Don’t text him. Don’t text him. Don’t text him.

Sorry don’t mind me. I’m about to go text him.

So my ex 34f contacted me 40m monday we broke up June 30th. I did contact her exactly one month after we broke up to see if she wanted to work it out since we ended on good terms. Needless to say she said no so I let her be and accepted that.

I was really caught off guard with her text. Since the first week of August was the last time we messaged. We exchanged less than 15 texts. The next day came and I told her i knew she had no bad intentions in messaging me but it was not a good idea. I said im healed (but deep down I miss her) then she goes and tries to reach out like nothing happend.

Im not sure if she wanted me back or to just be friends but I told her im not friends with any exs and thats not going to change. When I was dating her she said she would text her ex from 10 years ago and not to worry since her ex had a gf which i thought was odd. So I thought maybe this was a case of her just trying to be friends.

Needless to say after my polite text telling her it was not a good idea to message me she blocked me. Which is totally fine. One thing I learned in previous relationships is its never the same getting back together after that long. I was actually proud of myself for telling her what I did and not asking for her back like a puppy. Sometime you just have to know your worth.

I was in an on-and-off long-distance relationship for 5 years. After a 2-year honeymoon phase, it became a toxic cycle of explosive fights, silent treatments, and me constantly chasing her to fix things. Eventually, she began self-harming and threatening suicide during arguments.

A year ago, she broke up with me and blocked me when I refused to just "be friends." After 2 months of me chasing her, I finally went no-contact, started healing, and began dating someone new. My ex found out, chased me back, and because I still loved her, I gave it another chance. We agreed that if she threatened suicide again, it was over.

Six months later, during a minor argument, she threatened suicide again. I broke up with her. In response, she "feigned her death" by ghosting me completely for 3 weeks, though I saw her active online. She then broke her silence with an angry, cruel message accusing me of moving on because she saw a photo of me with a female coworker. She blocked me again.

Two weeks later, she messaged me saying she acted that way because I "made her jealous," and asked: "What can I do to make you cool down?" shifting the accountability entirely onto me. I left her on read.

I strongly suspect she has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). What should I do next?

​

My ex and I were together for around a year. After we broke up, he kept giving me hope that we might get back together someday. There were times when he came close again, showed affection, called me, and acted like he still wanted me in his life. Every time I started accepting the breakup, he'd come close again, and I'd start hoping all over again.

But then he'd pull away and say he didn't want a relationship, had lost feelings, and wanted to focus on himself. He even admitted that he pushes and pulls when it's convenient for him.

Now he's saying he's made his decision and doesn't want to come back. I still love him and keep wondering whether this is genuinely the end or whether he'll eventually return again like he did before.

Has anyone experienced this kind of push-and-pull with an ex? Did they come back again, or was there a point when they finally left for good? Please be honest. I want to know whether people who behave this way actually return, even after saying they're never coming back.

my ex and i broke up a little over a year ago and i honestly feel kind of stupid even writing this because it’s been so long, but i still find myself thinking about it sometimes. i think he was the first person i was ever genuinely in love with, and the relationship meant a lot to me. what we had felt like a genuine connection, and i would say it was always more emotional than physical. we could talk about literally anything, open up to each other, and i just felt like he understood me in a way not many people did. we spent most of our days together, saw each other all the time, and were basically a part of each other’s everyday lives. everything was genuinely fine between us, which is why the way it ended still feels so unreal to me.

basically, one day we got into an argument over text, he called me, and we continued arguing on the phone. at some point i got so overwhelmed that i started crying and ended the call because i genuinely couldn’t talk to him anymore in that moment. i texted him saying i couldn’t talk right now, and he responded saying he wanted to break up, followed by a simple “bye.” literally that was it. i didn’t respond and we haven’t spoken since. i remember being so hurt and shocked that someone who supposedly loved me could end things like that. i just kept thinking, why should i respond to someone who can walk away from me so easily? i felt like i’d be disrespecting myself by trying to convince someone to stay after they’d explicitly told me they wanted to leave.

what bothers me the most is how sudden and impulsive the whole thing felt. like how do you go from spending practically every day with someone, being so emotionally close, and everything being completely fine to ending the entire relationship over one argument? i genuinely feel like he said it out of anger rather than actually thinking it through, although obviously i could be wrong. and i think that’s what drives me crazy sometimes. i have absolutely no idea what he thinks about any of it. did he actually mean it? did he ever regret it? did he expect me to respond? does he ever think about me or how things ended? or was it really that easy for him to just walk away and never look back?

