r/AmItheAsshole • u/Big_Cartographer5194 • 1d ago
Asshole AITA For Making my girlfriend drive herself home when she was sick?
My (22m) girlfriend (23f) had been feeling a bit sick last weekend. She came over last Friday, spent the night, I made us dinner and took care of her and all that. The next day, I actually did have plans to hang out with some friends, and I don't really feel comfortable leaving my girlfriend at my place when I'm not there so I was kind of nudging her to see herself out.
She asked why she had to leave since it'd just be her and my sister (parents are away and will be for some time, my sister lives two floors up), and I told her that I just didn't think she'd want to be here if I wasn't home, even if she was just resting or whatever. I told her i could drive her home, and after that her demeanor really changed when i suggested she head out. She ended up driving herself home. She got home fine. and when I texted her after the hangout with my friends, she was being very short with her responses. One of the friends i was with, she said I was kind of a dick for just leaving her to dilly dally. But, I'm 22 and my life can't just stop because of someone I've been dating for like 6 months.
I ended up calling my gf, and when I asked her what was wrong she called me a d**k for making her leave and making her hang out by herself when she wasn't feeling well and hung up. AITA?
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u/Wombat_Sue Partassipant [1] 1d ago
YTA you should have looked after her or at least let her stay. Have some basic decency. It's not even about her being your girlfriend or how long you have been dating. Your life would have stopped because you would miss one party/hang out with friends? Jesus. I am pretty sure she would have looked after you in this scenario. Release this poor girl so she can hopefully find someone nice.
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u/Big_Cartographer5194 1d ago
"Someone nice" I cooked for her, made her dinner, and let her sleep over. You don't think I was being nice?
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u/That1GuyNate 1d ago
That's bare minimum when a partner isn't feeling well. Want a fucking cookie or something?
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u/madra-perro 1d ago
I love how cooked for her and made her dinner are presented as 2 things lol
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u/Mysterious_Pack_7822 1d ago
Don’t forget he let her sleep over too, what a gentleman
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u/Big_Cartographer5194 1d ago
I live closer to her job than she does, so how is me letting her sleep over, shower, freshen up right after work not something nice? I could've just let her go home and doordash something.
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u/Wombat_Sue Partassipant [1] 1d ago
I am not sure if you are just immature. Dude, she is you girlfriend. She is not an acquaintance.
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u/PinkPandaHumor 22h ago
The OP said "I don't really feel comfortable leaving my girlfriend at my place when I'm not there" If that's true after 6 months, maybe she is just an acquaintance.
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u/riseandrise 1d ago
You did something moderately nice then cancelled it out by doing something moderately mean - meaner than you were nice. So really you’re at negative niceness now. Your behavior seems to say you don’t care about her that much. If that’s not true, you need to adjust your behavior so it accurately reflects your feelings, otherwise you will lose her (if you haven’t already).
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u/randomrox 1d ago
What kind of relationship do you have where “letting her sleep over” after six months of dating is a special thing?
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u/ShiroLovesKeith 1d ago
YTA why did you let her come to begin with?? why didn't you make the visit?
and if you're "just 22" 'cnd can't stop living your life over someone you've been with for juuuust 6 months maybe you don't care about her?
Let her go so she finds something better
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u/Big_Cartographer5194 1d ago
6 months isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things. Also, at 22/23 there's still a chance that people break up and seperate, so you can't not live your life over relationships that have a chance to fail.
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u/Ramaen 1d ago
Jesus christ dude it doesn't matter how long you have been together a dick move is a dick move, if your friends kicked you out while you were sick to hangout with other friends like dude wtf, you are why women hate men.
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u/madra-perro 1d ago
People also separate in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s. Your logic suggests perhaps a phobia of commitment.
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u/True-Blackberry-3080 Partassipant [4] 1d ago
I had been dating a guy for six weeks. I got sick and he canceled plans with his friends to take care of me. We were 21 and 22. There was obviously a chance we wouldn't work out. He still acted like a decent person and that showed me how he prioritized and balanced relationships. We lasted.
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u/ShiroLovesKeith 1d ago
Well you clearly won't learn so I hope that mentality bites you in the ass eventually when all your relationships fail and you're all alone
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u/emrys_estuary 1d ago
Kicking your sick girlfriend out of your apartment to hang out with friends instead of letting her rest quietly, and then driving herself home while unwell, was harsh and unsupportive.
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u/punkrockdog 1d ago
YTA. You've been dating for six months; this isn't someone you hooked up with a week ago. It doesn't sound like you had particular plans with your friends other than just "hanging out" (confirmed by your friend saying you left your gf to dilly dally). Staying with your partner when she doesn't feel well, or even just letting her rest at your place (which, at 6 months in, seems like an odd thing to still be uncomfortable with if the relationship is good) isn't "putting your life on hold", it's having basic compassion. Ffs.
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u/Phonecian_Prophet 1d ago
I have had strangers be nicer and more considerate of me than you are to your girlfriend of six months. YTA, big time, please stop wasting this poor girl’s time and let her be with someone who actually likes her.
