You didn't want this breakup. They did. They made that decision knowing damn well how much it would hurt you and they still chose to walk away.

• The person you thought you would grow old with.
• The person you considered your home.
• The person you instinctively texted whenever something happened.
• The person you wanted to share your good days and bad days with.

That person no longer exists.

• They didn't look back when you tried to reason with them.
• They didn't look back when you offered solutions/tried to fix things.
• They didn't look back when you cried.
• They didn't look back when you begged them to stay.

I know it hurts like hell because in your mind, they're still the person you fell in love with. You're still holding on to the version of them who made you feel safe, loved and at home. The person you thought would never bear to see you hurt like this, yet somehow became the very person who could watch you cry and beg for them to stay and still remain so cold towards you.

You need to understand something: you're holding on to a version of someone who no longer wants to be with you.

In a way, grief after the breakup feels like mourning someone who is still alive. You remember their voice, their habits, their laugh, the little things they did and al the ordinary moments you once took for granted. You miss someone who still exists in this world but is no longer the same person you once knew and the hardest part of all? The person you want to run to for comfort is the very person who caused you this pain.

So before you break no contact, before you send that message, before you convince yourself that one more conversation might change their mind, STOP and remember why you're here in the first place.

You didn't choose this breakup, you have no say in it, all you could do was accept. But you can choose not to keep reopening the wound.

You don't need to hate them. You don't need to pretend you no longer love them. You don't even need to be ready to move on today. But you do need to start accepting that the relationship is over even if your heart hasn't caught up with that reality yet. Sometimes letting go doesn't mean you stopped loving them. It means you finally accept that love alone isn't enough to make someone stay.

It's time to bring that love back to ourselves, one day at a time.

We deserve to heal too.

Made it to the other side. I got broken up with at the beginning of the year by the person I genuinely thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

I was heartbroken, genuinely didn’t feel the joy in life after the breakup. I didn’t feel like love was real, I felt like I was going to be alone forever.

Yall, I feel SO much better. I was scared to completely let go but I just unadded/unfollowed this person on everything. I haven’t looked at their social media pages for a while. I don’t care anymore. I truly detached. This is also without being in another relationship.

I have realized someone who truly loves me would NEVER treat me the way they did, and also never risk losing me. I should never and will never accept less than someone who really deserves me. Same goes for all of you. Don’t settle.

I’m posting this as some encouragement. I know it seems like the end of the world going through it and you feel like nothing will make it better. Go through the motions, feel the hurt, learn from your mistakes. But also recognize that the person you might be missing wasn’t the right one for you and they weren’t all sunshine and rainbows. Focusing on both of those things and learning from them will help you so much I promise.

I see this person now as not a mistake per se, but a lesson for sure. I learned a lot and I’m grateful for that but I’m also so glad that I know I deserve better than that. This person will get what they deserve for what they did one way or the other. That isn’t my business, and I’m not waiting for it. But good luck to them!

what do u guys think abt the saying that “people who break up and get back together are likely to break up for the same reason again”? needed some actual opinions on this

Lowkey, I just need to vent this out and i hope my experience gives other people an idea of what comes next after the initial "oh shit, its really over" devastation clears.

SOME BACKGROUND:

Im gonna be straight up, it doesnt go away neatly lol. My ex and I were together for 5, almost 6, years and when she broke up with me, she did it over an unprompted phone call that lasted less than 20 minutes. It was really really harsh. We had ups and downs. She had broken up with me before but we were solid for a few years after and I thought we were committed to growing together.

In reality, it was tough on both of us. We met really young and navigating our early and mid 20s together trying to figure out who we wanted to be and what we wanted in life while being tied to one another probably didnt help us out.

Add in the fact that I received a pretty intense diagnosis near the middle of the relationship (and kinda spiraled slowly after) and it was clear that we both were in a very serious commitment neither one of us fully appreciated until it got real.

