I am a dude who enjoys vaping and smoking weed sometimes. I got into a relationship with a girl who despises it so much to where she can’t be near it. When I am with my friends I would like to get high or hit a vape sometimes, but every time I do that she gets very infuriated with me. She claims it’s because I don’t listen to what she has to say and that I don’t care enough to stop for her. But the way I see it, is that I’m just hanging out with some friends who also participate in something I like. AITA for not dropping it all for her?

Can’t post pictures here so here’s the actual text message thread from our messages

Context: I fell asleep on my brother couch 2 weeks ago and wake up to a phone call from my friend asking to bring her home from the bar (I declined bc it was 1am). Tonight me and her are ubering home bc we are too drunk to drive and this is the conversation we had in the uber (she told me to be more quiet)

Friend: I'm shushing you becayse of my uber rating
They rate lower when ur loud and drunk

Me: OH-

Friend: Yea...
So maybe just listen to me
Bc when do I ever shush you (said as a joke)

Me: Mind you as a teen I've biked to ur apartment???? (Said as a joke)

Friend: I begged you for a ride when I was drunk on the side of the road and you said you didn't feel bad be because I could afford an uber
Even tho im jobless
You would not

Me: Pulling the jobless card

Friend: I literally blew up ur phone bc l needed a ride and u said u didn't even feel bad
The NEXT day
Even tho u answered every text

Me: never did
I didn't say that
I said I can't pick you up but not that I felt bad respectfully

Friend: You literally sent me a voice memo saying you didn't feel bad because you knew I could buy an uber respectfully

Me:
It was late and I KNOW I did not send a voice memo. I wouldn't of
Also I send voice memos to certain people bc I know they will listen to them and ur not one of them.
we never send voice messages to each other so I'm pretty positive I would of never sent a voice message

Idk am I mad for nothing? I’m pretty frustrated rn but it’s not my responsibility to pick her up from the bar at 1am especially if I wasn’t asked earlier in the night. If she asked me EARLIER in the night I would have said yes but I wasn’t asked until 1am…..

AITA, I 28(F) was in a discord call with one of my friends Gamer group. One man had their camera on and he was black about the same age as me and I told him "Happy Juneteenth" cause it was Juneteenth and we all had off. This man then unfollows me on instagram and tells his friends I am racist. I guess this comment made him uncomfortable.

My wife grew up in dance. She was in show choir, dance, choir, and theatre. I was an athlete. I played football. Dancing is not something that has ever been my strong suit.

My wife and I have been married for over 10 years now. We have two sons, one who is 10 and the other is 8.

My wife has the desire to get back into salsa dancing. She knows I’m not a big dancer. However, I’ve made it clear to her that I understand that dancing is a passion of hers and I’m willing to put myself out there to be supportive. I’ve told her I’m willing to take dance classes with her in order to get better at it and be able to dance together. She has responded by telling me she appreciates that, but she’s concerned I either won’t be good enough or I won’t be interested in continuing to take classes.

Her favorite kind of dancing is salsa dancing. In my opinion, this is a very personal/physical type of dance that involved the male and female intimately grinding and touching each other. I’ve told my wife that I am willing to take classes with her in order to be her dance partner. I’ve told her i’m not super comfortable with her being that physical with another man on a regular basis. To the point i’m willing to do what it takes to be that person who is her partner even though it’s not something I’m super comfortable with.

My wife says she doesn’t think I’ll ever be that into it. She says she doesn’t think I’m capable of being the type of partner she wants in order to compete in professional type competitions. She wants to compete. I’ve told her the physical side of salsa dancing combined with the regular weekly practices with another man makes me uncomfortable. Especially when I’ve made it clear I’m willing to take dance classes in order to be that partner for her.

We’re at an impasse. She doesn’t believe I’m being genuine in my desire to support her in her efforts to do more salsa dancing. She thinks I’m being overprotective and jealous in my concerns for her having another dance partner whom she’s grinding on and bonding with multiple times per week.

Am I the asshole here? Should I check out and be okay with her pursuing this dream of hers to compete in salsa dancing with another partner?

I’ve been in my schools cultural alliance since I was a freshman and I’ve wanted to run for a leadership position ever since I joined. leadership position are only open for juniors. last year I asked my friend if she wanted to join the club, explained it and told her that I was planning on running for vice president at the end of the year. I went to every club meeting and ran bake sales by myself. but they had to move the elections to this year instead of the end of last year. My friend decided she wanted to run for the same position as me because she thought it would look good on a college application and she had nothing. I have 5 other leadership positions so I don’t need to have it for college but I wanted it because I really care about the club. This year we did the election on our interest meeting day and she one because none of the new people no knew either of us but the people who were in the club all voted for me. it turns out their was a miscount and that I was supposed to win. They are giving me the position but now my depend friend is mad that I got the position. What should I do? I don’t understand why she’s mad when she was gloating about her win when she thought she had won.

