r/AbsoluteUnits • • 1d ago

of Prince William’s bodyguard (William is 6’3)

Post image
2.7k Upvotes

136 comments sorted by

530

u/Razzopardi 1d ago

Future king should have a traditional knight following him around with a fucking long sword. Where is the tradition. Is nothing sacred anymore.

101

u/hhfugrr3 1d ago

Glad there's one other person out there demanding we go back to traditional British values.

31

u/Razzopardi 1d ago

Can’t just keep the monarchy and not acknowledge how they use to go for a stroll with the generals back in 1586. No respect to Henry at all.

9

u/UncleKeyPax 1d ago

long sword and a halberd for fan control

29

u/Kingtoke1 1d ago

How do you know he doesn’t have a long fucking sword?

8

u/farnnie123 1d ago

Fairly valid point seeing his height.

29

u/CaptainApathy419 1d ago

William should also be wearing a bright gold doublet and a ridiculously long cape. What’s with this business casual shit?

23

u/Razzopardi 1d ago

They don’t make them like they use to. These royals.

11

u/ModernMuse 1d ago

Also future king should at all times have a guy walking behind him clapping hollow coconut shells together.

3

u/Nooms88 1d ago

Bruh, never has a redditor been more correct in a comment

5

u/Razzopardi 1d ago

Well considering the lack of gun violence in the UK and high rate of knife crime and what not. A traditional knight trained in sword combat is entirely suitable and evenly matched. It would also be an awesome visual. Could double as real and genuine protection. Be an addition to the whole tourism element of the royals and yea if they need to cut some fucker in half well so be it.

2

u/shu-to 1d ago

His bodyguard should be fitted for a suit of armor, it would be great.

2

u/cjspoe 1d ago

they make anybody and everybody ova there! no sword and gun, nothing!

109

u/derpferd 1d ago

So he got Jack Reacher as a bodyguard

38

u/kangareddit 1d ago

I’d be more worried about the average-sized bloke on the other side (behind the Army officer)

16

u/ILL_Show_Myself_Out 1d ago

Yeah realistically you need one guy for close-up wrestling type crowd control and one guy (well, presumably a team) to handle an attack with real modern weapons. The latter doesn’t need to be an enormous man.

7

u/Eraldorh 1d ago

Why? Because he's wearing sunglasses?

4

u/Bluntbutnotonpurpose 1d ago

More like Paulie. Reacher was supposed to be 6'5" (which is a bit taller than Alan Ritchson).

1

u/kedgeree2468 1d ago

Jack Reacharound for William - amiright?

42

u/Toatkgstuff 1d ago

There's a third bodyguard in this picture that is much more discreet.

6

u/ToxicHazard- 1d ago

I see a second, where is the third?

19

u/AD1972HD 1d ago

Good luck finding them, they're just that good at going unseen

1

u/butterfunke 9h ago

Hiding in William's breast pocket

-8

u/DownwiththeACE 1d ago

behind the guy on right, nepobaby's left

1

u/ToxicHazard- 1d ago

You see three bodyguards in this photo?

1

u/DownwiththeACE 1d ago

ooh my bad, i misread

121

u/ST-deBurca 1d ago

"Sniper's dream" is his nickname.

34

u/sugarglassego 1d ago

Is that Gary Cheeseman?

19

u/ST-deBurca 1d ago

Thats him. A friend of Neil Overall who is Jerry Dungaree's son.

13

u/CirieFFBE 1d ago

Related to Steve Bytheway perchance?

3

u/Werliest 1d ago

Probably a Sergeant.

5

u/-_Error 1d ago

Long and thin, slips right in

5

u/broken-telephone 1d ago

Fuji 9

1

u/Sauvent 21h ago

A hand lion

20

u/moar_bubbline 1d ago

Anyone have his number, though?

14

u/Past-Bicycle5959 1d ago

Do you reckon all the royal bodyguards have posh accents too

5

u/WingIdDankRat 23h ago

I'm thinking Hackney

13

u/Heavy-Echidna-3473 1d ago

Crazy to think thats some mad SAS bastard too. I wouldn't want to spill his pint, thats for sure

6

u/razvanciuy 1d ago

That’s not a guard, that’s a guard tower.

11

u/Tutes013 1d ago

That guard can certainly body people. Jesus

4

u/ycr007 1d ago

Looks like the tall & bearded version of Karl Urban

11

u/AdventurousAbility30 1d ago

That's not his body guard, that's a member of the Ukrainian army 😂🤣😂

14

u/jlreyess 1d ago

He’s a few years older than I am. When growing up, I remember girls all over the world going crazy about him and he was in all teen magazines pretty much 24/7. My sister had him all over her room. I need to thank my parents genes that I still and will mostly like have a full set of hair until I die.

Why on earth is he still not embracing baldness? Going bald and not getting rid of the hair on the sides really makes him look like a generic middle aged guy who didn’t age too well.

