I’m in my late 20s and had been friends with the same group for years, but over time I started feeling like the outsider. Messages I sent in the group chat would sometimes get ignored, and I was already struggling badly with loneliness.

Around that time, my life had also fallen apart. I lost my job and went through a period where I was basically homeless. Meanwhile, most of my friends had partners and seemed to have stable lives. I wasn’t angry at them for that, but being the single guy struggling while everyone else seemed to be moving forward made me feel even more alone.
I still tried to show up for the group. Last Christmas I bought everyone gifts, and when one friend got sick I organized everyone to get him something. Nobody owed me anything for that. I just genuinely cared about these friendships.

Then one longtime friend got married. Almost everyone else in our group was a groomsman except me.

Honestly, I didn’t care about the title of being in wedding. What hurt was that after years of friendship, nobody acknowledged it. Even a simple “we had to make cuts, but you still matter to me” would have meant a lot.
The wedding was out of state, and with everything I was dealing with emotionally and personally, I couldn’t bring myself to go. I still sent a wedding gift because I cared about him.

The groom barely seemed to care whether I came. What hurts much more now is that I seem to have lost the rest of my friends too. Most barely talk to me anymore, including someone I was especially close with who lives in the same city.

I now have a job and my own place, and I’m finally in a better position in life. But I have virtually no friends. I felt alone before, but now it feels official.
I recognize that I should have communicated with my friend before skipping the wedding rather than withdrawing.

I’m honestly not sure whether I even want to repair these friendships. Part of me misses them, but another part wonders whether I was holding onto friendships that had already become one-sided. How do I decide whether to reach out or move on when I still care about these people but don’t want to feel excluded again?

TL;DR: I skipped a longtime friend’s wedding after years of feeling excluded, during a period when I was struggling with unemployment, housing instability and loneliness. Most of the group has since stopped talking to me. My life is finally improving, but I’ve lost my social circle. I’m unsure whether I want these friendships back. How do I decide whether to reconnect or move forward without them?

My boyfriend [22M] and I [24F] have been dating long-distance for 1 year and 10 months. He works in healthcare and overall has good intentions, but he has a tendency to lean heavily into clinical detachment and "logic" whenever emotional or physical crises happen

A few nights ago, I was dealing with severe physical agony (I would’ve rated my pain a 8/10 cramps, chills, nausea, and over 24 hours of total insomnia). The period cramps I experienced was the worst pain I’ve experienced compared to my usual cramps, which is why it concerned and scared me a bit. Sure.. it wasn’t to the point where I had to go to the ER, but it really felt like a stabbing kind of pain on my sides and I had really heavy flow even on my 4th day which is not normal for me. I figured it wasn’t due to a lot of stress I’ve had this month. I explained all this to him that I was terrified to go to sleep because waking up into that level of pain felt traumatic. Instead of comforting me, his immediate response was that my fear was "extreme" and irrational

When I expressed that his reaction hurt me, he shut down, told me "I'll just stop talking then," and insisted that I apologize for my "attitude" before he would keep talking to me. Exhausted and in peak physical misery at 3 AM, I gave in and apologized just to de-escalate the tension so I could try to sleep

To his credit, after I comforted him and smoothed things over, he had a genuine breakthrough around 4 AM. He admitted he shouldn't have tried to "make sense" of my pain when even I couldn't make sense of it, apologized multiple times, and poured out affection, saying things like "you're always my baby," that he missed me, and that he just wanted me to be okay

I sent a short goodnight text and went to sleep. But since then, it has been over two full days of complete silence from him. He has not checked in once to ask how my health or body is doing, despite being active on social media and viewing my stories. It feels like as soon as his late-night emotional wave passed and I didn't fawn over his apologies the next morning, his pride took over again and he retreated right back into waiting me out

I know he has self-awareness and can recognize when he's wrong, but it feels like his ego always has to be satisfied first before he can offer empathy, and then his pride makes him disappear. How do I address this recurring dynamic, and can this realistically improve?

TL;DR: My [24F] boyfriend [22M] minimized my severe pain as "extreme" and demanded an apology for my attitude. After I apologized, he had a 4 AM breakthrough, apologized profusely, and called me his baby. But now he has gone radio silent for two days because I didn't fawn over his texts. How do I navigate this? Any advice?

Hello,

I'm tired of the negativity in my (M27) relationship with my partner (F29). We have been together just under five years, and living together for two.

We are at the stage of considering next steps - namely buying a house, which is hugely exciting. And six months ago, she confirmed she wanted kids - I'm big on family. At first she did want kids, but then she was on the fence for many years - and seemed to be straying to a no. Her decision gave me great relief.

When we're together at home, we are comfortable. Loving, caring, probably cringely romantic. It's nice. She's also faithful, smart, mostly affectionate and has a great family. But I'm worried our comfort is all.

Throughout our relationship, she has displayed recurring negativity and frustration. Summarizing this in a none long-winded way is hard, but in essence, she will have moments of great frustration a couple to several times a day. Reactions can range from common tutting to going silent for a prolonged period, to exclaiming "fuck sake" or clearly snapping at me. A few examples of situations include: navigating a crowd and she feels I go a way she wasn't expecting, dropping something, me being late from work. Neighbours making noise. Pub quiz host being a bit off it. Plans not going to plan. Basically anything she is not expecting. Some days are worse than others - and it's only 5% of the time max, but each instance makes me anxious, feel sad, etc. I've also seen her to do it to her parents, like when her dad clipped the wall with a box after helping carry all our stuff into our house.

She is a perfectionist. When we first moved in, the issues were even more prominent. Soap in the wash bowl? Nightmare. I sat down on the sofa too heavy? Anger. There was a period of frequent frustration and even namecalling. Nothing major, but "stupid" "incompetent" etc. We almost broke up over this, but I raised it, she got better.

At this stage I will quickly clarify that I'm not one of those men who does nothing in the home. I cook every meal (idm this, I like cooking). We share the cleaning duties.

The next issue is conflict. There's hardly any, but when there is, I end up being convinced I'm in the wrong - or I compromise. I don't think she's ever compromised - save for when I raised the namecalling and the severe period of anger when we first moved in

A good example is phones during TV. Watching TV is our only regular activity together, but she will regularly default to spending time on her phone. When I've raised this in the past, it's caused huge debate. She believes she has a right to go on her phone. I argue it's meant to be quality time together, and I feel like she's not present. She's previously been very upset over this and accused me of making her feel anxious or wary of being on her phone. It's also worth raising that she is also on her phone for hours before we sit down to watch TV as I work later, go gym then cook. I don't mind occassional phone checks. I'm not a dictator. But being dragged into a 30 min doomscroll while I alone pay attention makes me feel lonely.

