r/AbsoluteUnits • • 28d ago

/r/all of a Toddler

25.9k Upvotes

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8.3k

u/Otherwise-Daikon-389 28d ago

2.2k

u/-Gumbercules 28d ago

This is the picture I send my dad for his birthday every year. His birth weight was 13 lbs and he was born in a rural Mexican hospital in 1956. I never got to meet his mom, my grandma, but I can only imagine giving birth to an absolute unit of a baby without any epidural in a non air-conditioned hospital in 100 degree weather was absolute misery.

1.1k

u/Intelligent-Fuel1485 28d ago

Wtf is that profile pic

923

u/MarcyAutumnWrites 28d ago

Doctor's pov for their dad's delivery

181

u/[deleted] 28d ago

[deleted]

234

u/Cool-Appearance937 28d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/uy3Sp5PcJ3jSE
Historical reenactment of his dad being born

41

u/Fattsacks 28d ago

I just had the strongest craving for some red Kool-Aid.

Crazy.

3

u/chalwar 28d ago

Jim Jones has entered the chat.

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u/Ok-Front8255 28d ago

Yeah, but probably not how he was conceived

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u/East_Ad_4901 28d ago

I mean, after a deliver like that, all the holes can become one.

1

u/GoodWinGamesStudio 28d ago

Your Dad... Didn't?

1

u/IAlwaysPlayTheBadGuy 28d ago

Theres a Rick and Morty song about doodoo in butts that confirms this, yes

1

u/IR_Acaboom 28d ago

Sit down jimmy we need to have a talk

1

u/ColForbinClimbs 27d ago

Aint all babies com from a butt ?

1

u/vikinglycan 27d ago

He was a butt baby

1

u/Familiar-Flan-8358 27d ago

Heard he was a real piece of shit

1

u/xavariel 27d ago

I deliver butt babies daily.

1

u/Connor2206 27d ago

I came from a butt once

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u/Technical-Leader8788 27d ago

It’s a butt/ vag combo when you have a fourth degree tear in birth with a baby that size. Vagina all the way to the anus, skin, tissue, and muscle.

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u/AngieM1998 27d ago

Dads delivery of poop or colonoscopy

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u/Moms-Dildeaux 27d ago

Or in one

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u/Chitownkinkfun 27d ago

When the baby is THAT big- sometimes the taint can tear and the butt and the vajin can become one with each other😬

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u/SomeOrdinary_Indian 27d ago

Maybe elephants do

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u/RobotGloves 27d ago

I've come from butts before.

1

u/SheepherderSilver655 27d ago

And the vagine. Ever hear of an episiotomy? 😆

1

u/saraiguessidk 27d ago

When the baby is that big coming out, sometimes one hole rips into the other one. Or just eclipses the other one if you're lucky

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u/Next-Contribution-18 28d ago

I concur, definitely a butt baby 👶

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u/NahManNotAgain 28d ago

Its 2026, apparently men can give birth now.

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u/Hephf 26d ago

😭😭🤣🤣🤣

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u/smartwatersucks 28d ago

It's not porn, it's a nude egg from their game they won

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u/Bixler24 28d ago

How is 1 egg 40 eggs?

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u/rabidrobitribbit 28d ago

I’m not in trouble AT ALL

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u/Skinnersteamedmyham 27d ago

I’m not in trouble at all

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u/kpip38 27d ago

i dont know, ive never gotten here before

1

u/icantaccessmyacct 22d ago

That's an emoji butthole.

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u/Kossimer 21d ago

That doesn't explain why it's showing me it's... you know 👇

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u/-Gumbercules 28d ago

A new emoji. It's definitely for everyday use.

11

u/scootah 28d ago

What’s it called? “Sunning my Root Chakra?”

3

u/OneDimensionalChess 28d ago

It appears to be a butthole emoji.

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u/epileptick 28d ago

This comment and then me looking at said profile pic brought me to a fit of laughter so hard I cant stop crying ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

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u/SpendHefty6066 28d ago

Goatse on his journey towards legitimacy.

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u/BigBungaaa 28d ago

Hilarious is what.

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u/BrondellSwashbuckle 28d ago

New emojis just dropped!

