r/ExNoContact • u/Ok_Pomegranate3371 • 1d ago
No, time does not heal. It’s been 4 years
I still think about him. 4 years already. Time doesn’t heal. Bunch of lies.
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u/Leading_Concert_3421 1d ago
for majority of people it does. but I feel like you’ll be fully healed when you’ll meet the one who’ll make you forget about the past and just be happy that you finally found what you’ve been lacking all those years. it will fill that missing part.
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u/porning_shorning 8h ago
It does if its true love. It's been 7 years for me and i still waiting for just one text
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u/Leading_Concert_3421 6h ago
you got issues lol. nothing really belongs to you in life, remember that.
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u/Critical_Guidance_24 23h ago
Yeah. I have an ex like that. It was a 3 month relationship but it took me a very long time to get over. It was the first relationship where I felt like experienced what real love was.
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u/haunted-poopy 1d ago
I know this is ex no contact, but contacting him actually helped me with maintaining no contact in the future. Because it really showed me at last how little I meant to him and that all the words he said before no longer held any truth. It was quite embarrassing actually. I reached out with love and was shown the door. What did I expect, honestly!
People will tell you you’re pathetic and lack self respect but it got rid of my anxiety about the situation faster than wondering “what if” for the next several years. I will never contact him again.
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u/woootangspam 15h ago edited 8h ago
Sometimes it really does help to get confirmation on how horrible of a person they are.
I reached out to my ex and they said the most unforgivable things. Deep down they hated me, truly. It really helped put everything into perspective.
Since that conversation no more sleepless nights or panic attacks. Life just feels better. 😊
Edit: spelling
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u/yelawolf89 1d ago
It has certainly healed me. I guess it just depends on the way we choose to heal.
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u/wineandkittiez 1d ago
I agree with you. Time makes it easier to cope with. But it doesnt forget and it doesnt mend the parts of you that shattered
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u/gottablast_100 1d ago edited 23h ago
I feel that way some times too but the main realization I had to accept, was that: i feel that way because I sometimes struggle to love myself. & that causes me to do stupid things like obsess over someone who abandoned me 7 years ago. My ex blocked me & disappeared & never looked back. She doesn’t seem to care about my existence. It’s clear that she could care less about me. the problem is I have to learn to love myself .. because chasing someone who doesn’t give two shits about me is not healthy for me, and after years of healing Im learning to have self respect. After all the struggles, I deserve someone who cares. Someone who calls and checks up & shows up when it matters. She told me to fuck off & My heart was shattered. I begged her not to leave. Next time someone tells me to fuck off, I will walk away with some pride. I will never beg any one ever again.
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u/its_ok_to_be_YOU 1d ago
Along with the time, ur efforts matter too.. In the meantime, try to find the lost version of yourself. U might miss him but not with the same intensity as before. Anything to heal needs its own antidote. So take care of yourself and find something that interests you. Stay busy and focused and I wish u get better soon 😇
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u/Onehundredbillionx 21h ago
Time doesnt heal you, perhaps but it has healed many people, including myself. So it’s not a “lie”.
Also, healing doesn’t mean removal. There is still a scar usually.
I guarantee that it hurts you less today than it did 4 years ago so time has in fact done some healing,
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u/Able-Comfort091 1d ago
It’ll be 3 years for me coming up as well. I know the feeling. Sending you much love and continued healing, my friend 🤍
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u/Icy_Construction4295 1d ago
It doesnt but it does. Of course we always have memories & attachment but you will meet another person that makes you appreciate not settling with the person that wasnt for you. Try to keep ur mind out the gutter it gets better.
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u/Allpurposelife 19h ago
It does heal. Give it more time, 4 years ain’t enough , but 10..15 or 20 might be
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u/DannyHikari 14h ago
Time is not a healer, but it is an asset.
Time allows for growth. Time allows you to process your emotions. Time allows for healing. Time itself does not heal.