19

u/Psy_Kiik 1d ago

Um, that is is the definition of embracing baldness. Shaving it all off is the opposite if you've lost everything on top the way he has. Ask yourself, which choice is more vain?

2

u/Ok-Camp-7285 1d ago

No it's not, he hanging on to the remaining strands 

5

u/Psy_Kiik 1d ago

What strands? Does he have anything left on top at all? I call this embracing baldness, not shaving it all off to present otherwise.

2

u/Ok-Camp-7285 1d ago

Yes you can see whispey bits on the top and the sides are clearly still there. Embracing means just accepting and being bald instead of holding onto the last bits

1

u/Wanted_Solicitation 1d ago

Shaving is also embracing, but in a way you look less like a twat.

3

u/Psy_Kiik 1d ago

People keep saying stuff like this, the social pressure to shave your head when balding is pretty crazy IMO. No one wants to look a twat.

-8

u/turkshead 1d ago edited 1d ago

Men with shaved heads all look like twats.

Edit: male pattern baldness is a sign of virility. It's a sexy trait. Shaving your head like an 80s wwe villain just makes you look like you're insecure about getting old, especially since everybody can see the hair shadow.

3

u/lotus_felch 1d ago

I assure you it looks a lot worse when I don't shave it. I am not pretending to not be bald. Admittedly I don't use a razor, but only cause I'm lazy.

1

u/jlreyess 1d ago

Yes virility

1

u/phido3000 1d ago

I don't like the idea that being bald makes you look like a twat.

I'll make sure to show your message to the kids with cancer who are warming themselves in the morning sun.. little twats.

0

u/turkshead 1d ago

You're touchy and you can't read

0

u/phido3000 23h ago

Men with shaved heads all look like twats.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-07-03/john-mcneur-on-pancreatic-cancer-diagnosis-awareness/106872600

The fact that you used the word all.

All I am trying to do is promote thinking before people start adopting words and extremist stereotyping views based on no facts.

The idea that you are a twat is you don't have a luxurious head of hair is absurdly discriminating to all men, women, children etc.

I know what you mean, but Pitbull had to message John Travolta for over 10 years of encouragement before Travolta finally decided to embrace his own body and shave his head. A completely normal, non political, non social thing. You may hate Pitbulls music, but you have to admire his encouragement.

This sort of extreme prejudice is why people remain closeted about their sexuality, their personality, and their health. It breeds insecurity, fear and stress, for no reason.

Touchy? Maybe. But as Mr Inbetween said, the world if full of arseholes because people let them get away with it.

0

u/Many_Wear2807 1d ago

Typical woman trying to police men’s bodies. Did it cross your mind that we do it for ourselves instead of your sexist standards?

0

u/turkshead 1d ago

Hur hur hur

0

u/jlreyess 23h ago

Your dad was/is a baldy with ridiculous hair on his sides, isn’t he?

0

u/jlreyess 1d ago

Neither of them is vain. He’s clinging to his remaining fuzz. One does look better than the other. Way better.

0

u/Psy_Kiik 1d ago

That is a contradiction, right? He’s unlikely 'clinging', more likely just cutting his hair and the only hair he has left is at the back and sides.

3

u/AlwaysGoForAusInRisk 1d ago

Makes sense for the profession tbh. The taller you are the better you see into crowds, where royalty primarily engages with and assassinations are common threats. Being tall also means he provides more effective meat cover from say a sniper round. And he's clearly insanely strong. I'm surprised we don't see more of this kind of bodyguard. Probably got something to do with the egos of people who typically need them l.

3

u/romulusnr 1d ago

bro's got a guard for his guards

2

u/JD-Quad 1d ago

The Terminator

2

u/mindgardening 1d ago

I’m 5 foot and had a date with a 6’8 man.  It felt super awkward and ridiculous.  I’m not into giants, which reduces my dating pool by about 85% where I live.

1

u/Infamous_Lunchbox 20h ago

I gotta ask where you live, generally, that giants are normal?

1

u/ForkertBrugernavn 19h ago

Maybe the Netherlands or Balkans. 

2

u/cheekynative 1d ago

Puppey is that you?

2

u/turkshead 1d ago

I like how he's the one in plain clothes, like "oh, we'll put him in a hiking coat and nobody will suspect a thing."

2

u/dendenwink 1d ago

(whistles) That's a big sum'bitch roight there

1

u/eggard_stark 1d ago

Snipers dream.

1

u/Wart_Time_L32 1d ago

Id go for the legs, he looks abit like a giraffe, a hopeful weak point from the bean pole.

1

u/One-Initiative2609 1d ago

jack reacher would 100% fit into this squad, love this energy

1

u/Zucchini-Dean 1d ago

I'd be more worried about the gaurd with sunnies on you can barely see

1

u/tremble_lip 19h ago

The square mass of inverse proportions means he may be big, but can barely move.