Anyways, I wasnt perfect. The end of the relationship (last 6 months) was rough. We went long distance because she moved out of state for grad school and our relationship heavily deteriorated due to a lot of factors. I had a lot (A LOT) of fight still left in me because I loved her but she was slowly pulling away and I just didnt see it. Or maybe i just tried to ignore it, hoping that things would turn around for us and we'd choose each other again when our backs hit the wall :')

It did not happen that way

NO CONTACT:

When she broke things off, I immediately opted for no contact. I didnt explicitly tell her "lets not talk for now" but I just went radio silent. The phone call she hit me with was out of the blue and I felt blindsided so I was really hurt and feeling like a real, huge ass loser.

I was ashamed, so I hid. For a cool month I just tried to process the fact that it even happened but honestly it didnt hit me until month 2.

From then on, I was ruminating endlessly every night thinking about my role and everything I did wrong. I removed her from Instagram and deleted her number, hid every photo I could on my phone and tried to forget it happened. That... is impossible to do. I drank a lot and started coping with a lot of unhealthy habits.

Month 3 was my stalking era lol. I was checking up on her stuff every once in a while before but month 3 I went into obsessive mode. DONT DO THIS. You will 100% see things you dont want to see and CANT UNSEE. It will break your spirit.

Even if your ex wouldnt be the type to rebound so fast (tbh mine didnt but seeing her move on hurt), you will 100% see photos you don't have any context for, with people you probably dont know, with your ex posted up in a style you dont recognize, and doing faces or going out to places you didnt think they'd be.

It will hit you hard and you'll feel like theyre leaving you behind. So please, spare yourself and dont look at their socials. It can only ever go badly when you havent processed the breakup.

I ended up permanently blocking her socials and even deactivating mine just so I could give myself some peace. It was really hard at first but I had friends who encouraged me and it helped a lot.

The weeks went by and it felt less and less like I was missing out on their life.

I slowly started to remember I had agency over my own decisions and what I did with my time once I stopped thinking of her so much. I got a new job, met some really great people, started dressing a little differently than i used to (it gave me a lot of confidence back), and im always trying to step outside of my comfort zone and give things a try.

My new job got me back into shape and I changed what I was eating which helped me reach a point where I felt confident in my looks again. The new people I met also helped me build my confidence. If I could get along and be friends with them, maybe I wasnt so terrible after all?

I also finally addressed the elephant in the room for me: my mental stuff. I got on some meds and put a lot of work into rebuilding my support network.

I cant stress enough how much of a difference this makes.

Having people to talk to about your darker emotions and feelings, working with a professional to address things that you are having trouble getting past on your own, its all helping you rebuild a strong foundation for yourself.

If I could recommend some books/people to check out, id recommend Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, Carl Jung, and maybe a bit more abstract one but Jean Baudrillard.

Baudrillard's work on hyperreality and the nature of objective truth actually helped me to process a lot of the confusing thoughts and obscured feelings I had around my desire to "perform" being okay and wanting to project an image of myself, online and otherwise, that would prove to my ex that I was still worth her time, effort, and love so that I could "win her back".

I strongly believe that without all these moving pieces, id be dead lol by my own hand if you catch me. The grief of the loss was that bad.

That all sounds super healthy and cool but if it makes you feel scared that you wont bounce back like that, dont even worry about that. You will. It wont be like it looks on social media or in movies but you will reach a point where you just get so exhausted spending all your energy on someone who is gone that you (almost to survive) start to turn all that energy around and put it into yourself. You always have the choice to start, theres no time frame for it.

That being saiiidd... it aint all uphill either lol there are a lot of dips and mountains to climb. Its a rollercoaster ig lol

MONTH 9:

Its been rough with the changing seasons. The air changes, the days feel shorter and the rain coming in has brought a whole bunch of old memories I had forgotten back up to torture me. It sucks but I can tell I handle it better now.

Before it would literally take my life away from me. Days in bed, not eating or sleeping or even talking to people. Now? It brings a heavy sigh, a sad feeling, and then I move on. I can still laugh when someone tells me a joke, I can still smile when I pass by friendly and familiar faces, and I can still get up every day and do the things I need to do.

