AITA For Telling a Friend She Needs To Reconsider Her Career Choice?

[u/MissMoxie2004]

Hello, I need to know if I’m the AH here. I’ll accept any judgement good or bad.

So I (40F) am a respiratory therapist and have been for nearly ten years. We don’t get much respect but oh well. I entered community college at what I consider a late age. I went to college straight out of high school but failed out after three years.

When I did my first stint in college out of high school a friend of mine went to a local school of nursing. It wasn’t a college college but it was a school that taught nothing but nursing run by a local hospital. I lost contact with her shortly after that. Contact with her has been patchy because life is crazy and she doesn’t use social media.

Twelve years ago I was doing my pre-recs for respiratory therapy at my community college. I ran into her at my college. She was starting clinicals for the nursing program. I didn’t think much of it. College didn’t work out for me the first time either so I just brushed it off. When she started at another campus I lost contact with her again.

Recently I ran into her at a high school classmate’s funeral. When we all started catching up she told me she was still working on her nursing degree but the current program she was in wasn’t working out. That was when she filled me in on what post high school education has been like for her.

Just to explain, here’s what she’s done trying to become a nurse:

Nursing trade school right out of high school; didn’t work out.

Local state college for nursing; didn’t work out

Local university for nursing; didn’t work out

Local tech school for nursing; didn’t work out

Local community college for nursing (where I ran into her); didn’t work out

Tech school further away for nursing; didn’t work out

Community college further away for nursing; currently not working out.

We’re now 22 years out of high school and she’s been trying to become a nurse for 22 years and has been through SEVEN schools. I ended up saying, “maybe it’s nursing in general that isn’t working out. Have you considered respiratory therapy or rad tech? You already have your pre-recs.” She said I was a jerk for asking her to give up on her dreams. Maybe I was. But I’ll leave that for you to decide. I’d love to see her achieve her dreams, but it really feels like she’s suffering needlessly.

[u/charlottosaurusrex]

Before I answer, did she ask for your perspective on things?

[u/MissMoxie2004 → u/charlottosaurusrex]

Yes

[u/charlottosaurusrex → u/MissMoxie2004]

Then nah, you're not. If it had been unsolicited then maybe, but given she asked for your perspective you did nothing wrong. Tbh I would have thought 2 schools would've been a sign to maybe try something else. I dread to think how much money she's spent.

She asked for your honest outlook it's not your fault she didn't like the answer. We all have dreams, sometimes we need to compromise on them to get somewhere.

[u/MissMoxie2004 → u/charlottosaurusrex]

She also lamented she’s exhausted her options for local affordable schools. Another nursing program would either be a way away or be at a local private college whose tuition is higher than a kings salary.

[u/charlottosaurusrex → u/MissMoxie2004]

Gosh... I mean, I feel for her, but at some point you have to accept that some things are beyond your ability.

In the UK we have nursing assistants who do things like washing patients, making sure they're fed, changing sheets, etc. They're essential in the NHS here and it's easy to get into, maybe something like that would be more her speed? If that's something they have where you are. She'd get to care for people but wouldn't have to keep going to school.

[u/MissMoxie2004 → u/charlottosaurusrex]

In America nursing assistants are treated terribly. (No respect, starvation wages, ridicule.) But I agree they ARE essential. Some of my good friends are nursing assistants. RT and rad tech at least has a middle class wage.

[u/charlottosaurusrex → u/MissMoxie2004]

Yeah, the pay for it here isn't great either. Your option sounds like the better of the two then by far! But regardless, i wouldn't lose sleep over it. You were just trying to help.

[u/MissMoxie2004 → u/charlottosaurusrex]

I appreciate ot