r/ABCDesis • u/AutoModerator • 9d ago
DATING / RELATIONSHIPS Sunday Relationship Thread
The weekly relationship thread for all topics related to the bravest pursuit of all - love. This thread will be automatically posted every Sunday @ 5:00 A.M (UTC -5). All other dating or relationship based posts during the week will be removed and redirected to this thread.
This thread is a place to share your stories, ask for advice, or vent about issues. Or anything in between!
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u/Legitimate-Union-475 Indian American 8d ago
35M Atlanta. Computer Science Teacher. Just putting myself out there. I'd like to meet another ABCD woman around my age. DM me if you wanna chat.
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u/Senju_clan_marauder 8d ago
I need some hope that things will be okay and some perspective from a “big brother” or “big sister”
I’m 24M and recently got broken up with by a desi girl I dated for 3.5 yrs who I basically thought I was going to marry. I’ll spare the story here but we had a lot of incompatibilities and she tore off the bandaid that I couldn’t. Although we had our problems (big ones) we really loved each other and in my eyes she was just such a good person and so so beautiful.
I think I’m doom spiraling. I know I’ve got time but it feels like the whole timeline just got messed up. I live in the Raleigh NC area and go to med school here and so I don’t really have too much free time and I also don’t really meet a lot of single desi women in my day to day. I feel like if I lived in NYC or Chicago things would be so much easier. I could theoretically find someone in residency but I’m looking to do surgery which is known for being very brutal work hours wise. Id ideally finish up by age 33 and I’m wondering if that’s too late?? Or does life just happen as it goes and I’ll be able to find someone? Already it seems like a lot of the girls I’d be into are taken and that also scares me bc I’m assuming it gets worse going forward…
Overall I just feel like my career path and my geography are gonna screw me lol. In the meantime I’m gonna try and work on myself by losing weight, gaining muscle, going to therapy, investing in friendships, getting better fashion, and trying to be a better person overall. I have high standards so I’m trying to put myself to those standards too.
Would love some advice and perspective
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u/djkarts_ 8d ago
As a desi you understand the cycle of destruction and rebuilding. You should re-read your last paragraph. Your creative energy is at peak. You want to create meaningful changes in your life. You won’t get this chance again. Channel this energy for good.
You had to lose the relationship to feel this way. To create a new thing.
30s are great for men. I wouldn’t rush into a serious relationship. If you find someone by all means but don’t make that a focus.
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u/corporate_gal 8d ago edited 8d ago
Totally understand the anxiety around this. I’m not a doctor but my older sibling is and being brown plenty of people around me are. First, you’re not in surgery residency yet etc. so while it’s normal to be anxious about the future, focus on actually getting into the residency programs rather than these things atm. Focus on what’s controllable which is working on yourself, healing yourself, relationships with your friends, family, and most importantly yourself. You need at least six months of not dating at minimum I would say before you need to start thinking about the “next” more actively.
Focus your energy on getting into residency programs where it might be easier to meet someone (e.g., in or closer to cities that are major hubs) vs will I find someone. It is more productive
It’s gonna be okay. As a dude,
the “clock” for you to find someone is more forgiving. The desi abcd dudes in medicine that I personally know had better luck than the women and it was easier for them to find someone they love (20s- mid 30s) vs the women
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u/SinghSanity 7d ago edited 7d ago
Week 25 Apps Update as a 26 Year Old ABCD Sikh Guy from the NJ/NYC Area:
Hinge: Weeks: 25; Likes: 6; Total Matches: 14; Dates: 1 (No change this week)
Dil Mil: Weeks: 25; Total Matches: 6; Dates: 0 (No change this week)
IRL: Numbers Gotten: 1; Dates: 0
Hinge (X-Games Mode???):
Nothing.
BUT! I had another one of those discounts for the X subscription for a month and I had plenty of Google Play Credits so I subscribed (again). Part of the reason was also because I'm off the last two weeks of October on PTO, so I should have more time to swipe and make it worthwhile. We'll see how it goes.
Dil Mil:
Nothing.
Thoughts: I have also been using Bumble now for a few weeks. (I'm not gonna keep those stats at the top) I'll swipe a little every day on there, but I'm not super actively using it, and have gotten 0 matches anyway. We'll see how that goes too.