The grief takes less from me now.

Do I still wonder how she is doing? Yeah, all the time. But ive also met new and cool people and its given me hope that she wasnt the end all be all. One day she may reach out, I dont know how ill feel then but I do have confidence that I can handle it as back in month 2, I thought my world would end but now, I am slowly getting back up and on my feet, 10 toes down instead of falling back onto my heels lol.

Yall got this, trust the process and lean on anyone and everyone you can. You'll be better for it.

AND DONT STALK THEM OR BREAK NO CONTACT. PLEASEEEE D:

My ex drunk texted me "hey" after 7 months of no contact, she was the one who broke up with me very abruptly. And I decided to respond a day later with a "hey" She didn't respond until a week later she apologized for it and said how she was drunk and feeling nostalgic. She also sent a gif.I responded a couple days later with a joking response.

I got over her romantically and emotionally but a part of me always wanted to catch up one day. But I started thinking about how she basically discarded me and never cared to understand just how much she hurt me and I regretted responding cause now I feel like disrespected myself cause I am giving her access to myself again without her having to acknowledge what happened.

Hi everyone,

I was in a 6 year relationship and we were engaged for 3 years. I was discarded 4 months ago, and it has been one of the most devastating experiences. I had to go to emergency care and been in therapy, as well as losing my job because I could hardly function. I also recently learned she'd moved on within weeks of the break up, which pulled me back to ground zero.

It's been a tough journey but my friend helped shift my perspective yesterday. He called it a blessing in disguise. Imagine if I had spent longer than 6 years with her? What if we had children?

It's started to make me view things more positively and reframe.

"I only spent 6 years with her rather than 12 years (thank god!)."

"I am about to meet someone who will add to my life rather than subtract from it"

"I no longer have my energy drained by all the drama in their life so I can build my own life up"

"I now have space in my life for real authentic love to come in"

Of course, it's still difficult. I had every intention of spending my life with her. But I know the door is shut for me, because when they are with someone else, that's unforgivable in my eyes. And I'm scared at 31 that it may be too late for me to find my person, but I prefer that possibility of being alone the rest of my life than stepping back into the tiger cage with her. But the reframing is serving as a good counter weight and getting me to see a future again at the very least.

Them doing the discard is hurtful. But it can also be a favour for us too. The greatest gift they ever give us in the whole relationship if we reframe it. Because that's their true personality mask off and the true love of your life would never hurt you in that way. So how can they possibly be the love of your life? The love of your life is out there waiting for you to find them.

we broke up on great terms but our distance ultimately got too much for her, had some downs too but nevertheless, we would've done this a thousand times if we could. we're on no contact.

anyway, it's been about a week and i feel a bit better, but i can't help but think about the fact that if we never cross paths again, she's gonna end up with someone else.

and the new person she has, will know everything about her just like i did, they'll share intimate moments with each other, they'll be her safe person, like i was.

and i know that life moves on and i'll find my person too, whether its her again or someone else, and i'll have alllll those things i listed above, but it's still unsettling to me.

does this feeling ever shake away? it's still a fresh break up but it still hurts, and i don't like the feeling of her being with someone else, whether its months or years down the line.

It took nearly 2 years, but I'm finally healed and haven't felt this happy and relieved in a while. During these years I got a lot of support from this community, even had a few posts/comments that I deleted eventually, but I can't be thankful enough for all the support I got.

Also my best advice: Try to find yourself

The advices I got at the beginning is to work on myself, exercise, eat healthier, find a new hobby etc. But these are things I could have started already before the breakup. They didn't really help, just gave me a short term solution, a distraction from the breakup.

The worst part that at the end I wanted only one thing: her recognition, her approval. I wanted to show her how fit I become, show her my new calisthenics skills, my pixelarts, that I learned to play on guitar.

Eventually this even become a toxic motivation. I wanted to hurt her, show what she have lost. Took me a painfully lot of time, and the realization felt like a punch in the guts: she lost nothing. I didn't do the all of these things because I liked them, inside I felt empty.