the thing is, i don’t even think i necessarily want to get back together with him. i think i’m more bothered by the fact that we never had a proper ending. no final conversation, no real goodbye, nothing. just an argument, a phone call, a couple of messages and then complete silence. i find it so sad that someone who once knew practically everything about me is now a complete stranger. sometimes i think about reaching out just to have that conversation we never got to have, but then i feel stupid for even considering it. he was the one who ended things, and if he ever regretted it or wanted to talk, he had an entire year to reach out. and he didn’t. i know i didn’t either, but i feel like it’s different when you’re the one who was broken up with.

i don’t know. maybe i’m just being overly sentimental about the whole thing, but i hate that something which meant so much to me ended in such an ugly and meaningless way. i’ve moved on with my life in a lot of ways and i’m not sitting around waiting for him to come back, but every now and then i remember how it all ended and it just feels so unresolved. i guess i’m wondering if anyone else has been through something similar. how do you actually move on without closure? and is reaching out after a year really as bad of an idea as i think it is, or am i just letting my pride get in the way?

last contact was yesterday. we’ve been shitty for like a month trying to make shit work but yesterday was bad. i figure go 30 days no contact work on myself idk my mind is shot. her bday is in a few weeks do i send her a card? a text? i do love her very much and want her to have a good bday. lowkey want her back but want shit to get better idk my
mind is fried

Hi! This is my first Reddit post, but I need to vent because these past two weeks have felt like a Mexican telenovela.
In December 2025, I (F24) met a guy (M22) in Mexico while visiting family. We hit it off immediately and fell in love quickly. He was incredibly sweet, and since he was my first relationship, I was excited. I live in the US, so we agreed to a long-distance relationship.
He worked 12-hour shifts four days a week, while I worked full-time as a teacher and pursued my master's degree. Initially, he called whenever he could. We were smitten and within weeks, he was talking about marriage. We even discussed getting engaged in July or December. Gradually, things changed. He started making comments he claimed were jokes, like saying he liked goth girls and showing me videos of women who did OF. He also talked about missing his ex, reposted videos about her, and said he'd get back with his favorite ex if she returned. He dismissed my concerns, saying it was all jokes. These comments hurt and made me question whether I was enough for him. Our communication declined. He took hours to respond, rarely said good morning or good night despite my asking, and often ignored my messages. Our calls sometimes felt forced, and he'd dismiss my concerns by reminding me he was busy. Meanwhile, I'd stay awake until 2–3 AM to talk to him before waking up at 6 AM. He also joked about my appearance, insisting they were just jokes. He often said he liked our relationship because he could tell me things without me getting upset. I trusted him completely, never questioned where he went or who he was with, and even lent him money. In July, I visited Mexico, and he drove four hours to see me. He stayed for about a week and a half, and I lost my virginity to him. I paid for most dates because he was struggling financially. Despite our limited time together, he'd sometimes spend entire days with friends, leaving me with only a few texts. After we slept together, he dropped me off, said he was tired, and I didn't see or hear from him for two days. Some days, I only saw him for two hours, and he sometimes seemed bored and wanted to go home. I never complained. Afterward, I invited him on a family cabin trip and lent him money to attend. We discussed marrying in December. His family was happy, but mine advised caution. I ignored their concerns because I loved him. When I returned to the US in August, I learned my salary would be reduced because of school budget cuts. He initially supported me, but soon began distancing himself. Our conversations became less frequent, and he started going on weekend drinking benders. I trusted him and encouraged him to go out because I knew he was stressed. Throughout September, I felt increasingly anxious. Whenever I asked if we were okay, he'd say yes and continue insisting he wanted to marry me. In early October, he repeatedly said he was too tired to call. Feeling hurt, I contacted his friend, who worked with him and had become my friend, to ask if everything was okay. I mentioned that my boyfriend owed me money and admitted I felt he didn't love me anymore. His friend told me my boyfriend was talking to other girls and was only with me for immigration papers. He claimed my boyfriend's sweet words were manipulation and that he planned to visit another girl while living in the US with me. I was devastated and wanted to ask my boyfriend directly, but his friend warned me not to because it would ruin their friendship. I made a mistake: I sent messages to myself accusing my boyfriend of cheating so I could use them to confront him. When I asked him to swear the accusations weren't true, he became furious, broke up with me, refused to discuss it, and blocked me everywhere. He also brought up an incident from the previous month when I'd texted his grandmother to ask if he was ok after a drinking binge that kept him out until morning. He said this proved I was controlling. Heartbroken, I called his mother, who had always been kind to me, and explained everything. She was supportive. Over the next days, his friend continued insisting the cheating was real. He claimed my ex had mentioned other girls while we were dating and was excited about a new girl from work whom he planned to ask out. He even sent a screenshot of my ex asking him to contact a company about organizing a big event to ask a girl out. That night, I decided to move on. The next day, my ex texted asking if I was okay and offered to end things peacefully so we could remain friends. Meanwhile, his friend told me my ex only wanted friendship because he already had a new girl. I finally told my ex and his mother the truth: his best friend had accused him of cheating, and I'd sent myself those messages because I didn't know how to confront him. His friend began threatening me and my ex became furious. He accused me of doubting him and choosing his friend over him. He claimed his friend had lied out of envy and said he wanted nothing more to do with me. I begged him to reconsider, but he insisted I'd ruined our relationship by believing his best friend. He hung up and blocked me again.Two days later, he called to wish me a happy birthday. I tried explaining my side, but he wouldn't listen. He said there was no longer an "us." I acknowledged that he was hurt by my doubts, but I wanted him to understand how confusing and heartbreaking it had been for me. He said he didn't want to understand. We agreed to drift apart and see what happened in the future. As we said goodbye, I told him, "I love you." After a moment of silence, he replied, "I can't respond to you the way you want because I don't feel that way." He hung up and blocked me. Now I'm lost, confused, and blaming myself. I know sending those messages was wrong, and I regret how I handled everything. But I don't understand why his best friend would lie about something so serious, especially when he provided screenshots and repeatedly insisted the cheating was real.