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u/Past_Effect8301 27d ago

Stuff dropping is exactly what comes to mind when looking at this emoji.

2

u/Santa_always_knows 28d ago

I thought it was Garfield. Dammit.

2

u/Used-Helicopter2024 28d ago

I thought it was Garfield. 😂

2

u/Mocsab 28d ago

😂

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u/long_don0van 28d ago

It’s a nude egg I won from my game.

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u/brodoubledown 28d ago

OMG! 😳

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u/KenzParkin 28d ago

Gumbercules? I love that guy!

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u/MumbleepegTheUglyPug 28d ago

That is Mac Tonight...a McDonalds character from the late 80s

1

u/ThatOldG 28d ago

A minion bootyhole

1

u/Majestic-Mobile9380 28d ago

It's a real story! Google it. This is just a dramatization but, it happened last month

1

u/chikari_shakari 28d ago

Chicano stuff you wouldn’t understand 😂

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u/DiMatteoArt 28d ago

I’m crying 😭 lololol 💀

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u/Nothing-to-add-here 27d ago

Homer Simpson resting his legs on a giant donut.

1

u/OgthaChristie 27d ago

Goatse emoji?

1

u/KeyPollution3566 27d ago

The last thing the Mason jar sees...

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u/AngieM1998 27d ago

😂😭🤣💀

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u/AngieM1998 27d ago

😂😭🤣💀

1

u/EPluribusButthole 27d ago

He's with me

1

u/headchef11 27d ago

Exactly what it looks like

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u/SrBaldy 27d ago

Best emoji ever I’d say.

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u/RobyneGoodfellowe 27d ago

It’s a butthole.

1

u/Searloin22 27d ago

It's comedy gold is what it is. Lol

Also a Family Guy reference, "Ugggh another puckered anus.."

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u/Wasatcher 27d ago

It looks like a butthole to me

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u/Roastage 27d ago

Soles and holes my friend.

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u/unxplaindbacn 22d ago

Holy shit I'm dying wtf man

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u/TolMera 9d ago

I see someone never met goatsee

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u/Moiahahahah 28d ago

Damn ! My father is born the same year, and he weighed 5.5kg at birth. Since he was born in march during a harch winter, my farmer grandpa couldn't take her to the hospital, so she gave birth in the hottest spot of the farm : above the stable, where the cow kept the room "warm". And I met my grandma : she's 1.55m (ans still alive !)

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u/azaghal1502 28d ago

Dude... I was around 1/3 of that at birth. (6 weeks early)

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u/grimreefer87 28d ago

1/4 of that here. 3 months early, 3 lb 6 oz. 12 is wild.

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u/notathingreally 28d ago

Grandma was badass.

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u/downsideup9494 28d ago

There was an old woman, deceased now, in my Mexican town, who gave birth to 25 children.

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u/ikannunAneeuQ 28d ago

My aunt had 5 kids that were all between 10 and 14 lbs lol insanity

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u/-Gumbercules 28d ago

My lord, her poor insides!

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u/BlueRunner305 28d ago

With that user name Are you as flexible as Gumby and as strong as Hercules?

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u/-Gumbercules 28d ago

I love that guy!

2

u/RobNHood816 28d ago

I was 12lbs 24inches and born at home ! Mom was a nurse and lived in a house with 2 other nurses. And yes I was an only child!

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u/PrincessPlastilina 28d ago

At least she gave birth in a hospital. Both my grandmas gave birth to 9 and 7 children respectively, at home in Mexico with midwives. Some of those babies were huge! I now consider it a privilege to be child free. My ancestors did not have the best choices. Even my mom had horrible birth stories at a good hospital. And one of her babies died. What’s crazy is that my grandmas didn’t have all these complications mom had even though she had doctors and hospitals. Midwives were something special back in the day.

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u/kmariie94 28d ago

After having a baby that was 7lb8oz without an epidural BUT in an air condition I can absolutely say yes your grandmother was miserable during the birth lol 13lb is INSANE.

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u/CakedayisJune9th 28d ago

Same, we called my dad 3’s. Born 13.3 and was 33lbs at 3 months. That goat milk was no joke in the 40’s

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u/ottertime8 27d ago

so did he grow up to be super tall or something after that great start?

