I (30F) have a close friend (29F) I've known since school and I'm confused about her, and myself. I've only ever dated guys. I initiated some first moves with her. We made out when we were teenagers, she was my first kiss, I told her to kiss me during a movie, she put her hand on my face to turn me towards her and kissed me. I enjoyed it, a lot. I said if she was a guy I'd fuck her right now. Not sure why she had to be a guy to do that?? I remember blurting that out and being embarassed. we made out somemore until we eventually went to sleep. The next day I was embarassed, i didnt want to talk about it and she didnt bring it up, it was as if nothing happened.

Fast forward to now, after both of us having relationships with guys and we both have kids.
I mentioned our kiss recently, she was completely fine talking about it which was a relief and said it was wild and glad we can openly talk about it now. I couldnt gauge if she felt deeply about it or me, I guess my questions were not direct enough. She had a few more drinks, I was sober because I was driving. I drove to a remote area because neither of us wanted to go home yet and thats where she said she'd always felt sexual tension between us and felt like there was unfinished business, I couldnt believe what I was hearing but I immediately pulled her in for a kiss, we made out for a while then stopped, we spoke a bit but everything was a blur I cannot remember what was said (wish I could remember) then she wanted to make out again so we did for a while, I then took her home. She messaged the next day alot of laughing emojis and i replied with some back, she asked if I was ok I said yeah all good. The next few times I saw her she still gave really long hugs when saying bye and touchy feely, no change there but no more kissing.

The last time I saw her she admitted she has some feelings for me. I was shocked. She was sober so not the alcohol talking. I said the feeling isnt mutual (impulse reaction because I needed a minute) but i could tell that hurt her a little, i can tell shes a bit taken aback that I dont feel the same especially as I initiated some of this

my head is a mess. What am I supposed to do or feel. I do feel something but I couldnt get the words out to articulate how I feel and now feel like its too late

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hiya! Im 18f, and ive never really been sure if im only into men. I know, definitely and unfortunately, that i am attracted to men, but when it comes to women im more confused.

I met this girl at a party today. She was tall, awkward, pretty, short haired, slightly androgynous, and super kind. I found it super cute that when she got nervous she'd go fully red and look away, and her laughter is musical and so nice to hear. She was really nice to me. And at a point in the night I was really hoping she'd kiss me. Not that ive ever kissed anyone before, or know how to kiss at all.

Im not sure if she was into me at all. She was complimenting me a lot as girls do at parties, and she was super sincere and nice and everything. I get butterflies thinking about her. Im not sure I like her though, but I dont know.

Any help with figuring out my sexuality, or how to navigate this would be appreciated.

(If it helps everyone, straight, gay, purple, all are so extremely surprised to find out im not a lesbian. Nobody as ever assumed me straight.)

Thanks guys!

Hi everyone,

I am having a hard time and could use some encouragement or advice. I’m in my mid 40s and have been with my husband for 11 years. We’ve had a lot of challenges but I love him very much. I am bi but have never dated a woman before…probably just bc I was on the heteronormative train and never thought to get off it. My husband knows I’m bi and so does my mom. They’re loving and supportive. I’ve struggled more lately though with being in an heterosexual marriage. Part of it is marriage just gets routine as the years go on, it becomes commonplace and domestic. Also, ive struggled to make a deep emotional connection with him - he’s more quiet by nature and doesn’t seek the connection i do. I’ve put more energy into our sex life the past two years. We have sex at least once a week and I love that time with him. I am always satisfied. It’s when I feel closest to him and not “mom or dad”. But it’s pretty vanilla, although he is open to growing more sexually.

I enjoy sleeping with him and am attracted to him, but tbh I am much more attracted to women. And I’ve noticed that all the porn I watch is with women. Any of the male porn grosses me out. It’s made me wonder if I am a latent lesbian and just not in touch with it. Like wouldn’t I like male porn? The only time I ever really fantasize about men is my husband or maybe one or two people in college.

At the end of the day - I definitely have a strong female preference and it makes me wonder if I am suppressing my true self? It’s hard bc I don’t have any bi friends, and I live in a pretty up tight white community that makes me feel like a weirdo.

I’m just struggling with my identity and feel confused.

Would love some advice from married and seasoned bisexuals.

Im 41F married to a man for 13 yrs. We have a beautiful child together. I have a great life and I am thankful for it.