Throwaway account. My boyfriend of almost 3 years and I are looking for a place together. He has 2 huge dogs and due to that, our options are limited (yard needed).

He recently accepted a position that will require him to travel 6 months out of the year (not consecutively). Currently, he has to travel for a few weeks to a month or so out of the year and boards the dogs when he travels. When we move in together, it’s on me to watch them and care for them when he’s gone. He understands this is a huge ask, but I don’t think he understands HOW huge. I also work full time, and I don’t have dogs for this reason. They’re huge, require a lot, are high energy (especially one of them), and just thinking about it stresses me out. They’re his responsibility - not mine.

Anyway, I was thinking about charging him half the rate of what it costs to board them since this will be a huge undertaking, but I don’t know if that’s crazy. It feels like a lot of extra work to take care of 2 animals that aren’t my responsibility for 6 months out of the year. If it was a couple weeks or a month I wouldn’t mind. But 6 months out of the year every year… indefinitely? It seems like a lot. WIBTA?

Edit: thank you so much to everyone who took the time to comment and share your thoughts/views from the YTAs to the NTAs and in between. It’s helped me gain some perspective outside my own head, so I greatly appreciate it.

Before getting in to all this; here is some background. I'm (F21) a child of divorce but i grew up primarily with my mom (F45), my dad (M50) refused to pay child support for me growing up. Only recently has he started paying for my groceries once in a while (which I'm grateful for). But when I was 13 he got a new wife (F40) and she had two daughters (F15) and (F17) from her previous marriage.

When I was 15 I was trying to get my moped license but me and my mom couldn't afford it at the time. My stepmother kind of teased me about the fact that I seemingly just "gave up" on getting it even though I routinely let them know of the reason why I didn't have it yet. One day I showed up to help my dad out with some work on his farm and my stepsisters completely new moped stood there. To even it out they thought that my other stepsister deserved a horse. I ended up getting nothing. This has always been a pattern, for example; my stepsister got an expensive trip, the other one got one too to even it out and I end up getting nothing. From the very beginning of their relationship they've said that it should be fair between us kids but that fairness has never extended to me.

This year I've been trying to get my drivers license but I cant afford it. My dad knows this because I've spoken to him about how I'm selling things and digging through all my pockets to try to make this work but I cant for the life of me. A couple weeks after I tell him this, he calls me and starts talking about how he bought my stepsister a moped car, he also starts talking about how he feels like he's being so mean to me and says "I'm just so tired of their father always making promises that are never held". I get furious and start arguing with my dad over the phone because from my perspective he knows that he is being cruel to me and is just doing it on purpose now. I also might have said said some regrettable things but I don't think it was anything super harsh. But, my dad and his wife are saying that I'm being unreasonable and holding grudges. So, I cant help but start to doubt myself. So reddit, am I the asshole?

(Sorry for bad English :P)

I 31F have been married to my wife 34F for five years. My wife loves making plans for birthdays and anniversaries. She usually puts a lot of effort into them, and I normally appreciate it. This year she secretly planned a birthday dinner for me and invited several of my friends. The problem is that she knows I absolutely hate surprise parties. I've told her this multiple times because I don't like being the center of attention, especially when I haven't had time to prepare myself. When I found out, I asked her if she could cancel it and just have dinner with me instead. She said she had already paid for everything and that I was being difficult. Then she told me something that really upset me: apparently, she had been asking my friends what kind of gifts I would like, but they ended up telling her that they thought I was too hard to shop for. She repeated that in front of me as a joke. I felt embarrassed and told her I didn't want to go to the dinner anymore. She said I was ruining my own birthday and that everyone had already rearranged their schedules for me. I told her I wasn't angry that she wanted to celebrate me. I'm angry because I clearly told her what would make me uncomfortable, and she ignored it anyway. Now she says I should appreciate the effort instead of focusing on how she went about it.

AITA for refusing to attend the birthday dinner she planned for me?