So do what you like, you are single now, you can spend all your free time and money on yourself, if something helps, even just a little bit, do it. Personally I bought myself THE gaming setup I always dreamed of and a bunch of home gym stuff. Do I exercise only at home? no. Do I have a lot of time to play on my pc? not at all but I love every moment of it.

And at the end, whatever your goal is, to move on, or to get back together with your ex, it's going to happen when you least expect it. If you are happy and you love yourself people can feel it. So try to focus on becoming happier, not just "better".

Thank you if you read all the way to this point, wish you the best and take care friend, if I did it, you can too

You know what’s actually crazy?

You can love someone with everything you have…

and still be the wrong person for them.

Not because you weren’t the ‘right person’

But because they simply didn’t want you the way you wanted them.

And no amount of love can fix that. 💔

I recently got out of my first serious relationship almost a month ago and I think one of the hardest parts is how weird my life feels now.
Before him, I was used to being alone. I didn’t really have a huge social life or a big group of friends. I mostly worked, spent time by myself, saw my family, etc. and it didn’t really bother me because that was just my normal.
Then I got into this relationship and everything changed really quickly. We spent most nights together, talked constantly, slept next to each other, had dinner together, watched shows on the couch, made plans for the weekend, traveled/planned trips, and just had all these little routines that made my life feel shared with someone.
Now that we’re broken up, I’m technically back to the exact same life I had before him, but it doesn’t feel the same at all.
It’s weird coming home and knowing nobody is coming over. There’s nobody next to me on the couch, nobody to cook for, nobody asking what I’m doing later, nobody sleeping next to me. My apartment feels quieter. Weekends feel longer.
And I think what I miss isn’t even just him. I miss the version of myself I was when I was with someone. I liked being affectionate and domestic and having someone to take care of. I liked being someone’s girlfriend. I liked having a person and feeling like I belonged somewhere.
Now I just feel like I’m a girl who is by herself all the time again, except now I know what it feels like to have that kind of companionship, so being alone feels way more noticeable than it did before.
I know I don’t want to rush into another relationship just because I’m lonely, and I also know my relationship had real problems and I wasn’t happy toward the end.
But I’m struggling with how empty my life feels without that everyday companionship.

I feel like people underestimate how difficult it is to let go of something when you don’t even understand what happened.

It’s one thing to accept that something is over. It’s another to sit with the fact that you’ll probably never know what was genuine, what changed, or whether you were the only one who saw things the way you did.

Sometimes I wonder if we actually miss certain people, or if we’re just stuck trying to make sense of an experience that left us with more questions than answers.

Because how are you supposed to make peace with something when your mind keeps trying to find a reason for it?

Like the title says, my boyfriend hasn’t had a job in 4 years and despite telling him he needs to get one or risk loosing me he hasn’t showed any action. I feel like I’m the only one working towards the future for us while he sits back and doesn’t. I feel resentment building and know I can’t be a good girlfriend to him anymore, I’m impatient and quick to anger and I want things to work but he’s not doing what our future requires to actually have one. We have been together since high school and I know he will be so sad if we break up, I don’t know how to do it or if I even should.

Does anyone have any advice on this? Such as a similar experience where you left or stayed? Or how can I break up with him in a way where he will be the least devastated? Or advice on ending a long term relationship, how do I heal after ending this?

My ex (of 8 years) and I broke up 3 months ago. it was messy and the way he handled things was done in a way i’d never forgive him.

yesterday I saw a recent picture of him, and felt nothing.

today he texted me and said he hoped i was doing well, i didn’t care to reply

it. gets. better.

I (26M) was dumped by my ex (21F) nearly three months ago after a four-month relationship and roughly five months of daily communication. She previously described herself as fearful-avoidant, and I’ve spent the months since trying to understand how something that felt so genuine could fall apart over suspicions that, from my perspective, were never grounded in reality.

