Hey everyone. So tonight me and my bf broke up. It’s still fresh so try and go easy on me but I just want to know if what I did was justified or not.

For context me(33m) and my (now) ex (35m) have been dating for 4 months. Tbh it’s been rocky from the start because I’ve been single 6 years before him and he kinda…doesn’t stay single for long I’ll say.

I work a lot, I have hobbies, I like to keep busy. He was unemployed and had a lot of free time. Which I didn’t see as a problem because last year I was unemployed for 4 months and honestly was a wonderfullll time living off of unemployment. The reason it’s been rocky is because I was reserved and I had high boundaries. But because it was so early on I kept them up and didn’t do a lot of things he wanted. For me I want to feel comfortable with someone and there were things he’d do that didn’t make me feel too comfortable. For instance, a lot of times when we would have conversations he’d interrupt me while I was trying to finish a thought so that he could get his in.

I was reserved and while doing that he was trying to fast track the relationship. By month 2 he was pushing to try and move in together. I own multiple properties and I’m staying in one that I’m currently renovating but the thought of moving in so early it was just a no go. I tried to explain to him that if he was serious, let’s try and go slower and work up to it and consider by the time his lease was up in February. Eventually he got mad and stopped asking. He got upset when I didn’t introduce him to my band whom I’ve played with about 20 years now after the second week of knowing him. I did want to but he had left while I was putting my instrument up but the next time we had a public event, I introduced him to the core group who is basically family and then he got upset because I didn’t introduce him to the WHOLE group even though they were around at the time.

As he pushed for more things, I would still say no but I did keep track of them and little by little I tried to open myself up to doing those things. Well fast forward to recent times, about 4 months in, I’ve noticed that as I do those things he’s asked, he’s not happy, rejects them, and then throws in new milestones for me.

One of my flaws is that when I’m upset I shut down. I try to reach out within the day but I just need space and I that affected him a lot. I told him I’d work on it and I felt like I had been doing good being more verbal about when I needed space. But he also started being more passive aggressive and bullying me this last month which I called out only for him to downplay it.

Another thing he’s passive aggressive about is that I “work too much”. I recently joined a union for electricians and when I started they had me working 12 hour days, 7 days a week for the first month. Now that it’s coming to an end I have more free time but I still work 9 hours days and only get one day off a week since I’m the only one on my team that’s forklift certified so the company depends on me. It’s great because they’ve already invited me to their next project which is 5 minutes from my house and will last the remainder of my apprenticeship it looks like. But he makes me feel bad that I don’t spend enough time with him even though we stay over at each others houses and go on dates regularly.

Finally today, we had a date planned. I had been looking forward to seeing him and going to this farmers market because I had never been. I had some work to finish up and let him know I’d be there by 5pm. When I finished up I called him and he told me that there was nothing good there because him and his friend had just went but that he’d meet me. Confused, I asked him if he went with his friend beforehand and he said no he said that his friend was there and told him that there was nothing good left. So I made the 20 minute drive and went I got there, we got off the car and greeted each other and as we were walking, he was like “I wanted to surprise u, but I already came and walked it with my friend”. I was like why would u lie to me? And he just laughed and brushed it off. So afterwards I shut down and I just headed back to my truck. He followed me and asked what we were gonna do next and I said “absolutely nothing” and left.

A couple hours later he texted me saying “are u done overreacting?” And I just told him how I didn’t like being lied to because he’d never lied before and then we got into an argument about me overreacting and then he broke up with me through text. So I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not. But in my gut, it feels like he was trying to get away with lying to see if I’d allow it or not.