So with a advoidant in the honeymoon phase.,things were good at first 7mo in I noticed the shift , longer to respond much later than he had been

Let it go on and I said we need to talk

They say when you do this is not productive . I agree they look for ways to deflect

Mine said your acting uppity. Anyway I walked out on him.primping to go out. And as he says to chill

2 days later a text. Not acknowledging what happened

Picked up where he left off

Just like nothing had happen, that was the first time. We went for round 2. No contact, you do contact me I won't contact you. Twice 3 wks he popped up

again. I ignored late text at 2 you already know. When you know he reaches our again 1 wk later acked normal like no time or thing came up between us

No accountability ever with a advoidant

He sends a text telling me he's on his way to another state. Mind you he told me this over a month ago he was moving.

..He left for better pay and opportunities, i get that. You text me and send a Pic of you being driven to your new destination

.the biggest flex I replied cool ,calm and collect. No drama, no pleading, not acting like a pick me

This is what they expect, you to fall apart I acted unbothered.and wished him well In his travel

I said to him safe travels

When he said he was relocating, I said that's good

Ladies and Gentlemen, guard your hearts. Look for the signs , trust your instincts they will never stear you wrong

If you keep questioning the inconsistencies that is ypu que to leave. Unless they sit in their stuff

, they will keep being in that loop and carry you with them

There not all bad there is just so much to go through with an advoidant. Their love language is sometimes just holding your hand or a tight hug

Its not always about the intamacy, and they will tell you that the norm they want live. To give it and recieve it

They can't process the closeness . Its like pinand needles

So they pull away, to recalibrate their system. They detache no contact so they can p process their feel I ngs. Mine came back 3wks twice. Everyone is different., this is what I went through

You will be I okay, they will show you who they are. They do little things .Not something on a grand scale . Thats how they show love. Holding your hand .

You donr have ro put up anything from them

Set boundaries and stick to them.

Hope this helps .A.

I still think about him. 4 years already. Time doesn’t heal. Bunch of lies.

I met my ex last year while we were both on an exchange abroad. There’s a six-year age gap, and it was something that always bothered her. We initially started casually, but she ended up being my first actual girlfriend. We had genuinely amazing chemistry, and we were both surprised by how well the relationship worked.

