Everyone talks about love, but I’m curious what it actually means to you.

Is it just an emotional bond, loyalty, intimacy, respect, or sticking by someone when things get tough?

What makes you feel like the love between you and someone else is real?

I’d love to hear your take on it. There’s no right or wrong answer, just different ways of looking at it.

Recently started a relationship with a guy that smokes weed quite frequently, he doesn’t do it in the mornings but as soon as he finishes work you can bet he will be rolling one. I didn’t mind at the beginning as it didn’t seem to be a problem. Although now he’s choosing to stay home longer to skin up and game. He’s getting to me later and Sundays he’s pretty much comatosed but his excuse he’s aloud one day to get off his head. Which in some ways I can relate, he works very hard and everyone’s aloud their down time. But I’m finding it’s getting in the way of his time with me. I don’t want to just end the relationship but I also feel like I need to address the issue but I feel weird asking him to stop as I knew what I was getting into. His last marriage ended due to his weed habits and gaming constantly, not helping out with kids etc. I just don’t know how to address it without it becoming a major problem.
Anyone else had this problem?

I went on a date with a man a few years ago when my daughter was still a 1 year old (I’m a single mother by choice via sperm donor). I met him online and we texted and chatted for maybe a week before meeting. If I’m being honest I think I was forcing myself to date and I don’t know how interested I was in actually finding someone but I was open to it.

The date was going ok and he seemed to be interested. I had a drink or 2 and I started talking about my father (who worked in the same profession that we did)and had passed away unexpectedly ( to me) right after my daughter was born. I think partly due to the alcohol I couldn’t help but get emotional and started crying. The date was so turned off that he wanted to leave the restaurant immediately, was very cold saying goodbye and I never heard from him again. I was reminded of this when he popped up in my friend suggestions recently on Facebook. I can see how it was maybe awkward for him but dealbreaker?

I'm (35f) 6 years widowed, have my own house, good career, fulfilling life, no kids. Clearly hating the apps since I'm about to ask this question, but:

I've recently heard from a guy friend that because I have my life set up and together, that he (late 30s) wouldnt be able to provide anything for me, so he really has nothing to offer and would only see me as a casual encounter, rather than a relationship. This was not part of a "feelings topic," I have no interest in him romantically, he was just being honest about his opinion of my situation. Is that a legitimate way of thinking for you guys? Have I screwed myself out of finding an actual partner because I dont NEED a partner? I thought men were more worried about a woman using them for money? Not that I'd change anything about my life based on this answer. I love the life I've built. But this information made some of the recent dating encounters I've had possibly make sense...

I guess I'm just trying to understand if that's accurate / if I should go ahead and just get a bunch of cats?

I had been talking to a guy, and three days later, I found out that an acquaintance of mine liked him (we were just on a "hello" basis; we weren't close friends). Once, while I was out with this guy, we ran into that acquaintance, and later that evening, one of her friends messaged me: "You were told not to talk to him, weren't you?" I didn't care—the very next day, I went up to the acquaintance myself, told her everything, and added that I intended to keep seeing him. She was offended, of course, but that’s beside the point. That same evening, the guy went out with his friends. I was waiting for a message from him, but I noticed that he wasn't even liking my stories or sending any messages, even though he’d been online for an hour. I asked, "What’s wrong?" "You’re already home, aren't you?" I asked. He replied, "I’ve been told everything about you—about the 'home' stuff and a whole lot of other bullshit. Sorry, but that’s it," and then he blocked me. I was in complete shock; nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I messaged him on Instagram, asking, "Why are you believing them? We don’t even know these people personally—they’re just saying this to drive a wedge between us. Just look at the big picture." He simply said he didn't know who to believe, adding that if it had been just one person, he wouldn't have bought it—but several people had said the same thing, including people who wouldn't even care whether we met up or not. I sent a few more long messages, but he said he’d reply later. He never did. I know I should probably just let him go, but I really liked him—the feeling was mutual, and I loved everything about him: our conversations, his looks, his height—everything. We were actually supposed to go out that very day—the day we stopped talking. He was the only person who showed up for me after a certain situation that left me completely isolated from everyone else, and now he’s heard these rumors too—and he chose to believe them. Now, I honestly have no one left to talk to or hang out with. I don’t know how to let go; it’s genuinely so hard. But I realize that if he truly had real feelings for me, he wouldn't have taken his friends' or acquaintances' words over mine—especially since they don't even know me. Maybe it’s for the best, but it’s still incredibly difficult to let go and come to terms with it. Please, has anyone else ever been through a situation like this?

