I have found myself posting to reddit about this because it feels like a fever dream. When I was teenager/young adult- I dated a guy who I thought was the end all be all. I am now over 30. I recently moved back to my home town with my spouse and children. Yesterday I reached out to a small company for a quote on a job that my company needs complete. It turns out that the company I reached out for on a quote was owned by the guy I dated years back.

I originally spoke to a receptionist when I called. He must of recognized my name and called me back almost immediately. When my phone rang- I instantly recognized the phone number (he has never changed his cellphone number). I answered the phone and pretended to not know who it was.

Long story short- he went on to ask me about my children, spouse, and family. He told me that he thinks about me all the time. He brought up old music and memories. He then went on to apologize for everything wrong that he had done to me. He told me that anything bad that happened to him and everything bad that will happen- is what he will deserve for how he treated me. He told me that I was a wonderful person and the most kindest person and deserved a life of happiness and that he hoped I had gotten that. He went on to tell me if I ever need anything or if he can ever help me- to call him.

I hung up the phone in shock. I went no contact with this guy after we broke up over 15 years ago. I went through probably 2 years of being heartbroken after our breakup. Now as a full grown adult with a spouse and a parent- I never think of him. He did not owe me all of the things he said but he obviously knows that he was not the best boyfriend back in the day. I believe if I hadn’t gone no contact- I probably would have never gotten the apology. It took over a decade- but it does happen.

Will I always be stuck in limbo? I'm so tired, destroyed, damaged and I feel crazy. I'm so exhausted! That's all.

Hey guys ! Just wanted to share my personal experience as someone who would scroll through this sub day in and day out for the past year lol . I was really trying to cope with my ex leaving me so suddenly after what (to me) was a minor disagreement- this happened in Jan 2025 .

It was hard but I completely stayed no contact . Even through the times I worried , and wanted to reach out so bad . And I had questions in my head if this person ever cared for me at all -if I’d ever get closure - it was ALOT to unpack .

Writing things out in my notes , praying to god to keep us both safe while we navigate our own lives( I’m a Christian so if that resonates) . Learning about attachment styles and how I was definitely anxious while he was more on the avoidant side . I did a lot of self work to release that control I needed over my ex, the outcome, just everything . I graduated college , got closer with my family, I have a therapist , I took on new hobbies and learned I love to bake lol . It was a full on journey and I loved every moment . Heartbreak didn’t break me the way I thought it would

Long story short- I was shocked to see a message from my ex a few days ago . At first it was just a hey- and I knew about breadcrumbing . But since I had done so much work within myself - I knew no matter what he had to say - I was in control of my emotions .

He ended up giving me an extremely heartfelt apology . All this time I didn’t know he had moved out and isolated himself from everyone in his life . It hadn’t been just me he left .

He apologized for not being able to see past his hurt anger and grief he was experiencing . He didn’t know how to lean on me - someone he genuinely knew cared . Then told me at some point when everything melted away - he realized he couldn’t go another day without making things right with me .

Overall - the conversation was very eye opening and emotional for the both of us . I admitted where I could’ve been better in things . We realized the spark and love is still there . And now - we are taking steps towards trying things again - as the new versions of ourselves .

None of this would’ve happened if I tried to rush outcomes , or force him to stay with me . So I hope my story tells you one thing . Forgive whoever hurt you - because you never know what they could be going through and honestly - it’s up to them and their journey . Now is the time to pour into you - until you no longer need thevalidation of someone else’to feel happy again (:

Then - love finds its way if it’s true and if it’s honest .. not perfect❤️

when i was dumped almost 6 months ago, that was the most devastating pain i have ever experienced. i am loved and appreciated my people my entire life and i always show up for them. I literally drive hundreds of miles just to celebrate important events of my family and friend. but for the first time in my life, I wasn’t able to stay even for 30 minutes in a party for my family and friends. i felt like dying inside. And for some days, it felt like, i am just a walking dead that needs to function as i have companie to run.

i chased l, begged and pleaded to fix our relationship. Until one day, my ex’s parents came to my ex’s house to asked me to leave while im outside the gate and wasnt able to go inside and talked to her. that was the most humiliating time of my life but i left quietly and started my healing journey.