Eventually, she had to leave, and we tried long distance. At first, things were good. I actually expected her to lose interest, but she started putting in more effort and engaging with me more. I later visited her, and we had a great trip. But afterward, her behavior suddenly changed. She started leaving me on delivered for weeks at a time. And if I tried to let the conversation die, she’d ask another question, but whenever I tried to have an actual conversation, she’d disappear again.
She would get upset if I stopped initiating (all this while replying to me a week later ?), which made me feel like I was asking for too much by wanting basic communication. Eventually, she called me out of no where and said we should break up because the relationship wasn’t working, just a week before I was supposed to visit her again. I had to cancel my flights and everything.
For the next couple of months, I focused on myself, traveling and enjoying my life. She kept liking my pictures and sending flirty replies. I eventually brought up the idea of her joining me on another trip, and she started ghosting me again. It got to the point where I realized I was much happier before reaching out to her, so I finally told her how exhausting the constant ghosting and double-texting had become. I went on the trip alone.
While I was traveling, I saw her posting pictures from a trip with her friends, looking happy, despite having told me over text that she was so busy and couldn’t do anything. That was when I thought it was finally over.
Then she told me her mother had passed away. I tried to be supportive, especially knowing how difficult that must be for her.
After I returned from vacation, I eventually told her I missed her. She said she missed me too, that she thought about me often, and was very affectionate. But soon enough, she disappeared again for around two weeks, even after I double-texted, while continuing to post on social media.
I understand that she’s going through something genuinely terrible with her mother’s death, and I’m not expecting her to be available all the time. But this pattern started long before that happened.
I still miss her, but she’s also my first girlfriend, and I know I miss intimacy and being in a relationship in general. I’ve spent almost a year trying to date other women without finding another relationship, which makes it harder to let go.

How would you handle this situation if you were me ?

I saw my ex with a new girl on his birthday for the first time time in 9 months.

He chose to go to lunch around the corner from where i work, not even a 10/15 second walk.

So, you’re telling me after 9 months i haven’t seen you but miraculously i see you? whenyou know i’ll be working? after confessing you still love me and aren’t over me a few months prior and then blocking me and unblocking me while seeing this new girl… ?

Is this a coincidence?

2 years of a toxic relationship, back and forth. We fight, we break up, she instantly starts dating, and then comes back and my dumbass takes her back.

For the last 6 months, she's been talking to guys behind my back. She went on a trip and came back super distant. When I asked, she said I wasn't calling her enough while she was on the trip. Anyway, I was exhausted from all of it and told her, " let’s end this and break up." She agreed and then I found out she met a guy on her trip. I was like, whatever, I'm used to this; it didnt piss me off.

Things were fine. I stopped messaging her and started dating a girl.

She unfriended me on FB and restricted me on Instagram out of no where so I asked why , and then she hit me with a message about how she can't talk anymore because she has a boyfriend. (Different from the guy she met in the trip) I told her, "Nice, I’m seeing new girl too" and she freaked out, sending love messages about how much she misses me, and if I have feelings for the new girl and asking all kind of questions about her and then blocked me when I told her we shouldn’t talk if we are seeing other people.

It's been 5 days since the block and I feel better than ever. Every day that passes and I don't contact her, I feel more alive and free.

a letter to the past me

Its over.
God! you were right,you were right about how he will never be able to give us what he knew we wanted,about how if this ended he will so easily and quickly move on to another and not keep her nibbling on crumbs like you were,how he treated you like a therapy retreat cause guess what?
He thanked me told me “after you left i was devastated,this city was too lonely i hope you understand,i got over her after you left(her.)
I was not even surprised cause deep down you knew you’ve known all along,along the suffering all the silent weeping,all the annoyed glances and annoyed lashing out you knew.
But we choose to ignore it.