Our relationship developed quickly, but the connection was incredibly strong. We shared niche interests, music, humor, values, and a level of affection and emotional intimacy that felt unusually natural. She initiated exclusivity, told me she loved me, frequently expressed how comfortable and calm I made her feel, introduced me to her family, and discussed our future. I was serious about her from the beginning. I consistently showed up through dates, flowers, thoughtful gestures, reassurance, and making her a priority. I genuinely believed we were building something meaningful.

However, as the relationship progressed, I noticed occasional emotional withdrawal, abrupt mood changes, irritability, and moments where she seemed almost contemptuous toward me before returning to being affectionate. I generally tried not to take these moments personally, assuming she was dealing with things internally. I now recognize that there were communication problems developing beneath the surface that I wasn’t fully aware of.

When she ended things, she explained that she’d been accumulating a list of anxieties about me. She suspected I was hiding other women, possibly cheating, being dishonest about friendships, and even changing my personality to seem more compatible with her. These suspicions apparently developed over time, but she rarely communicated them directly or gave me meaningful opportunities to address them.

For context, I never cheated on her or pursued anyone else during our relationship. I can acknowledge that certain things I said or did may have appeared ambiguous without additional context. I occasionally used dismissive language when discussing other women, kept some friendships private in the sense that I didn’t volunteer their entire histories, and sometimes failed to recognize when she needed reassurance. I wasn’t a perfect boyfriend, and I genuinely would have worked on anything that made her uncomfortable had she communicated it.

What continues to bother me is that there were significant double standards. She maintained male friendships that weren’t always transparent to me, canceled important plans at the last minute, sometimes withdrew without explanation, and occasionally treated me with sarcasm or disrespect. I generally gave her the benefit of the doubt because I trusted her and didn’t want to police her friendships or behavior. Yet comparatively innocent things on my end were interpreted through a lens of suspicion.

The night before the breakup, she was still affectionate, kissing me and spending time with me as though things were relatively normal. Then, almost overnight, I was being told that she couldn’t continue the relationship because of anxieties she’d largely kept to herself.

Afterward, I respected the separation for a while, although I eventually wrote her a heartfelt letter apologizing for my shortcomings, reassuring her of my intentions, and explaining how much the relationship meant to me.

About two months after the breakup, we had an hour-long phone conversation. She reiterated her suspicions, but also admitted that if she could go back, she would change how she’d communicated her feelings. At one point, she asked, “Where was all this two months ago?” which was particularly painful because I felt I’d been trying to understand and reassure her throughout the relationship without knowing what she was actually thinking.

She also acknowledged that an earlier attempt to return my hoodie had really been an opportunity to talk, and said it would be nice to catch up sometime. The conversation softened considerably toward the end. However, when I subsequently invited her to spend time together, she never responded.

I’ve since stopped initiating contact.

What I’m struggling with isn’t whether I was perfect or whether she had a right to leave. Of course she did. It’s the feeling that I was genuinely loving someone who had already constructed a negative interpretation of me internally, and that I was never really given a fair opportunity to challenge it before the relationship ended.

I also wonder whether the breakup itself actually resolved the anxieties she was experiencing, or whether those feelings might eventually resurface once the initial relief, anger, or certainty fades.

I’m working on moving forward regardless, and I recognize that even if she eventually regrets the breakup, that doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation would be healthy or possible.

My question is primarily for people who identify as fearful-avoidant, have struggled with trust after past betrayal, or have ended relationships because of suspicions they later reconsidered: Did you ever reach a point where you realized that your own fears, assumptions, or inability to communicate had contributed to losing someone who genuinely cared about you? If so, what prompted that realization, how long did it take, and did you ever reach out to that person again?

The moment they left, you started fighting for a relationship that only one person still wanted.
You replayed conversations.
You checked their socials.
You waited for the “I made a mistake” text.
Meanwhile they were already practicing living without you.
No contact isn’t punishment.
It’s the quiet decision to stop begging for a seat at a table where you’re no longer invited.
The day you choose silence over chasing is the day you start choosing yourself.
Who else needed to hear this today?