it wasn’t easy. my first attempt of no contact last for 7 days and i broke it with one email. This is the worst part of my healing journey. but when I didn’t receive a response, i went to another no contact for 30 days and broke it again with an email. Again, no response. Another attempt was 78 days and within these days, I believed my ex orbited and sent breadcrumbs indirectly but was able to ignore it. but when i found out that she is emotionally down, that was the time i broke my silence and sent her messages for 10 days straight. the usual, no response. Went back again for no contact but this time, im more eager to be healed. I blocked my ex’s accts and restricted the common people from her side. it really killed the hope that my ex will reach out. So for those who are asking if they should block their ex, as long as your reason is to heal and not to play games with them, it’s worth it.

this is the moment my ex posted the new relationship and a part of me died once again but was able to manage it. When my people are discussing it to me, i talked to them seriously that i dont want to hear anything about my ex and thank God they listened. For 12 days, i am getting better. 2 days straight that i woke up without thinking about my ex first thing in the morning. No rapid heartbeats, no tingling sensations, no nervousness. Then boom. That was the time my ex sent a message and called. My heart jumped from my chest and was too nervous. I asked my best friend to answer the call and she did. the call was about logistical stuffs and my best friend asked me to call back so i did. we talked for 9 minutes and i sent her a message not to call me again next time.

for a night i wasnt able to sleep but for a week it’s hard for me to eat. I was affected but was able to manage it better. if that call landed months ago, maybe i chased, beg and pleaded again.

now, im hitting the gym, laughing because of the nonsense video contents, meeting new people and ver focused with my family and friends. my companies are going well.

am i healed? not yet. Am i near to be 100% healed? Not yet. just last night i cried not because i lost my ex or im hurting but because im tired of the up and down emotions. im tired of doing the hardwork to be better. It is like i need to release it all.

but i am better. I am getting back to the old me and im loving myself again. i still think about my ex but the expectations and hopes are gone.

this time, im moving forward without looking back,

for those who are thinking if the pain will end, i don’t know yet because mine is still there. But one thing is for sure, it will subside and you’ll feel better.

Though it hurts so bad, fight for your dignity. Fight for yourself.

always choose the path of healing.

I'm also looking for advice on maintaining no contact and understanding my situation.

I'm in my mid-20s and met a girl. We hit it off immediately and dated for about a month. We went on great dates, met each other's friends, talked about meeting family, and discussed wanting something long-term. Everything was mutual. We both planned dates. She said she loved all of our dates. She seemed more excited to see me than anyone I'd dated before. I'm usually the one who gets doubts when a relationship starts getting serious, but with her, I genuinely saw a future.

I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. The next day, she broke up with me over text. It was a pretty boilerplate message, and I was completely blindsided.

A few days later, I asked if we could talk in person because I wanted to understand whether I'd missed something. She told me she'd recently started experiencing anxiety and panic attacks for the first time and wondered whether our relationship was causing them. She said I was the perfect guy, that I'd shown her how she deserved to be treated, and that she meant everything she'd said about liking me and wanting a relationship. She was nearly in tears, apologized for how she'd handled things, and admitted she didn't understand why she felt that way either.

My friends say I dodged a bullet, but I don't think she was lying or playing me. I believe she meant what she said, which somehow makes this harder to process. How can someone seem so sure one day and leave the next?

It's been almost two months. Most of that time has been no contact, although we never explicitly agreed to it. I still think about her every day, often for most of the day. It's honestly nauseating how much I miss her and how deeply this has affected me, especially considering how short the relationship was.

I know this is r/ExNoContact, and I understand why no contact is recommended. But I'm struggling with the urge to reach out. Part of me wants to see if she's doing okay, especially with the anxiety. Part of me just wants to talk to her again, even if it's only to catch up, or to get some closure beyond what I got (which was pretty much nothing). We didn't have a fight or an ugly breakup. We talked openly, and I listened to what she had to say. I let myself get vulnerable with her in a way I don't usually do, and now I'm struggling to reconcile how things ended with how they felt while we were together.