So helplessly in love we were,i still somehow am a little bit,such a disgrace to us for confessing that.
He contacted me telling me he was seeing someone and how he “liked her too” it plunged into my heart worse than any dagger and it was twisted when he confirmed that they were together, when I ME had to ask him if they were actually “together”.
Do you know what he said ? He said he was sorry,sorry for not being able to give me what i deserved but he didnt say it directly no.
He said it to others.
To her.
I asked her if she knew about us?about me.
He said he told her.
She found me pitiful she said it must’ve been hard. HAH! . He described me as someone who was deeply in love with him and someone he lived briefly(briefly.) together with and he couldn’t give me the commitment i asked for because he was too broken by his ex.
He never liked us, he couldn’t even admit it to her,maybe he hasn’t even told her and lied to us.
He got together with her during the end of September the same time . He started talking to her as friends and developed feelings for her.
September, the same September a year ago, when i was pursuing him when we wouldve also maybe gotten together if he thought i was worth ,who knew i wasnt even worth the effort.
Same September a year apart.
The same September when you were telling me how that red dress made me look breathtaking and i should have it up on my socials,the same September when you were talking to her.
Such a poor thing aren’t we?
Im so sorry baby for failing us both failing our dream and being so caught up in something like this so pathetically for a man,just hoping for him to like us back.
Im so sorry baby I’m so sorry for us.
You knew what he was like you had recognized the pattern but somehow we choose to pretend it didn’t exist,till we forgot it was ever there and got wrapped up in all this.
Talking about how he didn’t want to admit to us being together with his sister when she saw us together,that he felt pressured and didn’t want to be together with us due to peer pressure,how he wanted to ask us out himself,knowing damn well it was never happening.
How he ‘wanted to ask us out’ but stopped after he heard my mama hit me cause of us. LIES!
He had all that time all those moments all he didn’t want to. He could for someone who came after you not even a month in and you groveling at him for almost 2 years he couldn’t. OH MY GOD HOW WAS I SO STUPID!
The fact that she looks like me too when we i started pursuing him . When he knew a girl loved him with all her heart and so innocently so purely just to dwindle with it and crush it beneath his feet.
Still wanting to be friends,cause he doesn’t wanna loose me i am still someone he cares about and “ loves”. Talking about love he had the nerve to tell me he still loves us and will probably be never over us .how was it so easy to replace us with someone who looks like us,but not actually try to be with us? How dumbfounding is that?

But when i asked if he got together with her cause she resembles me and reminds me of him or he actually likes her?
He took his time and told me he genuinely liked her.
How double standard, how he talked about me being younger and immature while she is only two years older than me how does that make it any better?

The fact that you told him that when you return , and he has nobody to still have it in his heart to have me in there and in his life.
Love,sweetheart,honey, this man played and toyed with you and you still wanted to be with this man, oh how i hope when i meet him again i split his nose open,the sheer amount of audacity to say he would ,with such delight and triumph as if he had not shredded the heart i so carefully gave just minutes ago.

At least you didn’t act as he had expected you to,grovel,beg him be mad,ask for answers,yell block him do anything and everything to let him know he won,i am at least glad we could hear him say he didn’t expect that and instead asked him how she was treating him and if she loved him,i hadn’t even asked him that to prove a point but cause i genuinely cared,how dumb.how dump to make him feel like you just didn’t loose the love of your life ,like he hadn’t just asked you to marry you to wait to be better to be able to give you what you deserve, and if your family didn’t agree how he’d gladly runaway with you,how he can be your home.when he couldn’t even provide you with a stability of a relationship,telling you how you’re so obsessed with it every time you brought it up. How you were so ignorant and didn’t see his love ‘are my actions not proof enough?” When he knew i needed the assurance,the safety net to feel worthy of being loved in a relationship he reached out to build, when you would’ve buried your crush deep within and never done anything about it if not for him reaching out first.

But you will still melt for him when you see his pretty face wouldn’t you?you will want to have him in your arms still wouldn’t you,gaze at his eyes filled with stars or the mockery of his puppet returning you will notice but still ignore,just to hold his delicate face,just once and ask him personally this time with you fully sober from the spell you were under ,seeing right through his lies to know why ? Just why? Was it fun? Did it entertain you? I just want to know why me? Why her and not me? Why?

6 months later, and I am still silently begging the universe for him to back every single second of the day.

It runs in the background of my life like an app draining my entire battery. I can be typing an email at work, waiting at a red light, boiling the kettle, or walking my dog but beneath it all — the same desperate chant never stops running: Please let his name pop up on my phone. Please let his key turn in the latch. Please let him realise what he threw away and just come back.

It’s humiliating. I know he treated me terribly. I know he checked out, lied, and abandoned me to clean up the wreckage alone. Yet, I would still give up every ounce of my dignity just to have him back in my life.

I am so exhausted. It’s like waiting on an arsonist to come put out the fire. I don’t even need advice on moving on or "healing." I just need to know how to turn off this relentless background noise before it completely drains me.