So we have been together (again) for over a year and known each other for about four years. I honestly wish we were just friends because our arguments get so bad that there’s so much resentment between us. We’ve broken up already a few times just to end up back together after trying out other relationships and those not working out. I love him truly, but he doesn’t have all the things I’m looking for in a partner for life. So ever since I’ve stopped seeing us as a long-term thing I’ve lost respect for him as a partner, and also hope in the relationship generally. I have been the only one to ever end things between us. Now that we’ve had TONS of talks and some arguments about the health of our relationship, and nothing truly changing or sticking. I’m having a wandering eye and less patience to be around him. I want to be as respectful as possible breaking this to him, but I’m also afraid he’s going to hold it over my head again that he’s on the lease too and has helped me with my personal bills in the past.

And is it still possible to have it be that good even with using a condom? Is there anything she did in particular that made it better or especially stand out from your other sexual experiences?

I (33F) just had surgery on my ankle Wednesday. Long story short I can’t put any weight on it & it still hurts. My (now ex) (32M) said he would come to my house & help me this weekend but shortly he only wanted to only know about sex. Asking how we could or if I didn’t feel like it just lay there and so forth.
Well as he was on the way he said “he was done”. I just want to ask does EVERY guy think like this? I have to believe that there are men out there that doesn’t think of sex 24/7 or if they do they could at least keep in under control if the gf just had surgery?! He says I have a “Disney” relationship mindset. I don’t think so but it could be that all men think this way & just don’t say it out loud. 

Or do you just browse through her photos and decide if you’re gonna swipe left or right?

While I understand that physical attraction matters, for me as woman, although he may be good looking on his photos, I still read his profile to check if we have the same interests.

Just curious.

University housemate (14 years ago), lingering chemistry, and confusing mixed signals now we’re both single. Is this ego or missed timing?

Back in uni, my housemate and I had instant chemistry. After a year of living together, we made out, but he had a long-distance GF. I stopped it, and we stayed platonic friends for over a decade. We've always stayed in touch, but mismatched timing kept us apart.

Fast forward to now: we're both finally single. He's a few months out of a bad breakup and living on the other side of the world; I'm in a good place and ready to date.

During a flirty text catch-up, he hinted about "that night" years ago. I finally admitted I felt the same and wished we’d hooked up. Cue an immediate flood of nudes, sexting, and an invite to visit him. I turned down the trip because I can't travel that far right now—and boom, total silence, followed a few days later by drunken videos of him wandering around trying to hook up with locals abroad. I knew at this point he was playing games.

I know building a future with a guy in his "post-breakup hookup phase" across the globe is a recipe for disaster. But Pandora’s box is open: my years of buried feelings are back, and now he keeps popping up every few days just to disappear when I engage.

My questions for the guys/community:

Is he just looking for ego validation from a broken heart, or is this genuine lingering interest?

Why does he reach out and then ghost/disappear the second I engage?

How do I ask him what's actually going on without freaking him out—or is it even worth it, and should I just shut it down?

(Note: When my schedule/health allows, I'd totally travel to visit him for a fun fling to finish what we started—we were housemates for two years, friend over a decade and I trust him. We've hung out platonically plenty of times. But right now, his hot-and-cold behavior makes zero sense and I'm getting close to shutting it down entirely.)

this is both our first relationship. today he went out with his frienda and brother to take pictures around the city. i wokeup from nap and txted him. he asked to call me and he talks briefly about what they did then he goes into this story about how they went to washington square garden annd how there were girls who wanted their photos taken so he did take their photos. and he went on on how his friend said that the girls were looking at him like he was god because of the way he was directing them. then he said they kept insisting for him to take their numbers and he didn’t but he took one cs she was chill so he can send the pictures to the girl. i was really sick after hearing this i kept my composure and said i dont want to hold him back and we both said love u bye. my friend said he wanted a reaction knowing him and that i did a good thing by not doing so. i feel wierd because after that thing he texted me later and he said im acting strange he said i feel distant when i told him its cause im sick he let it go then he asked me if i was talking to someone could it be cs hes. spriralling from my reaction or hes projecting or

