is training to be a Nurse, he has worked in an ER before and wants to do so again so he is working on getting his education for that so he can practice it in germany as well.
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u/DaBingeGirl 5d ago
How is he "training?" Is he in school in Germany?
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
yes he is in online school to get the certification he needs to work in germany while starting as a nurse in a nursing home next week.
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u/Alternative_Win4447 5d ago
You are too young and have too much life to live to settle on something as big your wedding.
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u/Summerisle7 5d ago
I’d say OP is “settling” on a lot more than just her wedding. Idk where OP found this guy but she should probably pump the brakes on marrying him
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u/Ok_Condition3334 5d ago
Marrying the person you absolutely love and planning the rest of your lives together is not settling.
A wedding is just a day, a marriage is the rest of your life.
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u/doinmybestherepal 5d ago
Not to be rude, but did you read the post? This isn't what she wants. That's the definition of settling.
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u/Ok_Condition3334 5d ago
Of course I read it and I stand by my position.
She’s marrying the most important person in the world to her — that’s the ultimate win, not settling.A wedding is a single day; a marriage is a lifetime. Op is still getting her "dream" outcome because her dream is to be married to the man she loves most in the world.
In fact, handling an unexpected logistical nightmare with grace, pivoting to a court wedding, and planning a celebration for later shows that this couple has a strong foundation.
They are prioritizing their commitment to each other over the performance of a party.
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u/doinmybestherepal 5d ago
She brought her own (used) ring in order to have at least something during his half-assed proposal. She is young, naively putting her own feelings aside, and not prioritizing anything she wants, just because she's desperate to get him back in her country. I don't think its this fairy tale scenario, so agree to disagree. I think we are both sending our best to her!
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u/Ok_Condition3334 5d ago
She is an adult.
She made her own decisions and she is comfortable with the decision she made.Who are you to tell her she’s wrong?
Being disappointed you are not having the wedding you dreamed of does not mean the marriage is a mistake or the man is not worthy of love and respect.These grown ass adults made a grown ass adult decision about their lives. You are seeing a very small snippet of what they have been challenged with and you chose to see only negative.
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u/DaBingeGirl 5d ago
She's living in student housing. She hasn't even truly lived on her own and is trying to support a leach with student loans. Immigration officials are saving her from herself.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
Wrong. i rent my own studio appartment and i am not supporting him financially as he has his own money from the VA. In fact he supports ME financially when my hours dont work out or my loan gets paid out late.
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u/DaBingeGirl 5d ago
We live seperate. I live in germany in my student appartment so i have student loans. He gets the VA disability. I work on the side as well. I wanted to live on my own for a bit and learn adult things and such due to having lived with my parents before that and then immediately living with him so ive never lived on my own before. Its a good learning opertunity for me which i wanted.
and
He gets disability from the VA and we support ourselves with that atm as well as my student loans.
That's concerning.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
How so? We both have an income, we both work, we both pay our own bills. We both agreed it would be wise for me to move/live closer to my Uni so i got my own appartment for the meantime. I got the student loans bc i wanted to. I didnt want him to have to pay for me as i dont like that. Yes before this i havent lived on my own, which was mainly my mothers fault (she was quite abusive so i didnt really have a way out for a long while). Ive been living on my own now for over a year and have gained experience and know what i need/want in a household etc.
Edit: the loan i have isnt like in the us. i get the money until i graduate, then i have 4 years before i even have to start paying it back. i am studying IT so within those 4 years i have plenty of time to save up/pay it off.
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u/Alternative_Win4447 5d ago
Yeah I suggest reading the post before you project your personal feelings about weddings
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u/Ok_Condition3334 5d ago
I suggest you try to comprehend that adults make decisions and you don’t get a say.
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u/Alternative_Win4447 4d ago
Not sure what that means. I fear OP doesn’t realize that they have a say here so my comments are meant to empower. If they want a wedding and that’s the dream, they should absolutely not settle for ANYONE. It’s not about your opinion. Save that for your therapist
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u/doinmybestherepal 5d ago
She began dating him when she was 20. Just because she is over 18 does not make her an "adult" as you say. And a lot of her decisions are not ones that a mature woman would make.
I think the vast majority of people here are trying to encourage her to realize that these conditions are not ideal for marriage.
Isn't that why she came to Reddit?
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
no. i came and presented my situation to see/ask if anyone had the same kind of feelings about their marriage. i wanted to know/see its not wrong to feel this way nor that i am the only one. marrying him will happen. because i want to. because i love him and know hes right for me. yes the circustances around it arent ideal, yes i wish they were different, however i shared only a small portion of my life with him on here and everyone is immediately judging and even calling him a scammer when i know what hes like and what we went through together these past 2 years. everyone except u/Ok_Condition3334 has been very judgy and hostile which is honestly quite heartbreaking to me. Younger ppl get married. hell ppl at my age get married all the time and no one cares. i know i have a lot to work on maturity wise as i am still in my 20s but thats what theyre for and i dont want that with anyone else but my fiance.
