r/AmItheAsshole • u/stJimmy-04 • 8h ago
AITA for acting on assumption and reporting someone for indirect harassment when I didn't feel secure at school?
I (16F, who has AuDHD) was a Sophomore in HS when everything happened in January. He (17M) was a Junior in my 9th period gym class. The class was a small cardio room, not a large school gymnasium.
As a person with AuDHD, I am very socially deprived. At the same time, however, I also really wanted to have a tight friend group, or even at some point; a partner.
He walking towards a piece of workout equipment and I was walking towards his direction. He performed an odd action, like he paused then gasped for no apparent reason. Then, he seemed to go back to the backpack area (it was behind a receptionist desk) and just sit still and "hide"? At the time, it seemed like clumsy attraction.
I began to notice more of his actions afterwards, but I was also just paying attention to him. I read all of these actions as "socially awkward with interest". The most he did was brush against me in the halls, prolonged eye contact, etc. Honestly, I enjoyed this perceived attention and he seemed cute at the time.
However, as the year progressed it became a really complex issue. People began to react to me differently, and I began to view his actions in a different way. My friends and I became very distant, and people in the halls began to make faces at me and even his friends would pass me in the halls- they would make faces or they would smirk at me.
I became highly anxious at the end of April (Mind you, I experienced medical and mental health issues from March to June) and I became confused and hyper-vigilant of my surroundings.
At the beginning of May, I did find interest in another guy- who was interested in me as well, but suddenly, they pulled away from me and began giving me silent treatment for 2 months. I became very anxious after this, and I retraced my steps back to the 1st guy. So, at the beginning of June, I reported him to the principal for indirect sexual harassment. I did not feel secure much longer and I began to view his actions in a different way.
Over the summer, I began to think everything over and I still thought that he had interest in me, but I misunderstood his intention. I reached out to him and a neutral female friend (17F) to apologize and expand my perspective. When I first spoke to her, I told her the honest truth and full story- but I didn't understand the full situation and I couldn't explain it clearly. I told her my anxious thoughts. I spoke to her for a month. Recently, they've been pulling away from me and they give me crude names.
Looking back, I can see that I misinterpreted his actions and everyone's actions that followed; but I couldn't piece that together until somewhere around October. Also, during the situation; no one ever said anything to me-which would've been so very helpful. I am afraid I have gotten myself in a sticky and horrible situation, and I really don't know why or how it has happened.
AITA for never saying anything and reading their actions, or are they TAHs for never saying anything to me?
18
u/HexInTrouble 7h ago
YTA. You had no proof of anything, jumped to conclusions and decided to report this kid to the school potentially getting him thrown out or arrested.
13
u/Specialist-Owl2660 Pooperintendant [53] 7h ago
Honestly them bringing up their AuDHD to justify it is especially dangerous. Being SA'd or SH'd is a real issue for many women and someone accusing a man that is innocent hurts the credibility of those who are dealing with it.
-3
u/stJimmy-04 7h ago
I agree, and I'm not using it to justify I'm using it as background info about myself. I understand that it affects my social life and experience because I've struggled with it my entire life.
-4
u/stJimmy-04 7h ago
I had proof and I took notes. I also did research before and after the report.
1
u/Enablorg 7h ago
What’s the proof?
-6
u/stJimmy-04 7h ago
Brushing against me in the halls a couple of times, hand gesture towards me while facing me; it seemed like a thrusting act, prolonged eye-contact for what seems to be no reason, some sexual jokes, song lyrics or lip-syncing, physical intimidation (it seemed like he'd block my exit in this backpack area or he'd follow me in the halls, once following me in an empty hall while singing).
I started to notice his friends more often in the halls and they would just pass me while staring at me or one time they like leaned and grinned at me. I thought it could be proxy harassment because he probably told his friends about me and they would watch me. Also, my friends were distant and kind of cold from the beginning-ish.
During a study hall his friends came in and they stared at me while smiling. They sat down and I'm very sure one of them said, "You might get a girlfriend, what's her name? [Insert my name, mispronounced]? [Insert my actual name, which is rare mind you]?
Also, I want to state that I am naturally attentive to very small details.
12
u/Desperate_Pressure98 7h ago
YTA. You handled this poorly. It’s a big deal to accuse someone of sexual harassment. The fact that everyone else started treating you differently says something about your behavior. I can’t see anything he did wrong based on this story.
