r/AIO • u/MooseSpecialist6627 • 15h ago
AIO for being uncomfortable with my boyfriend living next door to the woman he cheated on me with?
I (25F) have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have had a long distance relationship the whole time.
Last year, I planned a surprise visit to him and caught him having an intimate moment with another girl in his room. I was devastated but he begged for my forgiveness, assured me he was going to end contact with her and asked me to reconsider forgiving him. I forgave him because I still loved him and I wanted us to work things out.
About 3 weeks ago, I visited him again and found out that the same woman had recently moved into the apartment next door to his. I talked with him about it and told him honestly that I didn't feel right about it given their past.
He started defending himself instead of trying to see where I was coming from. He told me she had just moved in and that nothing had happened between them since she moved in, that I was just trying to find any reason not to trust him. He told me I was overreacting and making a mountain out of a molehill.
He can't stop who moves to the neighbourhood , I get that and I'm not suggesting he's sleeping around again without evidence. But this is the same woman I caught him with and the only reason I knew about them is cos I caught them in bed together.
I'm not asking for him to tell her to get out or to pick a fight with the neighbour. I just wanted him to get why this made me uncomfortable, and tell me it's fine and not me, not to try and fight me on it.
I'm starting to think I need to let go of the past a little more. I did forgive him, so perhaps I need to try harder to believe in him.
AIO for being uncomfortable with the situation and expecting him to understand my concerns, or am I making an issue out of something he can’t control?
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15h ago
[deleted]
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u/MooseSpecialist6627 14h ago
Exactly, he didn't and he was now making me look like i was wrong for feeling some type of way.
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u/SweetPotato5566 14h ago
I agree. He could have defused this by telling her as soon as he became aware that she was moving in next door. He could have said, “I wanted to let you know that Sally is moving in next door to me. I had nothing to do with it. We don’t even talk anymore ( if that’s true). I know it’s a weird situation. I feel uncomfortable about it and I’m sure you will too. I’m sorry this happened, but I wanted to let you know as soon as possible, and let you know that I didn’t plan this and there is nothing going on between me and Sally. We don’t even talk anymore. (If that’s true.)
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u/Spare-Ad-8722 14h ago
Didn’t even read whole post WHY TF ARE YOU DATING SOMEONE WHO CHEATED ON YOU
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u/Ready-Goose7375 13h ago
What is the likelihood this woman so happened to find an available apartment right next to a guy she’d been intimate with? Let’s play devils advocate and say it was purely coincidental (it’s not), are you happy with the way your feelings have been dismissed in this crappy situation? If he cheated with this woman not being a neighbour, what are the chances of him staying faithful when she’s his next door neighbour?
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u/LincolnHawkHauling 14h ago
OP you dropped your big red nose that honks 🤡
NOR
Drop that boyfriend, relationship and situation immediately and find someone who lives in your area that you can actually see in person on a regular basis
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u/VirtualGhostVortex 13h ago
End it! He’s not trustworthy.
If you stay you will be uncomfortable all the time. A cheater is not worth it.
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u/BattleHot2240 11h ago
Are you overreacting to his girlfriend moving in next door to him so they can be close? Oh, honey..
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u/SOCH_founder 7h ago
Don't let go of the past. Let go of your boyfriend. He cheated on you with her before, and he'll do it again. He's probably doing it right now. You're worth more than this. Come on.
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u/viva-la-yorig 6h ago
NOR but leave him or leave us out of it. You've seen what type of person he is, either you learn to live with it because you love him or leave him because the thought of him behaving this way is worse than the idea of not having him in your life.
If you're going to continue this 'relationship' then that comes with accepting he'll -likely- be intimate with that woman & possibly other women. You can't change someone but you can change associating with them.
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u/Own-Mess3047 13h ago
I know everyone is saying just leave him, and they’re not necessarily wrong.
Another point of view though: how important is this relationship? Like, people have overcome cheating in relationships before. Rarely, yes, but they have.
So I think it’s more important for you to decide if this is a “forever” relationship for you, because if it is, then there are certainly ways to build trust back (including your bf getting the heck away from this woman/ whether that means moving or not is up for you, but you DO have a right to expect that he does whatever necessary to rebuild the trust).
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u/ColleenCook 15h ago
Guuuurl…he cheated and you stayed? It is time to move on along. You clearly don’t trust him, and it is super sus that she moved so close to him….she could have chosen ANYWHERE. IT IS TIME TO LEAVE.