Her an I have an argument occasionally; I don’t think it’s an excessive amount. We’re both in fact getting better at understanding each other. She still does one thing that drives me insane though: she sends videos of ways that I can improve in a relationship. Here are four examples in the past two days:

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/14sPsdHS4Hw/?mibextid=wwXIfr

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1bwwscEe4w/?mibextid=wwXIfr

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1drBfiaVFa/?mibextid=wwXIfr

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1EaD6uYqw3/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Sometimes there will be a several day stretch where she’s sending multiple a day.

It’s important for me to say that, yes, I’ve strongly considered that I actually do these things, and some of these behaviors I’ve long since fixed. That said, some of these things don’t apply to me at all no matter how introspectively and humbly I consider it.

Here’s what bothers me about it:

1. It comes off as passive-aggressive. I’d rather just talk about these issues with her.

2. In sending me these videos that basically say I’m doing everything wrong (which again, I am open to considering), she doesn’t consider any ways that she can improve.

3. I’m afraid it’s leading her into redpill territory, meaning the algorithm is going to keep reinforcing itself the more of these she watches and, well you know where it goes.

How do I approach this?

I’m not posting because I need people to tell me to divorce him. I already know this is not a healthy marriage. I’m asking because I genuinely cannot just pack four kids up and leave. We have just refinanced our mortgage, our finances and property are heavily intertwined, and I could not afford suitable rent for me and four children anyway.

I need practical advice about what you do when your husband has effectively stopped participating in the marriage, refuses to repair it, but also doesn’t want to separate.

We have been together nearly 13 years and this didn’t start 10 months ago. The last 10 months have just become unbearable.

My husband has slept on the couch for about four years. We haven’t had a normal intimate relationship for years. We haven’t kissed properly in years. We haven’t had sex in around two years. There are no dates, no affection, no thoughtful gestures, no birthdays, anniversaries or moments where I feel like somebody actually thought about me.

I can’t even remember the last time he did something simply because he wanted to make me happy.

For years I have been the person who plans everything, remembers everything, organises everything and keeps our family running. Kids, school, appointments, bills, groceries, birthdays, Christmas, animals, routines, paperwork, finances, household stuff, all of it. Including 90% of what most people would classify as the “masculine” duties.

Even conversation became one-sided. I can listen to him, support him, help him work through things and talk about his problems, but I genuinely cannot talk about myself. If the subject is me, exciting news, my life in general, how I feel, what I need or something he has done that hurt me, he becomes defensive, shuts down, leaves, ignores me or somehow makes the conversation about him.

I have gone through illnesses, medical procedures, traumatic things, struggles and really frightening periods of my own health and still basically had to keep going. I have needed a husband so many times and there just hasn’t been one there for me.

For the last 10 months it has become much worse.
There has been some form of silent treatment, complete withdrawal or aggression towards me almost continuously.

And when I say silent treatment, I don’t mean we have an argument and don’t speak for an evening.

I mean he can live in the same house as me and act as though I don’t exist. Walk past me. Refuse to answer simple questions. Sit in the same room and deliberately not acknowledge me. Respond to everybody else while refusing to communicate with me.

Sometimes this goes on for days or weeks. Sometimes it changes into hostility or an argument and then goes straight back to ignoring me. There’s been no reprieve.

He also withholds information I actually need to run our lives.

Information about the kids. Plans. Things he has agreed to that impact me. Things that have changed. Decisions he has made.

He will make decisions involving the children without discussing them with me, completely ignore routines or rules I have spent weeks putting in place, go against things we have already agreed on and leave me dealing with the consequences.

Then he goes away for work and I am the one putting everything back together.

I work full time too.

When he is away I am working and doing the entire job of raising four kids, the house, animals, school, appointments, meals, admin and everything else.

You would think his time home would be when I finally get another parent.

Instead I am generally more exhausted when he is home.
He still expects me to carry everything, except now I am also dealing with somebody interfering with what I’m trying to do, undermining me, refusing to communicate with me and creating an atmosphere where everybody is on edge.

I can’t win.

If I wait for him to make a decision or do something, nothing happens. I’ve let things go for literal years for him to step up before.

If I do it because somebody has to, he gets angry that I “do everything”.

I have responsibility for absolutely everything while increasingly feeling like I’m not allowed any authority over my own life.

There have been lies too. Financial secrecy. Gambling money that was meant for household expenses. Secretly starting smoking again. Things hidden from me until I find out. There’s been much more serious things in the past.

There have been hundreds of promises.

He will apologise. He will say he understands. He will promise not to disappear again, not to ignore me, to communicate, to step up with the children, to get help, to follow through.

There have been psychologists, suggestions of courses, resources, plans, systems, promises to book appointments and promises to work on himself.

Then nothing actually changes.

I have spent years trying to help him change.

I have explained myself calmly. I’ve written things down. I’ve cried. I’ve yelled. I’ve given him space. I’ve stopped giving him space. I’ve made schedules and household systems. I’ve made responsibilities incredibly clear. I’ve tried not mentioning problems. I’ve tried addressing them immediately. I’ve tried letting things go. I’ve tried focusing on myself and the kids but end up facing some sort of sabotage.

I have spent an absurd amount of time trying to work out the magical correct way to communicate with someone who simply does not want to communicate with me.

And there has been zero repair of our marriage.

That is probably the thing I have only recently understood.
He talks about needing to improve himself. He talks about helping more. Being a better dad. Doing jobs around the house. Getting organised. Not gambling. Communicating.
But those things are basic adult responsibilities.

There has been nothing that repairs what has happened to me or to our relationship.

No rebuilding intimacy. No tenderness. No effort to make me feel loved. No attempt to rebuild trust. No taking me somewhere because he wants time with me. No acknowledgment followed by meaningful amends. No period where he has actually treated me differently long enough for me to believe anything has changed.

Even when I tell him I’m absolutely broken, it becomes another conversation about him.

I cry almost every day now. I barely sleep. I’m struggling badly at work. I’ve lost weight. My hair is falling out. I pick my skin from anxiety. Sometimes my brain just seems to stop and I cannot think properly.

And he watches me deteriorate and still treats me like I’m an inconvenience.

What finally broke something in me was realising I don’t think I’m asking for the marriage anymore.

I tried talking to him about functioning as separated parents under the same roof because financially and practically we are stuck here for now.

I wanted to talk about the kids, who is responsible for what when he is home, household responsibilities, communication, finances, personal time and how we could stop living in constant conflict.

Instead, one of his biggest concerns was whether I could eventually see somebody else.

He said that would be a “dealbreaker”.

He also said something along the lines of not wanting to go through all of this if he wasn’t going to “get anything out of it in the end”.

That really messed with my head.

Because I have spent years asking him to actually be my husband. I am so lonely…

He has effectively removed himself from the marriage in every way that matters to me, but the idea that I might one day stop belonging to him seems to matter.