For background, I currently live out of state under his mom's roof with him and his family for the local college here. The arrangement saved me campus fees and allowed me to be with him. We met online and have been together for a little over 3 years.
Everything has been great except for the last year.
Towards the end of 2025, my boyfriend left his retail job for a different job which did not end up working out. Leading him to months of unemployment. After about 8 months of it, I told him he needs to take his job searching more seriously and that if we want to build towards a future he needs to start working too.
He agreed and shortly after, him and his friend decided to start a pressure washing business together.
I totally support him going for it but there are a few issues that are occurring from it.

1. He completely stopped looking for any part time jobs to do along side starting up his new business.
   When I bring it up or suggest it, he says he does not want to be apart of the "rat race" and that having a job is just a waste of time. Despite the fact he doesn't get very many jobs, and most the one he does do, they negotiate down to just a few hundred (150-300) that he then has to split with his friend and put some back into the business.

2. He has grown very ambitious expectations. I do think it's good for him to be ambitious but to me he is not also being realistic. For instance, he has told me on multiple occasions that he will be making 30,000 a month soon. He also stated he wanted to retire in his 30's. Today, he said we would move out of his mom's house by next year. When i told him that we weren't, he got upset and started arguing with me and called me unsupportive and then he cursed at me on accident. He didn't even give me a second to explain that neither of us make enough to save money and move out by next year.

3. This business has started taking up 80-90% of his time. Before, we would be with each other every day and find something to do on our free days— even when he did have a job. Now, he's door knocking from early in the morning until the afternoon. Then in the same day, he will go door knocking again until later in the day like maybe between 6-8 PM. On top of that, when we are with each other, he's constantly on his phone posting stuff about his business (which is fine but it gets overwhelming). Or his business friend is constantly calling him and texting him. To the point it gets disruptive. Like if I'm in the middle of talking to do something, I'm shushed for him to get into a 10 minute phone call over something that could have been a text message. Which I understand it happens but it's multiple times a day, multiple times within a few hours. Additionally, there have been times where he's cancelled prior commitments with me to do something regarding the business. As well as ditching being my ride to/from classes or from work. (I can't drive due to some medical problems at the moment so he is my main mode of transportation—which has never been an issue until now. I, of course, always confirm the times and days are okay with him before scheduling them).

On top of that, there's just been lots of other issues regarding his family and the way he responds to problems that we've talked out before. Additionally, I've been realizing that I want a little more intimately, which we have been trying to work on. But it just adds fuel to the fire.

My question is if I'm being unreasonable? I've been considering if breaking up is the best option- but if i'm being completely honest, Im worried to. I can always move back home at anytime, but I've been with him for so long. I truly do love him but I feel like there's something's that just don't work.
Do I break up with him? Or is there some other solution to our problems?

TLDR; my bf has become entrepreneur obsessed and it's effecting our relationship. Prior and currently minor issues also add to the fire and I'm considering if breaking up is the best option.

Last night I dreamt about us for the first time in a while, today has been really rough. It’s been just over a year since you left. I thought I was finally moving on. Some days, I’d notice that I hadn’t thought of you all day. Today you haven’t left my mind once.

Everywhere I go I see your name, it’s unfortunate how common it is. My life has moved on, in good ways and bad, but I still haven’t been able to let go of you. I still think about your beautiful smile, how happy you’d be when we saw each other, how excited you were about the simplistic and most silly things.

I still miss you. I miss our countless hours together. I miss telling you I love you. I miss seeing how happy you were when I cooked for you or made you desserts. I miss hearing about your day. I miss holding you in my arms. I miss our walks together. I miss admiring how beautiful you are. I miss when you would call me yours.

I miss you. I wish you missed me too.