My ex and I dated for four months, and we broke up seven months ago. Recently, I proposed I meet up with my ex in person to talk, and he said he didn't know if he could because he had so much college work, and I took that to mean "I doubt I can meet up" instead of "I'd rather not meet up", especially since I had been fixated on receiving a reply from him, and in my attached state (with my body and brain basically screaming "This HAS to work out between us!"), I replied that it "wouldn't feel right to not talk face to face because I had so much to say". Otherwise, if I had a clearer head, I think I would have decided to text him what I wanted to say instead, because I had been writing it down on some paper anyways and was putting together a final draft, lol. Because I respect whether he would have wanted to try again or not. He replied saying he would meet me.

I show up the next day at our agreed time, and it was only then I see the text from him late the previous night stating that he didn't actually think it would be a good idea to meet up and that I didn't respect his boundary, and that looking back at a lot of our interactions in hindsight, we both communicated in a way that led to an unhealthy lack of boundaries (especially after the relationship ended, I assume) and that's when he went no-contact with me and blocked my number. I had been a little worried that I had been pushy, and I should have trusted my intuition before replying to his text the day before. Now I feel I may have seriously hurt him and felt tremendous guilt and grief. I've calmed down quite a bit now and see clearly where I made my massive mistake. It was honestly a shock at the time because I didn't expect anything like no-contact at all, and because of that I can't make amends and apologize for my mistake.

I had been planning to go to the college to see old mutual friends as well, and pretty soon I'm going to start using some of the facilities again regularly before returning to school next year, so would that be weird since he went no-contact and I might end up running into him? How long should I wait to at least use the building again?

Posting on a throwaway. I’m scared and need to get this off my chest.

Me and my ex had a toxic relationship for a couple years that ended about 2.5 years ago. It was extremely hard for me as I was really attached during and right after the breakup, recently I have been diagnosed with BPD which explains a lot of my behavior and mindset that I had during the relationship. I was so scared of being left alone that I endured all kinds of boundaries being pushed for years and allowed myself to be manipulated. There were times were there was sexual and physical abuse which I am still recovering from and working through in therapy.

During the relationship I knew the situation wasn’t good for me and my gut feeling was screaming to leave but I still stayed. We broke up due to circumstances out of our control (which was a blessing in disguise). While still being in contact with him but being away physically I started realizing how horrifying the situation was and at some point a couple months after the breakup I exploded about something unrelated, broke all contact and never talked to him again.

My long journey of healing started and it was messy and painful. I completely lost myself in the relationship and had no idea who I was as a person. My self worth was deep in the gutter. It took me years and i’m finally starting to feel normal-ish again. It’s been extremely hard for me and there were times where I looked at his socials and it seems like he moved on/it didn’t even affect him at all.

During the initial couple months he reached out to me once saying he wants to talk, I was on my way to work and told him i can’t, he said he missed me and i said it back and that’s it. I felt icky and decided I don’t owe him anything anymore and I don’t have to talk to him if I don’t want to. Even though at that point it was fresh and I still “loved” him. Then once in a while he started texting me asking if we could talk. I never responded again. He would send and unsend these messages and usually would send them in the middle of the night (i don’t want to make assumptions but he used to drink A LOT during our relationship so I think maybe he was drunk).

Every once in a while he would send this type of message and at first it affected me but now not so much. It just makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. Then recently he reached out to my family member asking how I was doing etc. This honestly pissed me off because I hate that he is bringing my family into a toxic dynamic. This was a week ago, and yesterday I received another message from him asking if we can talk, but this time the tone turned more aggressive and he said “Answer Bitch”. This is the moment I blocked him and asked my family member to block him as well. I didn’t before because I was worried about him and his mental health, I had this idea that I would rather be there for him than him doing something to himself if something tragic happens.

Now he is trying to add me on other platforms and I’m just annoyed, also a little curious what he wants to talk about years later and I am also shocked at his behavior. It tells me he didn’t change and that I did a good thing not replying to him. Why would you call someone a bitch you want something from and haven’t spoken to in years? My coping mechanism is psychoanalyzing situations and people and I just can’t wrap my head around this. He seemed so confident in himself as a person but I think deep down he is just insecure and immature. I am also scared because I allowed him to be aggressive towards me and intimidate me and it mentally puts me back in that positions of helplessness and being talked to like I’m not a person.

Im at a point where I am strong enough to keep ignoring the attempts and I don’t even want to talk to him. I have changed a lot and grown a lot since it ended and it’s been extremely difficult for me and has altered so many aspects of my life and how I view the world. I’m far from where I need to go but I am getting to a place that I feel more like myself again and I take it day by day.