So I don’t understand what he actually wants.

He doesn’t want to participate in the marriage.
He doesn’t repair anything.
He doesn’t want to separate.
He doesn’t want a practical separated-under-one-roof arrangement if that means I am actually separate from him.
He says I’m not his mother, but then constantly information farms from me and relies on me even when I try and push his responsibilities and independence back onto him.

And meanwhile I am still expected to raise the children, manage the household, carry the finances/admin, absorb the consequences of his decisions and somehow remain his wife. I am also severely struggling with the kids, because as hard as I try to show them responsibility, hard work, integrity and earning things, they’re starting to show the same passive aggression, entitlement and just walking away from me as he does.

I have become incredibly isolated because of all of this. I have barely spoken to people I love because I’m exhausted, miserable and shut down all the time. I have hidden how bad things are because I know once I tell people close to me, I can’t untell them, and I’m worried that outside involvement would make living here even harder.

I’m not looking for another communication technique. I have communicated.

I’m not asking how to make him understand. I have explained this more times than I could count. I’ve woken up to his pattern of pulling me into a cycle of saying the same things over and over again by acting confused or getting angry, just so he doesn’t have to take accountability or actually respond to me.

And “just leave” genuinely isn’t something I can physically or financially do tomorrow. I’ve explored it….

So I’m asking people who have actually lived through this:
How do you stop participating in a marriage by yourself when the other person refuses to either participate or let it properly end?

How do you establish your own life, boundaries and parenting arrangements while still under the same roof?
How do you stop carrying somebody who will not carry you, without the kids and household falling apart because you’re the only person keeping everything functioning?
And how do you know what is reasonable to expect from somebody who says depression is behind some of this, when they are still capable of functioning in other areas of their life but seem to have completely withdrawn from you?

I genuinely don’t know what my next move is. I just know I cannot keep living exactly like this. I’ve completely lost the kind, confident, spontaneous, loving and FEMININE woman I used to be.

TL;DR: Married nearly 13 years, four kids. My husband has emotionally checked out of the marriage for years and for the last 10 months has mostly ignored me, withheld information, undermined me, broken promises and left me carrying almost all parenting, household and mental load. I’ve tried everything to repair it and there has been zero sustained change. He says depression is part of it, but he still functions in other areas and the withdrawal is overwhelmingly directed at me. I can’t realistically leave right now, but when I tried to discuss separating under the same roof, he resisted that too, in case I might eventually move on. I need practical advice on how to stop functioning as his wife while still living together and keeping four kids and a household going.

I’ve been dating my bf since junior year of highschool we are going into out 8th year in feb. Last night I invited him out with a couple of my friends for bowling and drinks.
we started getting into our drinks while talking about my other friend’s situationship. My bf then came out to the table to say him and I were fwb. My friends felt very uncomfortable after this comment asking him why would he say that and how if we have been together for 7 years. He proceeded to explain how it was funny when nobody was laughing.
He started drinking a more and started to become more aggressive in his tone along with his actions like slapping a friend on the back very hard.
While we were bowling he was stumbling and dropped a full glass of water on the table from losing his balance. Then I decided it was time to go. He originally picked me up from my house but because he was so drunk I ended up having to drive everyone back in his car.
During the car ride I had to pull over for him to throw up, he then began playing his music super loud and obnoxious. When cars on the street were honking he as well tried to honk from the passenger side trying to get me to dance in the car by elbowing me to the music all while I was driving. I ended up leaving my friend at the station instead of her house because I literally felt it was safer for her to take the train than to be in the same car with him.
During the car ride to his house I tried so hard to contain my emotions until we stopped but I could just feel the tears running down my face. He asked me why I was crying and i literally couldn’t hold back my anger. I told him he embarassed me he made people uncomfortable and he completely disrespected me. I also told him I didn’t want him to go to this Halloween event with me either assuming he was going to be acting the same way. I then let him know that he was not obligated to stay with me. I felt as if I have been holding up this relationship all on my own with gifts, dates, wanting to see him it all just felt so one sided, and for him to describe us as friends with benefits completely obliterated me. I explained to him that he’s too comfortable and I don’t know how much disrespect he wants me to tolerate from him anymore. I left him in his car, gave him the key and got picked up by my sister.
Of course I love him, but I’m currently in college for social work. I work two jobs and I really don’t feel as if I can even care about wanting to keep up this relationship with nothing coming from him. I think it’s just scary having to end under these circumstances after so long but what else is there to do 🫩. I thankfully did not live with him or have any children so realistically I can go without ever seeing him again because I don’t even have anything I need to collect from his place.

I think it is over now. It has been building up for years, and now the point has come where I finally have to accept that he neither truly loves me nor desires me anymore.

We (M38, M37) have been together for 15 years and married for about 7. Sexually, things haven't been going well for quite a while. For most of that time, we really only had sex maybe once every two or three months, with at most some mutual masturbation in between. He is a perfectionist and constantly stressed. I always thought that was the reason. When someone is constantly stressed about work, the household, and family, where is the headspace left for sex?

So at some point, I asked if we shouldn't open the relationship. Life is short, and looking outside the relationship for sex couldn't hurt.

I really should have seen it coming. We have been doing this for about six months now. He definitely goes on sex dates two to three times a week. He gives others everything I have always wanted. He dresses sexy, he has real sex. Yes, I can tell by the douche, which is always used before he leaves for a date. He never used it for me. He never put on those sexy briefs for me that he has owned for years.

For him, sex with me is now just a matter of duty. On the one hand, he still loves me. But I think it's more out of convenience, so he won't be lonely, so he'll have someone to go on vacation with, and so we can split the costs.

And now I think the time has come to say goodbye. I just don't give him anything anymore. Let him have his freedom. I will never find someone as handsome, intelligent, and funny as him again.

I could cry. Sorry, I am drunk right now and first have to survive two weeks of vacation with him. Well then, life is too short.

My boyfriend (24M) and I (24F) have been together for 5 years now. We are serious and are both thinking of marriage within the next 2-3 years. Recently, he began going to Church frequently and became a firm believer of Christianity. I myself am born Catholic and was an avid Church-goer in the past, but have not been practicing these last few years.

I like to think of myself as an atheist now, and his recent conversion has been causing great friction in our relationship. He told me that he doesn’t see us getting married unless I share the same beliefs as him. He feels our marriage will only be subpar if I don’t centre God in my life as he does. This really stung as we have had a great relationship all this while and I don’t see why he’s giving me this ultimatum.

He has asked me if I was willing to try and deepen my faith slowly, but I am hesitant. I understand the Church’s view on partners being “uneqally yoked”, but I can’t bring myself to believe in something I genuinely don’t. I believe we both have good values and morals so we will be able to work things out in a marriage regardless of our belief systems.

Unfortunately he doesn’t share the same opinion. I don’t know if we are just no longer compatible or if I should just try to meet him where he is at?