Hi! Me and my friend (both 17F) were good friends since junior high. We both considered each other as best friends.
Our birthdays are both during exam season so we always plan a date post exam for presents and generally just catching up. (We attend different high school) My friend would sometimes become vague about whether she actually wanted to meet up. She is always very excited about planning about meeting up during exam season but when it really ends she kind of ghosts me. This wasn’t the first time it happened.
Last exam season the one before the conflict, she was exactly the same. Very anticipated about our plans during exams then ghosting me after. Her reason was the same: upset at our exam scores. It was her birthday during that exam season and I really spent much time and my money to prepare her birthday present-I wanted to show my appreciation including a handwritten note. So I asked her if we could meet up just shortly for her gift which she agreed and we were able to hang out for a couple hours. Everything I had to ask first. This post exam season, it repeated again. Me waiting for her clear reply. I brought this up and explained that the issue wasn’t necessarily whether we met but the lack of clear communication. I thought I was only putting the effort and was afraid if I was the only one who cared much for our friendship. She did apologize for making me feel like that but repeatedly told me that I called her indecisive and made her into a bad person.
I want to clarify that I didn’t curse or insult her. Maybe excluding calling her indecisive.
But the thing is, I kept telling her if I was misunderstanding or if I was overreacting. But she didn’t give me a reply to those questions and told me I was too harsh on her. This point I was pretty upset about because I was very upset with my exam results but reached out first because I remember our promise and our anticipation for our plans. She didn’t reach out again until I did in person. First time it didn’t go smoothly, the second time I made an effort to maintain our friendship- we both knew things couldn’t go how they were but I asked her if we could just say hi when we saw each other which she agreed to. When I met her I really smiled to try make her comfortable but when it was her saying hi first she tried not to smile and look upset. And avoided eye contact. I appreciated her making the effort although I didn’t really understand why she tried to look tough and upset when I took down my pride and smiled at her. The greeting became frequent and when I noticed and felt this relationship wasn’t going anywhere I found my self avoiding her trying not to be seen. It seems she felt the same way because she didn’t greet me first when we saw each other. And her averting gaze made me feel discouraged to say hi. Our relationship became distant and I don’t think it can go back to how it was. And I know it’s childish of me but I never got my bday present.

1. AITA- Me M16 and my friends M16, M16 are chilling on discord scrolling through r/34 looking for inspirations to draw now 2 outa 3 of us want to play some games our other friend who is in a diff timezone doesnt wanna play because he wants to draw porn. We called him out and dissed him are we in the wrong he got mad and wont hop on now

I feel kinda guilty about the way I said it but it’s the absolute truth.

For context we have been friends for about 15 years very close friends but I’ve always been careful what I tell her because she gossips a lot and likes to spin things to her been a victim when she’s actually a bit of social climber and will befriend people she doesn’t really like and bitch about them. A few years ago she told me and few other women I know that her then good friend had stolen money from her in a business deal, she told everyone this women was thief but never ever confronted this women. To this day the women has no idea that everyone thinkd she’s a thief.

Anyway my friend rings me a lot throughout the day if I don’t answer she will ring again like half hour later till I answer. She never has anything to actually say it’s usually complaining about ppl or telling me gossip about other ppl. Shes not a bad person but I do find it exhausting and annoying and draining but many just really annoying. If she’s busy you don’t hear from her. Like when her husbands home or a weekend we rarely talk. Well last night after a couple glasses of wine I text her and said I find it really draining that’s she rings me multiple times a day to either complain or bitch. I said she was fake and very negative and I find it to much. Nether the less she was really upset. I text her this morning and apologised and said we are all guilty of it but I’m finding it draining.

She had been triggering me all day talking about a women she’s very close with and I just lost my cool.
I don’t want to hurt her but I’m kinda glad I’ve said it because now she’s not gunna ring me 5 times a day to talk nonsense.

My girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) live together in a one-bedroom apartment with two cats. We've lived here a year and never had a professional deep clean. Our place had gotten pretty grimy. We keep up with dishes and laundry, but not vacuuming or deep cleaning.

My girlfriend suggested hiring a housekeeper, and I agreed. She contacted her childhood babysitter, who now cleans houses, and booked four hours at $25/hour.

The housekeeper arrived at 9:30am Saturday while I was at work. She soon told my girlfriend the apartment was dirtier than expected, especially the kitchen and bathroom, and would take longer than four hours. My girlfriend told her to take her time.

According to my girlfriend, she's extremely meticulous and went above and beyond. She also thinks the woman wanted to do an especially good job because she's known her since childhood.

I got home at 3pm expecting the cleaning to be done or nearly finished. Instead, she was still working. My girlfriend left to meet friends shortly afterward. Before leaving, she asked what she owed, and the housekeeper said, "Up to you, you decide." My girlfriend paid $200.

I assumed she'd finish soon, but she stayed until 7pm. That's almost TEN hours cleaning a one-bedroom apartment.