In our last conversation he added that I don’t tell him he’s handsome and I must think I’m the only handsome one in the relationship. I was working on being more physical with him cuz he expressed me not touching him and massaging him. I reassured him that he’s the only face I enjoy looking at day and night and that he’s handsome but he just kept on. He also said it’s a “privilege” that he even tells me the truth at all? Which I replied that truth and honesty aren’t a privilege that it’s a base for a healthy relationship. And then he said I guess it isn’t healthy and then broke up with me saying that he wants nothing to do with me and that he hopes I find someone to play my video games with (he wasn’t a gamer and I enjoy Mario party which was not anything I considered a deal breaker). I asked for us to cool down and if he wanted to break up with me, if we could do it in person but he said he wasn’t looking for an exit interview. So I wished him all the love and happiness through text and that was it. I’m still kinda in shock but I’m not sure if it’s from the breakup, how he tried to play off a lie today that had never happened before and was unwarranted, or how he just became increasingly more rude and me having to defend myself against him more. I like his best friend and I’m not sure why we couldn’t have all just went together. I felt like I was getting scraps at my own date.

Wondering if folks have ever lowered their physical standards to be in a relationship and whether that worked out for you? I think this probably happens to an extent as we get older and become more and more desperate for companionship.

My boyfriend and I have been officially together for 8 months, but we were hooking up on and off for about 6 months before that. When we first started seeing each other, the sex was great. However, for the past 6 months or so, topping him has become increasingly frustrating, and I’m honestly at a loss.
For context, I have an average-sized dick with a curve, and he’s exclusively a bottom in our relationship.

The issue is that whenever I fuck him, he stops me almost as soon as I start getting into a good rhythm. He’ll say my dick is “hitting his spot” and that it’s either painful or making him have “anal orgasms.” Sometimes he’s not even hard when he says this, which makes me wonder if he’s genuinely experiencing that much pleasure or just saying it because he wants me to stop.

I’ve tried everything I can think of to make sex more comfortable and enjoyable for him. I eat his ass extensively, take my time with foreplay, start off slowly, and gradually work my way into a rhythm. But no matter what I do, we always reach a point where he wants me to stop, usually right when I’m starting to really enjoy myself.

What’s especially confusing is that he’s told me he’s had sex with guys who were significantly bigger than me without any issues. His explanation is that their dicks were straight, whereas mine is curved. I understand that different shapes can create different sensations, but I don’t know what else I can do to make things work.

The frustrating part is that I genuinely want to ravage my boyfriend. I want us to have passionate, intense sex where we’re both completely into it. Instead, I constantly feel like I’m holding back or worrying about whether I’m hurting him. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t fully relax or enjoy sex because I’m anticipating him stopping me.
And here’s the kicker: We had sex last night, and afterward he was raving about how amazing it was. Meanwhile, I was lying there feeling completely unsatisfied. So clearly, we’re having two very different experiences.

I’m starting to wonder whether we’re sexually incompatible or if maybe he’s just not that into sex with me. It’s honestly giving me anxiety and making me question whether I’m doing something wrong.
I love being with him and want things to work. I also don’t want him to feel pressured to do anything uncomfortable or painful. But I have sexual needs too, and right now I don’t feel like they’re being met.
Has anyone experienced something similar, particularly with a partner having difficulty with a curved dick? Did you find ways to make sex more enjoyable for both of you, or did you eventually realize you were sexually incompatible?
Any advice would be appreciated.

Hi everyone! My name is Emma Paidra, and I'm a reporter with LGBTQ publication, Uncloseted Media I'm currently working on a story about GHB use amongst gay men, as I understand the drug to be very popular, while also carrying a lot of risk.

I'm looking to speak with gay men who have used GHB, or have noticed a spike in the drug's popularity. I'm hoping to ask questions like: Why do you think this drug has become so popular amongst gay men? If you've used it yourself, what kind of affect do you find it has? Have you ever struggled with GHB addiction/seen friends deal with this?

If you have questions for me, I'd be happy to answer them and can be reached at [emma.paidra@unclosetedmedia.com](mailto:emma.paidra@unclosetedmedia.com). Hope to hear from you soon!

It’s not any dramatic or heavy case, just a few thoughts I’d love to share with someone. :))
Over a week ago, at a sober party I went to with some friends, I met this absolutely sweet, handsome and intelligent guy. Even as I’m writing this, I feel like I might be getting a little carried away, considering how little time we actually spent together, but there was a pretty strong connection and attraction between us.