First off I just want to thank everyone who responded to the original post ( https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/q3KaBIfzQk ) Before I came here I was feeling so bad for thinking Tom would do something like take my pendant because I really thought it was a left field action and I was suspecting him of something out of a movie. Coming here and reading everyone’s responses made me realise how common this type of thing is, and it really helped me understand that my fear was rational. It also was really validating to see how many people agreed that he took it, even with just the information that I had. It stopped me feeling crazy, so thank you so much. 

The day after I posted, I decided that I would tell Tom I found the pendant. If he took it, he’d know I couldn’t have found it, and he’d slip up. He’s also know I was lying and probably realise I suspected that he took it. It seemed like the only way to introduce all the options into the conversation. A few people suggested it to me so thank you to those people. I just was considering the right time to do it. 

In the meantime, I told Max I couldn’t find the pendant. His response was “and this is why I have a tattoo”. He couldn’t believe it when I explained I thought Tom took it and that apparently this is very common. This is when I showed him the post. He said he’s buying me four cats for Christmas because men ain’t shit. He also said he’d get me a new pendant that was actually worth something but I said to hold off because I wasn’t sure a replacement would feel right. 

Anyway then yesterday I saw Tom. We had plans but I’d barely been communicating. I said this in my previous post but my suspicions had really been affecting how I’d been acting with him. And then after the post I basically couldn’t even bring myself to text him. So he definitely knew something was off when he came over. I was fully ready to go through with my plan, but almost as soon as he sat down, he said “I have something to tell you”, and pulled the pendant out of his pocket. He said he took it and has had it the whole time and he felt like it was driving a wedge between us and he hated seeing me so sad. He also said this is not the kind of person he wants to be. 

He offered to leave to give me some time to think everything over but I immediately said I suspected he took it and he said he felt like I thought that and that’s why I was acting so weird. So I was like oh so you gave it back because you thought I caught you, and he disagreed. But anyway I told him I wanted to hear his explanation. 

This is the story as he told it to me. 

He saw the pendant in my jewellery tray on the dresser, next to this necklace he had bought on me on vacation over the summer, and he just got viscerally hurt and resentful that I never wear the necklace (now I want to point out (maybe it doesn’t make a difference) that I’m not a jewellery person, I only really wear jewellery for occasions, and I told him not to buy it but he did anyway. I don’t go out of my way not to wear it, I don’t wear any jewellery that often that’s also why the pendant isn’t permanently on a chain). He said he just connected the two things in his head, and before he could tell himself not to, he just picked up the pendant and put it in his wallet. He said he thought when I couldn’t find it, I would wear the necklace he got instead, but I didn’t, I just figured I’d left it in my purse and didn’t mention it. Then by the time I noticed it missing, he couldn’t think of a way to just “find” it. He said he kept meaning to give it back but every time I got upset over it he got more bitter, and figured he’d put it back when I had “got over” it. I told him that was sociopathic levels of mean spirited and he agreed. He said he knew that but he was in this cycle of feeling terrible and guilty and then I’d mention it and he’d get mad again. He said he hated that he was jealous enough to get like that, and it’s not the person he wants to be.

He also said he doesn’t want to be the guy who is always just ok with everything, just because he’s scared to take up space in my life. That really floored me. I always thought we got along so well because we just clicked? But not really, because he’s been biting his tongue on a lot of stuff and honestly if I did that for two years I would probably end up acting out too. He said that he always wanted to marry someone who’s his best friend, and I’m his best friend but he’s not mine. Which, ok fair. And while I still think what he did was gross and I told him that, I can kind of see how all this just got on top of him. 

What it came down to was Tom wanted to see if we could work through things being our “authentic selves” and I just said well no because I never lied, I was always myself, and you kind of hated me. And I liked the version of you that turned out not to be all that real. So what would we be doing here? After that he got snarky and said I should just stay single which I just agreed with, which annoyed him even more. obviously he had to throw in some stuff about how I’ll never find anyone who’s ok with the Max and I are, and we should just date etc., before I kicked him out. I think that’s the last I’ll be seeing of Tom. Which is sad, because he was in my life a long time. I just have always really liked him. He made me laugh, he came to cooking classes with me, he Duolingo’d Italian for 3 months before our summer vacation. I liked our life together. It’s weird now knowing that he never really did. 

Idk how I feel about it all tbh. I feel bad that I never noticed Tom was unhappy. I feel disappointed that that’s who he became when he was hurt. I’m even more disappointed that he didn’t really acknowledge how unhinged what he did actually was. I’m sad I lost a friendship over this. 

The only positive is I do have the pendant back and it’s going to stay on a chain from now on and just be a necklace. I know I didn’t actually lose it but I didn’t even remember putting it where Tom ended up seeing it, so I was really complacent with it, and I want to be more careful. 

I took the day off today to process everything and I still feel sad but also kind of numb. I haven’t told anyone except Max about the break up yet, and I don’t know when I will, or how I’ll explain it. I don’t really want to tell the whole story. Part of me feels like I don’t even know the full story because it felt like I never knew Tom. But yeah. That’s…what it is.

I wanted to update because this feels like a win for the girls who got their stuff taken by psychos, that sometimes you get the stuff back. And also just because everyone was so kind in giving their advice, so thank you again. 

If I left anything out, feel free to let me know! 

TLDR: my bf returned the pendant, admitted he took it, and we broke up. 

Me and my fiancé have been having some issues recently, namely his drinking and how he behaves towards me once he has had too much, we really got into it about a week ago and things have been rocky/tenuous since. we have a 7 month old and in conversations where we have been trying to fix the relationship we said to put everything on the table. He said that intimacy is an issue but it’s his issue, after pushing him further he said he’s no longer completely attracted to me. After asking how long he has felt this way he said since last July, which is exactly the time we fell pregnant. Now I was losing weight before falling pregnant but pregnancy really did a number on me where a lot of foods / smells made me nauseous so I just had to eat whatever I could. He has said I didn’t make enough effort to stay in shape throughout pregnancy (‘I saw pregnant women on treadmills you were just being lazy’) and used it as an excuse to put weight on. I lost around a stone of the baby weight when our baby was 3-4 months old but plateau’d because partner lost his main job and has been working silly hours since meaning I’m basically a single parent 9am - 11pm most days and eating clean hasn’t been the forefront of my mind. He said the attraction can come back if I get back in shape. I have lost about half a stone before this conversation so he knows I am trying. I told him yesterday I no longer feel comfortable around him doing things I used to (leaving bathroom door open when showering, sleeping naked next to him to name a few) and he said I am being dramatic and he wished he never said anything. I’m glad he told me but I can’t help how I am feeling. I don’t consider myself obese by any stretch, I’m about a UK16 but my tummy obviously hasn’t recovered from pregnancy as quickly as I hoped. Has anyone been in a similar situation and managed to salvage the relationship?