I think I’m not in love anymore, or rather, I’m tired of trying. I’m 30 (female) and my boyfriend is 41 (male). We’ve been together for three and a half years, and we rushed into living together way too soon, just five months after meeting. We’ve been having problems since the beginning of the relationship. A lot of them have had to do with living together, the fact that we both have strong personalities, and the fact that he finds it extremely difficult to communicate, which makes it hard to work through conflicts and move past them. All of this has happened against the backdrop of a pretty intense period in our lives: shortly after we met, his father was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He died a year later, in the meantime I lost my job, and we decided to move to another country. A LOT of wear and tear in just three years.

At one point, I could see him as a potential husband and the father of my children, but lately I’ve had serious doubts about whether he would be a good father, or whether we could build a family when we have so much trouble discussing problems without ending up fighting. On the other hand, he can’t even put into words whether he wants children or not. I’ve told him several times that I do, but whenever I ask him about it, he says, “There’s time for that.”
The other issue is sex. I can’t seem to get turned on by him. And throughout these three years together, I’ve talked to him about it. I’ve told him that his very direct approach to me doesn’t turn me on, and that I need more romance and emotional connection, more affectionate touch instead of going straight to something explicitly sexual. Although he has tried to change a few times, nothing has really changed. I’m tired of having duty sex. Something in me has started to pull away. I’ve been questioning the relationship for over a year! And it’s only now that I’m finally able to put the words “maybe I want to break up” into sentences. I’ve been thinking about it a lot.

I think it all started a year ago, when one night I was going to bed because I had a very long, 13-hour workday ahead of me the next day, starting at 9 a.m., and I was already exhausted because I’d worked late that day. I was heading to bed, and I always crave something sweet before sleeping. He told me he’d thought of me and gave me a chocolate. I ate it in bed and went to sleep. It was midnight. An hour and a half later, I woke up literally hallucinating… It was a mushroom chocolate. It was horrible. He’d forgotten that the chocolate contained mushrooms. Someone had given it to him at a party, and he gave it to me without thinking. This wasn’t the first time he’d been careless like this during our three years together. He’s been smoking weed every day for years, and I think it affects him.
The point is that I don’t feel resentful about what happened (even though it really shocked me at the time and it took me a while to get over it). Instead, it has stayed with me as a sense of insecurity or fear that a similar “careless mistake” could happen again. And in the hypothetical scenario where we have children, it worries me so much more.
I also feel that in certain situations, he doesn’t know how to take care of me when I’m stressed or busy. He doesn’t know how to do it in the way I need, and he often just waits for me to tell him what to do. I’ve told him, “Sometimes I really need you to be the adult.” But that often doesn’t happen, and we end up fighting about it. For example, imagine coming home very late after working long hours, having to get up early the next day, and feeling a little sick, only to realize that it hasn’t even occurred to him to make you dinner. That’s something I would do for him, and that I do for him. If I ask him, he’ll do it, but if I don’t, he won’t.

On the other hand, he’s a wonderful person. He’s kind, loyal, trustworthy (he’s never betrayed me, and I don’t believe he ever would), a good person, honest, and hardworking. He’s genuinely a good man, and he’s also very physically attractive. I value him a lot, and that’s what makes this so difficult. In our day-to-day lives, we get along well. We’re good companions when it comes to activities, although the only things we really share are everyday routines: going grocery shopping, cooking, sleeping, going out to eat, taking a trip every now and then, or watching a movie. We’re good friends… Sometimes it feels as though we’re good roommates.

I’m giving some context because it’s complicated, and I’ve been thinking so much about all of this and about all the things that have led me to feel the way I do today. I mean, disconnected… no longer knowing what else to try.

I’m not sure whether “not being in love anymore” is a valid reason to break up. It sounds immature. I’m not expecting to feel in love forever; that would be unrealistic. Right now, I find it really difficult to understand how we could build a future and start a family when he struggles so much to talk about problems and listen to what I need.