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u/doinmybestherepal 5d ago
I have most definitely not been hostile and judgy as you say, I - plus many others - are trying to let you know that no, this is not an ideal way to start a marriage. Its rather common for people to have blinders on when it comes to someone they love. You mentioned that your mother was abusive and that you've been on your own for awhile, which makes me even more concerned for you. I'm not sure that you are aware of what a healthy relationship could look like. It isn't transactional. YOU matter, your opinion matters, what you want and need matter. You're dismissing your own needs to compensate for what he can't - or won't - give you.
I truly wish you the very best! You are hardworking, dedicated, and seem incredibly kind. You deserve more than this.
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u/DaBingeGirl 4d ago
All of this. I agree with you that OP probably doesn't know what a healthy relationship looks like. While this guy might seem better than others and her mother, that are a lot of red flags. The whole issue with his visa is particularly concerning because she's blaming the government officials, not him.
To not even get a cheap ring or have any plans beyond a "date night" for their wedding is weird and devaluing. I'm not against eloping for legal/health reasons, but both people should want that or there should be a serious discussion of a party after. He's not taking her feelings into account at all. Not a good start. You're right, she deserves more.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
I am sorry, i meant almost everyone ive talked to so far, you havent been rude/judgy. I know its not an "ideal" start however you cant always have what you want and we know that and are okay with it. I have been in horrible relationships before so i made sure to take my time before agreeing to date him and such. He makes me feel safe and seen and we both support each other and he's helped me heal a lot from my trauma and made me realise what my mother did was not okay. (no he didnt tell me that, i realised from how he treated me compared to my mother and how she'd always scream at me). Thank you for your kind Words, i truly apprecciate them. He respects my needs and wants, however a traditional wedding is just not possible for us at this moment and i am just a bit sad about that which is why i went to reddit to see if theres ppl like me.
why does me living on my own worry you? (just curious)
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u/doinmybestherepal 5d ago
I worded it poorly, I am MORE than impressed with you living on your own! What worries me is how, based on what I was reading, implied that you were settling, that you wanted more from him than what he was giving you. I guess what I am trying to say is that things are usually at their best in the beginning of a relationship, yet you don't seem happy with what has happened and will happen soon.
Never ever forget that you are worthy of being loved, cherished, and supported at every turn. And always choose yourself first. ❤️
Sending you lots of Reddit love!
Edit: fat fingers lol
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u/Ok_Condition3334 5d ago
Being 18 is the definition of being a legal adult so yes, it absolutely does make her an adult. Neither you or anyone else on this app knows her, her maturity level or what she wants and needs but you know who does - she does and that’s because she is 100% a grown ass adult whether you like it or not.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
thank you
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u/Ok_Condition3334 5d ago
❤️
Don’t let Reddit trolls get in your head. Reddit is filled with people that love to take a few sentences and turn them into a know it all about someones life and inevitably, it ends up with Reddit trolls telling everyone to break up, they are being used, cheated on, scammed - I swear they all want anyone happy to just be as miserable as they are.
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u/Foreign-Client-426 5d ago
It sounds like he thinks this is a cinema trip on a Monday night deal.
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u/JeanCerise 5d ago
He agreed to a “date night” after signing a paper. A random dinner. That’s it. That’s her wedding. 🤨
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u/Secure_Highway_6917 5d ago
You need to wear a pretty dress and have a ceremony and have your family there! None of this just signing a paper garbage! That sounds like a dealbreaker.
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u/brownchestnut 5d ago
You've barely started even growing into your adult personality yet. Why the rush? Don't make a lifelong decision when you have barely started on life or learned who you are yet.
This man isn't on death row. He can figure his own damn life out without you marrying him. I've seen this movie many times and it never ended well.
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u/DaBingeGirl 4d ago
This. The rushed timeline is a massive red flag. I'm not sure what he's getting out of this, but it's sketchy AF. If he couldn't even bother to get a ring, even a cheap on, he's only doing this for visa reasons.
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5d ago
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
I can assure you i am german, i just spend a lot of my time speaking english so it feels more natural to me than my actual mother tounge. We want to get married regardless of the visa, however we are doing it now so he can have the benefit of it and come back home. Otherwise he'd be stuck in the US for who knows how long.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 5d ago
99% of the US doesn't consider a self-uniting license to be legal. Nor does a wedding ever take place in the US without a ceremony. He's lying to you. Don't rush into this. It's easier and cheaper to cancel a wedding than to get divorced later when you're gaslit for months and years.
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u/DaBingeGirl 5d ago edited 5d ago
Self-solemnization without a ceremony is a thing in a few states, but not many; I think it's only Colorado and
CaliforniaDC that allow it with zero witnesses. A few states kinda allow it for specific religions, but I'm not sure what the requirements are in those cases.Agreed that he's lying. So. Much. Gaslighting.
I'll just add that a marriage license doesn't necessarily mean he'll be allowed back in Germany. I know someone (American) who got married because they thought it would speed up the work visa process... it didn't. Nor did it allow them back in the other country for longer than the standard tourist time. In this case, like OP, they didn't consult an immigration lawyer. Always get a lawyer in these situations.