We've been married 10 years.

We separated last year.

We've been in contact again, and it has been a painful experience (for me especially). We both love each other very much, and want what's best for each other. Here's the situation:

We started having intimacy issues a couple years ago, which worsened over time. This led to resentment, dissatisfaction, distrust, which in turn worsened the intimacy issues.

My wife is autistic. I'm a whirlwind ADHD person.

We never found the vocabulary or tools to understand our sexual incompatibility until the last two years when my wife was diagnosed with autism.

I could never figure out what she needed to be intimate, how to initiate, how to care for her, etc. We would talk about it, whenever we could, but she never really could explain what she needed or what she wanted. No fantasies, no porn, no toys, no romantic setup, less stress, more stress, less care, more care, etc. We both thought that maybe she was just asexual or something.

Eventually, I just stopped trying. I couldn't handle the constant rejection, so I just stopped trying to initiate and trying to talk about it.

I often internalized the constant rejection, which caused me to spiral into depression, and pull away.

My therapist recommended we separate, and see other people to figure out if it is an incompatibility.

I saw a couple people during this time, nothing really clicked. She went on a date, I think, but wasn't really interested.

We reconciled after about 6 months, and moved back into the same apartment. At this point, I had moved to a different state. I think this was a mistake, because we didn't give ourselves time to grieve and explore. We told ourselves we could fix the intimacy issues, and they were fixed, for a short time, then the old patterns emerged again (pursuit, rejection, no ability to communicate what's happening).

Another 6 months later of co-habitating, we discussed divorce. We lived together while "separated" for a few more months, then she finally moved out on her own. That was three months ago.

In that time, I've dated, and she's had many sexual partners, especially in the kink community, such as BDSM. Mostly random people, some as "friends with benefits" type things.

Now, you can imagine my surprise: I approached her many times about trying that stuff, she seemed so-so interested, and I found it uncomfortable to be aggressive, but not something I couldn't learn with some patience.

I always had a high libido, and she never had much of a libido. Now, after years of rejection and internalizing that, my libido is functionally zero, and she's having the time of her life.

We are in communication with each other, and we start couple's therapy next month. I know, we should have done it earlier, but I was so hurt for so long that I didn't think anything could possibly salvage it (stupid self destruction).

It was a painful lesson for me, because when we talked about it, she said she just needed space and low-emotional-pressure to explore her needs. Like I said, she is autistic, and I can't quite fully conceptualize how she sees sex and intimacy and romance. I'm trying, we're working on it.

The BDSM thing: it's not really my thing, but it's something I can learn, and do, because I love her and I will do whatever it takes.

Where I have the most concern, however, is that she thinks she might be poly, and that poly freedom MIGHT be a non-negotiable for her. Likewise, I'm a non-negotiable monogamist. The thought of sharing with other people just gives me a visceral reaction of pain and fight-or-flight.

To me, sex is this incredible, intimate connection to share absolute trust and love with each other. She sees sex as more of just a "thing" that you do, and there's no emotional connection to it. This was painful for me to hear her say. But, I'm trying to understand her autism and how it might affect abstract concepts like that, as well as her personal preferences, etc. I'm trying to learn.

Some important things have changed since the last separation: she no longer has a soul sucking job, which she attributes partially to her libido issues. She also learned the vocabulary of what she needs, and how her autism changes how she processes and feels, so that she can help me understand her as well.

If anyone has been in a similar situation, I'd love some advice. We're both willing to just let each other go and move on, if that's what we need to do. We both want each other to be happy, but during this period of growth and discovery, we have both gained a deeper understanding of what we each need and how we're different, and we both feel like we could make it work. The biggest stickler is going to be if poly is a non-negotiable for her; she doesn't know, yet. She's exploring other partners but doesn't know if it's just for the emotionless sex or if it's because she actually needs and enjoys a poly dynamic.

My son's dad and I broke up in early March after signing a new apartment together two weeks before. I broke things off because I was basically a single parent doing everything by myself. Money, taking care of our son, and he was barely coming home. Fast forward, he helped me move into my new apartment after breaking the lease and has been working on trying to get me back. The main problem, is that after our break up and a little before I started to resent him, I lost all attraction to him. Our son also spends more time with his dad since he works overnight and stays home with him during the day and would cry when it was time to come to me. Now he doesn't since we spend more time together as a family.

He's been becoming the person that he said he would be in every aspect now. He's been an amazing dad, he's started school, he surprises me with little things, has been helping, encouraging me to quit teaching because I'm so depressed and saying he'll take care of everything for a little until I find something new like I did for him two times, and more. He kisses me here and there and it just feels so forced.

He asked me to be his girlfriend again yesterday and I said yes, but I don't feel excited nor happy. I've been feeling confused since he asked like the static screen on old tv's. My son is 2 and he looks so happy now that we've been spending more time together again. I've told him before that I just want to focus on being friends for now, because I do enjoy talking to him everyday. It's been me talking about marriage and moving in together and he's been following my pace, but then I regret talking about it. I've gone on some great dates these past couple of months and I haven't gotten the same feeling with him that I have with these random strangers. He asked if I regretted my answer last night and I hesitated when saying no. I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't want to hurt myself since he's finally turning to the person I've been waiting on. I genuinely don't know what I'm doing and need some advice.

edit: We were together 4 years. Not sure if that plays a part in it as well. Coparenting has been extremely easy as we both really never got mad at each other. We've been pretty okay friends since we broke up.

TL;DR: I (almost 22M, no dating experience) fell for a girl at my university after we started spending hours hanging out one-on-one. I confessed my feelings in May, but she got overwhelmed (she also has no experience) and said she saw us as friends, so I backed off and gave her space over the summer. Now she has reached out to reconnect, we are talking a lot again, and she just initiated plans for us to go to a late-night movie together. Wondering if I still have a chance, because I really like her and I can't just be a platonic friend to her.

Okay so basically I'm almost 22M, and I'm at my 4th year of studying at a university. I struggle with making friends - I mean I do talk to people, but those relationship never leave the initial stage of getting to know each other, so I am mostly lonely. I have also never been in a relationship. I only had crush once before and it was in 8th grade. It's not that I don't find women attractive, it's rather that I don't really develop feelings based on looks alone.

There is this girl who I have many classes with. For the first 3 semesters I only sometimes saw her, but we had never talked to each other. Then during the 4th semester we were put in the same group for a project and we started talking then, helping each other out with university stuff. This basically lasted for a year, I didn't look at her in any special way, but I did think that she is nice.

Then in March this year she invited me to go with her and her friend to a job fair. I declined cuz I wasn't really interested in it and I didn't want to wait after classes. But even though I didn't go a seed was planted in me, I think that's when I started looking at her in another way. But I didn't do anything with it cuz I didn't want to admit I finally am developing feelings for someone. But that changed after 2 weeks.