For anyone who's experienced something similar, on either side of the breakup, does this make sense to you? Can someone genuinely want a relationship and then abruptly pull away because of anxiety or uncertainty? What happens after that?

And for those who've been in my position, how do you resist reaching out when things didn't end badly and you still care about the person?

I know I can't make her change her mind, and I'm not trying to pressure her. I just miss her, still don't understand what happened, and am finding it much harder to let go than I expected.

i found out recently that my ex is throwing dirt on my name and i plan to go clear that out. he hates me now and i do too. is it better to break nc and speak up or would that end badly?

For months after my breakup, I was terrible at no contact. I would make it a few days, then relapse late at night by checking their profile or typing out long messages and deleting them.
What finally helped me turn a corner:
Separating no texting from no checking socials. Checking their Instagram was hurting me just as much as texting, but I grouped them together. Splitting them stopped the whole "well I already ruined my streak so I might as well text" mindset.
The 10 minute rule. When the urge hit, I forced myself to wait 10 minutes before doing anything. Most of the time, the acute panic passed before the time was up.
Writing it down without sending it. Dumping everything into a locked note scratched the itch without destroying my progress.
I also ended up using an app called No Contact: Closure that a friend recommended, which helped a ton during the worst weeks.
How are you guys surviving the late nights? What is working for you?

My ex and I broke up several years ago and haven’t maintained a friendship since. The relationship was significant, and while the breakup wasn’t necessarily bad, it wasn’t easy either.
Over the past year, they’ve reached out a couple of times, but the conversations never really went anywhere. Recently, they contacted me again and asked if I’d be interested in catching up over the phone.
We’re both in our mid-20s, and I’m in a long-term relationship. I am almost certain they are in relationship as well,but that’s been through word of mouth.
I’m curious what would motivate someone to initiate contact after so many years?
I understand wanting to know how someone from your past is doing, but personally, I think there’s a difference between being curious and actively reaching out to reconnect with an ex.
For those who’ve reached out to an ex years later, what was your reasoning? Was it genuinely just to catch up, or was there another motivation?

We broke up in the summer of 2022. I (26f)moved out and went back to live with my parents. Ever since then it’s been no contact for 3-4 months and then we’re back, then he says he’s not ready and can’t do it so then we go back to no contact. It’s been like back and forth. Well we decided to be friends (stupid of me) and then out of the blue he tells me that he’s talking to someone else and that he isn’t able to talk to me as often anymore. Like I said we’ve been going back and forth this whole time. I’m used to it. But this is something completely different. It really hurt my feelings and made me want to vomit. I do want him to be happy and I did tell him this and he said he wanted me to have the same thing. But Jesus Christ I still and will always love him. He will have a special place in my heart. BUT the more I think about it and really sit with it, our entire relationship and the no contact shit was so toxic and bad for the both of us. The constant pulling of both ways, one extreme to another, it’s so tiring. We were so in love the first time around (or whatever we thought love was at that time), now it just felt like a connivence for the both of us to always be in each others lives some way somehow. I do want him to be happy, I want to be happy. It hurts but at the same time I’ve been grieving this relationship on and off for the past 4 years. The emotions aren’t as strong as they would be if it happened the first time around I believe. Idk I love him and always will but this time NEEDS to stay at a far distance between us. I’m tired of this mentally and emotionally..I also can’t believe I wasted my early twenties doing this shit when all my energy could have been spent on other things…

He broke up with me for his own personal reasons, but we technically ended on good terms. After I had found out what he’d been doing after the breakup, I developed contempt towards him. I removed him on all socials 2 months later. He would still view my Instagram stories once in a while. For these 6 months, I’ve waited for the day he texts me to see how I’m doing. To have some sort of conversation with me. Not because I’m hoping there’s a chance of us getting back together, but because I want to know that I meant something to him. I’m now considering being the one to reach out first. I wouldn’t want to invite him to a conversation with me, but rather to release everything that’s been building up inside of me for the past half of the year. Should I reach out?

I really need to get this off my chest and hear other people's opinions because I don't know how to deal with this situation anymore.

