Jane doe voluntary statement

[u/Admirable-Basket5221]

Huge TW for obvious reasons.
I read part of the Cornell Jane Doe’s voluntary statement, and in hindsight I shouldn’t have read it because it was obviously upsetting. I’d just seen so much triggering misinformation from the usual suspects I wanted to know Her Words if that makes sense 😅

She describes feeling safe initially because she thought two of the men were gay. Shes bisexual and was excited because they’d be part of the same community. Obviously they weren’t gay let alone safe. It’s horrifying. It feels like whenever theres a woman at the center of an international conversation about gbv and rape, it’s very often a bisexual woman (Amber, Meg, Angelina)And weirdly, that intersection is mostly called out by misogynists trying to find extra reasons to victim blame? (In my experience!)
Im familiar with the statistics too.

I’ve also experienced sexual assault multiple times and possibly (not sure tbh) within a relationship and definitely in a friendship. Of course I don’t blame my bisexuality, but I know being bisexual (and on the spectrum) made me an appealing target for abusive people. And sometimes my sexuality was explicitly targeted in sexual harassment (like being called cumsock and stuff like that by ehem other members of the community) At my lowest Im worried it’s gonna happen again? I can’t change my sexuality, and so much of my self expression was caused by being groomed by a bimisogynistic culture. What if I keep attracting unsafe people in the years it has taken and will take me to heal and cope? Realistically, I know there are safe people out there! I believe theres (single hehe) bisexual women out there who understand me without also being really traumatized 🫶 it’s just hard to feel hopeful or safe sometimes.
Much love to any other bisexual Jane Does, I believe you!

[u/DMmeClownPics]

I have seen that stats on sexual assault and intimate partner violence for bisexual women and they’re horrific. We are the demographic with the highest numbers by a large margin. 🫂 

[u/StrongPixie]

Thank you for sharing, this resonates with me so much.

I’ve also experienced various forms of SA as well as intimate partner violence and my bisexuality for sure made me more of a target.

The intimate partner violence was perpetrated by an older woman when I was in my early 20s. I couldn’t see it for what it was, even when she hit me. It didn’t fit what I thought DV was, so I blamed myself.

As for male perpetrators… It is hard for me to explain, but I know being bi made me more of a target. I know intuitively that is true. I especially think men took notice of my perceived gender non-conformity, and fetishised me, from a young age. I say perceived because I didn’t go out of my way to be non-conforming. I was just a kid who didn’t get why we had all these rules about clothes and toys and the colour pink. It was an innocent, early expression of just not seeing the need for all these boxes and my bisexuality in a way seems to me like a natural continuation of that. It’s just how my brain has always worked. That innocent freedom was sexualised before I got to understand it and explore it for myself. Which is really sad. My relationship with masculinity and femininity has always been a little broken and scary because of these experiences. I never choose clothes without thinking about safety.

The list of incidents is endless. I still don’t know what happened when I had my drink spiked on holiday at 18. The Cornell stuff brought that back up for me. And I feel like the more stories I tell, the less believable I will be.

I don’t know if sharing my story helps anyone. I hope so. My solidarity and thoughts are with all victim survivors out there, every day.

[u/Awkward_Capital7897 → u/StrongPixie]

This follows so much of my own experience! I never understood the “why” behind gender roles, so I just didn’t follow them.

Sadly, my own experiences with harassment and sexual violence were frequently tied to being bisexual. In my experience, there seems to be an assumption that bisexual women are all hypersexual nymphomaniacs who’ll have sex with literally anyone. Combine that with heterosexual women who use you as a prop for the male gaze… and it’s just adding to the minefield women must navigate just to remain un-violated.

[u/Admirable-Basket5221]

Okay I do feel a tad bit lighter having written this out 😅 imo journaling privately doesnt always help when I feel deep loneliness about a topic (my closest friends are lesbians or straight and my bisexual boyfriend and I broke up 🫪 I don’t have any bi friends atm rip), I need to send it out in the ether like throwing a bottle with a letter into the ocean.

[u/Ediferous → u/Admirable-Basket5221]

I think sometimes just expressing your feelings in an accepting community just gives that feeling of connection and safety that we all need. I've definitely come here just to feel accepted and understood, even if there's nothing anyone can do but say, "I understand and you're not crazy."

[u/Admirable-Basket5221 → u/Ediferous]

Yeah it’s exactly that. Im not miserable about not having any bi friends at the moment, but I do crave that understanding! Most of us probably aren’t looking for solutions, long or short term, just for people who Get It.

[u/Adventurous-Try-98 → u/Admirable-Basket5221]

I recommend writing everything down and then burning it. That is such a powerful cathartic release of energy

[u/Forward-Arachnid-574]

I’m very sorry that being bisexual has made you a target for sexual predation. I hope you find someone who makes you feel more than safe, someone who makes you feel embraced and appreciated for who you are.

[u/Admirable-Basket5221 → u/Forward-Arachnid-574]

Thank you 🫶

[u/Adventurous-Try-98]

I've been a victim of SA and harassment more times than I can count. And realized recently that I tend to attract men who fetishize me. I don't advertise that I'm bi. I'm not completely out of the closet . Much of my abuse came even before I realized I was bi. But it's like they knew it about me before I did. Most of the people I've come out to, they actually knew I was bi before I did but most couldn't explain why they knew. Just something they felt. Almost none of them were surprised when I told them.

I never realized there were statistics on this until I read this post. 😢

[u/Admirable-Basket5221 → u/Adventurous-Try-98]

I get this! Sometimes the difference can be so small but predatory people pick up on it. Even when I wasn’t necessarily shouting from the rooftops about being bi, my loneliness about not having bi community or bi role models was something shitty guys could just “Smell”

[u/ayooooooo77]

i've read a statistic that said bi women are more likely to experience SA and also pain during sex in general. idk why that is and if it is true