One day she messaged me if I wanted to go with her to another job fair, this time just with her and she gave me two options when she would be available. Since she knew why I declined the last time I thought that this was just a pretext to meet with me. And that's when my feelings exploded, I was overwhelmed by feelings for her, I remember that I spent the entire day thinking about her and I was so stressed. But since in 8th grade I didn't do anything about my crush I decided that this time I have to do everything in my power.

I have never met with a girl one-on-one, so this was a first time for me. I was so nervous, but I went with her to that job fair. It was really boring and we spent only 20 minutes there. And it even turned out she went there a day before so she knew there wouldn't be anything interesting, so this just solidified my suspicions that this was just a pretext. She said that she would be going to the library now to study, but I instead asked her if she wanted to go an walk together. And she did and we talked. Eventually we reached the library, but she asked me to sit with her on a bench and we talked for another 40 minutes. I even nervously asked her if she wanted to go to the movies with me during the weekend, but she said that she lives far away from the town and she doesn't really want to spend time commuting if she doesn't have to.

After that I thought that I really like her. So I decided to ask her to grab a coffee together. And she agreed. I asked her if I could pay for her, she said that no I don't have to, so I didn't. But we did spend like an hour talking over that coffee and then she asked me if I wanted to go on a walk with her, and we maybe did that and talked for another 1.5-2 hours. It was great and she even asked me if I wanted to study together in a couple of days, I happily agreed.

Later we mostly had contact between classes, we did study together in the library, she was initiating contact and I remember that even though it was April she asked me if I wanted to study with her in June for a Bachelor exam that we had in July. So eventually I asked her if she wanted to grab some cream puffs with me. And she again agreed.

That meeting was the best one so far. This time I did manage to pay for her lol, but basically after we ate our puffs she asked me if I again wanted to go an a walk with her. And we did walk and talk again for another 2.5 hours, and I even missed my class just so I could spend more time with her. I remember that it was also the first time I told her that she looks very pretty and I complimented her nails. It was great and we even made plans to go to the movies together after exams, and also to study together soon.

We did study together and help each other with exams in early May, but every time I asked her about the movies she said that she can't that week. Then I waited a week and asked again. And so eventually in the second half of May she said that she can't again, but if not movies, then we can just meet in 2 days when she will be coming to town, while her sister will be at hairdressers. So I agreed.

It was again great, we talked for 3 hours and were walking around the parks. When 3 hours were up we walked to near where her sister was and I thought the meeting was ending, so I decided to go for it and tell her about my feelings. I only said "I like spending time with and I like you". She then responded that "It's very nice to hear and that she thanks me for my honesty". But then she started saying how she doesn't promise me anything, that she has no experience at all, how in the past she was accused of leading someone on, and that we still don't know each other that well and it is still a bit awkward between us. I then said that it's all new for me too, and when I meet with her I try to get out of my comfort zone - she then said that even if there would be nothing more between us, then at least I made a friend.

Then I thought that I should probably go cuz it's awkward, but she surprised me and asked if I wanted to sit on a bench with her. So I did and we started talking again, but not about feelings, just our interests and things like that. She also asked me if I wanted to study with her in June. After 2 hours we went and grabbed a pizza, and then we went back to the bench and talked for another 1.5 hours. Then it was evening and she said that her sister is probably finishing the visit at hairdressers, so we said goodbyes, but she did say at the end that "she probably sees us more friendly".

After that I decided to give her less pressure, so I initiated less contact. Our classes were over, but I noticed that every time we talk she doesn't really ask me about what's going on in my life and when I asked her she kept it short. She only wrote to me when we talked about uni stuff. I asked her if she wants to meet for that study session and she did.

But it was pretty awkward, I mean literally all we did was study, we didn't really talk about anything else. And after 2 hours she said that she has to go and quickly packed and went. I then decided that I will also head back home, but when I got to the bus stop it turned out that she and her sister were there. And we did start talking about things outside of uni, but it was really awkward, I mean we didn't really get into any of the topics, just brushed them and the sister was just there not talking to me.

After that we didn't really have that much contact, she only wrote to me about the Bachelor exam. But in early July we had a Bachelor defense right after each other, so we met then. I remember that she was so stressed, but still we talked to each other it seemed pretty normal. And eventually after we got through our defenses and got our degrees we went on a walk and grabbed a coffee together. It was just like before, the meeting was great, I didn't try to pay for her, but still I was really enjoying it. After like an hour we decided that we should probably call our relatives now about our defenses, so we said goodbyes. And then for the first time ever she hugged me. And when I asked her if she wanted to meet during the summer she said that it would be nice.

Then afterwards I did write to her, for example about the movies I've seen, but she often responded after 20-30 hours. Eventually in August I decided to stop initiating, I thought that if she wanted to maintain contact with me then she will reach out to me first.

And then over a month went by and in middle September she wrote to me, asking me how I was. We started talking, and we made plans to meet and this time not in the town, but instead in the area where she lives outside the city. But I was away then and I only came back 3 days before the new academic year and she was busy and wanted to regenerate before the classes, so we didn't meet.

And that brings us to October. We met before the class and started talking together. It was again great, and I even told her about my Aspergers then. We sat together during the class, and afterwards she had to hurry. But we did say goodbyes and when she was in the bus she, on her own, wrote to me that she made it and that she wishes me a good day and for the rest of my classes to also be good. Two days later we met before a lecture and it was again so great talking to her. We sat together during the lecture, I also took her jacket and placed it on a seat next to me so she wouldn't have to have it on her legs.

After the lecture we again started talking and we decided to be partners in a group project. We had classes in different buildings afterwards, but it was so great talking that we just stopped at the pavement and continued talking. We talked about the movies and she said that we could go sometime together to see something. I also told her about an event I attended in the summer when I went to movies at 11 PM for a student film discussion, and what shocked me is that she said that we could go also go together to that, for a movie in the night.

So that's basically where we are now. I must say that she became very pretty for me only after a few weeks in April, but now she is the prettiest girl in the world for me. I absolutely adore her and I would never do anything against her, that's why I decided to give up in the summer so she wouldn't feel that I didn't accept her decision. I thought that my feelings died out when we didn't see each other, but one meeting was enough to make me realize that I'm still in love with her.

I mean we are really similar, we both are very introverted, but also we both have very analytical minds and we are both Catholic and don't have any romantic experience. I really don't think I could find someone so good for me ever, so if there is still a chance that we could become a couple I wanna fight for it. Of course I will accept if she doesn't want to, but I don't think I can just be friends with her. I don't really know what to do now... I mean she knows about my feelings for her, and yet she initiates a proposition for the movies in the middle of the night? That made me feel so hopeful, that's why I am making this post. I really want her to become my girlfriend, it's been 7 months since I started having feelings for her.

Thanks for reading everything if you got here. I would really appreciate any thoughts about our relationship. Do I still have a chance with her?