We ended up spending the night together, having sex in a way that felt way more intimate and close than any of the (many) hookups I’ve had since my breakup half a year ago. We woke up in the morning, had sex again, and then he left. Later, he suggested going to a museum together, but they were closed. He then invited me to join him and his friends at a spa, but I already had plans with a friend. I suggested getting a drink in the evening instead, and he said he’d let me know. I replied with something funny (at least I thought so, haha), and well… he never replied. So I was a little confused by those mixed signals.

Now, here’s the cliché part. He’s in a relationship. He told me about it when he was at my place, and I gotta say, it did disappoint me. We talked a little about our love lives, and he mentioned that he and his boyfriend were planning to go to couples therapy because of some sexual incompatibility. I genuinely wish them well, and I even told him that his boyfriend was lucky to have someone like him. It was mostly a reaction to how empathetic, perceptive and emotionally attuned he seemed when talking about it.
I don’t think I’m unattractive, but I’m pretty much aware that there are plenty of men out there who are more handsome, sexy, intelligent or successful than I am. And I guess I felt a little insecure around him, because this guy was absolutely gorgeous. Not just physically, but also from the little bits of his personality I managed to grasp in such a short time.

Anyway, none of that changes the fact that he’s in a relationship, lives in the UK while I’m in Germany, and well… he stopped replying. My rational side understands the situation pretty clearly. It was a very hot, intense and unusually intimate one-night stand with someone who probably isn’t looking for anything more. Like, that’s clear. But my irrational side has been exhausting me with constant thoughts about him, and this almost ridiculous longing for the possibility of getting to know him better.
I follow his artistic profile on IG, and the paintings he makes are breathtaking. I’m an artist myself, though I work in theatre, and that side of him touches me in a very different way compared to other wonderful men I’ve met who have no particular interest in art. I guess it’s the combination of his looks, the little I got to see of his personality, and his artistic sensitivity that makes him so fascinating to me.
And I suppose the fact that I’m still trying to find my footing after the end of a long-term relationship six months ago doesn’t help either. But I don’t think it’s simply about missing intimacy or wanting another relationship. I think I’m just genuinely fascinated by someone I barely got the chance to know.

I don’t really expect any solution to that, but some words of wisdom would be appreciated, haha. I’d appreciate not getting any mean comments. I just wanted to share these weird, fleeting feelings I’ve been having. I know a big part of it is my imagination feeding me with all the things that could have happened, or could still happen. I guess I just need to find a way to detach myself from that…?

What do you do when you run into other gays you used to be friends with or used to date a few years ago but things just fizzled out / mutually parted ways (to the extent that you're not talking at all)?

I've used Bumble BFF and tried making friends with romantic prospects that didn't work out. Sometimes it worked! Sometimes we'd talk and hang for a few months to a year before they just stopped reaching out altogether. Unfortunately there have been some incidents of unfriendliness, where former friends have ignored me in public.

To be clear, I now have a friend group that I really like and I understand that being disliked is completely normal and that I myself dislike other people. But man somebody would really have to do something annoying or that crosses a serious line for me to just ice them out like that. And I think as adults if we're really someone's friends we want them to know our boundaries or when our feelings have been hurt. But I also understand if you don't see someone as a serious friend in the first place then that level of vulnerability isn't really there.

I've just concluded that for whatever reason they didn't like me enough to keep me around, which is totally fine on a 1-on-1 basis - easy enough to just not message each other again. But if I go to gay events or spaces in my city and they're part of a group, like a gay sports league, gay trivia night, or something, and they're pretending like they don't know me should I just play along? Like if they have other friends there, should I pretend that this is really the first time we're meeting? If they have friends there with them, my guess is that friend group is also off limits. That feels so awkward to me and it makes me just want to stay home honestly.

Since I've moved to my new city a few years ago, there have been a few times myself where I've walked away from someone I was friends with. But if any of them waved at me in public, while it might catch me by surprise I might give them the eyebrow raise or the head nod even if I don't wave back to let them know I see them but I'm not inviting more. I can't imagine just outright ignoring. How can I be a part of a larger gay community in a smaller city where everybody is only separated by a few degrees of connection and there are former friends that have stopped talking with me who I've already run into?