I also find that in conflict she can become quite critical and is prone to storming off.

To wrap this up, I recently started to attend therapy. I have a loving family, but my parents had a challenging marriage in my teens due to a mental health problem. It makes me AWFUL at handling conflict - whereas my partner is excellent at 'winning it'. I wanted to resolve this so I didn't bottle things up and create a more heqalthy relationship with my partner. However, it's actually got me thinking more about the relationship dynamics. Maybe the reason we don't argue is because I'm a bit of a pushover, and we actually don't have a healthy conflict resolution dynamic.

But then there's that part of me that thinks: I'm overeacting. I've had intermittent periods of wanting the single life - which some men may do, and I don't want to be like that. And, with some of the troubles of my childhood, I sometimes feel emotionally disconnected from things. This has resulted in me ignoring or looking past issues, putting my doubts in our relationship down to my own failings.

Given the recurring frustration, criticism, and lack of compromise I've described, how do I know whether these issues are something we can work through or a sign that we're fundamentally incompatible?

tl;dr girlfriend gets frequently frustrated or negative over small things and it's taking a toll on our LTR

Throwaway because this is embarrassing and probably a really dumb thing/question.

(19 and 20)
My girlfriend and I are both virgins and yesterday we tried doing it for the first time. It was all going really good. I made her orgasm (before even attempting penetration), we did probably around 40 mins of foreplay. I was really turned on, she was really wet and turned on and told me she felt really for me to be inside her etc.

But when I got to me having to put my penis in, I just couldn’t. I did finger her and I was actually kind of looking so I’m certain I wasn’t trying to put it in the wrong place…
She also said at one point she felt like a bit of it went in/there was a stretching/pressure like sensation so I’m basically certain I was in the right place.

What was I doing wrong? Advice? All suggestions welcome.

TLDR; my girlfriend and I tried having sex for the first time and I couldn’t put my penis in. We did foreplay and everything.

I’ve heard and/or seen people ask “looks or personality?”. And I don’t know what to say because I wouldn’t want a 11/10 person with the shittiest personality ever, but I wouldn’t want the kindest person with face of trump getting driven over either. To me both looks and personality matters. But if I say looks because ‘I can’t chose both’. People look at me weird. I want a person I feel safe with and is kind. But I also want a person I can look at and think; this person is the prettiest/most handsome person in the world. I don’t understand what’s wrong? Like would you date a person you think is very very ugly? I don’t think so. A 7/10 in looks and 10/10 personality is amazing. But so is 10/10 in looks and 7/10 personality. Am I in the wrong or are other people just assholes?

TL;DR. I say both when people ask about looks or personality matters the most. But people find it weird when I say looks matter. Am I in the wrong for wanting a person I can look at and call handsome/pretty?

Tl;dr : I became too dependent on my girlfriend, and now we’re on a break. How do I handle this?

Context :

My girlfriend and I started dating around 10 months ago and have been officially together for over 7 months.

Initially, our relationship was very mutual. We both initiated calls, sent loving texts, missed each other, and looked forward to dates. She would wait to call me during lunch and eagerly call me when I left the office.

Things changed around July 15, when I was put on notice due to layoffs at my company. I struggled with motivation, depression, and sleep problems. During that period, she supported me by staying on calls until I fell asleep.

Meanwhile, her grandfather passed away, and her grandmother became bedridden and lost her voice following the trauma. My girlfriend had to manage household responsibilities and care for her grandmother while other family members were away, often missing college.

After about one and a half months, I secured a new job, but I had become increasingly dependent on her for emotional security. I started expecting calls before sleeping and sometimes woke her up when I couldn’t sleep. She repeatedly asked me not to disturb her sleep, but despite my apologies, I continued because I felt secure when we were on calls together.

Eventually, she began putting her phone on DND at night. Last Monday, following a minor misunderstanding, she asked for a break. My anxiety took over, and I repeatedly messaged and called her. At one point, I called around 30 times within 10 minutes because I was afraid she wanted to break up.
She later clarified that she wasn’t necessarily asking for a breakup but needed space and didn’t know how long she would need.

Recently, she explained that she feels overwhelmed by her family responsibilities and our relationship. She feels she has lost her personal time and freedom because I expect frequent communication, even when she is busy or tired. She also said she was unsure about her feelings and whether she could sustain the relationship.

I’ve since read about attachment styles and realised that my need for reassurance has put considerable pressure on her. I explained that I now understand her concerns, and she acknowledged that I had understood the problem. However, she still wants a break and cannot promise that we will get back together. She mentioned that we might gradually resume the relationship in the future, but she isn’t sure.

She has also removed me from her private Instagram account, where she used to share personal posts. I trust her loyalty, and I’m not looking to speculate about cheating.

I’m trying to learn how to manage my anxiety, respect her boundaries, and become more emotionally independent. I genuinely love her and hope we can rebuild our relationship, but I understand that I cannot force that outcome.

For people who have experienced something similar, I’d appreciate hearing what helped you manage the uncertainty during a relationship break, respect your partner’s space, and develop healthier habits around communication and emotional dependence.

my partner and i have been in a loving relationship for almost four years now. we’ve had our fair share of struggles and there are some things i wish i could have changed, but we’ve gotten through it together. he’s trying to do better for our future now, he’s going to school so he can get a better paying job and hopefully we’ll move back in with each other in the near future. but for the meantime we have both moved in with our parents and don’t see each other much anymore. i am sick to my stomach with shame but i have developed a crush on a guy at work and i cannot shake it for the life of me. he’s all i can think about and i blush like a schoolgirl anytime i see him. i can’t help but wonder if he likes me back. i love my partner so much, he’s the only person i’ve considered marrying. i feel so terrible for having these thoughts about my coworker but i can’t get a grip and stop the crush. i don’t want to cheat. i’ve never cheated on anyone in my life. although i can’t help but think of what could be different. i just don’t know how to stop this and i don’t know what to do. do i tell my partner i’m having these thoughts? please any advice is appreciated.

tl;dr: i don’t want to throw my relationship away, but i don’t know how to shake these feelings. please help! ty

I'm 27M, and for the past 4 years, I've been involved with a 31F who's already married. We got emotionally attached, and back then, I never thought things would end up like this.

Last month, my family fixed my arranged marriage with another girl, and that's when everything started falling apart. The woman I'm involved with now wants me to marry her. When I told her that's not possible, she threatened to reveal our relationship to everyone.