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u/-Gumbercules 27d ago

Average height and build. 5 foot 11 and never more than 200 lbs.

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u/ottertime8 27d ago

i feel like he should have been 6'9" or something lol

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u/layz2021 28d ago

She likely has gestational diabetes

1

u/Amythist82 28d ago

That is a devious pfp

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u/Potential-Run-8391 28d ago

Gestational diabetes? 

1

u/troveofcatastrophe 28d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/ukGm72ZLZvYfS
Needs a NSFW plastered across it and perhaps an appointment with a certified therapist

1

u/Tiny-Ad4955 28d ago

Why do you send this to your dad.. unless you came out of your dads butt

1

u/The_Barbelo 28d ago

My husband was around 13 lbs and I’m honestly terrified about what our kid will be like. I was 8lbs myself which was no picnic. My mother needed a C section. I think I’m just gonna ask put me out and go straight to C section.

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u/Peas_Are_Upsidedown 28d ago

The profile pic, I get, but why double down on the nonsense with Mac Tonight??????

1

u/kittieswithmitties 28d ago

Good god, RIP your grandma.

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u/-Gumbercules 27d ago

Maybe, she hated all of her kids and told my dad he would amount to nothing. He wanted to prove her wrong so he moved to the states, attended college, and became a robotics engineer. She lived just long enough to see him start a family of his own and build a better life.

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u/kittieswithmitties 27d ago

Oh, in that case, RIH Grandma and good on your dad for being so large and doing well! 😒 She shouldn't have been comfortable for a second.

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u/galaxygal500 27d ago

I gave birth to a 10+ pounder, C-section, no pain relief. Epidural didn't go in right. Whatever they put in my arm missed the vein & blew up my arm. I screamed my lungs out. Mass pandemonium, doctors & staff yelling at me & each other. Baby boy was fine. I wasn't. Your grandmother went thru HELL. By 1 year old he was normal weight for his tall height, not like this big boy. He actually was really skinny, but tall, growing up. Hard to get pants for him until he was 20.

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u/-Gumbercules 27d ago

I don't know how women do it. I applaud you all, seriously. When my wife had our son three years ago she was in so much discomfort for 18 hours, even with the pain control. I've never seen someone so uncomfortable and in pain.

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u/Born_Scene_1762 27d ago

Your grandmother is a freaking superhero dawg

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u/Replikant83 27d ago

Hopefunny the hospital had really, really big fans!

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u/smbiggy 27d ago

I first read that as “he never got to meet his mom” and interpreted it as she passed during childbirth. Fucking dark as hell

I like your version better

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u/OtherwiseJello2055 27d ago

Dude, the epidural procedure was created and pioneered by a Spanish physician in the we early 1920s. It's been used for birthing procedures since the early 1930s worldwide. Even in rural Mexico , I find hard to believe she didn't have the option in the 1950s.

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u/AngieM1998 27d ago

Is that Cartmans close up of his anal probe 🤣

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u/tsjika7 27d ago

Nu dad was 13 lbs born 1958. Born at Home. Granny you are cool

My youngest was also 13 lbs born 2019

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u/Bushidoflack_117 27d ago

Did grandma pass during child birth by chance ?

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u/-Gumbercules 27d ago

1980, liver failure from diabetes.

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u/lawofsin 27d ago

Lmao my cousin was 13lbs at birth and no one ever believes me.

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u/OkTeacher9655 27d ago

Haha! My dad was a 13 pound baby born to his 4'10" 90 pound mother. The things our poor grandmothers had to go through.

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u/thtothrdude 25d ago

Yeah, I was 12 and a half pounds when I was born. But at least in the eighties, hospitals had air conditioning! lol.

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u/Rich_Examination7898 25d ago

Your father made the maternity ward look like a weightlifting gym practically

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u/thecheeseb0rn 23d ago

Can I have that pfp pls

1

u/-Gumbercules 23d ago

Sí

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u/thecheeseb0rn 23d ago

Cool! Dm it pls!