Lately these thoughts about women have been flooding my brain. I can't stop fantasizing about being with them. I've tried to ignore them and when I was younger I just brushed them off.

Now my feelings have become so overwhelming that when I wake up from a good dream of being with a woman im actually sad.

Sad it wasn't real. That I didnt taste those lips. That the excitement of being with her will not be mine.

I have told my husband how I feel and he has agreed to let me explore this side of me on my own. I just wish I wouldn't have brushed off these thoughts when I was in my twenties.

I feel that I can't go my whole life without knowing what a women's lips taste like. So I have to try and make this happen.

Where do I even begin? Im lost in San Diego.

I’m going on a date with a woman, and it’ll be my first date with a woman ever (I'm in my 30s). I have dated before, but I’ve never been particularly good at it. I tend to get anxious and put pressure on myself often finding it hard to just relax and be myself. Dating has never felt especially natural to me, even though I’m usually very comfortable with conversation and communication.

We’ve only met briefly once before, in a queer setting but since then we’ve been talking and I really enjoy our conversations. We have a lot in common, the communication feels easy and natural, and she does show interest in me. It’s not like we talk constantly, but there’s a nice consistency to our chatting which is probably why I keep wondering whether there might be something more there.

The thing is I genuinely can’t tell whether she’s interested in me romantically or just as a friend. I don’t know her sexuality either, although given where we met I assume she’s probably queer in some way.

I’m also not quite sure how to bring up my own sexuality. I don’t want her to assume I’m straight, but I also don’t want to suddenly become very forward or aggressively flirty because that’s just not me. Our communication is smooth, but everything still feels quite implied, and I’m not sure how much either of us is actually saying out loud.

I know she may simply like me as a friend, and I’m trying to keep that possibility in mind. But I really like talking to her and I’m genuinely looking forward to seeing her again. I think that’s why I’m both excited and anxious. Any advice would be very welcome ♥️

https://youtu.be/gsZauX8gwxo?is=ehArVTfGpDmdLOFi the original was stuck in my head for weeks now this version is stuck in my heart 🌸🪻🦋🌒🌘

Susan Carlton’s “This poem can be put off no longer,” from the anthology Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out(1991).

First time posting on Reddit, but I really just need to anonymously vent.

I'm not used to rejection, but the person I've had a crush on basically told me that they don't even know if they're really into girls. Our relationship has always been pretty flirty, so I guess I read into things a little too much. I was just really excited about the tension we had, and now I'm realizing that what I thought was, at the very least, a situationship in the making was really just me having unrequited feelings.

And now I feel like a total creep?? 😭 Like, what even is this feeling? I'm genuinely not used to rejection, because most of the time I don't really put myself out there, so I'm pretty sure a lot of this stems from that. I really don't like this feeling at all.

I've struggled with my self-worth for a while, and being at a PWI where being a Black woman can sometimes feel like you're more of a spectacle or an experience to have than someone to genuinely love has made things even harder. I feel stuck at a deadlock because I know I'm worthy of love, but I never seem to receive it in the way I actually want. I always feel like I have to go the extra mile, and right now, I just feel like the outlier.

Obviously, I'm responsible for my own feelings, so I'll take a step back and retract them as much as I can. I know they probably won't go away until I get some sense of closure, but right now, I don't think the rejection has fully set in yet. Honestly, I find the whole thing kind of laughable at the moment, which is probably going to change once it actually hits me.

That's all!! I just needed to get this off my chest.

It's not that I don't exude my own kind of confidence, I do. I'm a rock musician, I get in front of audiences. I've learned how to act confident, I've learned how to command a room's attention. I'm anything but meek or awkward; I've been called intimidating. I get lots of attention (mostly from men, mostly unwanted). But mine is a different kind of confidence. It's effortful confidence, gained hard after painfully lacking it. The confidence of these women who get to me, it seems so natural. Like they know attention just flows to them like water downhill and it's theirs to play with.

I think this thing that happens to me is specific to being a woman who loves women. Because women are both social and sexual for me--like this woman, whoever she might be: I want to be friends with her, I want to be like her, I want to kiss her and date her and go to bed with her, these feelings come all at once and for whatever reason come with a twinge of pain. It's like having a secret crush on your more popular friend in grade school--you can't confess it, much less hope it's reciprocated, and that makes you feel so alone, so pining, so invisible.