I'm honestly scared. My family would never accept this, and if the truth comes out, both our families could face serious consequences. I know I made mistakes too, and I'm not trying to act like a victim, but I feel trapped right now.

I can't marry her just because she's threatening me, but I'm also terrified of what might happen if she exposes everything.

Should I tell my family the truth before she does, or should I try to resolve this privately? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? I'd appreciate honest advice, even if it's harsh.

TL;DR: I'm 27M and have been in a 4-year relationship with a married woman (31F). My family recently arranged my marriage to someone else, and now she's threatening to expose our relationship if I don't marry her. I'm scared of the consequences and need advice on how to handle this situation.

Soo my bf and I were frnds for 6 months before I said yes to him, he was in love wid me from day 1 but I wasn't interested, we were long distance frnds but after a few days of moving to the same city as him I said yes to him. He's an amazing guy, he has his flaws but overall really respects me and loves me very very much.

I come from a very toxic household and it did have a huge impact on my mental health and my behavior, and now that I'm back into this household again I've become very toxic, not coz I want to but subconsciously I'm doing it

One thing that has always been there in my mind from the beginning is my bf isn't that attractive, I mean he's cute but when I look at our pics together, it just seems like ugh no I don't wanna do this, I knowww a guy like that is sooo hard to find and looks don't matter but that man isn't even trying, he doesn't dress well, like not at all, but he's trying kinda for me, he doesn't exercise, I'm worried in a few years he'll look like one of those middle aged uncles and I don't wanna sit there wondering why did I choose him, and also wondering if there's more ppl I can try dating as this is my first ever relationship, in my opinion a basic sense of grooming is necessary but he says he needs time for it, 2 years, coz he needs to earn more for such things but you don't need a lot of money to look decent at least, I don't even like his way of life, but he did plan our whole life together and is very romantic

Coming back to my toxic household thing, it's been constant fights between us, I keep bringing these things up and I keep insulting him a lot, I did tell him that I'm not ok mentally and I'll be fine once I go to therapy and I fix myself then start to take life decisions and that way none of us are hurt and I'll know what I want coz now that I'm back in hometown I hv a lot of free time and I've become numb to emotions, I can't even know what I'm feeling or I even hv anything towards this guy, I know I'm lucky but I can't understand why I'm not feeling anything when we're so far apart or what's wrong wid me that I'm being so mean to him, it's not right but I'm so mentally frustrated being in this house, I'm just gone, and I need someone to knock some sense into my head, I'm not in a position to get out of this home nor afford therapy rn and I'm not the best in understanding my own emotions or what I'm doing wrong, think of me kinda like Sheldon from Big bang theory lol and also need advice on how to talk to him

tl;dr Idk if i'm in love with my bf and I'm mean to him and i need advice on how to talk to him or how to handle this situation

I (22M) was slapped by my boyfriend (26M) after I cheated on him. Honestly I'm not even sure why I'm posting this, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. I genuinely think it was justified, that I deserved it for what I did. I mean, I'd rather he hit me and take his anger out on me than have him break up with me. He's never been physically violent with me before. This was the first time anything like this has happened. I told a few friends of mine about the situation, and they said my boyfriend was in the wrong and that he shouldn't have hit me despite what I did but I don't really agree with them. I just wanna hear other people's opinions over it, do you think the slap was justified?

tl;dr: Cheated on my boyfriend, he slapped me (first time ever), I think I deserved it and would rather that than him dump me, my friends disagree so I'm asking strangers if the slap was justified

I don’t know how to describe this but it’s something I feel and I want to get to the bottom it. I hate feeling this way as my dad is getting older and I want to cherish him before it’s too late.

I was raised in a southeast Asian household in CA, both my parents were white collar professionals and I honestly had a great upbringing. Loving parents who sacrificed a lot for me. Took me to sports, helped me with school, showed love and affection when many parents in my culture do not.

I honestly love my parents and would do anything for them but I have this unexplained resentment towards my dad. I know he loves me and I love him, but even little things like when he calls me or texts me randomly I hate that I feel annoyed.

A bit of back ground about my childhood. I have great memories of my father from a child. Times where I would be so excited when he got home I would yell “daddy!” And run straight to hug him. I still remember that feeling of him picking me up and giving me the best hug ever and every time that happened I felt safe, protected, and just so happy. He took me everywhere with him (if he could), and always made sure I had everything I needed and sometimes even wanted. He taught me about the world and made sure I got all the support I needed. I remember laying in bed with him at night as a kid and he’d stay with me until fell asleep. He’d play video games with me and take me places all the time just so we could spend time together. We went on yearly vacations, always had good food, never an empty tree on Christmas, etc.

My dad is fierce and stubborn and he prioritizes me and my mom over everything else. He’s a no bullshit, will call you out in public even if it embarrasses you type of guy.

However, as many southeast Asian parents are, he did have a temper and when I did mess up I was yelled at. He used to be a drill sergeant in the country he’s from and would have made military his career if it weren’t for my mom wanting to experience the world and move. I honestly think it’s just how he was raised and it’s hard to break that generational trauma. I was really good at golf and swimming growing up and that’s where most of my time was spent if it wasn’t on academics. I have great memories of golfing with my dad and mom, we’d laugh and have fun together. But I also have bad ones of where I wasn’t playing well and we’d literally get into yelling matches on the course where my mom would need to intervene. A lot of times it’d lead to me bawling and just hating him in the moment. But a few hours after we’d just go back to normal. Asians aren’t good at apologizing so I guess his way of doing so would be asking if I wanted to eat and we’d sit together. But no definitive “I’m sorry” or apologies were ever had. This was the case for anything we’d end up in a yelling match about.

When I was swimming competitively, I had multiple D1 schools interested. But when I told my dad I hated it and my mental health was wearing out due to the stress of practice and just the overall grind of swimming, he told me to suck it up. I tried, but ended up quitting cause I just couldn’t handle it. He was so mad and I remember him not talking to me for a couple days.

Another thing I think I feel is that at both my middle school and high school graduations I ended up really sad and or cried. Both times were supposed to be happy moments, and I ended up sad. I don’t really remember why but I think I wanted to spend more time taking photos and stuff and my dad didn’t wanna wait. He has the mentally of this was something I was supposed to do, nothing special. He was better when I graduated college tho so give him credit there.

I think the biggest thing was when I was home on break we got into a bad argument about politics and some other dumb shit. In hindsight it’s so fucking stupid. Same thing, ended in a yelling match. Some harsh words were said on both sides and neither of us formally apologized for it.