To be clear, she did an amazing job. But I was aggravated. I'd just gotten home from work and wanted to relax, yet spent four more hours with someone cleaning around me. It seemed like she was moving in slow motion. Growing up, my family had a housekeeper, and I don't remember our much bigger home ever taking that long.

When my girlfriend got home, she was thrilled with how everything looked. I agreed it looked great, but she could tell I was annoyed.

I explained that I hadn't expected someone in our apartment practically all day. We'd agreed to four hours, and nobody told me that had changed. I felt blindsided.

She got upset. She said the housekeeper had warned her it would take longer because of the dirt, and she'd given permission to take her time. She pointed out that we got almost ten hours of detailed cleaning for $200, a great deal. But I'd expected to pay $100 for four hours.

From her perspective, she arranged something nice for our home, and I immediately found a reason to complain instead of appreciating it.

I do appreciate the clean apartment. But I think I'm allowed to be frustrated that a four-hour job turned into almost ten hours without anyone consulting me.

I told her I felt somewhat bamboozled. She thought that was ridiculous: the housekeeper did excellent work, never demanded extra money, and worked longer than we paid her for.

Now my girlfriend thinks I'm turning something positive into a problem, while I feel she's dismissing how inconvenient it was for me.

AITA for complaining about how long the housekeeper stayed, even though she did a great job?

Like most folks on social media, I have many friends (and "Friends") from different areas of my life--"Friends" from church, high school, college, previous jobs, online communities, etc. VERY rarely do those groups intersect, and I can count on one hand the number of my FB "Friends" who are part of more than one group. One thing to note is this: At least one of those groups is vehemently against at least one of the other groups (as in, they'd get into it physically if they met IRL)--this is important later.
One day, a FB Friend started sending friend requests to several people on my Friend list from all my different categories. I was getting FB Messages asking me, "Do you know 'Suzy'?" I asked Suzy why she did this, and her response was "I know you know a lot of nice people."
Not sure how she knows that, because I'm pretty sure we don't have any/many mutual FB friends. So I came out and asked her to please not do that (I forget my exact words--this was at least 3 years ago)--the friends she reached out to were weirded out, and a few were downright angry, since they belong to one of the categories that strongly dislikes the category Suzy falls into.
Her verdict? I'm paranoid, I'm small-minded, and I have issues. She un-Friended and blocked me immediately.
I thought she was a decent human, and I'm starting to second-guess my actions. I thought I was saving Suzy some embarrassment and interceding for my other friends before she reached out to them, too. Did I do, if not THE Right Thing, at least A right thing? Or should I have kept my mouth shut?

My boyfriend and I recently had an argument over a comment he made about my body, and I'm genuinely curious whether I'm overreacting.

For context, I've recently started working out. The other day, completely unprompted, my boyfriend told me something along the lines of, "Now that you're going to the gym, your butt is going to become firm."

I immediately felt offended.

To me, the wording matters. He didn't say my butt would become firmer or even more toned. He said it would become firm, which, to me, implies that he doesn't think it is firm right now.

And since having a firm butt is generally considered an attractive physical feature, I interpreted his comment as indirectly saying that there's something about my current body that could be improved.

What bothers me even more is that I actually like my butt the way it is. I wasn't complaining about it, asking for advice, or expressing any desire to change it. His comment came completely out of nowhere.

I also used to struggle with body insecurities when I was younger, and his comment brought some of those feelings back.

When I explained why I was upset, he tried to reassure me that he didn't mean my butt was unattractive now. He regularly compliments my body and tells me he finds me attractive, so I have no particular reason to believe he's lying about that.

However, I still find his explanation difficult to reconcile with what he actually said. I feel like he wouldn't have made the same comment to someone who already had a very firm butt, which makes me think he genuinely sees mine as lacking that characteristic.

At the same time, I recognize that noticing a physical feature that could change with exercise doesn't necessarily mean finding that feature unattractive in its current state.

I don't expect my boyfriend to think every single part of my body is physically perfect. But I also don't understand why he felt the need to spontaneously point out how exercise would supposedly improve a part of my body I already feel good about.

So, AITA for getting upset over his comment, even though he insists he didn't mean anything negative by it?

Hi, this is my first ever post, also english isn't my first language so i'm sorry if there are any mistakes.

