I hate the shape of my body. My whole life I have been extremely skinny. This isn’t because of anything I did, it was simply poverty and neglect. My family rarely had food in the house and when we did, we essentially got small portions to stretch to feed everyone.

As I got older, things got better. I was in the military. I finally had enough to eat. I had an active lifestyle and still do. I like going outside, going for hikes, bike rides, and I enjoy lifting weights. I recognize that this is a privilege and I am in “”””good shape””””. But the problem is, I’m tall and lean. I feel like I’m a stick with no curves at all.

Recently I started a work out program called strong curves and trying my best to eat at a caloric surplus. I stuff my face and drink protein shakes after. I try to eat as many snacks as I can, I drink full sugar soda. I see progress in my glutes and my thighs. But I still cannot help feeling bitter.

I have a girlfriend who was overweight, poor lifestyle choices, very rarely worked out, and drank alcohol everyday. She got 360 liposuction, a BBL, and rib remodeling. All covered by insurance.

I know I shouldn’t compare myself to her but it feels so unfair. I’m working really hard for slower results that are going to be subpar. While she did nothing and essentially got to skip to the ideal female body type in a few hours. We both are at home all day. She barely eats anything and somehow doesn’t lose any weight. If I go a week missing one meal I lose 3-5 lbs. I hate the way she gets praised for her body when she did nothing to earn it. I hate how because I was not overweight and made healthy lifestyle decisions, I simply do not have enough fat for a BBL. She even has the gall to say that she feels like the BBL did nothing.

It’s hard for me to see the point of going to the gym, eating at a surplus, and working hard when people can just do whatever they want and press a magic button and be more attractive than me.

How do I beat the amnesiac way in which I spend all this time staring at my reflection, taking selfies, this that and the other. All of the ways I could judge myself, and I don’t even know what I’m looking at.

Is this a me thing? Does this happen to others?

I can’t remember what I look like outside of eye color and hair color and texture. Same for body, I can generally say I have an ectomorphic build. But I also think I’m absolutely the most anorexic person in the world. (Did struggle with that in my teens but no longer)

It’s like my self perception is constantly shifting, it’s distorted. I don’t even know what it is I’m checking when I’m checking it.

Finally, what mental exercises can I do to break that veil?

Title says it all. I have to remind myself, "I have doctor's handwriting"

Recovery from BDD might sometimes feel like a distant goal that seems, at times, impossible to achieve. But many people recover from BDD or learn to reduce the symptoms to the point where they don't play a role in their everyday life. Remember that a mental disorder is not a life long sentence but rather something that can be managed and recovered from.

Here we have collected a set of stories and advice on what recovery looks like and how others have gotten there.

Watch personal stories

• Tips for Overcoming Body Image Issues | Kim White
• My BDD Recovery | Annie Elainey
• Finding body peace | Annie Elainey
• Healing Ugly – How I healed my body dysmorphia | helloamygarner
• How I Deal With BDD, tips for when you're having a rough time | AlexandriaTheGreat
• BDD (& Things That Can Help) | Melanie Murphy
• Hannah Lewis, recovery story | BDD foundation
• Alex Mummery, recovery story | BDD foundation

Read personal stories

• Recovery stories | BDDFoundation
• How I recovered from BDD | International OCD Foundation

Professional advice

• CBT for BDD - Rob Willson / BDDFoundation
• Coping and Recovering from BDD when you have Visible Flaws - Dr Rob Willson

Healthier perspective

• On feeling ugly | School of Life
• Our Bodies are Not an Image | Mary Jelkovsky, TEDx
• Beauty and how we're obsessed with the wrong idea | Christina Gressianu / TEDx
• Body Positivity or Body Obsession? | Lindsay Kite, TEDx
• Shake my beauty - a series redefining what beauty means

Before I explain I just want to say that I’m very well aware that I need to get better on my own and that these problems are not all his but I would also like to elaborate.

Him and I are hetero couple both 29. I dated in high school but have remained friends throughout the years. We started to date again officially beginning of last summer. I have always had bdd, but right after we got together I developed POTS(meaning I get blood pooling in my legs) kp on my arms AND ROSACEA on my face. I’m hoping that people with bdd can understand how distressing that all is to happen all at once.

Basically since we have been together I am now on my 4th therapist to try to help me. Tbh all the ones I have seen so far are not really educated in bdd. They really just think it’s like an eating disorder. Core myself as almost this really ugly not smooth person with a weird face and body. I am a nail tech and I actually get compliments pretty regularly about my appearance but I always think they are lying to me.

It’s VERY hard for me to go to work let alone to anything. I am in full blown depression. My sleep and eating sucks. And I am constantly stressed tf out. My mind is never not thinking about how bad my skin looks all the time. It’s horrible.

At first when him and I got together he r was understanding and would tell my I’m beautiful. He does tell me that all the time and I do appreciate it. But for me personally I’m not someone that likes to yell. I’m a very good communicator. He will SCREAM at me now for being in a bad mood or if I ask a question about appearance. I don’t mean yell I mean SCREAM his head off. This makes me feel more alone and isolated. I told him I feel like I have to pretend to be fine around him just so I don’t get yelled at.

On top of all of this I obviously don’t enjoy sex but with him being very inconsiderate of how I feel it makes me more turned off. To me it just feels like shut up and be happy andsçřew me. All he ever talk about is how it affects him.