I (27F) developed an intense, flirtatious connection with a coworker (32M) who is engaged. We had long personal conversations, sexual tension and lots of teasing. He complimented me, admitted he still had sexual thoughts about me and said he’d miss our conversations and flirting.
Things escalated, and I sent him intimate pictures. He complimented me but deleted it straight away. However, he repeatedly said he loves his fiancée, feels guilty and that nothing can happen between us. He’s now said we need to limit contact.
I’m leaving my job soon, and he’s offered to come into the office on my last day, even though he doesn’t need to be there. It’ll just be the two of us, and he said it’ll be nice to see me, despite also insisting that nothing can happen between us.
I’m confused about whether the attraction was genuine or whether he just enjoyed the attention and excitement.
Would you go out of your way to see someone on their last day if you were trying to distance yourself from them? Do you think he’ll miss me once I’m gone, or is he genuinely ready to move on? Am I dealing with a push-pull dynamic, or am I reading too much into his actions?

Does this sound like possible infidelity?

Very short history. 5/6 yrs of very troubled marriage due to many factors. Was close to divorce last year, but decided to sort everything out and really trying to rebuild marriage in the past 3 months. Communication has always been bad on his side, part of reason for drifting apart. It’s our 25th WA coming up at end of this month.

I’ve been suspicious of husband and a certain work colleague for a while. Not really sure why, primarily because of extreme phone guarding last year and hastily coming out of convos when I appeared nearby. Also not saying she was joining for meals with him whilst away and some of the lads.
Just had a gut feeling after seeing some messages from this colleague (single) trying to phish for non work related contact over WhatsApp since he’d joined the company, including picture just of a bottle of wine. He is a Managing Director within company and only sees this woman when away at HO, which often requires staying overnight at hotel.

Recently found out he’d been deleting work phone logs from her. The other day when asked whether he’d been talking to her during that day (I knew he had) he twice flatly denied it, whilst looking me straight in the eyes. I asked him to think carefully about what he was saying and then admitted to talking to her and then admitted to deleting phone logs in case I looked at his phone and got upset. I’d already said I understood the need for work related contact. Why hide it still? Now I feel I really can’t rely on him to be telling me the truth and is being deceitful. He’s still being really guarded, not leaving phone anywhere. If he’d been honest it would have been fine. Now he’s being really over the top trying to make up for it. I feel he’s pulled the rug from under my feet, just when I thought we were making some great progress. I feel his behaviour towards me since we’ve been trying has been WAY over the top, almost stifling in affection and being sickly sweet. My nervous system is screaming somethings not right. Just hoping I get some insights on this behaviour from other men.

Should also add he was overheard by my son getting appointment with Dr surgery over red blotches on his dick and a soft red lump. We haven’t had sex in that time, mainly because he’s got ED. He said to me he’d only just noticed it a week ago, but to Dr had said it was roughly from a few months ago. He stayed away at HO a few months ago. Twice. Another thing he’s lied to me about. He’s generally a good guy and would never have previously put him down as any type of liar. Feeling really unsure.

I (20f) am kinda into this guy(21m) at my uni. We met doing a group project and I think we got on well. We're not friends, we haven't even spoken in a year and a half (since the project ended) but I noticed that he started going to the socials for our uni course so I thought I'd go and talk to him.

I'm nervous as it's been a long time since we've spoken so I don't want him to think I'm weird or something? The social will probably be a bar crawl, so the alcohol should help make things easier I'm hoping.

I have no clue how to go about this. I have 0 dating experience and don't go out drinking often. Does anyone have any advice on how to flirt, send signals that I like him and how to know if he may like me back? It would be greatly appreciated.

I'm talking to a guy who I know finds me attractive, so this isn't about me thinking he's not interested in me. However, there have been several instances where the things he says about other women have made me feel uncomfortable, and I'm trying to understand how men see this kind of behaviour.

For context, he's told me he's slept with around 50 women, and he can go into quite a lot of detail when talking about women's appearances and his sexual experiences.

For example, I once asked him when he last dated someone, and he told me about a girl he went on a date with who apparently looked like a model. He went into detail about how everyone in the restaurant stared at her and how she had "the most perfect nose I've ever seen". I remember feeling insecure listening to this, but I also wondered why he felt the need to give me that much detail about how she looked.

Another time, I told him I was going to get laser hair removal. He asked where I was getting it done, and I said everywhere. He responded by saying, "Good, because once I went down on a woman and her stubble down there was unpleasant."