10
u/sleepy_brain_333 Asshole Aficionado [11] 7h ago
YTA all of this makes very little sense. You are being self absorbed and thinking the world revolves around you. It doesn't. Stop harassing people you've never even spoken with. Existing in the same space as you isn't sexual harrasment.
10
u/bokatan778 Colo-rectal Surgeon [46] 7h ago
Sorry but YTA. All I’m reading from this is that you have a lot of issues socially, both in your own actions and interpreting actions from others.
8
u/Recent_Relative_8250 7h ago
YTA. Just assumed and made yourself the victim. He didn’t deserve being reported and you overreacted.
10
u/CharieRarie Asshole Aficionado [11] 7h ago
YTA. This was a very long post explaining absolutely nothing. He didn’t do anything, you made up an entire scenario in your head.
6
u/beetleink Partassipant [2] 7h ago
Info: What did he do specifically that could be considered sexual harassment?
-4
u/stJimmy-04 7h ago
Brushing against me in the halls a couple of times, hand gesture towards me while facing me; it seemed like a thrusting act, prolonged eye-contact for what seems to be no reason, some sexual jokes, song lyrics or lip-syncing, physical intimidation (it seemed like he'd block my exit in this backpack area or he'd follow me in the halls, once following me in an empty hall while singing).
I started to notice his friends more often in the halls and they would just pass me while staring at me or one time they like leaned and grinned at me. I thought it could be proxy harassment because he probably told his friends about me and they would watch me. Also, my friends were distant and kind of cold from the beginning-ish.
During a study hall his friends came in and they stared at me while smiling. They sat down and I'm very sure one of them said, "You might get a girlfriend, what's her name? [Insert my name, mispronounced]? [Insert my actual name, which is rare mind you]?
Also, I want to state that I am naturally attentive to very small details.
2
u/beetleink Partassipant [2] 6h ago
It sounds like there is likely typical high school meanness (talking about you, making jokes about you, some intimidation, intentionally being annoying to you, etc) and that does suck. However, all the accusations are pretty vague and uncertain which I'm thinking makes you TA for making a harassment report that he was behaving in specifically sexually inappropriate way towards you, because we don't know that. In any case, sorry you're in a shitty situation at school.
2
1
u/stJimmy-04 3h ago
Do you think that they should've said something to me instead? It would've helped the both of us.
7
5
u/PersonalCar4572 7h ago
YTA but I assume that if you gave an honest accounting of this, there weren't any consequences. I think it would be much better for you to have someone to talk to so you don't interpret other more complicated social stuff, like navigating sexual attraction, with paranoia. I don't usually play this game but it is hard not to imagine how this might feel if the genders were reversed and IMO it would seem like you were punishing someone for not being interested in you.
4
u/FoundationKey6924 7h ago
YTA theres very clearing much you arent telling us to get to this point. Obfuscation immediatly means YTA
1
u/stJimmy-04 7h ago
If I gave the full story, it wouldn't fit in the reddit so I had to shorten it and give less detail.
3
u/ChaoticJigglyPup 7h ago
YTA for assuming people distancing themselves from you was based on something that poor guy did and not because of you. I'm also AuDHD so don't use that as an excuse.
1
u/stJimmy-04 7h ago
I didn't mean it as an excuse, I'm trying to figure out why things went wrong and where they went wrong. I'm very sorry if you feel upset.
1
u/ChaoticJigglyPup 6h ago
Do you have any actual real evidence that this guy "looking at you" is related to people distancing themselves?
1
u/stJimmy-04 4h ago
He would appear in some conversations with my friends
2
u/ChaoticJigglyPup 4h ago
Why are you being so vague?
1
u/stJimmy-04 3h ago
The full story has a lot of detail and it's too much. In my head when I tell myself the story, I've been breaking it down into smaller pieces so it isn't too overwhelming and it's easier for me to understand the full picture. I know that this was a misunderstanding or I made a mistake, but I don't know why it happened and I'm trying to find where my errors are.
1
u/ChaoticJigglyPup 3h ago
But in order for outside people to help you they need the actual information?
1
u/stJimmy-04 2h ago edited 2h ago
Was I being too vague? Did I not involve enough information on his actions and why I thought it was sexual harassment? There is no particular reason for me being so vague but if I said every small detail I'd be speaking for hours.