My ex and I were in a relationship last year. After we broke up, I returned to work this year at the same hotel where he works. When I first came back, I didn't speak to him at all. I acted as if he didn't exist, even though it was difficult for me emotionally. Eventually, I got used to not talking to him, and I reached a point where I felt like I no longer cared about him.

Then, about five months after returning to work, I found out that he was married and had a child.

I was shocked and angry. I had no idea he had hidden such an important part of his life from me when we were together. Because I had blocked him on WhatsApp, I contacted him and asked if we could meet so I could confront him about it.

When we met, I asked him directly whether he was married. He asked me who had told me, but I told him that it didn't matter who told me and that I just wanted an honest answer. He admitted that it was true.

I asked him why he had been in a relationship with me if he was already married. He told me he had been afraid to tell me because he thought I would leave him.

I told him, of course I would have left him, because being involved with a married man is wrong. I kept reminding him that he was married, that he had a wife and a child, and that I couldn't ignore that fact.

During that conversation, he hugged me and apologized for everything. He told me that his feelings for me had been genuine.

I didn't get back together with him, but I would be lying if I said I felt absolutely nothing. One part of me knew that I shouldn't be involved with a married man, and I didn't want to do something that could hurt his wife. Another part of me still wanted to talk to him, even though I didn't want to resume our relationship.

After that, we met outside again one day. He asked where I was, and I told him I was outside sitting somewhere. He asked whether I wanted him to come and see me. I told him that it was up to him and that I didn't care whether he came or not.

He came anyway. Later, when I was going home, he drove me back. He stayed for a long time and seemed reluctant to leave. He hugged me again and started behaving in ways that reminded me of how he used to act when we were together.

That brought back feelings I had been trying so hard to forget. Despite that, I kept resisting because I knew I didn't want to cross that line again.

Then came the incident that hurt me the most.

One day, we were talking on WhatsApp and arguing about something. I told him that continuing to argue over messages wasn't going to solve anything and that we should meet face-to-face and talk calmly.

He said he would let me know when we could meet. I told him that he couldn't always be the one deciding when we met. He then said I could choose the time myself.

When the day came, I messaged him about meeting. He started asking why we should meet when it was raining and cold. He suggested meeting in a hotel room instead.

I refused. I know myself, and I was afraid that if we were alone together in a hotel room, I might give in to my remaining feelings for him. I didn't want that to happen, especially because he was married. I wanted to talk to him, not put myself in a situation where I might do something I would regret.

I suggested meeting at the beach instead. He kept bringing up the cold weather and the wind, and he suggested the hotel room again. I refused again and told him we could meet at the beach or somewhere else.

Eventually, he told me to choose the place. I chose the beach.

After that, he stopped replying.

I messaged him again, telling him I was going out and that we should meet there. I also tried to clarify where we were supposed to meet. I waited for two hours at the beach, sending messages and calling him repeatedly, but he never showed up or answered me. My calls weren't going through properly, and I couldn't get an explanation.

I was sitting by the sea, crying and wondering why he had left me waiting there like that. I felt abandoned and humiliated. It was an awful feeling, especially because I had only wanted to have one honest conversation with him.

The next morning, he turned the situation around and made it seem like I was the one at fault. He said I had decided on my own to go to the beach even though he had told me he didn't want to meet there because of the cold and wind. He also said he hadn't seen my last message, had fallen asleep, and had his phone on silent.

I still don't know whether that was the truth. Part of me suspects that he never really wanted to meet me in the first place, especially because I had refused to meet him in a hotel room. But I can't know for sure.

After that, we argued again.

At one point, I told him that someone had asked me for his phone number, but I hadn't given it to her. I reminded him that he was married and had a child, and that he was my ex. He asked why I hadn't given her his number.

I asked him whether he would give my number to someone else if they asked for it. He said that would be difficult and that he probably wouldn't. When I told him that I felt the same way, he said it wasn't the same situation.

Then he started asking me repeatedly, "What are we? What are we?"

I didn't want to answer because, in my mind, he was a married man. I kept reminding him of that fact, but he insisted that he wanted an answer even if he was married.

He then asked whether I wanted him to be my boyfriend or my friend.