The last thing I suggested was that we stop living together. I moved in with a roommate for about three months, and I felt that it had done us good. I thought it might rekindle something in the relationship that had faded away because of living together and the exhaustion caused by our conflicts. We fought less, I felt more excited about seeing him, and I even felt more sexually enthusiastic. But soon after, I had to move out of the apartment because of a problem with my roommate, and that’s when he told me he didn’t like not living together. We’ve discussed it three times now, and he’s maintained the same position every time: he’d rather break up than live separately. He feels it would be a step backward, and he doesn’t like that kind of relationship dynamic. I’m living at his place now, but I honestly don’t know what else to try to feel connected to him again.

I started feeling attracted to other men more than six months ago (that had never happened before), after three and a half years of complete monogamy. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to ignore my lack of desire. Something in my body is telling me that this isn’t right for me anymore. But emotionally, I still love him, and mentally, I’m afraid I’ll regret leaving. I know it’s really hard to find a good man. But does that mean I’d be staying out of convenience? Out of fear of being alone?

When I ask him why he wants to live with me, his answer sounds more like he just doesn’t want to be alone. He doesn’t say things like, “Because I love you, because I want to build a life with you.” He’s very reserved. I know he loves me, and he shows it through other gestures, in his own way, but he’s not very romantic or thoughtful when it comes to little gestures, and that makes me fall out of love with him.

When I think about breaking up and what my life would look like on my own, I feel very scared, but I also feel a spark of excitement, a sense of adventure, of getting to know myself again and reconnecting with my own desire. On the other hand, I know I would be the one making the decision to end the relationship, and that makes me feel awful. I know it would hurt him deeply, and it would hurt me too, and I feel incredibly guilty.
Are my feelings valid? Am I being too demanding? I feel like I’ve tried everything, and yet I still can’t get back the excitement of being in a relationship with him. Help… I feel like this is a conversation we need to have soon.

End of the day, did you end up settling for someone else other than your initial person because they couldn’t cut it?

I didn't think I was going to but I had to. I ended up blocking my ex. We spoke again and I just couldn't take his responses. He didn't want to talk about feelings or anything. He couldn't even have the balls to tell me straight up if we would have another chance at all. No closure. Just stringing me along. I don't need that. I don't need to be hopeful and patient and just waiting around while he enjoys life, sleeps good at night while I'm here suffering, crying, begging, chasing to no avail. Something just clicked and so I sent him one last message and said that I was going to move on and we didn't need to exist in each other's life anymore. That I hope he is happier this time. I am in shock right now, but I know I'll be hurting and back to square one again with my feelings but I hope so much I get over him.

After suffering for more than a year , also knew she made new boyfriend in the spring, finally i have moved on, now I don't feel anything sad or missing feeling for her. :)

it’s been almost 3 months since my ex (my first bf) broke up with me over chat. after a day of begging and convincing him to fix things between us, i’ve blocked him on socials and didn’t bother contacting him again even on his birthday last week.

i don’t really know if i am making progress, i don’t stalk his socials at all but god, the breakup still hurts me. the way he discarded me feels like what we had wasn’t real, and maybe i was the only one who saw a future for us.

i miss my life before him. i miss not knowing what it feels like to have a boyfriend, i miss my weekend routine when i used to spend time on all my hobbies and not wait for someone’s message. i miss not knowing what it feels like to be vulnerable and trust someone not to leave me despite my flaws and everything else.

i hate that i am still waiting for a text. i hate that i still have a tiny bit of hope that he may come back. i hate that i still cry over him when he probably feels relieved now that he walked away. i hate that i feel like there is something wrong with me because why would he discard me like that? after all the intimacy that we shared, the future that we planned, now it just feels like none of it was real.

i hate that my world has become so dull and boring after that breakup. i’m too devastated by it all and i don’t know how i’ll get my spark back.

I want to apologize—not because I want to get back together—but because I know he went through a lot because of me and I genuinely feel bad. I’m also genuinely thankful for everything he had done for me and I don’t think I ever expressed how grateful I truly was.

The door is always open for him since I don’t believe in cold treatment towards others. I’m happy if he does want to reach out and I’m happy if he doesn’t.

It’s been at least half a year is the timing ok?