I think somewhere along the line my mom talked to him and he kind of changed how he approached me. Every time we talk now he’s excited, happy for me, and just positive. He doesn’t get into anything he knows may start an argument and is overall just such a great loving dad.

I hate myself for resenting him. Sometimes I just don’t want to text him back or even pick up his call. But the thing is he’s reaching out because he loves me and wants to know how I’m doing and is just looking out for me in general. He constantly asks if I need him to send me anything. Sends me articles that I may find interesting. Keeps me updated on him and my mom and what they’re up to. He’s trying so hard to be the best dad ever and sometimes when I do talk to him I just am unexplainably short and rude like he’s bothering me. He just takes it like a champ and continues to be my loving dad. He ignores it and always tells me he’s here for me if I need anything.

My girlfriend noticed and asked why I was like that I and I couldn’t give her an explanation. I just told her it’s just complicated.

Even typing this out I started fucking crying a bit cause I know I’m such a piece of shit for my behavior to him sometimes but I can’t help but feeling that way. Yes he was an asshole at times but I never doubted for a sec if he truly cared or loved me.

Typing this all out made me realize I probably need therapy but I don’t even know where to start. Sorry just needed to vent. Any advice appreciated on how to fix this.

TLDR: I have this feeling of resentment toward my father even though for the most part he was a fantastic dad. How or what do I need to do to change this?

29m, 28f, been dating for a couple months but it's serious and official.

This was removed for asking for advice in AITArelationships so I'm reposting. I also wanted to edit it a bit to clarify things.

I was at a public park (well like a school field) after school hours with my girlfriend. Edit: Not in her city where she works. There were some kids playing on the playground but far away. My girlfriend and I were sitting alone on the benches by the baseball diamond. We kissed a couple times and I asked her if it was too public too touch her ass here. She said yes. About a minute later I got a bit carried away and did it anyway and she said, "hey I'd really appreciate if you could respect my boundaries". Which I acknowledge, is wrong and said sorry. Am I wrong for wanting to date someone who will let me touch their ass in public? Her saying no when I ask to touch her ass in public, when no one is looking, is disappointing and discouraging. The interaction and the rest of the day afterwards was really stressful to me. I feel like there's always some stress with her, this being the latest example. 

I didn't yet tell her i wanna break up, but told her it may be a dealbreaker. I told her I found the date really stressful after that. She said she was confused because she had a really nice time, so I guess she saw it as a smaller deal. I told her shes not wrong for having different boundaries but that I'm more adventurous than her. To me, an ass touch in public when people aren't looking (the kids were too far away) is an important part of a relationship and intimacy. It's like a little inside secret between us and helps me feel connected.

But my girlfriend said she doesn't think it should be a dealbreaker, especially since she's a teacher and it's a school field and she is happy to let me do it in private at home, in the car etc and that she was already kissing me in public. Am I putting too much emphasis on compatibility in this specific? Am I crazy or is my preference normal?

Tldr: I think touching my gf's ass in public if no one is watching is an important part of a relationship, she doesn't think it's as vital. Valid to end things over this/the stress I feel from it?

TLDR me and my gf just became LDR and I feel so jealous when she goes out with friends. It feels like I’m just something to be squeezed in and not the main event. I’m trying to rationalize my emotions. Should she be putting in more effort or is this more of an internal work that I have to do.

Why does it feel like a dagger to my heart every time my partner goes out? Like something is not right. Me (22F) and this girl (22F), have been together for 2 years but we were kinda in a situationship before that which was at 16. We were really close, and were the closest to one another. I had other friends, but they were surface level, they didn’t know about our relationship cause everyone was homophobic. So I’ve basically been living a secret life for 5 years. Anyways, we had to go LDR recently since we both had to move to different cities cause of our jobs. When we were in person, we’re pretty isolated and mainly would just go to each other. So being LDR is already hard, it’s hard building friendships from scratch in a new city. I was hoping there would be more time for us to have phone calls, like how it used to be (we used to FaceTime a lot even being in person) but now it’s like she goes work, and then his hanging out with friends the whole time until she has Time to talk to me at the end of the day. Or she squeezes me in between and says I gotta go now (for hangout). Normal stuff right? But to me, it literally burns my soul. I think it’s jealousy because one, I don’t have a good group here, I’m jealous she found one. And I know that’s not right. But what can I say, I’m an irrational being. But also it just makes me feel so angry. And I can’t express it to her cause that would make me crazy. But is it right for her to always be going out? Not giving the same energy to phone dates? Like it makes me feel de prioritized. I always feel like I’m just being squeezed in im not the main event. I feel like I’m always ready to pick up her FaceTimes, but I never know when to call her cause she’s always out. It pisses me off. Cause I was so used to knowing everything about her life and being able to call her whenever and now just feels like I can’t. It’s gonna sound crazy but I almost want to socialize in a way to get back at her. So toxic I know 😔. Of course I want to socialize in general, I like people, I’m actually pretty extroverted but I’m not really out so I feel a big barrier with my social interactions. But I almost want her to feel jealousy in the same way. And that’s so toxic of me. I wanna just not care at all. But then I feel like I’m so all or nothing, like in order for me not to care, I need to completely detatch and at that point I’m already checking out. Like i genuinely don’t know how to be normal about this LOL. Does anybody get this? I am in therapy, I’m working on myself. But I wonder, besides my obvious fault of being like this, if she might be at fault for not giving enough time? I’m new to LDR so I don’t know the rules. To clarify, I do not want to be codependent I don’t like it, I want to be happy with people outside of her, but I guess I can’t stop feeling this jealousy everytime she says she’s gonna go (and is gone for hours comes home late and drinks), and I want it to go away.

So me and her had been friends since the beginning of high school, in a camp held by our school, though we rarely met after the camp because we used to study in different parts of the school and later when I shifted to the main school, covid happened and then we moved to different colleges and got busy in our own shit. Actually I was first to get into a college while she took a gap year to figure out her interests so while she had all the time for me I got busy with my new life and friends and kind of our freindship fell apart because of me because I am very bad at maintainig any kind of long distance relationships. Anyways we havent talked in like 3 years and now since my college is over I am kind of nostalgic ever everything and want to reconnect with absolutely everyone even those people I had huge fights in college. But anyways when we were still in our pre college phase we used to like the same band and they are finally coming to our country, she is going to be there and I want to ask her if we can go together. The thing is she is now still in college and has her own uge group and a bf and they all listen to the same kind of music and band so ik they are def going to be there so I dont really want to intrude by being asking her this because obv for one it could be very awk since we had been in no contact for so long and then secondly it is so embarassing from my side because i was the one who kind of let this friendhsip break.