I told him I had never been friends with an ex-boyfriend before, and I didn't know what to say. I was confused because I still had feelings for him, but I didn't want to be in a relationship with a married man. I didn't want to be the reason another woman suffered.

Eventually, we started arguing. He said he didn't want to continue fighting and that we should speak calmly and respectfully. I agreed that we should talk properly.

But while I was still typing messages to him, I discovered that he had blocked me.

He blocked me everywhere.

I was shocked because I didn't understand why he would do that without giving me a chance to finish the conversation. I contacted him from another account and explained that I wanted us to meet one last time, clear things up, and let me move on with my life. I told him I didn't want to argue; I just wanted to understand what had happened.

I also told him that if I had done something wrong without realizing it, I wanted him to explain it to me. I felt hurt that he had treated me as if I were his enemy when all I wanted was a conversation.

He read my message but didn't reply. Then he blocked that account too.

The thing that makes this situation even harder is that we work at the same hotel, so I see him every day.

After he read my message, I noticed him looking at me through the reflection in a window, even though I wasn't looking directly at him. I don't know what that means, and I don't want to assume that he still has feelings for me just because he looks at me.

I am not trying to get back together with him. I know he is married, and I don't want to be involved in that situation again. I just wanted an explanation and a chance to close this chapter of my life peacefully.

But now I feel hurt, angry, confused, and exhausted. I had already spent months trying to move on from him before I discovered the truth about his marriage. I had finally started to feel okay, and then everything came back.

Part of me wants him to realize that he has lost me for good. I want him to look at me one day and see that the girl who kept trying to talk to him, who wanted answers and who was hurt by his actions, is no longer there.

I want to reach a point where I can look into his eyes and feel absolutely nothing.

But another part of me is still hurt because I don't understand why he treated me this way. I don't know whether he genuinely cared about me, whether he was just afraid of losing the attention I gave him, or whether he simply doesn't want to take responsibility for what happened.

I know I should stop trying to contact him, especially after he has blocked me everywhere. I don't intend to contact him from another account again. But it's difficult to let go when I see him every day at work and when things ended without the conversation I had hoped for.

I would really appreciate honest advice from people who have been through something similar.

1. Why would someone ask whether I still love them and insist on knowing what we are, even though they are married, and then suddenly block me?
2. Do you think he genuinely had feelings for me, or was he just keeping me emotionally attached to him?
3. How can I move on when I have to see him at work every day?
4. How do I stop caring about whether he regrets losing me and reach a point where I genuinely feel nothing when I see him?

I don't want him back. I just want my peace back.

I have had an ex for the last 4 years and I recently saw them at an event. Since then we were blocked on social media and I started to loose interest and move on in my life, until we saw each other and starting chatting. She messaged me on instagram and I we have stayed unblocked since. I still think about her and it’s eating at me, but I don’t want to block her cause she is such a nice person and I don’t think it will help me much. Deep down I may still have feelings but I just can’t go back.

We met up earlier today to drop stuff off. After about.. 2 weeks of no contact. And then everything rushed back to me. The conversation was good, we talked for a good 2 hours, a little emotional at times but still good. Even hugged and kissed. Made me realize maybe I was over reacting in my breakup. and I ended up sending the long ass text lmao. I'm really starting to regret it ngl, a lot of "I want us to work out" and "let's start from the bottom and build up" kind of cringe stuff lol. But hoo boy, in the moment it felt GREAT to get out.. now I'm starting to regret sending it bc I'm actually not sure if he'd really want me back or not. Whoops.

...and for some reason, i hope that she says something to me, maybe a letter or email.

even though its been 5 ish months of no contact.

even though she abandoned me.

even though she broke me down and destroyed me.

even though she couldnt give me a straight reason and basically just said "i dont know"

even though i have her blocked so i wont keep that door open.

idk. i have no idea why i want her to send me an email or letter about my birthday. i didnt on her birthday (she told me not to when i asked if i should wish her happy birthday after we broke up)

i know its not good for me. i just cant help but look back.

there is so much to look forward to, hell, ive been so happy these past few days, i FINALLY got a therapist.

i just... idk. i dont miss her or the stress. i just miss the thought of the relationship. i miss what i thought we were and what we could become.

i miss the pure happiness i had with her in times like these.

im sure ill be okay and even happier some day.

im just hurting badly. i wish i was free.

