r/BreakUps • u/Kitty_Meow0303 • 11h ago
š¬ Need Advice is it true?
what do u guys think abt the saying that āpeople who break up and get back together are likely to break up for the same reason againā? needed some actual opinions on this
32
u/snowy_thinks 9h ago
If anything, I think theyād break up again because it just doesnāt feel the same anymore. No matter how much you love someone, the fact that they left you will always be there. Some people can live with it, while others canāt.
10
u/loveapples_12 9h ago
This explains it so well bc you will always know that your gf/bf left you, dumped you and was totally fine with risking that trust and risk losing you forever. Usually thereās alot of hurtful things said between the both of you that you never forget. They felt you were expendable and they were all set. So yeah either way that knowledge and those feelings that never disappear itās most likely that a reconnection will not work
2
u/Kitty_Meow0303 9h ago
that does sound a much like how i felt aft the breakup but would u say those feelings later would make u want to end the relationship this time around? cuz i donāt really feel so
2
u/StillWaiting1984 8h ago
That can happen too. For me, I kept accepting him back because I truly loved him. Then he would leave again. And again. And again. He just did it to me for the last time. I ended things completely and forever. I still love him. He loves me too and I know he does. He just isnāt capable of being who I need him to be at the moment. I donāt know that he ever will be.
15
u/DizkoBizkid 11h ago
Not necessarily. Two of my siblings had breakups for a few months and ended up marrying both partners. I assume the space was enough to change things. If nothing changes in between the breakup then usually it does yes. These reconciliations are usually rushed
7
u/Brilliant-Umpire6829 10h ago
In der Regel Ƥndern sich Muster und Verhaltensweisen nur selten. Daher ja, die Wahrscheinlichkeit ist sehr hoch. Meine letzte Beziehung ist auch an den selben GrĆ¼nden gescheitert.
Er ist ein vermeidender Bindungstyp, konfliktscheu und unehrlich.
14
u/_beckyxo_ 11h ago
Itās not true in every case. If it does happen again for the same reasons itās because people in the relationship didnāt put effort into it to change what broke it in the first place. But when both people are willing to learn, grow, change and put effort into their second chance instead of just forgetting what happened, the second time around can be even better than the first time and the relationship can be even stronger than before which can turn into a successful relationship that will last.
6
u/glamasaurus 6h ago
I agree.It's both with the comment somebody said that you'll always remember that they left you , but it's also that the problems that existed will still be there unless things are actually changed
6
u/Defiant-Pizza8207 11h ago
Depends on the relationship and the issues.
I've had 2 relationships where we've reconciled, and one where reconciliation was tabled and then, ultimately, not explored.
The first one: the issue was, simply, that I was young and dumb. We eventually broke up for good because I was living a different life and didn't want to be in the relationship anymore.
The second one: we got back together but, not only had the issues not been sorted, they were worse.
The reconciliation that got cancelled: tbh, I reckon it would have ended anyway. Taught me a lot though, and she's still probably the hottest girl I've ever been with. Absolutely no substance to her whatsoever though. It's crazy how much a pretty face can make men blind to incompatibilities.
1
1
u/Otherwise_Leather235 1h ago
Why do you think she didnāt have any substance ? Did you ever ask her any questions?
1
u/Defiant-Pizza8207 56m ago
"No substance" came out wrong - I meant in terms of what I like in a partner, not in her as a person. She is, like all others, a substantial person.
5
u/susejesus 11h ago
Wasnāt true for my wife and I and we have been together for almost 12 years now
1
u/espikvlt 4h ago
How long were you broken up and what was the story of the reconciliation?
2
u/susejesus 4h ago
We met when we were 21, dated for almost a year, and I broke up with her because I was an idiot. After a few months I truly realized how bad the mistake I made was and I was able to convince her to give me another chance. Our relationship has been wonderful ever since and we have grown together so much. It did take a lot for me to convince her I was serious about wanting to be with her after I hurt her so badly 12 years ago though. It was a few months before she agreed to being my girlfriend again and I spent every single day showing her how much I loved her and meant it. If I could go back and smack sense into myself I would, sheās the best thing to ever happen to me.
5
u/thesisorbust 10h ago
If the break-up was due to logistical things or life stages, you would probably have a better chance the second time around than if it was due to personality issues, mismatched values, or infidelity/dishonesty.
5
u/StillWaiting1984 8h ago
Oh absolutely true. He has done it to me over and over and over again. Iām done. He did it for the last time
1
4
u/RickeyDourst 11h ago
This has been true for 100% of relationships I have been exposed to throughout my life. May take years though sometimes
3
u/Salty_Thing3144 11h ago
No, that's another useless generalization. Every relationship is different.
3
u/Ok-Parsley-2774 11h ago
It depends.
My bf and I thought weād get married, he broke up with me very immaturely and 3 days later asked me to come back and move back in. It destroyed me. I gave it a few weeks, tried to process everything and wanted to come back, until I realized while we were apart I was blind to manipulation, his enmeshment with his parents and low emotional intelligence.
3
u/Deep_Answer_8595 10h ago
It depends on whether anyone does the work to deal with the issues that caused the breakup in the first place. I know for me, I did the work, but my ex wants nothing to do with me. Sheās got me blocked everywhere. That puts the damper on any kind of reconciliation.