I found that quite strange. I was just talking about getting laser, and suddenly he was telling me about a sexual experience with another woman and what he disliked about her body.

The most recent incident involved my older sister. He asked to see pictures of her "out of curiosity", and when I showed him, he kept saying how gorgeous she was, repeating it around four or five times. He pointed out that my younger sister and I look different from her.

He then said my sister's fiancé was "punching", meaning he'd done well for himself because she's attractive. I said her fiance was her exact type as she likes bald men and he joked that he should then "shave his head before he drives down to where I live". I found that particularly disrespectful given that he's talking to me romantically. When I challenged him, he said he was joking, and he's since apologised.

There have been other comments involving women, too, so it's not just one isolated incident. His instagram following also makes me uncomfortable as he follows over 1000 women. I want to emphasise that I do think he finds me attractive as well. I'm not saying he doesn't desire me. It's more that sometimes the level of detail he goes into about other women's appearances and his sexual experiences makes me feel like I'm one of his boys.

Please can I have some insight?

I was talking to someone who said dating takes too much time, money, and energy, and that he’s never really felt like a relationship was right for him.

It made me wonder, when you look back at relationships that didn’t work out, do you feel like you wasted your time, or are you still glad you experienced them, even if they didn’t last?

I know dating can be exhausting, but personally, I don’t think something has to last forever to be worth it. Curious how others feel about this.

Sometimes I wonder if my expectations are too high. For me, the bare minimum is consistent communication, making plans, showing genuine interest, and making me feel wanted rather than confused. I don't expect constant attention, just mutual effort and consistency.

I see my friends being treated well by their partners, which makes me question why these things feel so difficult to find. But I also wonder if they're more forgiving behind closed doors or if I'm missing something.

Men, what do you consider reasonable expectations in a relationship? Women, how do you distinguish between healthy standards and expecting too much?

I 29f had an amazing 1st date with a guy 32m I met on a dating app. We spent 6+ hours together. He mentioned many times not wanting our date to be over so we kept finding things to do. He asked for my number towards the end of the date. We chatted about when to see each other again. He gave me a couple kisses and a forehead kiss before I got into my car. Reached out to him twice with no response. Date was a week ago.

I personally don’t ‘ghost’ and let people know if I want to see them again either way and usually if the guy isn’t interested I say “alright” and keep on going but this date has me stuck. I left feeling really good about things. Is it just easier to ghost vs send a message saying “hey I enjoyed spending half a day with you but I don’t think this will go anywhere” 🥲

I’ve ended up in a romantic situationship with a guy. Yes, he doesn’t even have sex with me, but still gives me mixed signals, with going on romantic events, such as a couples’ lantern festival or we are cooking together, meeting on a daily. It feels like we are in a relationship for real, I don’t do this with any of my friends but he doesn’t make the move. I get that, he’s just not that into me and I am completely fine with that, but then why does he still do this? Someone please explain to me the thought process

I have a question. Do men ever feel the same kind of emotional hunger that women do?
I don’t mean physical hunger or just wanting to get their sexual needs met (sorry, but basically just wanting to jerk off). I mean, do they ever crave having someone who’s affectionate with them, tells them sweet things, makes them feel loved, and shares that deep emotional connection with them? Someone they can talk to on the phone for hours and genuinely enjoy those long conversations because they feel so connected to each other?
From my experience as a girl who’s considered attractive, I’ve noticed that most men seem to want that kind of connection too, at least in the beginning. But once physical intimacy enters the picture, it feels like that becomes their main focus, and nothing else really matters as much anymore.
They no longer seem interested in just sitting together, having a nice time, talking for hours, or enjoying each other’s company without sex being involved.
Do men genuinely crave that kind of deep, intimate, emotional connection the way women do, or is it just different for them?

How do you tell if a guy at work is interested in you or if he’s just being a genuinely nice person? 😭 He’ll offer me a seat and do little considerate things, and I catch myself thinking he’s such a sweet guy. But then I wonder if that’s literally just common decency and we’re so cooked as a society that basic kindness feels like something more LMAO. How do you tell the difference between a guy who’s genuinely a good person and one who’s interested in you romantically? And what about the touch barrier when you work together?