For context: Last sunday I(F19), got into an accident; my boyfriend (M22) was taking me home with his motorcycle and a car cut us off. I fell to the ground and I broke my collarbone; it’s a displaced fracture and i will probably need surgery. I was sent home from the hospital the same night of the accident and i have been home ever since (a week) waiting because monday the hospital will tell me if they're going to operate on me or not.
Luckly my bf is okay.
During this week none of my friends, except for one (who came litteraly the day after), have even proposed to come meet me. I'm basically forced in bed all day, i started going to the bathroom alone just two days ago, i was in a lot of pain so i couldn't even follow lectures online or study. I updated everyone almost every day, my two best friends (both F19) did't come to meet me (one litteraly lives half a km from me). I didn't ask for them to come either because it was during the week and they had school so i didn't want to bother anyone, but yesterday (friday) i did. One which we'll call Leila was supposed to come today, but didn't make it, and she can't tomorrow because monday she has many tests. The other one, we'll call her Lucy, told me she was busy all the weekend and that we'll see each other during the following week.
The three of us share our location, i had understood that Lucy was busy because of a tournament; but seeing where she went today, i guess she will only compete tomorrow. She went to her boyfriends house. Her boyfriend whom she sees every day in university and whom she passes her weekends.
I get wanting to see your boyfriend but come on, i'm her best friend, I confided in her yesterday, I told her how bad I’m feeling, how guilty I feel about the accident, and how lonely I feel. And even after all of that she went to her boyfriend's house instead of visiting me.
I just don't think that friendships should work like this, if something like this happened to them i would be at their house the very next day, to try to confort them, i would text them every day.
I just feel like all my friends just showed me how low i am in their list of priorities.I really believe that these are the type of situations in which you see who's your real friend and who's not. I'm not saying that they aren't real friends, i just feel like they don't view me the same way i view them.
I'm really hurt, the last two days i tried not writing first and they never even asked me how i felt that day.
I'm just so tired of feeling last. I don't know if i'll confront them to be honest, i'm too tired and in pain to think about this too right now; but reddit, WIBTA if i confronted them?
Ofcorse i wouldn't confront every friend i have, but at least my two bestfriends...

I (40F) have mesophonia. There are certain sounds that I really don't like.

My husband (50M) and I have been married for 11 years, so he's very aware of the sounds that bother me. Some can't be controlled, like eating a banana. It doesn't matter how you eat the banana, it will always sound gross to me. I don't criticize the way he eats a banana, but I don't like it when he comes to sit next to me while he eats it. This morning he did, so I just got up and went to the kitchen. I don't see this as a big deal, but he gets personally offended by it. I explained that it has nothing to do with him, and that there is no one I would want to sit next to while they ate a banana.

The problem is there are other sounds that he CAN control, but even after 11 years of telling him it bothers me, he continues to do. For example, he chews his fingers constantly while we watch tv and I need to tell him to stop. He also chews with his mouth open while we watch tv. He doesn't do it otherwise, I think it's just when he's distracted by what we are watching. And he bites his fork when he eats. Aside from these things though, I don't tell him he needs to change anything. Sounds bother me, it is what it is. And it's not personal.

He tells me I am trying to "normalize" it by calling it mesophonia, and he says it's hard for him when I get up and walk away. I get frustrated that he takes it so personally when I have explained again and again that it has nothing to do with him. I also get frustrated that he doesn't seem to care to change the things that are within his control, like chewing his fingers and biting his fork, which are not really polite things to be doing anyways.

Am I the asshole for removing myself when there are sounds I don't like, and for asking my husband to not do certain things that I find really unpleasant?

For a little context, I am in college in a housing situation. It’s a hall style housing with roommate dorms and community bathrooms.

Also please don’t be afraid to just say i’m an a-hole. I don’t want to misuse police resources and stir the pot just because i’m sensitive.

It started early last week with two people saying “hey” extremely loudly in the hallway. I had just gotten out of the ER and the noise was extremely agitating for my head as I was given a lot of medication that had made me very sensitive to noise and light. I was also sick at the same time so it did not make it much better.

I decided it was getting a little obnoxious a couple days later. I peeked my head out of the dorm and they started saying “Hey” in the same tone at me to which I just explained the situation of me being a few days out of the ER and struggling with the noise. I complimented their hair and said they were pretty, talked to them about the football season and how good our team was doing.

They seemed understanding and it didn’t happen again throughout the day.

It started again the very next day continuing until into this week. I talked to them again, I just explained that it was bearable at first but it has been obnoxious now. They did not care and continued to yell out in the hallway. They wrote “Hey” on my name tag which I had to paint over and my roommates whiteboard.

They started banging on my door and running off at late hours causing both me and my roommate to be scared awake. I started recording around the times they usually came by to try to catch them doing it.

I caught them banging on my door and then made a report to the student resource center to which they just referred me to conflict resolution so I could learn to deal with it rather than them help me.