My girlfriend and I have been together for around 10 months. Recently, I learned more about an ex she dated approximately three years ago.

They dated for about a year but never officially labeled their relationship. From what she's told me, he treated her poorly and broke her trust.

What makes me uncomfortable is that she still keeps photos of him, despite not keeping photos of her other exes. She also has access to his location and still maintains contact with him.

During a conversation, she described him as "interesting" and the "life of the party" and mentioned that she had a nice time with him. She also talked about how he's traveling and spending money. It made me uncomfortable hearing her speak so positively about someone who had previously hurt her.

When I brought up my discomfort, she reassured me that she doesn't see a romantic future with him and that she wants a future with me. She also mentioned that maybe she should stop talking to him, but as far as I know, she hasn't taken that step.

She also told me that her friends hate him and asked whether knowing that made me feel better. I found that response strange because my concern wasn't about what her friends thought of him.

To be fair to her, I want to mention something important.

Her first ex reached out to her on Snapchat, and she independently decided to delete Snapchat without me asking her to. I appreciated that because it showed she was capable of establishing boundaries on her own.

That's also why I'm confused about why this particular ex seems different.

I also want to make something very clear: I'm not controlling her, telling her who she can or cannot talk to, or trying to influence her decisions. I've explicitly told her this. I believe she should make her own decisions about the people she keeps in her life. I don't want someone to change their behavior simply because I pressured them into doing so.

What matters to me is whether we naturally share similar values and boundaries in a relationship.

I understand that people can maintain healthy friendships with their exes, and I'm not automatically assuming she still has romantic feelings for him.

However, the combination of keeping his photos, having access to his location, maintaining contact, and speaking positively about him despite their history has made me question the situation.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable about this, or would others consider these legitimate concerns in a relationship?

How do I deal with my boyfriend raging in every game we play? I'm 20f and hes 18m, but It doesnt really matter the game, could be stardew valley and he'll still find something to rage/get mad over. Right now were playing atm10 minecraft and hes just in almost constant anger in it, I hate asking him for help in it cause ik he'll have a bad tone or be annoyed with me and not want to do it. But he starts like screaming at small things while playing video games with or without me and I've told him in the past I dont like it when hes mad and yelling and stuff and he apologizes in the moment and is better for like a week then it comes back again. I dont want to have to keep reminding him that I dont like it when hes yelling or giving me a tone. I would like to enjoy the games we play together without the pressure of having to do good in them as well, if im bad at the game he also gets annoyed, saying how over the years me being so bad at games gets to a point where its really annoying (I forget the exact words but something like that) and I told him that idc if my friends are bad if im playing with them, im just having fun with them and he said just give it time and spend more time with them and then I'll be annoyed with them as well for being bad, which is absolutely not true. I feel so much pressure when playing games with him cause I dont want to tick him off and it just doesnt feel enjoyable to play games with him most of the time unless he happens to be in a good mood that day

So small story, we are playing arc raiders and we were doing the new event thing on the giant ship, and I was getting shot at and he told me to go behind the pipe to a safe spot and i jump on the pipe and theres no crevace for me to go into behind the pipe so i tell him and he just yells yeah there is over and over and i just leave cause theres nothing behind the pipe, then I die a few mins after, then after the gunfire is over he goes and shows be where he was talking about, it was a wall on the side of the pipe the covered you from gunfire, not behind the pipe. and then hes telling me to use my critical thinking skills even tho im telling him he told him the wrong spot but he just keeps saying to use critical thinking to figure it out with a rude ass tone like im stupid

We've technically been together for 6 years and met online, though we've broken up like 3 or 4 times over the years for different reasons. He finally decided to go to therapy this time and its helped some things that were past problems like him getting upset when I tell him that something he did upset me and then he'd break down and want to die and I'd have to comfort him over him hurting me, or when he used to guilt/pressure for s3x , etc

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. He’s gentle, kind, affectionate, and always reassures me. He shows love through physical touch, acts of service, and gifts. I’m not worried about whether he loves me or not I'm worried that I'm going to fall out of love from how empty and lonely I feel when I'm with him

What I’m struggling with is how little we talk.
I’m extroverted and a yapper and I don't expect him to be a radio but I feel close to someone when we can talk for ages, share opinions and random thoughts, or get caught up discussing theories about something we’re watching.

Most of my friends are introverts, but when it’s just the two of us, we can talk for hours. So I don’t think this is just about needing everyone around me to be outgoing

When my boyfriend and I spend time together, we usually watch something. I’ll pause it to share a thought or ask what he thinks, but his answers are veryyy short “Yeah,” “No way,” “I thought so too,” or a simple one sentence opinion response. If I want to keep the conversation going, I usually have to keep asking questions. Ofc not all the time but 85% of the time this is the case.

I don’t expect every conversation to be deep or for him to comment on a simple idea with a whole ass essay . I’d just like him to sometimes initiate convo, say more than a few words, or ask me something back without me having to carry the whole conversation on my back. Constantly trying to get him talking wears me out. And if I try to stay quite so he is kinda forced to talk, he either A. stay quite with me and say he had a great time. Or B. Ask me if something is wrong or if I'm mad at him

It’s even harder because I see him talk more freely with his friends and start conversations with them. I know people can be different in different relationships and everyone love language differ , but it still makes me feel insecure and wonder why I rarely see that side of him with me

We were long-distance for about seven months. Then When we finally saw each other again, I was so excited to reconnect. He was clearly happy to see me and later said it was the happiest he’d felt in a long time, especially since he’d been dealing with family issues and work stress.
Ugh I hate to say this and I don't want to seem ungrateful or needy but even though I could feel how much he cared, I still felt lonely. I missed hearing what was on his mind and having that back-and-forth connection.
And I know Imma sound mean af but if he sent a cardboard cutout instead of coming it would've felt the same to me

Afterward, I called him and said I thought he wanted a break tbh but was waiting for me to bring it up. Looking back, I realize I jumped to conclusions and told him what I thought he felt instead of explaining how I felt but that was because I kept telling him without anything changing. Anyway He was genuinely shocked. He said he definitely didn’t want a break, loved being with me, and was quiet because he felt safe enough around me not to force a conversation or fake a laugh.

I believe him. But I feel STUCK af cuz what feels comfortable and safe to him can leave me feeling lonely and disconnected. Even during intimacy, he goes completely MUTE the whole time, which adds to that feeling :( like am I not good enough? Does he think I'm boring? Things like that goes through my head

I don’t want him to feel like he has to put on an act or get anxious whenever he’s quiet. But I also don’t want to keep brushing off my need for conversation just because he shows his love in other ways.