A few months ago I (25F) got involved with a friend (25M) after he confessed feelings for me on a drunken night out. Immediately after he told me he really liked me and wanted to date he awkwardly kissed my neck and tried to kiss me, to put it bluntly, very badly. He told me he really likes me, wants to go on a date with me and had even put thought into how we can make a relationship work. At that point I already found a boyfriend but told him I had really liked him for a while before that. Ultimately my boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks later (unrelated) and I started talking to this friend again. He’s very smart and nerdy and I noticed very quickly he clearly lacked experience and always seemed unsure of how to approach things. We hung out and unexpectedly hooked up and I felt great, after months of tension and desire and friendship built up. However the sex was bad. He confessed he can only go one round and often can’t get it up at all. I told him not to worry and that I really liked him. So next thing I know he’s making plans asking me to go to dinner with him but would cancel every single time because something randomly came up. This happened about 4 or 5 times. Then he started being a little too forward and I felt like rather than treating me like someone he liked and was interested in I started getting just hookup vibes but rather than assuming anything because people truly get busy I instead made a joke about taking a vow of celibacy, but then a short while later I invited him over. We tried to hook up again but he could barely get hard. I did ask him if he just was not attracted to me the way he thought and he said it wasn’t me and it just doesn’t work sometimes. He has erectile dysfunction also he’s a very anxious person. Eventually he got it up and we had sex one last time before he left and started communicating very sporadically with me again for another two weeks. I finally asked him directly what the problem was and he said he didn’t like my joke about taking a vow of celibacy 2 weeks prior at which point I apologized and he said I should just communicate directly and he asked what I meant by it. I let him know that I didn’t know and it was a stupid joke and I would say so outright if I felt we really needed to have a serious talk. He said we would be better off as friends and I asked him if he’s sure he wants to cut it off especially since we liked each other for so long. I just felt like we could work on things and was willing to. He became pretty cold and just said no we can be friends. He also cited feeling disliked by my male roommates which was completely true- they thought he was socially awkward and weird. He told me to try not to cry even though I was completely fine which seemed arrogant to say. He also told me pretty bluntly he’s surprised I haven’t been rejected before and that it happens to him all the time. The next day I texted him just to apologize for my part in things and he just said thanks let’s just remain friends and I said okay. He did attempt to reach out once a few weeks later just to see how everything was but I decided not to pursue the friendship he was offering because I felt pretty used ultimately. I still think about him because it just ended so abruptly and we were friends for almost a year before all of this happened. I have seen him a handful of times since and he has speed-walked away from me. Over the summer i decided seeing him in my story views and occasionally my likes wasn’t helping me move on so I unfollowed him on instagram and within like 2 days i was blocked so I kind of figured he still checks up on me which is odd. I honestly want a man’s perspective since I’ll never get that closure from him.

So I chose the dating fair even though this guy and I aren't dating. But it match best with the options provided. Anyway, I've been dealing with this guy for a little while off and on... could any of you clarify what the heck this guy's game/angle is?

I matched with this guy, I will call him T, on Tinder back at the beginning of February.

T was in another city. But was planning on moving back to the town i am in. We chatted a bit, had a few polite conversations that didn't really go anywhere. He was pretty inconsistent with getting back to me, annoyed I started doing the same and eventually we stopped talking.

Fast forward, it's April, I get a text he is in town and wanted to know if I wanted to go out. I ignored because I was still pretty over our last interaction, felt flaky.

Then it's May, I get another text saying he's in town and wants to see if I want to go out for a drink again. Ignored that one as well.

Now, a couple of days ago, I get a friend request on fb.. it's T. Now mind you, my profile is very hard to find... I never gave him my last name. I dont have the same city listed on my profile..

I felt like it was a bit much honestly.. like, was me ignoring his last two messages kind of not enough of a hint that I wasn't interested in pursuing anything further? I was a bit flattered that he remembered me and sought me out.. so I gave him another chance.

We chatted for 3 days solid. Actually had a lot in common, and we were planning to meet up. I though hey maybe he isnt that bad... and now hes ghosted me 🙃

So my question is... why go through the effort to find me, chat me up, then disappear? Lmao why do guys do this?

I 26F and bf 28M. We have been dating for a little bit less than a year. My bf likes to lightly choke me
In the bedroom. I’m honestly indifferent to it I don’t hate it but I honestly don’t love it but if he likes it I’m fine with it. But one thing that worries me is that if this kink is a sign of something that could happen in the future, (like DV) He’s such a gentleman so I couldn’t see him being that way outside of the bedroom but what do you think? Am I overthinking something minuscule?