TL;DR: "Have been in zero contact becaus eim not goodo at maintaing ldr, with my highschool friend for 3 years and a band we used to fangirl as highschool kids are coming to our country, contemplating to ask her if she will tag along because she has a huge group of her own in college now and they listen tto same music while i dont have anyone who listens to them and also i kind of want to reconnect with her"

TLDR: My (31F) boyfriend (25M) of 2 years has issues with mental health due to trauma, and it is souring our relationship, but he refuses to do anything about it.

I'll start this off by saying, I love my boyfriend very much, and have no desire to leave. We've been together for two years, and have been friends since 2018, and I'm trying desperately to have a future with him.

The problem is that due to his past (which I won't air out here but will leave it at severe abuse/neglect from mother) he is a very, very defensive person, and often jumps to anger before rationality or trying to just talk to me instead.

To start: He can't handle any form of criticism at all. IE, last night, I was sick, and asked him to put away the food I had cooked so that I could just go to sleep. When I woke up this morning, he'd just thrown the pots of food in the fridge with the lids barely on, and had left an entire sheet of chicken out (like six pieces). I kept my tone calm but let him know I was irritated, and didn't understand why he'd do that, and said that it made me feel like I couldn't rely on him for simple tasks around the house. We got into an argument before he left for work, and then later tonight, I tried to bring it up again now that he was more calm, and he blew up on me again, and said I was 'basically calling him incompetent and a failure of a boyfriend'. I told him that wasn't the case at all and I had ever right to be frustrated as this was a repeat occurrence. He then began to throw up every time I've slighted him, and when I asked if we could stay on topic, he got even angrier and more defensive. I was a bit angry atp and said, "it feels like you're just bringing up stuff from the past as a 'gotcha' to even the playing field to what i'm telling you' and he agreed that that's exactly what he was doing, and didn't seem sorry at all. I told him that was really immature and, of course, this only further dissolved into an argument.

It ended with me, as per usual, crying and trying to vent my frustrations of how little he seems to try (half assing favors, catching an attitude over small things when i'm just trying to talk, etc) while he just sat there with his arms crossed staring at me. I asked if he even felt bad at all, or sorry, and he said 'I may later, but right now I don't feel anything.'

I know about his past, the awful things he's been through, so I try to be understanding for the most part, but all of the arguments over nothing, the bickering when I'm just trying to level with him, the times he's thrown up ending things over small issues only to say he over reacted (he's gotten himself worked up to the point of grabbing all of my stuff and shoving it into bags and throwing it in the foyer, because i called a friend that he didn't know and he thought i was cheating; i never have. he barely apologized, only said he was in the wrong and he wouldn't do it again.) all of that makes me feel like i'm fighting an uphill battle, and has stressed me out the last year to the point that i've had to increase my dosage of medications (am on antipsychotics and SSRI), and am losing hair.

So, trying to like... get to the bottom of it to help him and also save our relationship, i've begged him to look into therapy or perhaps getting on medication. He outright refused the first year we were together, saying it was a waste of his time. And this past year, he's said he 'would at some point' but makes no effort to set up an appointment or take any steps in that direction. Which, tbh, is really frustrating to me as he's always getting onto me about making it to my doctor appointments, or taking my meds on time. It just has begun to feel really hypocritical.

I brought it up again tonight and he just said 'it would take time out of my days off and i don't want to' which is so unbelievably frustrating. I also, trying to remain calm as me getting a 'tone' in his words is a rage trigger for him, asked why he jumps so quickly to anger, and he said in those moments he stops seeing me as his partner and 'like an enemy' which leaves me at a loss.

What do I do, or am I going about this wrong? I love him so much and want him to be happy and healthy, and for him to get the help he needs / feel safe enough in this relationship to not have his walls up so high, but I feel so lost.

Me (F20) and my boyfriend (M19), have been dating for a few months. When we first started going out, it was great and I felt a bit excited, but we both went our separate ways eventually because he was doing things I didn’t like (such as call me names “jokingly”, not giving me space when I asked for it) and I started to feel very annoyed by him.

I’ve considered myself as bisexual for a long time, but after we broke up, I thought about it some more and came to the conclusion that I might be a lesbian. I don’t feel attracted to men, not once in my life have I ever looked at a man and thought “wow, he’s so sexy, I want that”. I don’t like what they have between their legs. As opposed to women, because I find most women very, very beautiful and I don’t feel grossed out by the idea of intimacy with them.

So, here I was, almost sure that I was probably a lesbian, and then we reconnected. Before that, I had been introduced to this woman (F20), we only ever said “hi” to each other, but I’d see her constantly and always though he was the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen.

So, me and my boyfriend reconnect, and I find out he had been hanging out with said woman, seemingly with intentions of dating her. I thought she was very, very pretty, and that mixed with the fact that I started to compare myself with her. Then, she was on my mind all the time. She still kind of is, even though she and my boyfriend don’t talk to each other anymore because she confessed and he rejected her.

Now, me and my boyfriend have been officially dating for three months. I feel really bad saying this, but I never was particularly physically attracted to him. As I said before, I don’t find men attractive. I think what made me connect with him was his personality, and the fact that he’s not your usual macho man, he’s sensible. We’re good most of the time, he’s always there for me but I feel bad because I often get annoyed by little things that he does, and sometimes I get mad because I tell him to stop doing some things that I don’t like and he keeps doing them, apologizing to then do that same thing again.
He confessed to only brushing his teeth at night when we’re sleeping together, and I guess that’s a good explanation as to why I dislike it when he speaks closely to my face, as I can smell his breath and it’s not great. I don’t like his smell. I really don’t know why but he sometimes smells strongly of his own semen, which has a foul smell for some reason, and I can’t stand being close to him when he smells like that.
But forgetting all of those things and the things that he does do wrong, I feel like I get annoyed for things he does that shouldn’t annoy me at all, which make me feel bad. He likes to do voices when he talks, I get annoyed by that. He dances while he eats, I get annoyed by that. He holds the spoon a certain way, I get annoyed by that when we’re eating together.

And for the past weeks I keep having dreams where I’m dating women, there isn’t even something sexual happening, but it feels right for dream-me. I feel like this is disrespectful to my boyfriend in some way, even if they’re dreams, because the idea doesn’t cause any discomfort for me at all.