And this feeling, I don't really take it 100% seriously when it happens but it kind of gives me despair that I'll find someone. All the confidence I've built up over the years temporarily dissolves and I'm just that 14 year old with a crush on her straight friend, slumped against the window on the bus ride home, feeling like no one will ever understand.

Okay everyone, let's talk about biphobia within the bisexual community itself (yes, the lesbian/gay community isn't the only biphobic community, okay?), because I see many bisexual people being biphobic towards their own community. For example, I see bisexual women being biphobic towards bisexual men, holding the same prejudices that heterosexual women have about them. There are also bisexual women being biphobic towards other bisexual women, holding the same prejudices as lesbian women or men, and even bisexual men being biphobic towards other bisexual people. And this is so disgusting and sad at the same time, because it's sad to see bisexual people being prejudiced against other bisexuals and rejecting them for being bisexual. And I don't understand why they're so biphobic towards us?

Is it worth it ?
Hii I am an 18F i grew up in a very religious Christian family while also living in an Arab country so overall I have always lived in a very conservative society. Lately I think i realized that I have the capacity to be attracted to both genders physically and sexually, but I am still questioning. The thing is now that I became non religious myself over the past year it had already felt like hell. I feel so isolated and so alone all the time cuz I can’t be open about my religious views so I fear being more open about being bisexual might cuz me to feel even more isolated and make the feeling even worse. I am still curious tho and I don’t really know how to start exploring and acting upon this attraction to women too especially because I can’t really approach any woman irl and it has to be mainly online. So I am very confused idk if it’s worth exploring or would I just make it worse for myself

Sometimes I think I’m bisexual. Other times, I think I’m a straight woman who is sometimes physically and emotionally attracted to women. The difference is clear as mud

Any good books you guys been reading lately? Doesn’t have to be just bisexual books though extra points if you are👀 I’m trying to get my ‘books to read’ for 2027. I can read any genre and prefer character driven books. Manga comics doujins even fanfic recommendations are appreciated! 🌒🌘

Hi everyone! I’m 41 and married to a man. I’ve been honest with my husband about my attraction to women, and he’s supportive of me exploring it. I’ve only had one experience with a woman, who was a close friend, so I’m still figuring this out.

How do you know if a woman is flirting or just being nice? When someone says “you’re cute” or compliments my outfit, I say thank you and compliment her back. Then I’m left wondering if we were flirting or just being friendly 😂 How do you show interest without making things awkward or assuming she’s attracted to women?

I also want to be honest about being married. When should I mention that? I’m not actively looking for a romantic relationship, but I’m open to one developing naturally if everyone involved knows about it and agrees. How would I explain that clearly without giving mixed signals?

Dating apps are another area where I could use guidance. How do you get started, and what should you put in your profile? I see terms like bisexual, bicurious, poly, and unicorn, but I don’t want to misuse a label or imply something I don’t mean. Are there terms I should avoid based on what I’ve described? What are the do’s and don’ts when messaging women?

Which apps have you had good experiences with in 2026? Are there any with active communities of Black and Latina women? I’d be interested in those spaces, but I’m open to women of different backgrounds and still learning who I connect with.

I’m asking for advice, not looking to meet anyone through this post. I want to approach this respectfully and be considerate of the other woman’s feelings. Any guidance or experiences you’re comfortable sharing would help!

Hellos. I am wondering if there are any apps in which you don't really have to put a lot of info (for anonymity), and which would be suitable for amateurs for me. I just want to meet and hangout with other bi/gay women, even friendships are fine because I don't have any queer friends. Please advise.

What the title says. Also, she's probably straight. But she also gives mixed signals. She's so beautiful, she genuinely looks like how the sea waves look when sunlight falls on them in a random afternoon. Yeah whatever this feels like a humiliation ritual, idk how straight men or experienced gay women do this. I wanna throw myself into a wall.

UPDATE: I chose to respect myself and the crush has worn off. Feels good to be back👍🏻

I have a boyfriend but I’m still attracted to woman and unsure if I want to act on them desires. Any advice?

Baby gay here. Took me 25 years to realise I am bisexual. I have a very relaxed dressing, sometimes on the sporty side. I wear rings and stuff. Whenever I go out (i am currently in a city with some party culture etc), I see women AND GET SELF CONSCIOUS. I haven't had this feeling of getting so conscious in a while. I find myself attractive, I am cool and interesting as people say, but lately I feel like I am not attractive lmao.