We’ve even tried agreeing that some days can be quiet days and on other days he’ll make more effort to start conversations. But I just want him to talk more comfortably and not out of obligation

I really love him. I want to find a middle ground where he can be himself and I can feel connected without constantly prompting him.
How can I talk about this without making him feel pressured to perform or that I didn't appreciate him? Has anyone found a balance when one partner connects through conversation and the other is happiest just being together?
⚠️I'm looking for actual solution that works and keep us both happy, not a “break up with him “ comments ⚠️

My husband and I have a very complicated history with our sex life. We’ve been together 12 years, we’re each others firsts, and have always struggled. He has a very high sex drive and through our marriage we’ve gone through me meeting it even when I didn’t want to, me just going my pace for sex which is way less, compromising and doing a middle ground: you name it, we’ve done it.

Well, now im postpartum week 4 and have been on pelvic rest since I was 34 weeks. The reason for pelvic rest cleared so we did have sex once in that time frame but aside from that, nothing. Prior to delivery, I thought we had an understanding that we would wait the full 6 weeks this time. I had a c section with both of my kids and I was fearful of his sex drive getting bad and caved around week 5 last time.

This time around, since week 2, he’s been getting pushier and pushier. It’s led to near daily arguments and now he’s holding things that we talked about doing hostage until I give in. I caved and told him point blank this is not consensual, I don’t want to do this, and if you still want it drop your pants. He did and I gave him a BJ and left the house

I know this is toxic, believe me, I’m just not in a place to leave right now. I believe part of the reason I’m still here is because I have crippling low self esteem. How do I help myself here?

My boyfriend (M28) and I (F23) have been dating for 4 years, hitting 5 years this upcoming Winter. This past year, he has been making sly remarks about my weight and laughing it off a joke. I am 5'3'' and 150 pounds right now for reference. We we first started talking, I was 120 pounds. Through out the whole time from when we started talking till now, I was focused on getting my generals done for a program at my college along with focusing on work. I eventually got accepted into the program. I am currently in my last year of the program and it honestly is not easy. I am spending so much time on school that I honestly don't have the time for myself. I am so busy that I don't have the time to work out anymore and don't have the time to make myself meals at home so I find myself getting something to go as it is easier for me. One thing that I want to add is that I am currently on oral birth control. Birth control has made me gain weight tremendously and as made it harder for me to lose weight. I have been on birth control for 2 years now.

Lately, my boyfriend has been increasingly "joking" about my weight. Everytime he sees me eating something "unhealthy" he tells me "you shouldn't be eating that because you already weigh enough." He constantly makes me weigh myself and it just makes me feel so insecure. I have gained 30 pounds since we started dating and I know that is honestly really bad. Even though he doesn't clearly tell me that I am fat, I know what he means. I do tell him that these jokes are not funny and it does hurt my feelings, but he pushes them off as a joke and always just saying "you should know I was joking." Clearly I don't think and feel like they are a joke because they honestly hurt me. I've been trying to eat healthier with school and work going on but I honestly cannot find the spare time to make myself home made meals or go to the gym. When I do make meals, I try my best to make them healthy and make a whole bunch so I can eat them for the rest of the week instead of going out and get something. It doesn't help that my boyfriend is not willing to cook when I'm not home and is always waiting on me to get home to cook/get food for him. He works from home so most of the time he is at his desk. When he's off the clock, he spends his time playing games.

We've been living together for 3 years now and not once have I seen him clean the house without me telling him too. Lately the apartment has been looking like a pigsty and I can't even stand entering the place because of how bad it is. I spend majority of my time at school (8am-8pm when I am there) and work (I work 8 hour shifts) while he spends his time at home. Sometimes I wish I could just come home to home made meals and a clean house. Sometime's I wish I can just come home and relax, without having to worry taking care of another person. My boyfriend grew up in a household where his mom did everything for him. His mom always took care of his meals, laundry, dishes, and everything you can name. I've told him numerous time that I am not his mom and that sometime's I feel like im being treated like one.

Last thing, is that I have been denying intercourse with him the past month because I am so burnt out. I try to make time for him, but I am so burnt out from balancing everything. He gets upset because I decline his advances. Just because I deny him sex, he tells me that I don't love him. I wish he would just understand from my point of view. I am very open with him regarding my feelings. I tell him i'm stressed and all he can tell me is that "you're fine" when mentally I am not.

I know that I am still in my early 20s, and got time for a change, but sometimes I wish I was just single forever. I am at the breaking point of this relationship. I try to give him so many chances to improve, but I just don't think that I will see the change. It is hard to just leave because we've been together for almost 5 years. I just don't know how I am going to be if we were actually done for real. Are men usually like this? I've never met a decent guy before. With my case, would you guys have left a long time ago?

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/22rkOpyXeK

It’s been a couple of weeks and I have come to the heartbreaking conclusion that I need to break up with my wife. I don’t want to I could happily go the rest of my life without sex if it meant I could be with her still but she quite rightly wants to be with someone who desires her and I just can’t do that. I’ll be honest I’ve even had suicidal thoughts but I couldn’t put that on her.

I planned to do it this weekend but then her brother stepped in and did something awful. He’s always teased her about her surgery and calls her Katie Price a lot (which to be fair a lot of people online also say she looks like Katie Price) and also calls her that cat woman from America who’s name escapes me now. Well I think you’ve all seen that Dell woman who was stood next to Trump. Her brother has been teasing her in the family WhatsApp group and saying she looks like her. He’s made a few pictures and one of them was basically laying my wife’s face over hers and it’s uncanny how closely they match and he said “you look more reptilian than her though as your eyes look less human”.

Me and her brother had a big argument as I told him to pack it in and leave her alone. She’s however having a breakdown as her brother has said she looks like this woman and seeing all the horrible things online people have said about the Dell woman has really hurt her and then a selfie she posted before this has a couple of comments with photos of that woman and saying “is this you?”

She’s in pieces at the moment and she’s already had her lips refilled last week and more Botox. Now she’s saying she needs to make her lip bigger as that other woman has thin lips and she doesn’t want to look like her. I’ve been crying begging her not to do it but she’s not listening to me or her family or friends.

I’m at a loss what to do. I can’t leave her like this. She’s not listening to me or accepting my help. She’s not seeing this is a mental problem not a physical one. I’ve spoke to specialist who said they can’t step in unless she’s self harming or attempting suicide. I don’t know how I can help this amazing woman.

I’m very very bad with confrontation lol, I usually let people just do what they want and support them through the ups and downs. It’s not my life. However this feels different because I’m a big animal lover and a pet is (potentially) involved

The situation is my friend, who is a lovely, smart, sweet girl, bounces between living situations rather frequently. In the past year she’s lived at her job, in her car, with a much older man, in a tent, and now with someone she met at the gym. Who she says is a mean jealous bitch that might do things to her property if she’s not around

All that to say she hits me with “can you come with me I want to buy a bunny”. I’m like girl. What?? I met up with her to go to the pet store and look at supplies, we ended up just going to lunch and hanging out then she said it was too late. Now she wants to meet up again to go get the bunny. I said I’d come with because she apparently needs my moral support, but now I’m thinking of ducking out. Maybe if I don’t go she won’t end up getting one? But she’s also kind of a wild card and will do what she wants if she’s got her head set on it, which is why I don’t know if/what I should say anything about this idea. Like, no disrespect but you think now’s a good time for an animal when your life is not stable?