Then four random men from an entirely different housing unit had yelled specifically outside my door and left. I got them on video and decided enough was enough and I was going to involve the campus police. I felt as though I had exhausted all of my resources, and nothing was being done. I stood outside my dorm waiting for them. They saw me and went into another dorm. I went to the main lobby(I had locked myself out) they saw me and fully booked it. Thankfully, my roommate saw them and pointed me to the direction they went so I was able to note down their dorm.

I asked their names to which they just started running so I just called the police and went back to my dorm.

Maybe this will all just come across as “oh this person knows they’re in the right and is coming to reddit for validation” but I genuinely don’t know if what I’m doing is the right move. Again, I feel like i’m being a typical a-hole and misusing police resources for the sake of being a jerk. I just don’t know. AITA?

EDIT: Important info I forgot to include, I called the campus police’s non emergency line to report it

(ALL NAMES ARE FAKE) For context, I met this girl off of Omegle, we’ll call her Lily, and she seemed chill. We would chat and text but it always felt kind of empty, i think mainly bc I know I wouldn’t be able to see her. I’m also not able to drive and dont know when I will be able to so I don’t know if I’ll ever see her. Now at my school I do marching band, and I met another girl, we’ll call her Elise, and she seemed genuinely attractive. it was just some quality about her and I couldn’t stop thinking about her. now fast forward to around yesterday and we go to a competition for marching band. I chat a little with Elise after she comes over to eat dinner with me, and her friend Maggie pulls me aside and asks if I like her. I say “no I have a girl“ even though I do like her. afterwards I talk to my friend about it and he says something along the lines of “dumping Lily is the best option” (not what he said he’s actually really smart and not a jerk like how I make him out to be). but what he says is true in my opinion as after I had left her friend Elise started paying less attention to me, and then came back and chatted like normal. I ending things off with Lily, and we are now “friends” but she still is texting she sees no one else romantically and that she doesn’t know what she did to make me not like her. I don’t know what to do, and if what I did is even the right thing. I’m pretty sure they both like me, but I honestly want Elise and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. AITA?

My mom (33f) was sitting on my bed while my dad was fixing my closet when I came downstairs and saw that she was sitting on my bed. Before I keep going I do hate having people touch or use my stuff I also am a germaphobe so when I saw her sitting on my bed after not showering for about 3 days and has been moving around a lot so she did smell. I told her if she can please get off my bed as I don’t want anyone sitting on it. She said no why would she get off. And I told again if she can please get off my bed I started to a little get anxious and feel disgusted. I told her one more time and she finally got off my bed talking bad about me saying I’m your mother you shouldn’t say that even though she knows I hate stuff like this.
Ps. I don’t let anyone in my family sit on my bed unless I know their clean and I don’t even let myself sit on it unless I know I am clean enough to sit lay or sleep there.

For context my partners family is Chinese. My partner has an older brother that had a half Chinese son. They gave him legally an American name besides the last name. But their parents (future in laws) gave him a Chinese name but they don’t use it at all because his American name suits him very well as he looks majority white. Even when they talk to him in Chinese they say his English name. Before he was born, my partner and I had been dating for 4 years and his mom called him to let him know what names they were considering and likely to choose. I overheard the conversation and I told my partner that it was a name I had picked out since I was 12 that I wanted for my future son and it was a name I thought about throughout my adulthood. I had even mentioned it to him but of course he didn’t remember. To my luck they wanted the same name. I begged my partner because at the time we had spoken about marriage to ask them not to do so but they said it was “ too late”. Which at the time didn’t make sense to me because he wasn’t born and it wasn’t going to be his legal name either. I thought it was kind of rude. Then he was born and no one really uses it but it’s become an issue again because I want to use it but now I’m being told it’s rude if I do because it’s “his right”. It’s not a common name or popular name either so I’m shocked they even picked it as it’s hard for non Chinese people to pronounce but I’m not willing to give a name up that I’ve wanted for so long. But then I’m seen as rude even though I asked them for my sake not to name him that.

I (20f) live at home with 5 family members and I’m currently on Universal Credit because I’ve been struggling to find a job.

I pay £200 a month towards rent, which leaves me with very little money to spend on myself and cover my own needs. Despite struggling financially, I try to do my part around the house, and I clean the house every single day.

The problem is that my sister constantly yells at me, has a go at me, and makes me feel like I’m being bullied in my own home. It feels like no matter what I do, she always finds something to have a go at me about.