A lil update: After I made this post, he sent me a selfie out of the blue. After that, we had a really really short conversation with barely 2-3 message exchanges. I don't know what he wanted honestly. I did reply to him properly, but he didn't seem that interested lol. But then again, why would he send me a selfie? After that, around 3 hours later, I also sent him a picture of me trying to apply at the job I had discussed with him because we work in similar fields. But he didn't reply lol

So I met this guy, and we hooked up at his place. I'm pretty sure he enjoyed me topping him lol. At the end, I wasn't able to cum because I'm demisexual, so we just stopped. He pre-came a lot but he said he didn't cum either.

He's a couple of years older than me. Even though we stopped having sex, he started cuddling me, and we ended up lying in each other's arms, skin to skin, talking about all sorts of things.

At some point, he started opening up about his personal life: his family dynamics, why he used to be a bully, what he's working on rn, his job, his business, his friends, and his mom, who passed away and had been physically abused by his dad. He even showed me pictures of his glow-up after losing a lot of weight and told me how proud he was of himself.

We talked A LOT. I shared things about myself too, and we talked about life, people, friendships, and the world in general. It felt like we connected on a level I wasn't expecting from a grindr hookup.

He told me he's avoidant. He doesn't need a boyfriend to survive, but he'd definitely want that consistent bond with someone.

Before I left, he asked for my number, which I wasn't expecting. He also asked if I had Instagram, but I told him I'm not active on there. He said "Give me the app you're most active on," so I said WhatsApp, and he saved my number.

Before I left, he said, "I see a good future, but I don't want to pressure you or me. But it's good you're able to hold a conversation, otherrwise i say something and the other person doesn't know what to say”. Idk what that exactly meant. He then kissed me goodbye and said he'd miss me. On our way to the door, he showed me a picture of him and his mom.

Five minutes after I left, I replied to the text he'd sent earlier which was just his name so I could save his number. I said, "Okay, [his name]," and he replied, "Haha miss you, where are you?"

Three minutes later, he texted me on Grindr saying "byee." I sent him a picture of my Uber on WhatsApp, but he didn't reply there. An hour later, I double-texted him, asking, "Yo, sleeping?" He said he was trying to sleep and asked about me. I sent four short messages explaining what I was doing, but he didn't reply after that.

The thing is, he was active on Grindr, and so was I. Honestly it was lowkey disappointing, but then again, I was on grndr too, right? I was partly checking how long he stayed active and I have a feeling he was doing the same lol. Maybe we're both wondering whether the other person is actually interested now lol because of that.

About an hour later, since we were both still on grindr, he messaged me saying "sleep." I replied, "Yeah yeah, ghost me on WhatsApp and text me here. Btw, why aren't you sleeping lol?" Ten minutes later, I double-texted him to say goodnight. He never replied on Grindr, even though he was active.

TL;DR: Met a guy on Grindr, hooked up, but ended up cuddling and having deep conversations. He said he saw a good future, kissed me goodbye, and said he'd miss me, but he's been distant over text since. I want to explore something more, but should I reach out again or leave the ball in his court?

The next morning, while he still hadn't replied to my last WhatsApp messages, I texted him again saying I was free in the evening and to let me know if he wanted to meet. I also told him I'd had fun the previous night and thanked him.

He replied that he doesn't use WhatsApp on weekends because he uses that account for work. He also said he couldn't meet that day because he needed to sleep and wake up at 7 for work the next morning.

After that, we had a really short exchange about what we'd done today. He seemed noticeably less interested. At one point, I said, "We can meet next week, lmk and we'll see," but he didn't reply to that message either.

Now I need advice on how to handle this.

I don't want to be too clingy and push him away, but I also don't want to act so nonchalant that he thinks I'm not interested. Today he wasn't active on grindr, he came online a couple of times but immediately left, I've a feeling he just came to check whether I'm active or not. Should I completely stop going active there for now?