1

u/KAPMODA 19h ago

Cool jacket

1

u/DeadandForgoten 19h ago

Got some skinny arse legs on him though hasn't he.

1

u/Rude_Rhubarb1880 18h ago

That’s Gary Barlow’s son but he is actually standing over 100metres behind William in this photo

1

u/TJ_McWeaksauce 15h ago

He looks like the younger brother of the giant dude whom Reacher fought in season 3.

1

u/NeoNova9 12h ago

You should have seen the security for this korean actor in busan the other day . I thought the Korean president was gonna show up . Mofos were some of the biggest people i have seen .

1

u/Malpraxiss 10h ago

Similar to why people claim Napoleon was short, while being around the average height for men in France in those times.

Bro's bodyguards were massive men.

I'm 183 cm with some muscle, but if you put me next to rugby/united states football players who are 193 cm+, I will look tiny.

1

u/goseephoto 26m ago

Classic fake arm and hand!

1

u/Slim-Shmaley 1d ago

Wills needs to visit r/bald

2

u/fuckyourcanoes 1d ago

So does Harry.

1

u/HEKATRONIX 11h ago

Harry looks ridiculous because he is afraid of looking like his father and brother.

He thinks he is giving confidence to men.

4

u/Geekenstein 1d ago

Not everyone cares.

0

u/CaretakerColin 1d ago

He looks ridiculous

4

u/Geekenstein 1d ago

I’m sure your opinion on this matters to a hereditary monarch with a gorgeous wife and all the money he could ever need.

0

u/luk__ 1d ago

6’ 3” = 1,905 m

5

u/My_Favourite_Pen 1d ago

nearly 2 kilometres?

Guys really do lie about their heights.

0

u/luk__ 1d ago

Yeah that’s Reddit app conversion, it’s 1.9 m

0

u/Ghost_of_Gumby 1d ago

That's a make-me-look-older beard if I ever saw one. He has a very young-looking face. Not that I blame him.

0

u/ohimnotarealdoctor 20h ago

Brother, please shave your head already.

-3

u/B4SK3R 1d ago

As a tall person, I've gotta say, they don't impress me, the tall people.. You can't train your chin..

-10

u/haskpro1995 1d ago

Didn't this guy leave to Canada or some shit?

-12

u/FenixOfNafo 1d ago

That's the other Prince . I think Andrew formerly Prince andrew

13

u/GudgerCollegeAlumnus 1d ago

That’s Prince Harry and he’s quite different from Prince Andrew.

-7

u/spucci 1d ago

Yup he's totally gay

3

u/RodMunch85 1d ago

Nah. Andrew is the noncey uncle

-11

u/seweso 1d ago

Only using feet and inches makes you look American. Not a good look

2

u/Randy_Magnums 1d ago

How much is that in Stones?

-26

u/BuildAnything4 1d ago

crazy to see how short british servicemen are. i guess that's why they're the grunts.

10

u/ZeltbahnLife 1d ago

If William is 6’3” I’m thinking they’re in the 5’10”-6’ range. Seems pretty average.

-10

u/BuildAnything4 1d ago

William isn't that tall. That's just the height they advertise for the tourists. the soldiers are about 5'6-5'8

7

u/ZeltbahnLife 1d ago

Of all the conspiracies involving the royals this one is my new favorite because it’s so benign.

-4

u/BuildAnything4 1d ago

The Rock is also advertised at like 6'5, turns out he's around 6'1

5

u/Background-Factor817 1d ago

Those aren’t grunts, one is a Captain and the other is a Major.

-4

u/BuildAnything4 1d ago

that's just fancy titles they hand out to make them feel better

3

u/Background-Factor817 1d ago

A commission you mean?

Fair enough, I wasn’t an Officer when I was in; just looked after them.

-1

u/BuildAnything4 1d ago

yes. even the prince isn't really a prince. The UK is run by an elected parliament.

3

u/Background-Factor817 1d ago

I wasn’t talking about how the UK is run, I was talking about the ranks of the Officers which you called grunts.

He’s definitely a prince though, the UK is a constitutional monarchy, not sure why you’re bringing this into the conversation?

1

u/BuildAnything4 1d ago

also, if william wanted you executed, do you think he could demand it? if no, then he's not a real prince.

2

u/Background-Factor817 1d ago

We don’t live in a dictatorship where you can execute people Willy nilly.

Even in England during medieval times , a prince executing a random person for no reason is going to result in dire consequences.

This seems like a really weird point to argue,

1

u/BuildAnything4 1d ago

medieval times were no fairy tale, let me tell you. It's not like the Disney movies.

0

u/BuildAnything4 1d ago

i was agreeing with you?

6

u/Street-Leg4212 1d ago

They are just average British guys