r/relationships • u/DeepFan5560 • 1h ago
my boyfriend slapped me
I (22M) was slapped by my boyfriend (26M) after I cheated on him. Honestly I'm not even sure why I'm posting this, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. I genuinely think it was justified, that I deserved it for what I did. I mean, I'd rather he hit me and take his anger out on me than have him break up with me. He's never been physically violent with me before. This was the first time anything like this has happened. I told a few friends of mine about the situation, and they said my boyfriend was in the wrong and that he shouldn't have hit me despite what I did but I don't really agree with them. I just wanna hear other people's opinions over it, do you think the slap was justified?
tl;dr: Cheated on my boyfriend, he slapped me (first time ever), I think I deserved it and would rather that than him dump me, my friends disagree so I'm asking strangers if the slap was justified
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u/Exotic_Gate7113 59m ago
Both are morally crimes. However legally only slapping is the crime. Take it how it is.
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u/Muchado_aboutnothing 54m ago
Your boyfriend should have broken up with you, not slapped you. This is a dangerous precedent for resentment to build and him to be violent with you in the future. This is no longer a healthy relationship for either of you.
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u/peakpenguins 1h ago
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Just because you may have deserved to be slapped doesn't mean he was right for doing it.
Ya'll are both toxic.
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u/Far_Cup_2681 57m ago
cheating is awful but hitting someone over it never ok. you feel like you deserved it because you feel guilty maybe, but being afraid he will leave you and preferring violence over that is not healthy way to think. you both need some space from each other to sort things out
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u/imfartandsmunny 49m ago
No, slapping your partner is never justified. What’s justified is him dumping your cheating ass.
Just because slap hurts less than a break up doesn’t make it justified or the better choice.
Idk which one of you is more morally bankrupt and co-dependent.
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u/somuchsong 55m ago
He's never been physically violent with me before. This was the first time anything like this has happened.
There's always a first time. It doesn't meant there won't be a next time and it doesn't mean it won't escalate.
Your boyfriend was not justified. If he broke up with you, that would be justified. Not physical violence though.
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u/ArtisticMoth 55m ago
Nobody "deserves" to be physically assaulted by a partner. You need to get out of there
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u/icantspellsobr 54m ago
I’ll never understand both sides cheaters I hate and DV is even worse but the two of yall together?!! Oh man a disaster
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u/Elven_Fox 52m ago
The slap wasn't justified, it's never justified to hit someone if it's not in self defence. There's no fixing this relationship
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u/LordsOfJoop 58m ago
If this is what you want, you've already arrived at your decision.
You will not likely find support for that decision here, though.
You should make better choices.
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u/Calm_Bother_3842 57m ago
It's never justified, get out while you can. Obviously get help for figuring out why you feel you need to cheat, but thinking you deserve physical violence is also messed up.
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u/Blackappletrees 46m ago
He slapped you cause he was hurt and he wants to get even without breaking up with you. You cheated for some reason. Both reasons are awful reasons to stay in a relationship.
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u/QuietRiot7222310 36m ago
You’re both toxic af.
You don’t hit people you love. You don’t cheat on people you love.
Neither of you are mature enough for a relationship
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u/BeastKalEl 54m ago
You deserve to be broken up with and all that comes with the heartbreak for being disloyal.
He deserves to be in jail for assault.
You're both awful.
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u/whirdin 46m ago
A slap is never justified, but neither is cheating. Cheating can be forgiven and worked through, but not with physical abuse (that is what a slap is, plain and simple). Abuse doesn't solve anything. It's wild that you think a slap is better than a break-up, but I suppose you feel like shit for cheating and are desperate for any way to stay together. Two wrongs don't make a right. He is completely unworthy of a partner to do that. We all get angry, but how we manage that is what defines good partners from bad. I know a couple (together for like 20 years) who will hit each other on occasion, it's a vicious toxic cycle and they aren't happy together at all. I suggest you let this relationship go and work on yourself, it seems you aren't good for each other.
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u/Great-Armadillo8873 43m ago
Lol expain to me how cheating can be forgiven but a slap cant? Especially when the cheating came first... Both are unforgivable on their own
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u/whirdin 31m ago
I never said that, but maybe it was confusing, read again:
"Cheating can be forgiven and worked through, but not with physical abuse"
I meant that cheating can't be forgiven WITH a slap, like this:
"Cheating can be forgiven and worked through, but not [forgiven] with physical abuse"
Both are often unforgivable, but he slapped instead of working towards any forgiveness. Yet after that, OP wants to stay together. I am not speculating on the cheating as he gave zero context for that. There are many different degrees and motivations that contribute to cheating. I'm not pro-cheating, I've been cheated on and it fucking sucks, and no I didn't work through it. I just don't think all situations are equal and "cheating" could have been undefined in their relationship and the boyfriend could be calling something tame as cheating. If what OP did was terrible, the boyfriend could have just said goodbye. Again, two wrongs don't make a right, and that's what happened in the relationship were two major wrongs be each of them.
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u/HikingFun4 43m ago
"I mean, I'd rather he hit me and take his anger out on me than have him break up with me."
This is an EXTREMELY concerning statement to make and mindset to have. You cheating was 100% wrong and a horrible thing to do (he should break up with you), but nothing justifies physical violence. He is 100% wrong for slapping you. If you have the mindset that being abused is better than a breakup, you are going to be one of the women who are battered and say, "but he loves me... he didn't mean it." And then they end up killed. I think you both need to get out of this relationship, because you are both wrong. Cheating is wrong and so is violence.
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u/radiantshadow92 48m ago
I think the circumstance matters a bit here. Were you guys in a heated talk? Or was he calm when he told you and lost control from emotions and anger? Violence is never okay in a relationship and neither is cheating. My ex hit me once, after months of resentment and me basically asking for it. We broke up but not because of that, it was a one time thing and i prob did deserve it. But she was truly sorry. He might not be now but he should be.
How and why did you cheat if you dont mind me asking? Either way, you will both have to forgive eachother fully and move past it if the relationship has any chance to survive.
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u/DeepFan5560 42m ago
It was a drunken mistake from my side and he hit me out of shock and anger
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u/radiantshadow92 39m ago
People do not just get drunk and decide to cheat unless some part of you pre-meditated it. You have to be honest about even a small part of you wanting to do it beforehand and address why.
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u/DeepFan5560 36m ago
It was more about the guy I cheated with, I think I just really liked him and let my feelings take over me. My boyfriend was gone for a month too so I think I was just feeling very lonely and desperate
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u/radiantshadow92 23m ago
Welp hope it was worth it. Be honest and try to reconcile or move on because those feelings didnt come out of nowhere
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u/Still_Last_in_Line 22m ago
You were wrong for cheating (obviously), he was wrong for slapping you. Why salvage this? To enjoy to drama?
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u/Coerced1 42m ago
Cheating is bad.
Domestic violence is worse.
Two wrongs don't make a right, it just makes it twice as bad.
Both of you need to get away from each other.
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u/Amazing-Wave4704 55m ago
Break up with him. He's violent. Find one you want to be faithful to.
Then yknow, be FAITHFUL.
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u/czhunc 1h ago
Why is this a relationship that's good to continue for either of you?