Idk i’m looking for insight, maybe someone that went through something similar or someone who feels like analyzing the situation.

Hi,
My ex of 2 years broke up with me a while ago (I won’t say when for anonymity reasons but it was this year), and I don’t know how I feel. We went into no contact after a bit of back and forth (mostly from my side being unwilling to let go as I was an anxious mess back then) but eventually I accepted it and blocked him on everything possible. We have not had any kind of contact since then. The breakup was one of the hardest things I have been through and he was so mean during it that it took me a good 5 months to recover from that alone.

I don’t think that I’m still in love with him because in my view, to love is to be sure, and I know I would say no if he asked to come back, I don’t get sad about him anymore and I don’t care what he’s doing with his life. When people tell me things I don’t spiral like I used to, I don’t have a pit im my stomach, often times I feel relieved because he truly is an awful person. I have come to terms with the fact that my sweet boy is no longer there, or maybe never was.

My issue isn’t really him, it’s more about how I feel in regards to other relationships with people but I’m here as I think it may be caused by him (the relationship was rather traumatic, without going into too much detail) I don’t want to get back with him, but I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone like I loved him while simultaneously not being in love with him? I really don’t know how to explain this but I just don’t find myself catching strong feelings for anyone at the moment and nothing is worse to me rn than being in a relationship. Understandably, not catching feelings would be due to the person just not being compatible, but I have recently been talking to someone who is exactly my type and pretty much ticks all my boxes. I’m not sure if I’m comparing the extreme feeling of love I felt for my ex to this, or if it’s different because I know now not to dive in headfirst.

I’ve also come extremely far since that relationship, I’m no longer anxious attachment, I find myself able to care less and less, and I do not centre my life around love anymore.

I think my question really is am I still in love with him and therefore unable to feel for others due to that, or am I just in a point of life where I don’t feel the need to have anyone but me? It seems to be the second due to what I said above but since I am unsure and have never experienced this (he was my first love) and I need to get it off my chest.
I know I should be asking myself this but I find it easier to write it down and feel at least someone relating might make me feel a bit less confused.

If anyone has experienced this any words of advice or clarity would be really appreciated!

I’m not sure if this is the right sub but since others in no contact may understand the pain of going from everything to nothing and the way that manifests sneakily into your life I thought I could find some valuable advice here.

My ex apologized to me after 10 years and I genuinely don’t know what to do with this information.
This man treated me horribly when we were together, both physically and psychologically. TEN YEARS later, he adds me on Instagram, has a ridiculously beautiful new girlfriend, watches my stories and says absolutely nothing. He just… exists. 👁️👄👁️
Meanwhile, I had my glow-up. I lost around 40 kg and I’m honestly glowing more than I ever have. The timing feels like something Netflix would write.
At one point, he even sent me a picture of some gifts that I had given him years ago and said, “I still have these in my room.”
Me: seen.
End of episode.
And I’m bi, so I can’t even hate the girlfriend for being gorgeous. The girl is beautiful. What did she do to deserve being accidentally cast in this storyline?
But now comes the interesting part: after 10 years, he apologized.
He told me that I was “difficult,” but that he was really sorry because he could have left me sooner instead of treating me the way he did. He also said that he wants to reconcile with everyone from his past and that I was the only person he was missing.
And I’m just sitting here thinking… excuse me?
I understand regretting things years later and wanting to make peace with people you hurt. And I appreciate that he acknowledged that he did something wrong.
But after TEN YEARS, you add me on Instagram, watch my stories, show me that you still have the gifts I gave you, and then tell me I’m the last person you needed to reconcile with?
What exactly am I supposed to do with that information?
Is this genuine remorse? Nostalgia? Closure? A midlife crisis? Or did the Instagram algorithm just decide my life needed a new subplot?
Because honestly, I have no idea.

Would reaching out just hurt me more?
My ex and I lived together, and he felt like family to me. We had problems and arguments, especially around trust, but I loved him and thought we could work things out.
Beginning of year, I found out he had cheated on me with a girl and had been using Tinder while we were together.

During our last conversation, he said he would contact me again to explain everything. He never did. I never got that explanation or a sincere apology, and we haven’t spoken in almost 10 months.

I still miss him, and lately I’ve been dreaming about him a lot. Part of me wants to tell him how much everything hurt and say the things I never got to say. Another part of me is still hoping he’ll apologise and tell me that our relationship meant something to him.