How should I behave from here? What should I do if he doesn't initiate a conversation? Should I message him again tomorrow and try to arrange another meeting or should I leave the ball in his court?

I genuinely want to see whether this could develop into something substantial. I know we've only met once, and I don't want to get ahead of myself, but the way we connected felt different from a typical hookup 😭

For those who've been in similar situations, how do you show interest without coming across as too eager? And how do you tell the difference between someone who's genuinely interested but avoidant and someone who simply enjoyed the moment?

I'd appreciate any advice on how to navigate this without overthinking every little thing.

I enjoy seeing nudes as much as the next guy, especially if they are full-body presentations and somewhat abstract and artsy rather than raw. However, while I have no personal beef with nudes (apart from close-ups and live action which are an instant ick to me), I’ve never sent a nude and never asked for one. No judgment at all to others, it’s just not my thing and I’ve missed out on some steamy experiences because of this.

I like the idea of experiencing a human interaction with a cute guy or guys in person before seeing them naked. Doesn’t need to be elaborate, even 5 minutes of chat to see the vibe and make it personal is usually enough. I also feel less awkward about turning it down if there’s no physical attraction in person, and I’m more likely to be turned on by the experience if I am in fact into them in person. I also prefer to grab a quick drink or meet somewhere neutral before heading to anyone’s place or mine. For context, I’ve experienced this single and now also in an open relationship. I wonder where the majority of the community leans, and why.

Fellow gay bros over 30, what is your reasoning for requiring nudes or requiring no nudes as a dealbreaker for someone you fully intend to hook up with? Surely it’s not to verify size, as I can send a photo off the internet? If you’re similar, what are your experiences of how interactions go? If you’re different, what is your reasoning?

(Marked NSFW as my own age post flair is not appearing)

I think I just need a place to vent some feelings out, and hopefully some perspective from those who’ve experienced something similar. 

My ex-boyfriend (30M) and I (30M) were together for 9 years, and honestly, things were genuinely good throughout. We met in University, and we were pretty much each others first everything. We shared the same love of games, anime, cats, and so many other things, especially as we grew together throughout our 20s. We were very comfortable, maybe too comfortable I guess.

He hesitantly initiated our breakup at the end of June, which was a shock — but also something I also agreed might be best for us. It’s not like there weren’t times where I didn’t think about it. There were lots of tears all around. With as much love and time we shared, there were many ways in-which we could grow. 

I moved out of our apartment a month later. 

For him — I wasn’t as financially stable to travel and save for the big stuff, and Christmas was always stressful. His family loved me, and mine loved him, but my Step Mom was usually indifferent to him. It always caused stress and arguments on the drive there.

For me — it seemed our relationship’s problems were always the same minor things. It felt like I was giving more consideration to his feelings then he would give to mine. People told me that I shouldn’t make myself smaller for someone else’s comfort, as he seemed to resent the differences between us in social spaces, but I suppose I’m a bit of a people pleaser who wanted us both to shine. 

Even now, I just want him to be happy, even with someone else.

However, the struggle is we’re both down about it, naturally. We’re giving each other space, trying to break the habit of sharing things they’d like, and just doing our own thing — just alone. We never really made friends in our city outside of each other.

He even told me he regrets making such a rash decision, especially for such minor problems in the grand scheme of our time together — but we’ve both  agreed to ride our decision out, even if it hurts. That, and personally I feel like I’m someone who doesn’t do take-backsies, especially when I knew it would be like this, and he seems to have realized that hindsight is 20/20.

Now people ask me how I’m doing, and usually it’s when I’m good! I’m happy in my bubble, working and playing video games… But there are days like today where I can feel the hole in my heart leaking out. 

I’m really struggling with the melancholy that comes when I’m reminded of our shared joys. Things like Yuri on Ice’s 10th Anniversary, which was one of our things, but now we’re both too heartbroken to see it. The idea of it makes me tear up. I play games with our once mutual friend, but the idea of “getting them in the divorce” just breaks my heart. 