3
3
u/TrainingMinute9128 9h ago
Itās not true if you have open communication with what the actual reason why you broke up. As well as working on self growth and couple growth it can ensure that you donāt break up.
People will say ānah broke it canāt workā, but those people arenāt trying to make a relationship work. They can if the above is done.
3
u/neurotic-proxy 7h ago
Seems true I guess. Reconciliation seems to only work well if the reasons for breaking up were external or if someone can really admit that they were not a great partner and have shown proof of changing. But if the breakup was about a partner wanting to end a relationship because they feel like they could do better then reconciliation probably wonāt last
2
u/Competitive-Cause964 10h ago
I donāt think anything is that 100%. Do you both honestly want to try? The grass is def not always greener so take an intentional conscious decision of what you want and go into it like that and see if an agreement can be reached because everything in life is a constant negotiation anyways
2
u/Cautious-Pudding-515 8h ago
Yeah, broke up due to reasons, but came back for familiarity and comfort having never worked through the issues that broke us apart.
1
1
u/Mobile-Macaron1851 9h ago
1000% yes. I got back with my ex and wasted years of my life with a man who was never going to change.
1
1
u/riderinooo 7h ago edited 7h ago
I'm sure there are cases where taking enough time apart and actually doing the work can lead to better results. But unfortunately the majority of the time this is not the case.
My ex broke up with me three times and I took him back those first two because it'd only been two months apart each time, I was still hung up and willing to believe him when he insisted he wanted to try again and he'd do better. He'd put in effort for a month, give or take, and then drop it and go right back to acting the way he had for a long time. My gut told me the second time not to do it but I tried again anyways, as I'm a bit stubborn with giving people another chance.
Lesson learned: no, an emotionally constipated and immature person cannot make any meaningful change in just under two months.
1
u/Rags2Riches_5 6h ago
I broke up, got back together, and broke up again but it wasnt for the same reason. I broke up because I needed him to treat me better, we got back after a week because he realized he hurt me, and he did actually changeā¦ but he came back too fast and because I was hurt I couldnt appreciate him. I felt overwhelmed and broke up again. I think if we had taken a break or done therapy it couldve work. Getting back together is NOT the hard part, but addressing the issues are. You cant just pick up where u left..
1
u/raiechelle 5h ago
If the problem isnāt truly fixed then they will likely break up again. If the problem was correctly identified and truly fixed, then they could stay together this time. My couples therapist said in his experience that almost anything can be fixed, as long as both people want to fix it. Sometimes I think āright person wrong timeā is also true, and sometimes a large gap of time combined with fixing the issue correctly can help people meet again for the first time, as new people.
1
u/Ok-Dot3148 5h ago
My wife dumped me while we were dating. I donāt think either of us can even remember why
1
1
u/6SolidSnake6 4h ago edited 4h ago
If it didn't work the first time, it's not going to work the second or third. When someone is giving attention weeks after the relationship ended and has already entertained three different guys, move on. I will never pursue her again. I won't look at her as a potential partner or even as a friend. She's just a stranger to me now
Both parties have to actively work on themselves from the start. If they're doing rebounds or testing the waters, leave
While she's entertaining and will continue to entertain several dudes. I will find my one and only. I'm actively talking to someone and they make me feel like I matter. I feel loved. No second guesses. Definitely a upgrade
1
1
u/AppropriateWorry1154 4h ago
Yep, happened to me. He broke up with me once because he wanted to see what else was out there. Months later, we got back together, and I gave him another chance. FOUR YEARS LATER, he broke up with me again for the exact same reason. What a fucking jokeš
1
u/DurableGreenNature 3h ago
Probably because they don't ever address the core issues that led to the breakup in the first place. If you get back together you both need to tackle that core issue. Best bet would be couples therapy. Else yeah its gonna fail again.
1
u/Odd_Excitement_6275 2h ago
it makes sense, as much as I miss her our issues would still be the same and it's probably the case for most people who break ever
1
u/Dangerous-Word-1281 2h ago
Humans are vastly complex beings. You can't take general advice and slap it onto everything. It's simply a matter of feelings, emotions and also how much work has been put in. Usually after the break up, the issues are high lighted on a golden platter so if both partners are mature enough to talk about it and legitimately work on it, it could work out but there's no saying if other issue may come up down the line or things are fine forever. That's just how shit works, and tryna apply generalized advice on top of it just makes it more stressful and unrealistic, humans aren't computers who function in certain ways always and relationships aren't either.
1
1
1
u/sweetleaf009 1h ago
Itās like trying to reapply a piece of tape after you removed it once itāll stick but not for long
1
u/whyuniversee 41m ago
Depends on if both the people worked on the thing that broke them apart. If yes, it is unlikely theyād break up for the same reason and vice versa
0
u/Sorry_Profession_371 5h ago
100% true, it doesnt matter what you want. Unless you both dedicate yourselves to working on yourselves with therapy etc.
ā¢
u/AutoModerator 11h ago
USERS! We have noticed that many users are using inappropriate language in the comment section. Even if another user is wrong, it does not give you the right to use abusive words. This is against Reddit platform policies. Such comments will be removed. Additionally, posts spreading false accusations will also be removed. Please be careful moving forward. Don't forget to join our Discord server to chat, get updates, and hang out with the community! Please join our Discord Server: https://discord.gg/5y5wSxWNNg
Upvote this post if you think it suits the community. Downvote it if you dont.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.