For the vast majority of people: don't reach out, just hang in there. You will heal. Time does heal all wounds. Day 42 out from a two year relationship with someone who I was going to marry, and I don't really think about him too much these days.

I am (was) in a 6 year relationship I’m a male in my early 40’s and she is a female in her mid 30’s.
I went to school and was doing three jobs so due to me neglecting her and not getting help to deal with my stress she broke up with me.
We got back together about four months later and I worked hard on making her feel seen and taken care of. I go a travel job so for six months I was in a different state but between contracts I would come home and everything was good.

I did stop theapy though which was a mistake on my part.

I was just ghome for four weeks and we had fun although I had a few arguments.
Her boundary is when she’s working to not disturb her and I was having issues with my new contract so went to her to ask for advice which was crossing her boundary. I did this twice when I was back home and that was to much for her.

Now I’m in another state she became distant and we spoke on the phone today and she told me the emotional stress I put on her is to much and the fact I stopped theapy was too much.

I’m just heartbroken, I spent almost six years with her, she said she’s done did good now. We were just a month ago talking about getting married.

I actually started therapy again since I have been doing this contract and she said to call her after my therapy session, she wants to still be there for me as I’m all alone out here during this contract.

I worked my arse off to get a good job to provide a good life for her. I just don’t know what to do now.

There has never been someone I loved like I loved her and I’m sure I never will love someone else like I love her.

How am I supposed to get through this and focus on work.

I will be back home in two months so we will have to find new places to live, I just don’t want to, I want to marry and spend my life with her but I think she is done for good even though she says she still loves me.

I just wanted to rant, I’m all alone in a new state and now the one person I did all this work for I am no longer with.

Im 19 years old and know i still have all my life ahead of me. But earlier this week i just got broken up with bc our relationship was getting too toxic. I live in upstate NY and coming by other women is pretty hard. I still feel like theres a chance me and her get back together in the future but shes made it painfully clear she wants nothing to do with me rn. I dont want to move on, when i love someone i cant unlove them. Like shes my waking thought and goes through my head all day. I hate being alone, i have 7 siblings im living with and it gets very stressfull. I just need some advice on how i move forward. I still want her i still love her, she told me if were meant to be we'll come back to eachother and that broke my heart in a way ive never been hurt before. I feel so certain that she is the one for me but weve both made too many mistakes. I feel like i lost her forever

So i was seeing this one for about a year, everything was good, sort of, up until 6 months ago, when i caught her lying. She ended up talking behind my back and being disrespectful. She blocked me, then after 2 months came back with some superficial “excuse”, to which i told her to basically kick rocks (she was texting me while on a trip with her bf). Blocked me again… but i recently noticed she unblocked me on messenger once more, but no texts. Even tho i got “over”her, idk why this feels a little weird and wondering if something is going on or she just baiting.

Start accepting that your ex is a human being, not a god. Like everyone else, they have their strengths and shortcomings. Romantic feelings are always subjective. If your ex was truly someone special, then isn’t it only logical for everyone else to fall in love with them? Why is it only you? Realistically speaking, you are just the one in only a few hundred thousand people they've come across with that has fallen in love with them.

The person you are talking to has their own set of positive and negative aspects. Realize that if you keep comparing others with your ex, it will bring you to see others more negatively. It clouds your judgement, preventing you from appreciating their good aspects while overemphasizing on their bad aspects. Understand that comparing others with your ex gradually reforms you into being colder and more distant the longer it goes unchecked. It hurts your chances of developing meaningful, positive relationships.

Finally, realize that this comparison habit isn’t broken in one day. You're like a drug addict going through withdrawal. The only thing that relieves the symptoms at the moment is your ex. As time goes on and you take proactive measures to heal, your brain becomes accustomed to its new surroundings.