Am I experiencing comphet, or do I just not like him? What should I do?

TL;DR; : Me (F20) and boyfriend (M19) have been dating for quite sometime. We were together, then broke up because he wouldn’t respect boundaries or give me the space I needed and I started to consider I might be a lesbian because I’ve never been particularly attracted to men or found them especially sexy. I don’t like what they have between their legs either. As opposed to women, since I think most women are pretty and I don’t get grossed out at the idea of intimacy with them. We get back together, it’s kind of great, but I get annoyed because of small things that he does, and some of them shouldn’t annoy me. I don’t like how he smells. I am now having dreams for the past few weeks where I date women, and they don’t feel wrong to me but I feel bad, as if this betrays him in some way. Am I experiencing comphet, or do I just not like him? What should I do?

This is kind of a long read but if anyone can give me advice, I feel really lost and I really need help right now :(

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now and we are each other’s first everything. In the first 6m-1y, things were so amazing with us and I felt truly bonded and like I had found my soulmate. But honestly, even within 6 months of getting together, we began having arguments and moments of disrespect. I’m not putting the blame on one person, because I honestly believe we both have contributed to these significantly.

He gave me a promise ring after one year and my parents have always disapproved of him (just because he’s quiet and not as fun as they’d want, not because of any issues, I’ve never talked to anyone in my life badly about him because I see it as unproductive and disrespectful). We also moved in together a few months ago and adopted a cat together a month ago. I know that may seem irresponsible but overall, things between us are generally good.

We just argue so often. And it feels like we may be starting to dislike each other as people, even though we love and care about each other. Because of this, I’ve started wondering if I can be happy in this relationship if we do stay together forever like we’ve always wanted. I’m not very happy now so I just don’t know if it’ll happen.

There’s also another underlying issue of my sexuality. I’ve identified as bisexual since I was in middle school, like 13 ish, but I was rarely attracted to boys my age (like never), and as an adult, very rarely attracted to men. I’ve always found women very attractive and beautiful and just more appealing personality wise too. I’ve been struggling throughout this relationship because I will ruminate constantly about the fact that I’ve never been with or dated a woman yet, and have intense anxiety about marrying my boyfriend and never getting to live that huge side of myself. I also worry that if I was to be with a woman, I’d realize I was never bisexual and am actually just a lesbian. It’s always been much easier for me to find women attractive. I’ve talked to my boyfriend about all of this and have really tried to work through it but it always comes back to haunt me.

Also, I feel like I’ve only shared our issues. We get along great and have similar senses of humor and we genuinely do have a lot of fun together. He feels like my home and my safe space, and vice versa. I feel 100% comfortable with him and he doesn’t drain my battery at all.

If anyone has advice about this, I’m seriously in a really rough place and it’s starting to look like we might need to break up. I also just don’t know how to handle the lease and cat. The lease is my bigger concern. We have it until September of 2027 and obviously if we break up before then it’ll be super awkward, but he can’t afford to break it and I just don’t want to have to spend 2 months of rent on that, so I was wondering if anyone has advice or experience with living with an ex and if it’s possible in a pinch.

TLDR: My 3 year relationship is experiencing a lot of arguments and less affection, as well as me struggling with sexuality doubts. We live together and have a cat. I’m wondering what to do and if anyone has advice.

My fiancée and I have been together for 5 years, 1 year engaged.
In the beginning we had a really strong connection and could talk on the phone/ in-person for hours. I felt safe bringing up any issues and she made me feel seen and comfortable. I felt like I finally found my person. I loved being her cheerleading and supporting her and her work endeavors (she has a physically demanding job).
 
Were both really good at reading each other, even now, we honestly almost always know what the other is thinking.
 
My fiancée has a lot of amazing qualities. She's dedicated, ambitious, adventurous, hard-working, caring, and an animal lover like me. Everything she has done with work has been for the betterment of our lives.
 
Our relationship has always had some struggles that we had to learn to navigate. A big one for me is I shut down when people yell (even if it's not directed at me) and my fiancée and her family are very passionate people when they're upset. My fiancée doesn't like when I shut down and had made me feel bad for it, I've communicated that I don't like to be yelled at/ toward, which I was told to "walk away" and "ignore me/ don't take it to heart." I'm also currently in therapy to get better at communicating because it's been harder recently to communicate my feelings and be more vulnerable with her but I do feel like I'm slowly gaining my self-confidence back. 
 
Here's some of my issues that I'm hoping I can get advice on.
 
1. I no longer feel very close to my fiancée. I feel like were going through the same motions everyday and like were just roommates. Were both rushing after work to get any chores done and gym so that we can sit and play on our phones. I've noticed that I'm quick to be annoyed by certain behaviors, which I feel guilty about later. I don't have much empathy for her and her struggles anymore, I think a main part of that though is that she ALWAYS has something she's struggling with and I feel like I've been used as an emotional supporter/ therapist for the whole relationship. I've suggested she find a therapist in her network and she always has an excuse on why she can't (money/ time/ insurance/ etc) if I bring up a good compromise she says "yea that's true" and then never touches on the subject again. I never pressure her of course but I've told her several times that she would greatly benefit from a therapist. She also makes little comments when I'm doing something she doesn't want me to do. For instance she'll say these in a judgmental tone "Why are you doing that?" "Right now?" "You can't do that any other time?" "What are we doing?" Which don't seem like much but when you hear it every time you're excited to do something, it becomes draining. It's gotten to a point where I've noticed I'm happier when I'm not around her and make plans to do things when she's not around so I don't receive theses small judgmental comments. I don't tell her about the exciting things I'm doing for fear of being judged.
 
2. When we do have hard conversations she gets VERY defensive. She very quickly assumes that I don't love her anymore and were breaking up. When I bring up issues she's quick to place the blame elsewhere and doesn't take accountability for her actions. This has made it hard to bring up issues, even small ones. She has repeatedly asked me to tell her issues before they become bigger but then reacts like the issue "is no big deal/not worth talking about" She also won't bring up her own issues until I come forward with my own. My fiancée will randomly, out of nowhere, ask me if I still love her and then bring up xyz and say she feels like I don't love her anymore, which is so hard to hear. She'll tell me if I didn't answer how she wanted me to answer, which leaves me feeling like I've failed and have to "walk on glass" in a sense. It also makes me anxious that I'm randomly going to be quizzed and have to prove my love for her at any point in the night.
 
