Men.. what is this guy doing?

[u/DirtyDaisyXx]

So I chose the dating fair even though this guy and I aren't dating. But it match best with the options provided. Anyway, I've been dealing with this guy for a little while off and on... could any of you clarify what the heck this guy's game/angle is?

I matched with this guy, I will call him T, on Tinder back at the beginning of February.

T was in another city. But was planning on moving back to the town i am in. We chatted a bit, had a few polite conversations that didn't really go anywhere. He was pretty inconsistent with getting back to me, annoyed I started doing the same and eventually we stopped talking.

Fast forward, it's April, I get a text he is in town and wanted to know if I wanted to go out. I ignored because I was still pretty over our last interaction, felt flaky.

Then it's May, I get another text saying he's in town and wants to see if I want to go out for a drink again. Ignored that one as well.

Now, a couple of days ago, I get a friend request on fb.. it's T. Now mind you, my profile is very hard to find... I never gave him my last name. I dont have the same city listed on my profile..

I felt like it was a bit much honestly.. like, was me ignoring his last two messages kind of not enough of a hint that I wasn't interested in pursuing anything further? I was a bit flattered that he remembered me and sought me out.. so I gave him another chance.

We chatted for 3 days solid. Actually had a lot in common, and we were planning to meet up. I though hey maybe he isnt that bad... and now hes ghosted me 🙃

So my question is... why go through the effort to find me, chat me up, then disappear? Lmao why do guys do this?

[u/Evening-Republic738]

some guys just like the chase more than the actual meeting, the moment you respond and show interest they lose the thrill. it's like a game to them, finding you on fb was part of that challenge. then once you agreed to meet, he got what he wanted and bounced

don't take it personal, it says way more about him than you

[u/SolaireAstorian]

Not to place too much of the blame on you, but you kind of gave him exactly what he wanted. You noticed that he was flaky, but gave him another chance. Didn't like that he went out of his way to add you on social media despite the fact that it was pretty clear that neither of you were as interested as you could have been, but you decided to respond anyway. Then you chatted with him for 3 days after that.

If I had to write a guidebook on how to get played by a flaky guy, that would pretty much be steps one through three.

Aside from that, though, the truth is that this guy was probably just texting you on a whim and got validation out of you responding. He showed that he was flaky and uninterested and in spite of that you kept on giving him attention, which boosted his ego because it told him that even if he was an asshole a girl would be willing to spend her time on him. Some guys like this form of validation and Chase it when they aren't in the mood for things like hookups or actual dating.

[u/DirtyDaisyXx → u/SolaireAstorian]

Thats fair and honestly I agree. I am feeling pretty annoyed with myself for walking right into this one. Some people can really talk a good game when they want.

[u/SolaireAstorian → u/DirtyDaisyXx]

Hey, it happens to the best of us sometimes. I could tell you a couple of stories about getting taken for a ride by someone who wasn't as interested in me as I thought, when I was in my older teens and younger twenties. Thankfully nothing that caused Financial issues or permanent relationship trouble, but it seems to be a universal experience in the modern dating world.

Now you know for the future. You shouldn't hang around waiting for a spark or something Fantastical like a lot of people seem to do, but to avoid going too far in the opposite extreme direction, the person that you want to get with has to actually be someone who shows inadequate level of interest and passion for talking to you first, and meeting with you second. And, of course, you should be showing the same. If you can't show that passion and interest to someone, let them move on. If they aren't showing that passion and interest to you, you should move on.

Of course, accounting for the early awkwardness that comes with meeting a new person means that this isn't always obvious in the first few days, but you'll get there.