Idk how to say that in a no judgey way though in case it makes her more set on doing it. Maybe if I come up with an excuse for not going instead it will be enough to derail the idea, so to that extent, any ideas on how to take a raincheck on this?

I (29F) have been dating my girlfriend (28F) for a few weeks, and I’m already feeling overwhelmed by some of the expectations developing in our relationship.

Her car has issues, and today she casually asked if I was taking her to work, even though we hadn’t discussed it. Later, she mentioned that she might need to take my car to work tomorrow. My own car has a nail in the tire, I’m low on gas, and I have responsibilities of my own.

I’ve also been buying groceries and cooking at her place, and lately I’ve started feeling like these things are becoming expected rather than appreciated.
I’m currently at her house and was planning to stay tonight, but I’m considering going home because I don’t want to be put in the position of discussing transportation again tomorrow morning.

I genuinely like her, but things have moved quickly, and I’m worried about becoming responsible for things I’m not comfortable taking on. I haven’t directly communicated these concerns yet.

How can I approach a conversation about boundaries and expectations without making her feel like I don’t care about her? I’d especially appreciate advice from people who’ve navigated similar situations early in a relationship.

My original post

First of all, thank you to everyone who took the time to read my original post and share their advice. Some of your comments genuinely helped me process what was happening and prepare for our conversation.

Unfortunately, things didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped.

He reached out before our agreed two weeks were over and asked to talk. When we met, he told me he wanted to be alone and couldn’t continue our relationship.

What followed was probably the most emotionally vulnerable conversation we’ve ever had.

He opened up about how he’s spent much of his life feeling misunderstood, even though he’s surrounded by people who love him. He’s always struggled to express and process his emotions, and acknowledged that fear and insecurity have influenced many of his decisions.

He explained that he constantly puts pressure on himself, even when nobody else is placing those expectations on him. He also believes that sharing his personal struggles with someone means burdening them with problems that aren’t theirs. In his mind, he needs to be okay on his own before he can be okay with someone else.

He told me he wants to distance himself from everyone, understand himself, and seek professional help. He feels he needs to do this alone because he’s afraid of hurting the people he loves.
He apologized repeatedly, acknowledged how poorly he handled everything, and reassured me that none of the love or affection he showed throughout our relationship had been fake. He even apologized for having come into my life in the first place, which was incredibly painful to hear.

I told him I never considered him a burden, that I didn’t need him to have everything figured out, and that I believed we could navigate difficult periods together. But I also understand that he has to be willing to accept that support.

Ultimately, he told me that right now, he simply can’t.

And that’s where we left things.

I respect his decision, even though I don’t necessarily agree that ending our relationship was the only way forward. I recognize that his personal struggles are his to work through, and I can’t do that work for him.

That being said, I still believe what we had was genuinely beautiful, and I’d be open to reconciliation if we both wanted it and were willing to address what happened. At the same time, I understand that I can’t put my life on hold waiting for a possibility.

What I’m struggling with most is reconciling two things that seem almost impossible to hold at once: understanding why someone feels the need to walk away, while also being deeply hurt that they chose to walk away from something I was still fully committed to.

I don’t resent him. I know he didn’t intend to hurt me, and I recognize that he’s struggling in ways I may never fully understand. But understanding his pain doesn’t erase mine.

I’m continuing therapy, leaning on my loved ones, and trying to process all of this without turning his decision into a reflection of my worth.

For those who have experienced something similar, how did you navigate the possibility of reconciliation without putting your life on hold? And if reconciliation never happened, how did you make peace with the end of something genuinely beautiful when the relationship itself didn’t seem to be the problem?

How did you reconcile understanding someone’s need to work on themselves with the fact that their decision to do so meant leaving you behind?
I’d especially appreciate hearing from people who’ve experienced this from either side, regardless of whether they eventually reconciled.

TL;DR: My boyfriend ended our relationship because he’s struggling with longstanding emotional difficulties and believes he needs to isolate himself and seek professional help. He acknowledged his fears, how poorly he handled things, and that his feelings throughout our relationship had been genuine. I respect his decision, but I still love him and would be open to reconciliation. I’m trying to understand how to balance that hope with accepting a breakup I never wanted, especially when what we had felt genuinely healthy and meaningful.

My boyfriend of 3 years and I have been having less sex lately and I’m trying to figure out how to go about it. I want to have more sex, and I do feel aroused throughout the day (when we’re talking on the phone or hanging out), but when it comes to it I’d rather not.

To be fair, I have been in a depressive period for some time now. I broke my foot, therefore lost my job and have been bedridden for 2-3 months. We still did sexual things then and I loved it. Now when I’m a bit better we have our “regular” sex, but less than we did before.

Whenever we have sex it’s amazing and I’ve never had this much of a sexual chemistry with anyone ever. But I’d rather not have it.

When we cuddle and start to touch each other, I like it, but when I feel it could go further I stop abruptly and don’t have an explanation other than “I’d rather not”.

I’d rather do other things that I don’t want to stop doing just to have sex. The sex is gonna be amazing, but we both know what will happen - sex. And hanging out and doing other stuff is more exciting for me. We have AMAZING banter and we can crack 10 jokes in a second, laugh until our stomachs hurt and I sometimes cry with laughter. If I give in to my horniness and all the touching starts going towards sex, I know that we’re not gonna be doing anything else (talking, laughing) for like 45 mins to an hour. And maybe I feel like it’s a commitment, once we go so far into touching it’s gonna lead to sex with no coming back until cumming (on my back). Sorry for tmi.

I had this happen in my previous relationship, but tbh we didn’t have a lot of banter and were emotionally stranded for a while, so sex was pretty much the only bonding we had.
Also, I might have undiagnosed ADHD (like most of our generation) and probably OCD.

I wouldn’t find this problematic, as I think that it’s normal not to have as much sex after 3 years, but my bf doesn’t agree and I think he feels insecure or that I’m not attracted to him as much as I was before (which isn’t true, it’s the opposite)

Guys, has someone had a similar situation? And what are some ways I can ease into having causal sex with my bf again and not feel so stressed about it?

I am 26F, in love with a guy since 6 years 25F.

In august my family engaged me with a guy who is perfect in everything family members, finances and everything.
Due to pressure i said yes .
Now i am regretting it i ll not survive with someone else happily and the other person also deserve a chance for a partner who really wants to with him.

So please help me out give me suggestions how can k break off my engagement without my family knowing that it was me who’d caused this.

Directly saying no to the fiancée 29M is a no go.

I am from Uttar Pradesh and from a semi Typical Muslim family.