1
u/ChaoticJigglyPup 2h ago
Right now you're accusing some guy of harassing you and asking us if he has WITHOUT GIVING REASONS WHY
1
u/stJimmy-04 2h ago
Ohhhhhhh
I wasn't necessarily trying to ask you guys if he harassed me or not because I already know that he didn't and it was just a misunderstanding, but I'm still really confused with this situation and I don't know how they feel.
I just wanted a second opinion of the overall situation because I'm not sure why this happened.
Did I post in the wrong subreddit?
→ More replies (0)
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I (16F, who has AuDHD) was a Sophomore in HS when everything happened in January. He (17M) was a Junior in my 9th period gym class. The class was a small cardio room, not a large school gymnasium.
As a person with AuDHD, I am very socially deprived. At the same time, however, I also really wanted to have a tight friend group, or even at some point; a partner.
He walking towards a piece of workout equipment and I was walking towards his direction. He performed an odd action, like he paused then gasped for no apparent reason. Then, he seemed to go back to the backpack area (it was behind a receptionist desk) and just sit still and "hide"? At the time, it seemed like clumsy attraction.
I began to notice more of his actions afterwards, but I was also just paying attention to him. I read all of these actions as "socially awkward with interest". The most he did was brush against me in the halls, prolonged eye contact, etc. Honestly, I enjoyed this perceived attention and he seemed cute at the time.
However, as the year progressed it became a really complex issue. People began to react to me differently, and I began to view his actions in a different way. My friends and I became very distant, and people in the halls began to make faces at me and even his friends would pass me in the halls- they would make faces or they would smirk at me.
I became highly anxious at the end of April (Mind you, I experienced medical and mental health issues from March to June) and I became confused and hyper-vigilant of my surroundings.
At the beginning of May, I did find interest in another guy- who was interested in me as well, but suddenly, they pulled away from me and began giving me silent treatment for 2 months. I became very anxious after this, and I retraced my steps back to the 1st guy. So, at the beginning of June, I reported him to the principal for indirect sexual harassment. I did not feel secure much longer and I began to view his actions in a different way.
Over the summer, I began to think everything over and I still thought that he had interest in me, but I misunderstood his intention. I reached out to him and a neutral female friend (17F) to apologize and expand my perspective. When I first spoke to her, I told her the honest truth and full story- but I didn't understand the full situation and I couldn't explain it clearly. I told her my anxious thoughts. I spoke to her for a month. Recently, they've been pulling away from me and they give me crude names.
Looking back, I can see that I misinterpreted his actions and everyone's actions that followed; but I couldn't piece that together until somewhere around October. Also, during the situation; no one ever said anything to me-which would've been so very helpful. I am afraid I have gotten myself in a sticky and horrible situation, and I really don't know why or how it has happened.
AITA for never saying anything and reading their actions, or are they TAHs for never saying anything to me?
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-4
u/4lienviking Partassipant [3] 7h ago
Nta and neither is anyone else
What actually happened? None of this makes any sense
7
u/Specialist-Owl2660 Pooperintendant [53] 7h ago
They had a crush thought he liked them back then noticed his friends giving them dirty looks and because they were embarrassed reported him for sexual harassment when the two of them never even spoke and he did nothing wrong. The closest to physical contact they had was a brief brush past. He didn't follow her or initiate contact. They took meeting their eyes as interest.
0
u/stJimmy-04 7h ago
No, I didn't have initial interest and I originally thought that they had interest in me first.
Also, I had a minor issue with my friends in December. I became cold and distant from them and it continued during March and April because I endured medical health and mental issues.
There were other signs and things that happened, I didn't have space to describe it or write any of it.
2
u/Specialist-Owl2660 Pooperintendant [53] 5h ago
That is literally what I said. You thought he had interest. He did not. And if he said something sexual it would have been in your post. You accused him of sexual harassment which is a BIG DEAL when he did in fact not speak to you, stalk you, harass you or touch you. If he had done any of that it would have been in your story and it should have been the only thing in your story.
Your issues with your friends? Irrelevant. They have nothing to do with you falsely accusing this young man of SH.
22
u/Specialist-Owl2660 Pooperintendant [53] 7h ago
YTA
He didn't touch you (aside from brushing past) or talk to you. Its pretty obvious you were attracted to him. He told his friends he was uncomfortable and they gave you dirty looks. Reporting him when he did nothing at all is a AH thing to do. It kind of looks like you reported him for not returning your feelings. If you like someone be direct. If they are not then don't assume they like you and don't report people for SH when they did nothing.