I know I wouldn’t be reaching out without expectations. If he ignored me, replied coldly, or told me he was with someone else, it would hurt. What also stops me is that he was the one who promised to contact me again. I’ve spent all this time waiting for him to follow through.

Has anyone broken no contact in a situation like this? Did it help you let go, or did it reopen everything? How did you deal with wanting answers from someone who never gave them?

My girlfriend (31F) of four years broke up with me (34M) about two months ago. We own a house together with a joint mortgage, and renting in our city has become almost impossible. We’ve both invested a lot into the house.

She ended the relationship and asked me to move out. I was devastated and practically begged her to let me stay. She made it clear she wanted a clean break and had no interest in getting back together.

I told her I’d do anything if she’d let me stay, including paying almost the entire mortgage and taking care of all the housework. Part of it was genuinely because I had nowhere else to go, but if I’m being completely honest, I also desperately wanted to remain in her life, hoping she’d eventually take me back.

Initially, she was reluctant. But I immediately started doing everything around the house: cleaning, laundry, dishes, cooking, gardening, washing and polishing her car, etc. Eventually, she stopped asking me to leave.

Over time, she’s started giving me additional things to do. She’ll leave her laundry outside her bedroom door for me, give me shopping lists for Whole Foods every few days, and ask me to run errands. I pay for the shopping myself, too.
We now have separate bedrooms and live essentially separate lives. I pay nearly all the mortgage, do literally every household chore, maintain the garden, take care of her car, do her shopping and run whatever errands she needs.
The strange thing is, we’ve never actually discussed this as a formal arrangement. She hasn’t explicitly said, “You can stay as long as you do everything,” but it feels like an unspoken agreement. She gets to live without worrying about housework, errands or most of the mortgage, and I get to remain in the house and, more importantly, in her life.

I suspect if I stopped doing everything, she’d probably start asking me to leave again.
And honestly? I don’t particularly mind doing it. After four years together, I’d rather have this arrangement than lose her completely. I suppose, deep down, probably still hope she’ll change her mind.

My questions are: Is this an unhealthy dynamic, even if I’m willingly doing everything? Am I essentially buying my place in her life? And realistically, where do you see this arrangement going?

My ex and I broke up about 3 months ago. We were serious, talked about marriage and kids, and I still love her.
In July, she kept saying she was done but secretly told my mom she wanted me to fight for us. We eventually spent 9 hours together talking about reconciliation. She cried and wanted me back, but I wasn’t sure at the time. We argued the next day and stayed broken up.
In August, she randomly reached out after I posted something emotional on Instagram, then later got upset and blocked me again.
Throughout our breakup, she’s been watching my Instagram Stories through two burner accounts. One even followed me, liked old posts and commented on my Reel.
Last week, she angrily messaged me about a Reel that reminded her of issues in our relationship. A few hours later, she called me.
This Monday, I reached out and told her I still loved her and wanted to marry her. She got upset and said, “What gives you the audacity to say that after almost 3 months of not speaking?”
She said it was too late, told me she had a boyfriend, and asked me not to contact her.
Here’s what confuses me. During our relationship, she was extremely firm about never entertaining or keeping tabs on exes while dating someone. Yet she’s continued watching my Stories through her burner accounts, even after our last conversation.
She’s also said she was completely done before, only to later admit she wanted reconciliation.
I’m respecting her request for no contact, but I’m struggling to make sense of everything.
Do you think she genuinely has a boyfriend, or could she still be hurt and emotionally attached? Am I just holding onto hope?
Would appreciate honest opinions, especially from women who’ve experienced something similar

You were in my dreams baby. I miss you so much.

We broke up about 6 months ago, but because we worked together and the breakup was amicable we tried really hard to stay friends.

It eventually got exhausting for both of us for different reasons, and we decided that now (since I have moved departments and won’t be in the same room as him) that we are going to go no contact completely for two months and then check in to see where we are at and how we feel.

I deleted his contact so that I won’t be tempted and miraculously don’t have it memorized. I will still see him in passing at work but not nearly at the same level. Our social lives occasionally overlap but it’s pretty rare

The last 6 months of trying to be friends when we admittedly both still had some lingering feelings has been emotionally exasperating and I feel
Like a shell. I have talked to him every day for so very long, and I feel very untethered now.

Just really looking for advice on how to not lose it or go into deep scary depression.