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u/59finz 28d ago

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u/MotoGirl2020 28d ago

The way this episode gave me nightmares

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u/itzBilly13 28d ago

Dear God yes! This one and the one where Chucky had the monster under his bed.

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u/sardonic_sensei 28d ago

I showed my son Rugrats when he was younger, and the one where Chucky was afraid of going down the drain in the tub made bath time very difficult for a sec. Rugrats is definitely more psychedelic than I remembered 🫠

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u/greetingassholes 28d ago

Yes I was terrified to take a bath. The slide episode made me afraid of heights or slides at the park only.

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u/Miraeam 28d ago

Would you try and go down them repeating "I'm a Big Brave Dog" over and over?

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u/DandyLyen 27d ago

The voice... ugh, I'm honestly still afraid, like, if it were to play randomly on YouTube, I might click away 😂

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u/itzBilly13 27d ago

Hi Chuckie

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u/LilRedds 28d ago

I thought I was the only one! This baby and his man voice used to give me literal night terrors as a kid! 😂🫣

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u/FriedBack 27d ago

Now YOURE NUM NUMS

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u/Miraeam 28d ago

Good lord yes. It was harrowing to watch.

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u/Effective_Silver_825 28d ago

BRUH YOU AND ME BOTH

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u/Effective_Silver_825 28d ago

BRUH YOU AND ME BOTH

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u/Slight_Passenger3778 27d ago

Me too😂😂😂

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u/CannonM91 28d ago

Yo wtf don't bring back my childhood trauma like that

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u/Vortain 27d ago

heck I forgot about this, anti-thanks for making me remember.

That aside, it looks like she's been waiting for him while holding a rifle in this screenshot.

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u/MelcusQuelker 27d ago

And NOW, YOURE NUMNUMS!

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u/JagmeetSingh2 27d ago

such a funny episode

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u/Glassfern 27d ago

Omg I was just thinking about this baby ! Hahaha

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u/MojoJagger 27d ago

I’ll probably never become a mother because of how much that baby scared me.

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u/HugeArmy8051 27d ago

Num nums

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u/devil_lettuce 25d ago

This awakened a memory I had buried away deep within my mind. Why would you do this to me

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u/DredgenYorMother 22d ago

I was looking for this

1

u/dev_nullvoid 22d ago

Whoa. Core memories unlocked.

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u/JinglySoil 28d ago

Which episode is this from?

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u/Upstairs_Ad_5574 28d ago

All I remember was Stewie saying "after Chris, my birth was very easy. I just walked out of there.. twirling a cane.."

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u/RedAndBlackMartyr 28d ago

Brian: "You're exaggerating."

Stewie: "Only a little bit, that's the messed up thing."

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u/ShotLet1550 28d ago

Fuck I haven’t watched family guy in like a decade but that got a good laugh out of me

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u/karma2879 28d ago

And before you judge your mother. You did most of that damage

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u/Pegussu 28d ago

Doing better than Francine. She tore from her v to her a.

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u/enaK66 28d ago

Family Guy is such a clip show it's so hard to remember what came from what episode. I can tell by the art it's early like season 4 or earlier. That's about it.

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u/CaptainSparklebottom 27d ago

I remember them saying they had to put her organs back in and it was going to shorten her life to 50 but it was worth it for the miracle of life.

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u/MeWant-SnuSnu 28d ago

Season 2 episode 17

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u/Glittering_Stress_32 28d ago

It was from one of the very early seasons.

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u/PhoebusAbel 28d ago

I absolutely thought of elephants lol

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u/AdvisorExotic380 28d ago

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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u/TheMostToastedOne 28d ago

This explains how Stewie was able to get out.

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u/NewSeason2026 28d ago

Hollerin 🤣🤣🤣

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u/thomkka 28d ago edited 28d ago

His name is Big Mac

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u/FirmlyClaspIt 28d ago

Good, Lois deserves pain because she cheated

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u/nikeguy69 28d ago

lol funny

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u/CyborgVelociraptor69 28d ago

I have a cousin who was born weighing 10kg, or so I was told.

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u/FierceEquator 27d ago

Omg. Lolololol.

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u/ChickChocoIceCreCro 27d ago

That toddler has titties!

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u/autismo-nismo 27d ago

This sent me LOL

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