We ended our relationship about two months ago, maintained no contact for two weeks, then resumed talking; however, circumstances led us back to no contact. It has been five days since then, but yesterday I broke that boundary and asked if she wanted to attend a concert. We spoke briefly, and she later texted, “I rlly do still wanna be ur friend.” I still want her back, though I am fairly certain she now likes someone else entirely. I am unsure whether she retains feelings for me, but I want to keep texting her, even though I suspect it will damage me in the long term.

I was friends with a guy whom I had an on and off crush on for ten months. He showed several signs of liking me back— he’d flirt with me at the movies, on text, he’d constantly create nicknames with me, share spotify playlists, kept trying to be near me, was jealous of me talking to other guys, would always rant to me about anything, like the smallest thing and i was his comfort person.

He also disliked my ex. If someone would ask me about him, he’d immediately go “NO. DONT.” or “yeah no he sucks”. once, my ex was sitting in my eyeline and i jokingly started complaining, and my ex crush changed his seat so that i could look at him only. He also once joked that he’d be “friends” with my ex boyfriend to tease me but i said okay go ahead.

However, this guy also had a crush on every single woman he saw. It was really annoying hearing about it. Anyway, we even got into a fight because of one consistently for three months because he made up a situation which made me uncomfortable around both of them (they weren’t even friends), just to try to prove to me that he liked her. he never even properly apologised until i forced it out of him that he lied to me. he was also not generally a good friend to me. he’d constantly be rude, or lash out, sometimes made fun of me and then this situation topped it alll off.

another situation happened with this other friend of ours, let’s name him Mark. Mark did something that betrayed my ex crush’s trust, but it was completely justified. my ex crush flipped, and immediately told me to cut mark off. but mark was also very special to me, and my cat of 6 years died around that time too so i couldn’t think properly. i stopped talking to mark but fought him for my ex crush as well.

my ex crush remained close to me because of this. when i confessed, he thought it was because of my ex (he was in the same room), and i was like no?! and then i got rejected but i was fine with it because he wasn’t a good person to date and i wasn’t in the headspace either. my ex crush then used the situation to get me to cut mark off by saying that he rejected me because of him, and once i did, i felt like i lost two friends. in that conversation, he kept emphasising how important i was to him, and how he only cared about me, which obviously took me really aback emotionally.

when i told my ex crush that he shouldn’t have told
me about the situation, he immediately got mad and we fought, and i immediately cut him off the very next day because i got tired of being his support system and received nothing back. he was taken aback by it though, because even throughout the conversation he was like “do u want an apology with my shitty grammar?” and kept trying to make inside jokes, but he already screwed it over for himself. at the end he just liked my message.

anyway, i was doing fine. then i found out he became friends with the same girl we fought over constantly. very good friends. and he kept saying to
me that she’s not a good person, to stay away from her, and that he’s only “texting” her for another friend and that it didn’t mean anything (we weren’t even dating, he knew i used to get pissed but i didn’t ask him to cut her off).

as soon as i found that out, i became friends with mark again. when my ex crush found out, he took it out on our mutual. another thing to add is that my ex crush avoids me every single day, every time someone mentions me he avoids the topic, and looks at me with guilt. at an event, my ex crush was literally stalking mark and i at one point, because when we sat down and i turned around, i saw him standing right behind us looking around. i found it odd.

a few days later, i’m talking to another mutual, and my ex crush comes and stands there and stares at me talking to another guy for a few minutes. i immediately walked away afterwards because what are you trying to do? at another event, he literally threw his bag on top of mine, and i got so pissed i tossed it aside, because dude why? he even once immediately turned around because he heard my voice because i was going to go speak to my friend who was in front of him.

today, i found out he became friends with my ex. like very good friends. they follow each other, and have had multiple chances to talk to each other and become friends but they never did while i was still friends with my ex crush. i don’t get what he’s trying to do. at this point, what is he trying to get back at me for? because the main thing he’d talk to my ex about is me, nothing else.

someone please tell me if i’m going crazy or not. i don’t know what he’s trying to do. if he misses me, it doesn’t matter to me because i wouldn’t ever take him back. i ignore his presence wholly and try to avoid him at all costs because i don’t want to take him back as a person. i feel nothing towards him but im confused by this. he’s being so unreasonably petty.