My fiancée is my best friend and I love her so much, I never want to hurt her but at the same time I feel so disconnected and like I'm only here to benefit her at times. I want to be able to bring up issues without it turning into her yelling and me shutting down. I want to be able to re-connect and be partners again instead of roommates. Part of me worries that the relationship is doomed and were both just holding out hoping it won't end :( She says she loves me so much and I'm her world and that she has no doubts about me, which makes it feel like it's all me and I'm the problem.
 
TL;DR: I feel disconnected from Fiancee and more like a roommate. She yells when frustrated and it causes me to shut down. Makes small comments that brings down the things I'm passionate about. It's hard to bring up issues since she get's defensive and can't take accountability. I'm in therapy to work on communicating better.

TLDR

We were fighting for 2 weeks she said she lost her feelings for me

So we are 17 we were fighting everyday for 2 weeks than suddenly she said to me she lost feelings and she doesnt feel the same no more, i tried to talk with her but it didnt work, so i told her aight we are gonna break up in saturday, than friday night came and my friend talked to her and proposed we should take a 2 week break, she told him she is stressed out, doesnt have the same feelings for me and wants to be alone, i told her okay i accept the break we kissed and continued the night, then came saturday monday and tuesday, i had zero contact with her i just ignored her whenever i could, then in wednesday i texted her, she was just cold, then she told my friend she loves me but doesnt feel the same, dont have any feelings and just wants to be alone

In school she still looks at me alot, but when i talk i feel like im irritating her, maybe its her defence mechanism because i ignored her for 2 days

I dont know what i should do and of her feelings will come back, should we just break up or try, idk im feeling like i am the only one putting in the work in this break, i changed myself and i acknowledged my mistakes, should i just give her more time?

I (19F) and my boyfriend (20M) have only been together for a month or two now. I got out of a 2 year relationship in June, only about 2 months before I met my new boyfriend. I feel bad that I didn’t take more time to move on before starting this relationship, I wasn’t planning on getting into another relationship, I just wanted to meet new people and mess around and him and I connected. I like him and I think he’s cool and I like spending time with him but it feels like we can’t spend 5 hours together without arguing about something. Sometimes it’s about music or tv shows or more philosophical things but it’s always something, although it’s rarely ever something super personal. Last night he stopped me and said “you know you don’t need to turn everything into an argument” and I felt a little defensive and said it’s not just me turning things into arguments. I just feel shitty because I like him and I want this to last but at this rate it won’t and I don’t know how to stop myself from arguing with what he says. I know I need more humility and patience and I need to listen better and judge less but in the moment I always fail. In my last relationship I just molded myself into whatever my partner wanted me to be and I lost sight of who I was, so I feel like this stubborn reactive impulse might just be an overcorrection. I just need some tips on how to be more mindful and less combative in conversations. How can I remember in the moment to listen without immediately reacting? Any advice would help
Tl;dr: I’m being argumentative in a way that I don’t like but I feel like I can’t control. How do I learn to stop doing that

As of the last 2 weeks, my fiance and I have been actively arguing and are debating calling it quits. Both sides of our family had an argument and now it leaves me wondering if this is the right choice to continue. There has been several times in the last 2 weeks where my fiance has said this isn’t going to work but he just won’t exactly end it once and for all.

TL;DR

I have journal entries from over a year ago saying I feel something is off. I guess over the last year, I have suppressed my feelings just to continue the relationship. I can’t exactly pinpoint why I love my fiance either. Something feels completely off about all of it now. I feel completely uneasy. Constantly miserable. There has not been a day in the last 2 weeks that I have not cried because I have been extremely overwhelmed with the decision of what to do next with my life.

There is currently no pros of why I should stay in this relationship. I cannot even think of one. All I do know is I don’t want to be alone so in a sense, I might have settled just to be in a relationship.

There has been many challenging moments over the last 5 1/2 years. I stopped feeling heard or cared for a few years back. I felt like I was being dismissed. When I get touched, I cringe because the thought of being touched bothers me. It has always been a challenge where he has never liked my parents and my parents never liked him.

There was a point a few years back where I smelled apparently and instead of telling me directly I smelled, he would just make fun of me and call me smelly until he finally said it one day that I smelled(even though I shower every day and wear deodorant).

I feel as though it is the end of the road of my relationship that I thought was right for me but now I am finally coming to terms that it just is not. I ask him to help with things around the house and when I ask because he is sitting down, he rolls his eyes as if I am bothering him. I brought this to his attention and he said well that is a normal reaction. I am relaxing I worked all day and want to sit on the couch. You are constantly asking me to do things right as I sit down. To me it seems a bit unfair because I work all day too and have a much further commute than him. When I ask him to do things around the house too, it’s like I am babying him because he has to be told what to do he just doesn’t do it. I feel like his mother. His mother never raised him to even do chores around the house. I tell him to shut lights off when he leaves the room, he complains, I ask him to put his things away since he puts stuff everywhere he says why do I need to do that. It’s like I am begging for basic tasks to be done and he thinks it’s a bit much. He said to me these little things shouldn’t bother me. Life is about having fun and going out a house shouldn’t be the main concern.

I am someone who takes are of my belongings and likes things tidy and away. Every time we argue, he always says he hates living with me. I have constantly asked him why do you even stay with me if you hate living with me and his response is well I love you, I also told him sometimes love isn’t enough to continue a relationship.

I barely have time to myself, I started therapy because of him 2 years ago when we were purchasing a house and he constantly wanted his way with things with our house. He doesn’t seem to take my feelings into consideration but demands his ideas and wants over mine.

He also said to me I shouldn’t speak to my mom for a week as he barely speaks to his mom. I speak to my mom almost everyday because I am close to my mom.

Tl;dr: been having severe anxiety randomly in a relationship, questioning and being anxious all around that im not able to enjoy anything

Been seeing this girl for months, till 2.5months everything was perfect and going very smoothly, until things began real and felt this is something which can actually lead to marriage type scenario. I live in a fam where they wanted me to get married next year and tbh even I was open and looking for arranged marriage potentials.

In my life till now I haven’t dated anybody very properly except few casuals with no real commitment, with this one since last week I’ve started to have severe anxiety and pain in my stomach by constantly thinking about her.

There’s nothing wrong with her neither she’s anything wrong, but even thinking about her is giving me an anxiety, when she messages or calls I get anxious, when she makes plans I get anxious. Plus now I’ve started to question the compatibility, the patterns, behaviours everything.

I do not want to lose her because that also gives me severe anxiety of fear of losing but I also do not want to stay in a zone where I’m just anxious with everything in my life. Not sure if it’s fear of commitment or something, pls help.