People keep telling me that while my ex was great, it’s probably best for both of us — but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. It all just so tragically amicable, that it would’ve been better if one of us was a terrible partner — but that’s just not the case. 

Does anyone have any advice for days like today? I know time heals, but it actually only seems to be getting harder as the novelty wears off. 

Hey there. I'm a vers bisexual man, 44 in an open relationship. When I'm with my boyfriend, everything is amazing and easy. The sex is always 🔥.

When I am with other people, all bets are off as to whether the dick will be dicking.

It happens more often than it doesn't. Can't maintain, sometimes can't get hard. And I want to top! I love bottoming but I don't want to be stuck with only that.

I do take meds (Viagra and Cialis) but they don't seem to help. I just get marginally harder when I get hard.

I do not masturbate too much, and I am plenty horny when I'm having sex. So the libido is definitely there.

At this point I am expecting there to be a problem and I am usually right. Fortunately my partners have mostly been understanding and haven't made me feel like a limp dick asshole, but I am having trouble not beating myself up about it.

There's one woman in particular who I would really like to top. I have gotten hard with her plenty of times, like when we frot or when she goes down on me, but when it counted, I couldn't top her, and I'm stressed out about disappointing her.

Some potential issues: I do smoke, which is bad for ED. I don't work out anymore, which is also bad. I also had an incident a couple months back where someone sexually assaulted me, and it has made me feel somewhat unsafe with new people. I also have ADHD and the meds for that make it worse, so sometimes I don't take those.

I do talk therapy as well as couples therapy, and I can talk about the issue, but I was wondering if anyone else had a similar issue, and maybe overcame it.

I just feel like if this was a physical problem and not a psychological one, the pills would help, I wouldn't be hard in the morning (I am), I wouldn't be able to top my boyfriend (I do) and I might not get hard when I jerk off (I do).

Thank you

I couldn’t work out how to do the link thing to previous posts, but I posted about something with the same title yesterday or the day before. Feel free to look at that first or this won’t make any sense lol.

So, great news: he’s awake! And I was clearly overthinking and catastrophising (not surprising). He does remember me. And he was glad that I had been to visit. Only thing he doesn’t remember is the night of the seizure.
His sense of humour is 100% back.

The doctors think that the combination of a chest infection that he had, plus his MS immunosuppressant medication, likely triggered the seizures. They aren’t too concerned and he’ll be discharged from ITU soon.

Just needs to come off some of the pain and sedative meds and they can then take the NG feed out for food. He’s tolerating drinking water well and there’s been no further seizures.

So relieved, so pleased. Thanks for all your support guys ❤️🖤🫂🫶

I never do anything sexual other than with my husband. Last night I had a moment of weakness and agreed with a guy that we would JO only and he wanted to lick my balls while he JO. So I said ok,He tried to lick up the shaft but would not let him. I felt his sexy bubble but.
What are the chances I could catch something if he had an sti?

33M in VA USA -

While gay marriage is legal here federally, there is a ban at the state level in Virginia which is on the docket to get rid of the ban in November.

I hadn’t thought much of it until the last week or so and it got me thinking about how my family would be voting on it.

For background, I grew up very Catholic and so the acceptance from family has been mixed with some family members having a harder time feeling torn between their beliefs and the brother they love.

For me I’ve been able to compartmentalize (good or bad) them loving me and not feeling like they can “affirm” my relationship. While it sucks, I’ve been able to understand that and some of them not feeling like they can come to my wedding when we get married, calling my fiancé my husband, etc.

This week, I asked one of my sisters if she minded if I asked her how she planned to vote on the issue. She was reluctant to discuss it with me which from her response somewhat told me what I already suspected. I’ve surprised myself with how much it seems to be affecting me and I’ve felt like this may be a line that I didn’t know I had. I can understand not being able to actively support me because of your beliefs but actively voting against my rights feels so much different and worse to me and I’m not sure if I can continue an active relationship with her.

So I’m wondering if anyone else is going through this or has gone through it and am now curious what your line was with family that you felt like you couldn’t come back from?