​I need some outside perspective on a messy situation with my ex. Even though it’s been over a year, I still constantly think about her and blame myself for messing things up.

​We met on a dating app and started dating a month later. Early on, I caught her talking to another guy from the same app, but I forgave her. I also helped save her from a toxic ex who was threatening her with explicit photos. She lived 22km away, so I traveled to see her every weekend.

​At the 9-month mark, she began initiating heavy daily fights. Overwhelmed with college, I ended it.

​A 15-20 days after the breakup, we reconnected, made out at her place, and entered a grey-area physical phase for a few weeks. She moved closer to my place for her university, while I started a doing internship and fell into severe depression and isolation.

​Wanting to rebuild, I opened up about my depression, took accountability for the breakup, and asked for another shot. She said no. Thinking she just had her guard up, I kept visiting and trying to earn her trust back. On August 24th, we made out again at her new place, but her vibe was completely off.

​Two days later, I found an Instagram profile of her and her new guy. When I confronted her, she admitted she had actually started dating him just a month after our original breakup, was sleeping with him, and had been lying to me about there being no one else while still being physical with me.

​It’s been over a year now, but I’m still broken. Did I bring this on myself by breaking up, or was I played? How do I stop blaming myself?

I’m glad I’ve matured since my last relationship ended. I’m seriously struggling and tempted but I won’t break no contact. I’ll be giving his/our friend the last of his things in a weeks time. I will have the urge to ask the friend about if he thinks there’s a chance we could get back together but I know that’s fucking stupid. I feel chopped. I’m glad my family and friends are so great. Just want to feel beautiful again . I completely lack an identity rn. I feel as though I will never love again but I know that’s not true

I’m in trouble, I didn’t know who else to turn to:

I was convinced I wasn’t going to reach out to her. I almost did today and that scared me. I definitely do NOT want to break no contact. Especially not to get around a block.

It didn’t even bother me until the discovery that I was blocked without giving her any reason to block me (I left her alone, didn’t contact or irritate her). Once I discovered I was blocked I became hurt, and confused and obsessive. I spent all day (at least several hours), the last several days, watching and reading about “they always come back,” and “if she blocked you for no reason it means she cares,” and I was listening to YouTube and reading posts here all about it. It turned my initial peace with the situation into an unhealthy state of mind where I almost reached out to her by bypassing the block and I realized I was giving this situation far too much energy.

Truthfully, I don’t even want to get back together, I don’t even want her in my life right now (maybe ever), all that I really want is to tell her how I really felt as I never really got the opportunity to (I didn’t know how I felt until after the breakup, and I realize I have some things I very much want to say to her).

Lastly, no one dumped anyone really. She was an avoidant attached, I am 80% secure attached and 20% anxious attached. I would always give her “space” and etc. without freaking out on her, I rarely asked for reassurance (but I did from time to time). Anyway, essentially I told her one day “I’m not sure I can really do this anymore,” and she politely agreed, we said we’d miss each other and then we stopped speaking so I guess that was the “breakup”. It was a very calm, amicable and peaceful breakup and truthfully, I didn’t even know I was breaking up with her until I did.

We’ve had an on and off thing several times over several years but she never blocked me before. There was a mutual friend of ours who did have a brief relationship with her before I did, she told me she was never as close to him as she was with me and that she really didn’t like him very much, but when she blocked him she at least unblocked him and gave him an explanation and a several hour conversation for closure (though it didn’t really help him, he’s super anxious and obsessed with her). She never gave me the same courtesy (it’s one of the things I wanted to address with her if I did have the chance to speak to her again).

TLDR; I need encouragement to not break no contact. I wouldn’t be spiraling if I wasn’t blocked without explanation and if I had a chance to explain my feelings to her.

"The best revenge is moving on." Moved on dozens of times. Didn't change anything. Will my fifty eighth attempt at "moving on" finally be the one that ends with me getting the last laugh?

"Plenty of fish in the sea." The water is poisoned.

"Karma will get them." When? Can you give me a date? Karma isn't fucking real.