I also dk how gay women work. Do they also just look at women and think 1) she's probably straight 2) I will just look at her and never talk to her, 3) she probably thinks you aren't attractive, 4)keep walking. Because THIS is what I keep doing. Even complimenting a woman feels creepy now, let alone flirting or approaching someone (because then again, what if she is straight?). Yeah I am losing my mind.

Huge TW for obvious reasons.
I read part of the Cornell Jane Doe’s voluntary statement, and in hindsight I shouldn’t have read it because it was obviously upsetting. I’d just seen so much triggering misinformation from the usual suspects I wanted to know Her Words if that makes sense 😅

She describes feeling safe initially because she thought two of the men were gay. Shes bisexual and was excited because they’d be part of the same community. Obviously they weren’t gay let alone safe. It’s horrifying. It feels like whenever theres a woman at the center of an international conversation about gbv and rape, it’s very often a bisexual woman (Amber, Meg, Angelina)And weirdly, that intersection is mostly called out by misogynists trying to find extra reasons to victim blame? (In my experience!)
Im familiar with the statistics too.

I’ve also experienced sexual assault multiple times and possibly (not sure tbh) within a relationship and definitely in a friendship. Of course I don’t blame my bisexuality, but I know being bisexual (and on the spectrum) made me an appealing target for abusive people. And sometimes my sexuality was explicitly targeted in sexual harassment (like being called cumsock and stuff like that by ehem other members of the community) At my lowest Im worried it’s gonna happen again? I can’t change my sexuality, and so much of my self expression was caused by being groomed by a bimisogynistic culture. What if I keep attracting unsafe people in the years it has taken and will take me to heal and cope? Realistically, I know there are safe people out there! I believe theres (single hehe) bisexual women out there who understand me without also being really traumatized 🫶 it’s just hard to feel hopeful or safe sometimes.
Much love to any other bisexual Jane Does, I believe you!

I didn't discover I was Bi until I was in my 30s. I always say, "never underestimate a person's ability to lie to themselves." There were definitely signs along the way. I have had some sexual experiences with women. I'm not huge into porn, but when I do partake, it's women only. However, I've only dated/was married to men. I'm getting out of a long term relationship and I'm thinking about dating women and I'm so intimidated by the thought. I'm definitely not ready for any serious relationships, so I'm not exactly sure what I'm seeking here. But I don't have many people I can talk to about this subject. I guess I just want to hear others' experiences.

I don’t know what I am, sometimes I feel like I’m just nothing?

I’m 20, and I’ve kissed 2 guys before (once each), never went further than making out. Both times I felt nothing. I just felt embarrassed? With the first guy I kinda liked him I think, with the second one I didn’t really, I only let him kiss me because I wanted to know how it’d make me feel. The entire time I was in my head thinking “this is awkward, I hope he doesn’t try going further.” Whenever we hung out after that I’d purposely not look at him just so he wouldn’t try kissing me again.

I tried talking to another guy a few weeks ago. I didn’t really find him attractive, but he seemed nice, and I thought “maybe if I become his friend I’ll find him attractive.” But then on the second date he asked to hold my hand and my stomach just dropped and I let him but I didn’t care for it. When he told me he’s “never liked anyone this much before” I just felt gross, and maybe I’m a bad person (I think I am), but it just felt performative, like you’ve seen me twice and you’re almost 30 years old but I’m suddenly the best thing in your life?

Maybe I just stop liking people once they show interest in me, maybe I’m just destined to be alone forever. I wonder if maybe I should try dating girls, I find them much more attractive, but I’ve never actually been with one because the only people who seem interested in me are men… I don’t even know how to go about dating women.

But maybe that’s not the problem. Maybe I’m not attracted to anyone, but I don’t want that to be the answer and if it is then what’s the point? I want to meet someone that actually makes me feel something, that I want to kiss, that doesn’t gross me out, but I’m worried I’m looking for a unicorn that isn’t out there. And I know, I’m young, people tell me I have time to figure this out, but I don’t want to be a 30 year old virgin, I don’t want to be alone forever.

I guess I’m just curious if anyone else has ever felt anything similar when it comes to their sexuality?