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u/SoftJicama3607 1d ago
YTA. this isn't just a stranger but your girlfriend. you're not obligated to stay home with her all day cause she's sick but why is it such an issue to leave her to rest at your place? if you're really that uncomfortable for whatever reason, that shouldve been discussed before this situation happened cause then you put her in an uncomfortable position too. and im sure if you were sick you wouldn't want to be on the road driving, and depending on how sick she was, it can affect your cognitive function and even make it harder to drive.
but honestly the problem here isn't even just letting her stay or taking care of her. saying things like "i can't stop my life for someone ive been with for only 6 months" just sounds like you don't even care about her that much. 6 months or not, you decide to get with this person because you had feelings and want to plan a future. if you're not ready for this commitment, then don't date.
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u/_Sensible_Shoes 1d ago
YTA and your responses trying to defend yourself (doubling down) is making this a more definitive yta. Sure, six months isnt that long, but this is also the period of where someone can decide if their partner is going to be an actual person that will show up and be supportive. I guess she is lucky that you have shown your cards sooner than later.
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u/Mermaid-Grenade 1d ago
You are not ready nor mature enough for a committed relationship. Period. YTA
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u/Competitive_Prune108 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Did she know you had other plans for the afternoon or did you just spring it on her. If she was already planning to leave then started feeling sick you should have driven her home. If she didn't know you were going to kick her out, you're absolutely TA. If you have firm boundaries about her not being there when you're not home, reddit is being hypocritical because reddit always says to set and enforce boundaries
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u/RivSilver Asshole Aficionado [19] 1d ago
I mean, setting and enforcing boundaries is generally a good thing. It's just that boundaries aren't all created equal. Some make you an asshole even when it's your free choice to set and enforce them
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u/Lordofravioli 1d ago
to add to what others are saying YTA because it's kinda rude to be spending time with a sick person and then going to a gathering of people, possibly further spreading whatever she has and making them sick.
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u/majesticjewnicorn Pooperintendant [66] 1d ago
YTA hugely. Your girlfriend was sick. Letting her drive herself home was an AH move, because what if she was distracted by her symptoms and something terrible happened? You didn't specify what exactly her sickness was, so I'm not sure if it was contagious (which, if so, you could've easily transmitted her sickness to one of your friends and if they had immunocompromised family that would be dangerous).
You should have either stayed home to take care of her (if this social gathering was a routine get together then missing it once would not have been such a big deal), or insisted you take her home on your way out. Yes, it's only been 6 months together, but it is at this stage whereby you both get to know who is supportive during the bad times).
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My (22m) girlfriend (23f) had been feeling a bit sick last weekend. She came over last Friday, spent the night, I made us dinner and took care of her and all that. The next day, I actually did have plans to hang out with some friends, and I don't really feel comfortable leaving my girlfriend at my place when I'm not there so I was kind of nudging her to see herself out.
She asked why she had to leave since it'd just be her and my sister (parents are away and will be for some time, my sister lives two floors up), and I told her that I just didn't think she'd want to be here if I wasn't home, even if she was just resting or whatever. I told her i could drive her home, and after that her demeanor really changed when i suggested she head out. She ended up driving herself home. She got home fine. and when I texted her after the hangout with my friends, she was being very short with her responses. One of the friends i was with, she said I was kind of a dick for just leaving her to dilly dally. But, I'm 22 and my life can't just stop because of someone I've been dating for like 6 months.
I ended up calling my gf, and when I asked her what was wrong she called me a d**k for making her leave and making her hang out by herself when she wasn't feeling well and hung up. AITA?
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u/sheronda5 21h ago
Yta my bf never let me go home alone when we was younger and he didn't had a car he walked me home because we care about each other
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u/ServelanDarrow Supreme Court Just-ass [119] 10h ago
After six months, and with your sister living in the house, I don't think it's too weird of you; especially since you offered to drive her home. On her side of it, I can also see her just wanting to stay at your place and sleep (but I'm not sure why she didn't take your offer, even if she needed to let you know it annoyed her.) I'll go NAH.
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u/19carp68 1d ago
YTA majorly. I'm glad she's seen you for what you are so don't be surprised when she dumps you.
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u/ConflictGullible392 Supreme Court Just-ass [113] 1d ago
ESH. I’m not sure why she came over at all if she was sick.
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u/Bethie1977 1d ago
NTA. You had prior plans. You did all the nice things. If she was at death's door, which she wasn't, different story. Personally, I would feel better being at my own place when under the weather. She probably wanted to snoop. Lol
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u/AGWentworth 1d ago
NTA. You offered to drive her home. I think that it's very smart of you to not leave her alone in your home and to still be cognisant of the level of your relationship so early on and while your both so young.
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u/DaveyDumplings Partassipant [3] 1d ago
If you've been dating someone for 6 months and still think they can't be trusted in your home alone, you should stop dating them.
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u/AGWentworth 1d ago
6 months at 22 is different than 6 months at 30, plus he doesn't live alone. He has his family to consider too.
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u/RivSilver Asshole Aficionado [19] 1d ago
If after six months you don't trust your girlfriend to spend time with your sister unsupervised by you, you've either got bigger problems or trust issues
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u/Big_Cartographer5194 1d ago
Looking through your post history, you're clearly at least 30. You don't know how some people are these days
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u/punkrockdog 1d ago
Age really isn't all that relevant in the context you're using it. I'm gonna reiterate what the other commenter said: If you can't trust your girlfriend of six months , not just "some people these days", alone in your house, why is she your girlfriend?
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u/DaveyDumplings Partassipant [3] 1d ago
You used the term 'dilly dally'. Im not convinced you're not 80.
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u/AngelicSabotage 1d ago
You are the dick 100%