I’ve put up with it for a long time, but recently I finally snapped and had a go back at her instead of just taking it. Now she’s threatening to take my belongings and sell them to get back whatever money she thinks I owe her along with that instead of understand or having a talk about it she's deflected it back on me and said how I bully her girlfriend which I would like to add that I don't we have nice talks, we have watched a movie together and we've both lent books to one another in the past, so I would say me and her get along nicely and never once has there ever been anything other then that between us. I also have a boyfriend and my sister said next time he's over she going to treat him the way I supposedly treat her girlfriend.

I understand that if I owe someone money, I should take responsibility for paying it back, but I've never borrowed money from her, i don’t think it’s fair to constantly be shouted at and treated badly, especially when I’m already struggling and trying my best to contribute to the household.

Anything I do will be held over my head and be constantly used against me. I am the only one in the house what gets treated like this and no one else does anything to help but instead usually make it worse, I've asked my mom in the past for help on her relentless bullying towards me only to be met with "I'm staying out of it" but she only stays out if it when it's to do with me, she will happily help anyone else, I'm constantly feeling so alone in my own house and it feels like everyone is against me.

I know I’m not perfect, and I’m willing to accept it if I was wrong for how I reacted. But I feel like I’ve reached my breaking point after being treated this way repeatedly.

So, Reddit, AITA for finally standing up for myself and snapping back at my sister, or was I wrong for reacting the way I did?

I’d appreciate honest opinions, even if you think I’m in the wrong

I’m 23F and my brother is 21M. We still reside at home with our parents. We've generally been close but over the past year, he’s been spending time with a different group and staying out late.

A couple of weeks ago, I came home early and went to the basement. I discovered him and two friends snorting something off a table. It was obviously not marijuana. When I confronted him, he became defensive, insisted it was “just this once” and told me to stay out of it.

I felt shaken and upset. That night, I informed our parents about what I witnessed. They took it seriously they grounded him, confiscated his car keys for a while and had a serious discussion with him. He has been grounded and under more scrutiny since then.

Since then, my brother has been extremely angry with me. He claims I betrayed him, that I should have spoken to him first instead of going right to our parents and that I’ve completely damaged our relationship. I knew it really hurt him when he said “our relationship will never be the same”. I’m beginning to feel bad but I’ve seen what long term usage of drugs have done to people.

I believe I did the right thing. He brought illegal substances into our home and our parents had a right to know or maybe I overreacted by going to them right away instead of allowing him a chance to explain or correct his behavior.

So AITA for informing our parents after discovering my brother using drugs?

Hi everyone! So my ex girlfriend and I were together for about 4 years. During 2 of those years her brother(2 years younger than us) had a gf and we also spent time together as 4 sometimes which was always fun.

The two of them broke up and about one year later we broke up too.

Afterwards my ex and I stayed in relative contact because we are in a friend group that meets about 2 or 3 times a year. It's not a problem since the break up was healthy and no one cheated or anything like that.

Her brother and I also still get along well, talking every time we run across each other and even meeting on purpose about once a year.

BUT in September his ex(I'll call her Elena) dm'd me on Instagram and wanted to ask how I'm doing, since we haven't talked since they broke up. I was very surprised and pretty excited tbh since I had a little crush on her AFTER all before described relationships ended. We did like each other's stories etc so it wasn't fully out of the blue.

We have very similar interests, go to the same concerts and have the same humor, which led the quick check up to evolve into daily texting.

Now a few days ago late at night it even let to sexting(which was reaaally good), but as you can imagine I feel like an asshole for sexting with the ex of my ex's brother, since we're still friends and it'd be weird meeting them if they knew Elena and I had something going on. To make it worse, I know that Elena and my ex's brother had a long breakup phase in which they were on and off again. During that time, when my ex's brother and I met(either by chance during local festivities or once a year on purpose) we also talked about Elena and how he can get over her or stop the on/off thing with her as it hurt him more than it felt good(his words). So me giving him advice while starting something with Elena a year later could also look like I was trying to get her for myself, which was NOT the case.

So now I'm torn between two sides of if I'm the asshole for sexting with her.

Pro

-we used to spent time as 4 but in the other constellations(during the time I also sometimes had a feeling that my then gf thought I'd be interested in Elena, which I absolutely wasn't. Only had eyes for my gf)

-I gave the brother advice to stop the on/off thing

-Would be weird meeting him and my ex in our friend group when they know that Elena and I are fwbs

Contra

-we're all adults that have been single for at least a year

-my crush only started after we all broke up

-my ex and her brother are also dating other people

-Elena and I sincerely enjoy each other's company

-Making what I think of Elena and our dynamic dependent on who we've been with in the past reduces the inherent value of Elena/us as independent human beings

We used to joke about the fact that it'd be "okay" for Elena and I to date if we all broke up, but that it'd be not OK for the other two in those relationships to do the same haha(since they're related and all)

Edit: Elena and I aren't in any same friendgroups. The only connection are our exes!