Background: I(F 31) have (had) a BFF(F 30). She and her ex split up recently and it was ugly, she was not over him at all. When she spit with her ex, my husband and I kept her company, helped her move and stuff for a while. She knows my husband too, we used to couple date.

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One day she was talking about she met a guy in our group chat(then just she, my husband and I). she seemed excited and obsessed. I kinda followed this guy on IG so I told her go slow many guys seemed sweet but deep down they are f*ckboys even went to pros**. I know I was being judgmental but it’s not that she’ s dated that guy for a while. She just met him on internet and went out once. I didn’t think my words could hurt her feelings. She quickly asked what about my husband, how I was sure that he did not cheat. And my husband was right in that chat group. I was shocked and asked if she knew anything or tried to give me a heads up. She said I was too sensitive, she was just kidding.

I don’t think this is an appropriate “joke”. She obviously didn’t respect me at all. So I gave her the cold shoulder and withdrew myself. I’m still a bit shocked and upset someone I thought was my BFF was so evil and wanted me to hurt so badly. I could never ever say similar things to my friends.

She knows I am upset but she never apologized. She even asked my husband why I was being cold. My husband didn't say much. And she went like well guess right now I need time for myself so she should step back. She didn't even bother asking me in person.

Questions: Am I too sensitive? What was her intention? What should I do after this? I don't feel comfortable hanging out with her after that.

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**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

**TL;DR; : I am unsure about breaking up my 4 year relationship due to emotional unavailable, avoidance and not prioritizing issues. Am i valid?**.

Me F23 has been in a 4 year long term relationship with my bf M26. To make this sort of short, i have been considering to terminate this relationship because i am simply not happy even though i try to convince myself so hard that I am, but the issue is the reasons of why I am not happy.

My bf since the first year of our relationship has been a little rocky, he is always making put me down jokes that has hurt my feelings more than once, doesn't compliments me, doesnt plan dates, some days i go to his house and we dont speak for the whole time. we hang out with his family a lot because they are more united than me with mine but since the beginning (and this is my mistake for allowing it) he has always put his time with his family first, even puttign special holidays for us aside becaude his sister wants to go to the club so we hang out with them instead. So obviously this is something that is increasingly heaving on me worse everyday.

There are other things internally on the relationship like lack of communication (a lot) everytime i try to push to work it out he shuts down and doesn't talk to me for hours, i have learned to leave him alone which kills me emotionally and makes me feel miserable until he decides to talk to me. This is something that is making me consider breaking up with him too.

He recognizes his faults but he says "he warned me" and that "he is an ugly person to be with" so I am honestly feeling so stupid at this point for staying with a person that would not even fight for me even if I leave, like what is the point.

There are more things I could got into detail but these are the ones that are sticking up for me into breaking up with him, talking about these things has not worked out well for us since he shields himself in the shutting down and leaving me in a limbo. Just looking for advice.

I (21M) am currently in an 18 month relationship with my gf (21F) and am seriously confused on whether some things in my relationship can be considered okay.

This is also my first reddit post so I’m not sure who will be reading this but I’d appreciate any form of advice or help to my situation (that is respectful) because I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it right now.

I should mention before I start that when we are together our relationship is generally really good. We laugh, have similar interests and enjoy spending time with each other. I am happy most of the time but then there’s issues like I’ll list below.

I’ll start with the fundamental issue that I brought up to her before we started dating. Before dating we were friends and I knew that she smoked heavily so when we were talking about getting into a relationship together I said to her that if we were to date I’d like her to quit. She then said that she would quit and immediately stopped buying cigarettes. However, every single day since then she’s smoked mostly going to her friend’s houses to smoke with them as they all do. Because of this I’ve felt really rejected and it seems as though I’m not a high enough priority in her life for her to want to quit as she said she would. I’ve also brought this back up on multiple occasions to which she’s started saying “how much she’s trying to quit” (even though she still smokes every day) and then she also starts crying which makes me feel terrible. She then also starts lying to me about things so that I won’t find out but most of the time I still do. For example, we were once out with another guy who smokes but he went off somewhere so my gf had no access to cigarettes. She then messaged him and was hiding her phone telling him to come back (which I saw) and when I asked if she was hiding her phone she just answered “why would I be hiding my phone?” Then continued doing so, making me feel terrible.

The smoking arguments have probably contributed to a pretty dead bedroom. She has naturally low libido and I have naturally high libido so I do heavily consider this when I think about this topic, but the sex has basically completely fallen off over the course of our relationship. When we started dating we were having sex on average 2x per week, then after about 2 months it shifted to 1x per week and then about 4 months after that it shifted to 1x maybe every two weeks and now at about 18 months of dating I haven’t had sex in a month. I try to be reasonable and say that maybe she’s not in the mood or it’s just her low libido but then when she teases me, eg continually touching ‘erogenous areas’ (which happens about 2-3x a week) with no follow up, it’s as if she likes to have the power of control over our relationship and be in charge of deciding when we have sex or not, which honestly makes me feel like a child.

Finally I should add that recently she’s been spending a lot more time with her friends than me. Before anyone jumps on me and says I’m the toxic one, I’ve made it clear to her that I want her to spend plenty of time with her friends but she’s now seeing them a lot more time with them than me and I again rightfully think it is because I don’t let her smoke. Also, as a result of me not wanting her to smoke, I’ve frequently been left out of group activities with her friends (and I rightfully think it’s because she wants to be able to smoke without guilt). She’s also gone and done stuff with other people (who have cigarettes) that she says she doesn’t have time to do with me. For example, she doesn’t work on certain days I have work and I’ve said it would be very nice to catch-up for lunch but she’s never wanted to. Then last week one of her friends who smokes was chatting with her and she went and saw him to have lunch which annoyed the heck out of me (ie why can’t she do that with me). I’ve then also told her I want to spend more time with her friends to which have been met with empty promises by her.

The whole relationship has recently been making me feel very disrespected, unattractive, unworthy and just bad when the issue of smoking comes up. I do believe I’m smart, good looking and well mannered but still feel this way due to these mentioned relationship issues. However, at the same time I really love this girl and our time together is great when smoking is not an issue (sort of like 10% an issue when it’s not there and 90% of an issue when it is there).

Any respectful advice on what I should do would be really helpful I just am really lost on what to do or how to handle or anything in a different way to what I’ve been doing.

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TL:DR : My gf smokes even though I don’t want her to which is causing relationship problems for us (eg dead bedroom or me not getting chance to spend time with her friends) and I need some advice on what to do