6 years in. I don’t want to be with her romantically. But I still hurt a lot over what she did to me, and I do miss her as a person.
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u/PerformanceBulky2522 1d ago
Get more hobbies and keep your mind busy because time does heal.
You’ll never meet the right person being hung up on your ex. They your ex for a reason..you ain’t mad enough I guess?
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u/canadalivinx 16h ago
The time will pass anyway. You can be sad over a loser during that time or live your life
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u/OkCareer7909 15h ago
it’s been 2 for me. I think about him everyday. he just got engaged to a friend he told me was just a close family friend while we were together.
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u/Droserigal 12h ago
Also at 4 years. It still hurts every day, but hurts less at least? And when I was just maybe starting to get a crush on someone else they moved far away
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u/Understandinggirl54 11h ago edited 11h ago
It’s up to you to heal yourself not time. That must be so miserable spending 4 year of your life still loving or thinking about someone who’s your ex after all that time. Do the inner work and move on. Stop treating yourself like a charity case stop feeling sorry for yourself time is not the healer you are. Meanwhile he’s probably happy living life not thinking about you and has most likely moved on with someone else and is happy or he’s single and dating a lot of people and having the time of his life. Or maybe he’s with a woman has kids now and is engaged or ready to be married to the person he’s with. It’s been 4 years just enough time for him to do allll of that. You should take notes. If he wanted you in his life he would still be there. Love yourself enough to not want a man who doesn’t want you. Fuq him he’s a loser. Start dating again your life is not over because of some guy! The reason why people say you heal over time is because most people whom love themselves deeply won’t waste their life on what didn’t work out. Do you know stress and worry and heartbreak kills more than anything else ? Let it go and move on. Good luck
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u/EmploymentSpecific26 10h ago
took me 7-8 years. the big difference wasn't changing locations or making new hobbies or changing your body to be more fit. For whatever reason, the void within me stayed
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u/broken_mirror1994 9h ago
You are absolutely correct time does not heal anything you learn to live with pain
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u/Background_Berry3417 7h ago
Sigh, it really doesn't. It's been almost 3 years since we met. About 1 year and 4 months no contact. I still obsessively think about everything. I'm so broken, it's destroying me. I'm so overwhelmed. I just want it all to stop.
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u/canadalivinx 16h ago
Most people it does. But then again you need to do the work. Try to go to therapy and if you already have tried a new therapist
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u/redactedanalyst 1h ago
I think the one solace I have found in my life since breaking up with the only man I was ever truly sad to lose is boredom. I have, after about 4 years, grown extremely bored of processing my grief over him.
I have griecved my one year with him for FOUR YEARS. I have spent infinitely more time thinking about him than I ever have talking to him. I have written songs and poems and short stories and wept and drank and stayed up checking his social media and for what? Nothing! It has made me nothing but pathetic and uninteresting and uninterested, at a certain point.
And I count this as a blessing, as long fought as it has been to get there, because it defangs his haunting of me. Over time, the boredom with processing and reprocessing my loss of him has validated that my grief has nothing to do with him. It's... Masturbatory. I don't miss him, I miss what I wanted, what I thought he was, what I thought he could've been. I don't miss the relationship, otherwise, it wouldn't have been so fucking hard and traumatizing. I don't want to be back with him because I have a fucking bachelor's degree in hyperanalyzing every single way in which he ever hurt me.
I still miss him. I still write about him. I still check his social media, to see if he's posted anything about me (he usually has and it's often defamatory). But it's no longer interesting. It's as boring and routine as going to the bathroom. And I reckon, soon enough, that boredom will be reason enough for me to move on.
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u/Soggy_Ground_9323 1d ago
I think the correct version is: Time doesnt heal, but it somewhow helps you manage the hurt. The gap at least gets smaller as the times go. No bigger as it was the first few months of breakup.
You can't forget someone u loved before..same as when a beloved person dies. It hurts so bad at the beggining but at the times goes...the pain becomes managable and moore easier but not 100% forgetting