Currently a university student studying medicine in the UK. Still living at home and not moved out (yet!)

Worked full time before starting uni as a HCA in my local hospital. It was a fairly good wage and was able to save up quite a bit of money that I put into my savings.

It is very difficult to keep up regular employment while doing my degree due to placements and the volume of work. I’m therefore living of my student loan primarily.

For a bit of background, I was very ill in my teens and was in hospital for over 1.5 years in total. I was awarded a financial benefit during this time which my mum claimed on my behalf to help support her pay for household bills and my care needs. I have never seen any of this money…

She also receives universal credit, child benefit, works part time, and gets £200 a week from her partner.

When I was well enough to work, I found myself paying for my own prescriptions and lending her money very frequently. Overall, she owes me over £2000 for holidays we have had that she had booked but couldn’t afford, cigarettes, household bills, weekly food shop and emergency vet bills. I also pay for her phone bill as I agreed to take out a contract in my name due to her credit score being so poor (sometimes it is 3x higher than what it should be due to her making additional charges)

Fast forward to 2 months ago, the benefit had stopped. She was given plenty of notice and discussions we had led me to believe she was going to seek better paid employment with more hours to compensate for this loss.

I have asked politely many times for her start paying me some of this money back and always get told she doesn’t have it to give me and to wait for her to get paid. It’s like she’s making no effort to return any of it too me.

Things have only escalated from there. I asked yesterday for her overdue phone bill of £260 and point blank refused. She then told me she can’t believe I have made no offer to contribute since the money had stopped and wanted the £600+ she has missed out on. I reminded her of our discussion about the plan when it stopped and she said “well why should I when you can pay rent!”. As u can imagine I was stunned by this. I don’t expect to live rent free forever but at the minute, I don’t have it to give her. I told her I’d be more than happy to from January when I get my next loan which she was not in agreement with.

I am at a complete loss of what to do, especially since we have had several heated arguments over the last few days.

So am I the asshole for just wanting my money back and not being able to pain rent till January?

I really don’t know where to start. My mom and I have had a strained relationship for my whole life. I love her, she’s my mom, but lord we’re very different people. We were visiting for my cousins wedding this weekend and had a great time up until the wedding. My gut told me something was going to go awry and it finally happened the night of the wedding. My brother and uncle “disappeared” during the reception and she was convinced they were either not okay or left the reception. They had been “missing” for maybe 10 minutes when this all started.

She couldn’t find them after doing a lap around the country club where the wedding was hosted and began to panic. She was convinced they left her or that my uncle had a medical event and wasn’t okay. I believe she was anxious prior to this as she kept commenting that she hoped my uncle - her brother - was okay to both me and his daughter. After she lost eyes on him and my brother, I kept trying to explain they are both adults and likely together and we didn’t need to worry. She continued to make it a subject of conversation and told my aunt (mother of the groom) she was concerned about my brother/uncle. My aunt told her husband and they stopped everything to look for them. Couldn’t find them and it became a distraction from the beautiful reception. People were trying to greet/congratulate them and they were distracted with worry about my uncle because of my mom’s anxiety. I was trying to mitigate with sentiment about the wedding, their amazing son, gaining a daughter etc. but my mom had caused a mild panic and they were focused on “finding” my uncle. My mom called both my brother and uncle but no answer which perpetuated the anxiety (phones on silent because of the ceremony).

About 10 mins into the panic my brother reappeared and turns out he and my uncle had been hanging out in a quiet area the whole time. Exactly what I told my mom was likely the situation. The second he appeared and confirmed my uncle was fine my aunt/uncle went to rejoin the party and continue celebrating their son and daughter in law. I told my mom it was super inappropriate for her to involve my aunt/uncle in her anxiety as they are celebrating their only son getting married but she just didn’t get it. My mom left with my uncle and we said our tense goodbye. Afterward, my other cousin asked me what happened because my mom approached her as well and said “I think my daughter is mad at me.” I briefly explained but went on to have a great night dancing with them and the rest of the guests. Just overall really frustrating and embarrassing. I haven’t seen my family in a long time and super frustrating for her to make such an ordeal out of literally nothing on such a beautiful and joyous occasion. I know this will require a follow up convo and idk how to navigate this as I truly believe she needs to address her anxiety personally and learn how to avoid projecting it onto others. Am I the asshole??