Eta: 🤦 Meant to type Colorado and DC.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 5d ago
California does not allow that. Colorado may or may not. Religious organizations still have to follow state laws. Immigrants have to follow the laws of wherever they are trying to gain citizenship.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
Butler county in PA does. We have witnesses and its for a spouse reunification visa. We researched it a lot before we decided to commit to it. We will get the marriage certificate apostilled and sent to my courthouse where i live to get it recognised, then he can apply for the visa from there.
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u/blackberryandmagpie 4d ago
As a 35 year old who waited for the right person and is now planning my wedding for next year, don’t go through with this. This is supposed to be special and meaningful and this is very clearly not that.
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u/Ok_Condition3334 4d ago
You really are challenged with reading comprehension aren’t you? Let me slow it down for you.
- Op is not settling, she and her fiancé have compromised to get the end result they both want.
- - Op is an adult and made this decision with her fiancé.
- - Your fear about what Op does or does not realize is completely unfounded. These adults made a decision together based on what is best for themselves at this time.
- - Your comments are not empowering. They are in fact condescending, patronizing and completely unwanted by Op.
- - Take your own advice and call a psychiatrist stat. You are much too in involved in Op’s business and her decisions and you are obviously projecting. Whoever the man is that ripped your dreams from you, make better decisions in the future.
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u/Ok_Condition3334 5d ago
It’s understandable that you are torn by this. You want the magical wedding moment and the happily ever after and you deserve that but it sounds like circumstances are requiring that you do it in an order other than traditional and that’s ok.
I had an untraditional wedding day that was not my dream wedding but it meant that my husband could have the people most important to him there.
That was over 20 years ago and we are still incredibly happy and in love.
For you, I would get married the way you need to now and then start planning the wedding you want. There is nothing to say that you can’t have a vow renewal or a massive celebration once your husband is settled back home and it will be as lovely as it would have been had you done it first but probably less stressful and more fun.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
Thank you so much, this reassured me a lot. I guess its just always the expectation of a nice wedding with family and whatnot that is kinda drilled into everyone and when a situation doesnt allow for it it just feels like you did something wrong and such... How did you handle the non traditional wedding? Did you feel similar? I just feel wrong for being sad about it
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u/Ok_Condition3334 5d ago
You are entitled to feel sad about it, it is a disappointment that you hadn’t planned for.
For me, it was similar, we had a very small, very intimate wedding and a very small reception at a local restaurant because his dad could only travel a very close distance and we both wanted him there.
I dreamed of the big, glorious, amazing wedding and reception that lasted all night with music and dancing and everyone we loved around us and I could have had that, my husband wanted to give me the wedding I dreamed of but circumstances changed and although he would have still given that to me, it didn’t feel right to me.
We planned a vow renewal 2 years later, made it a destination vow renewal and included everyone that we couldn’t have the first time so it was mainly friends and we had an absolutely amazing time with our friends and no pressure to fill any expectations.
I’m not going to pretend that the sadness went away immediately, I absolutely felt torn for a while but at the same time, I also married the man I wanted to spend my life with and that was my dream.
I did get past feeling like I missed out and having the vow renewal and party helped to fill that void. Even now, if asked if I would do it differently, I would not change a thing.
I got everything I wanted just in a different order than I planned and I have an incredible husband and a wonderful marriage.
It’s important that you are ok with the decision. You can’t hold it against him, if this screw up with his visa is not his fault then you can’t make it his fault. That will tear you two apart but you absolutely can share with him that you are feeling sad about it and you want to start planning the party you want now - whatever that looks like for you. Set a budget, start saving, make plans and follow through on it. It makes all the difference.
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
Yea im okay with the decision, we both talked about it when the visa issues happened and agreed to it as our best option. Its not his fault, its the immigration office. Im so increadibly mad at them. Thank you for sharing with me and the reassurance.
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u/Ok_Condition3334 5d ago
That is the perfect way to approach it and to acknowledge your feelings and come up with a plan to make sure you celebrate the way you want to.
I promise in time, the beauty of being in love and married to your person out shines everything else.
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u/sarcastic_prophecy 5d ago
that's a lot of emotional weight to be carrying right before what's supposed to be a good thing. signing papers is just the legal bit, you can still have the ceremony you want later when the visa mess is sorted out. my friend did the courthouse thing first and then had a proper celebration with her family a year later, nobody thought it was weird.
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u/curiosity92 5d ago
I got married in 2021 and couldn’t have the wedding I wanted due to Covid. We could have waited but so much was already pushed back. We also wanted to start trying for kids etc. we went ahead with our 10 person ceremony. I’m so thankful I still got married but it was hard to accept it wouldn’t be exactly what we wanted. Try and explain to him how much it means to you to show your love for him in a public ceremony. Even if it just means a few people. Buy the dress, hire a photographer! You’re getting married!!
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u/Technical_Ad414 5d ago
Thank you! This helps a lot :)
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u/curiosity92 5d ago
I know you’re being downvoted a lot but I also know Germans are very practical and straightforward. So I don’t think he’s in the wrong and neither are you. Just let him know you want to honour him and keep it minimal but you want to feel special for one day.
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