Mind you he still goes out to bars and hangs with his friends he is normal. I don’t even do those things. I try to explain that to him also x today he screamed at me and basically said I can’t be with someone that’s depressed all the time and that I’m insane because I don’t look at all how I feel. He tells me that I just need to keep telling myself that I’m pretty and that it’ll just go away. When I tell him that’s not how it works he gets pissed with me and says I’m making excuses. Basically that I don’t do anything to help myself and that I’m just stupid.

For me it’s so hard because my self esteem is the lowest it’s ever been in my life and I love him a lot. We have known each other for so long. He has also told me that no other guy would want to be with me with how sad I am all the time.

It’s so frustrating because I tell him how I try therapy and meds but it doesn’t work. It’s not like I want to give up I don’t. But at the same time it’s so bad that it’s crippling to exist.

I do get where he is coming from to an extent. But I also feel like I can’t tell if it’s my bdd making me see it this way or if I’m actually right in this that I should be talked to nicer.

I sleep a lot because of my pots. He gets mad about that. I don’t like staying the night with him because he keeps me up all night by tossing and turning that I can’t sleep then he will wake me up early. He doesn’t like that. He tells me to not be around if I’m down so I don’t but then if it’s too long he gets mad.

Please help.

Hi!! I’m 17F and finishing high school this year. This is my first time ever posting on Reddit because this burden has built up to a point where I genuinely don’t know how to deal with it anymore.

Everywhere I go, whatever I do, I fixate on how my nose looks, how my hair looks, how my body looks, whether my smile is slightly to the left, or whether my eyebrows are asymmetrical. It’s gotten to the point where I struggle to leave my own house without panicking - worrying about how people will see me, whether I look good enough to be in public, and constantly comparing myself to every single woman I come across.
It’s not fair to them, obviously; they’re just going about their own lives. But it’s like my mind has become hardwired this way. It’s inescapable. (And yes, i sometimes see an absolute hideous creature staring back at me in the mirror, and i can’t stand the sight of it)

The worst part is that it’s interfering with my daily activities. I can hardly study, I rarely leave the house unless I have to, I avoid mirrors, and I spend countless hours researching beauty standards and physical attractiveness. I feel ashamed of my own behaviour because I have so many other things I should be doing, but I just can’t seem to stop. I go to sleep crying almost every night, wondering what’s fundamentally wrong with me. I refuse to go out with friends, I distance myself from people at school, and i loathe doing anything involving the outing to a place with people my age. It’s as if i don’t want them to suffer having to look at my ‘hideous face’.

For those of you who’ve experienced something similar, what has genuinely helped you cope with these thoughts? How did you stop the constant comparing and researching from taking over your life? I would really appreciate any advice or experiences you’re willing to share.

I came here to seek advice and, after looking at a few posts, decided to say “aloud” what is empowering me—to put it into the world and also share with anyone who might benefit from it.

My BDD is really bad right now. I just covered a mirror in our house with a blanket because I can’t stop obsessing over different small things that are “wrong.” I don’t need to go into the specifics—you all know how this goes. I can hardly read because I’m so focused on my mouth or my face. Walking is hard because I worry about my gait… The obsessions are so bad (at this particular moment) now that they’re sucking life out of every activity I do, every communication… and I’m sick of it.

Every moment has its challenges AND I am fighting. The below are a few buoys that have been helping me keep my head above the water. They aren’t magic fixes, certainly, and if you don’t like them, please be kind. They’re something, though. Something good.

DBT skills cards. I LOVE these. In the “emotion regulation” section, there is a card on values-based living. I briefly ask myself, when obsessing over my overplucked brows or crooked teeth or rolls or whatever, “how is this helping me live according to my values?” There may be something there—I value being attractive, sure. But I also value (and want to value), more highly, inner peace and relationships and supporting others and creativity, etc… I might do a BD-inspired “self-portrait”—it might be dark, but it will be an outlet for me to express my feelings and be creative and step away from that darned mirror. Or maybe I’ll go for a walk. Heck, I can hide in a hoodie and sunglasses if I want to. Or I can… whatever. I’m not saying it’s magic. I’m just saying that remembering my values and how short our time is here gives me the jolt I need to keep fighting the good fight.

Tracing my hand on paper. Painting hand prints. Writing words around it. For me, I’ve never had issues with my hands—they’re one of the few body parts I don’t struggle with. So I use them in self-expression. I focus on them creatively, put their outlines on paper and surround with mantras like “I can take up space” or beautiful patterns.

Radical acceptance… mantras. Mantras are cheesy sometimes, but if I get desperate enough, repeating them does help with acceptance and grounding. Turn “I hate my crooked, chipped, yellow, gappy teeth” to “I’m grateful I have teeth; I’m grateful I have strong teeth.” Or “my skin is disgusting and I am fat” to “I have a body; with it, I have a chance to move thepugh this life.”

Oh, and the Body Image Workbook is gold. I’ve never gotten through it competely… but I need to come back to it. And I think I will today. It’s annoying and frustrating and, well, if I want to help retrain my brain, it’s an extremely useful tool.

I’m really struggling. Even in this moment, I’m not sure what activity to do next that won’t be interrupted by the BD. AND there are good things now and good things to come…

I don’t know if this will help anyone, but I’m leaving it here in the hopes that it might. Thank you for reading. Keep fighting ❤️

Some days I feel ok. I have my safe mirrors where I don't feel like I look so awful, and I know what lighting will trigger me so I avoid it. Unfortunately, an appointment at the hairdressers can send me into a complete spiral. I find it overwhelming to look at myself in an unfamiliar mirror with unflattering lighting for so long, seeing my face in motion talking to the stylist, and invariably hating any haircut because it is either poor executed or doesn't make me magically love my face.

How do you all survive haircuts? Tips or solidarity please!