We broke up about two weeks ago. He agreed to meet up and chat about our relationship a week from now. But he’s clearly following girls on insta that he wasn’t before when we were together. Does that mean he probably has no intention of getting back together?

context: we broke up on overall good terms, yet out distance ultimately got in the way of us. we would've been together in every lifetime, and if we just did one or two things differently we would've been together now.

anyway, it's been like 4 days on no contact, and i can't stop thinking about her, and i NEED her to text me. i don't think she would right now because we both have to process stuff that led to our break up, but i'm clinging onto the fact that there's no way she doesn't reach out,

after all we went through. the fact that we ended on good terms is very unsettling to me because there's no way she isn't thinking about ne 24/7, as i am for her. like she must be feeling this 100x more than i am, yet she still isnt reaching out.

i do feel like there is always a chance she reaches out though, especially beacuse there was no bad blood at all, and we still have feelings for each other. BUT, i dont want that to swarm my mind because then i won't heal from the flaws we had.

i'm trying to move on and if she does reach out, then yay, but if not, then at least i'm contributing to healing. but it's very hard to switch my mindset. we only broke up just under 2 weeks ago and hopped on no contact twice since then, and idk it's just really difficult for me.

does anyone have any advice?

My ex broke up with me a month ago and I think it is because of his coworker. For context we dated for 3 ½ years, around a month or two before he broke up with me we went on a date in which I ended up finding out he had been texting his coworker everyday without letting me know. I only found out because he let me use his phone to buy something and I accidentally came across the messages. I didn't see any full on flirting from either of them, no inappropriate pictures or anything to confirm that he had been seeing her behind my back, but there was one message that really stuck out to me. She had sent it out of nowhere, saying “I felt your bicep earlier” to which my ex replied with “so you felt something.” It really bothered me when I saw how he responded to her comment, and gave me the assumption that there was something going on between them. To me personally those messages seem like they were flirting with each other and that there was some sort of sexual tension too. It also meant that she was touching him but when I confronted him about it he said she never did, that she just chose to word it weird and he just went along with it. I didn't believe him, why choose the word “felt” if you didn't touch someone? And just in general why respond to the message like that. It feels inappropriate and disrespectful towards me and the relationship we had. Anyways i ended up breaking up with him after seeing those messages but we got together again and talked things out, he told me he had set a boundary with her after i broke up with him, and that he told her to stop texting him unless it was work related to which she agreed. After that he distanced himself from her and told me that he had no feelings towards her and only saw her as a friend. He seemed to have kept his word too because I never saw any text messages between them again and he would tell me about when he would have to interact with her at work. When he broke up with me he said that he distanced himself two weeks before the break up because our relationship was going through a rough patch (BECAUSE OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTIONS AND THE CHOICE TO HIDE THAT GIRL) and lost feelings. He told me he couldn't be there for me emotionally and give me what I needed, that he didn't know who he was as a person and just wanted to focus on himself and not date anyone. He thought that the rough patch we were going through would never get better. And that no one else was involved and he had no feelings for anyone else. Although a week after we broke up I saw he ended up following her on instagram. I found it weird because when I first saw their messages with each other she sent him a screenshot of his instagram acc asking if it was him to which he replied to yea, but they never followed each other. Why follow each other now? I also found out he went out with coworkers a week after too and I'm pretty sure she was also there. A few days ago I clicked on his Spotify profile and saw that shes following him but hes not following her. I ended up reaching out to him a week after asking if we could talk so I could get more clarity from his side and have a conversation where he would be less vague with his reasonings and feelings but he never responded to me. It hurt even more because when we broke up he told me he still had love for me and would always be there for me. And I know he doesn't owe me a response,e but why say that you'll always be there for someone if you're not willing to talk to them ever again. 

The whole situation to me is just so confusing, I want to believe him and trust that he only saw her as a friend, especially when he placed that boundary with her but it seems like he wasn't ever fully honest about everything. I say this because he had her messages muted when I found out and I asked him if it was because he was purposefully hiding them from me and didn't want the notifications to pop up when we were spending time together. He told me that he didn't mute them for that reason, but because he simply didn't want to see her notifications (a stupid reason that made no sense to me) but when I had asked him again a month after the situation he admitted that he was muting them to hide them from me. I just don't understand why he wouldn't be honest about everything when I first confronted him, and it makes me wonder what else he lied about. 

 Anyways is it safe to assume that I was cheated on? I guess I just want to make sure my feelings and assumptions towards the whole situation are valid and that I'm not just being crazy. Transparency and honesty is so important to me and he knew that. We made a promise to each other to tell each other whenever we made new friends of the opposite gender and I kept that promise. I was always honest about my friendships with guys and would always tell him right away. I also just want to stop putting him on this pedestal, despite what happened towards the end of our relationship I thought he was a good boyfriend and person. I can’t accept that this good person was capable of cheating/betraying me, I guess I'm still in denial and want to stop that so I can finally let him go.

I dated a girl for 8 months. It might not sound like much, but we saw each other almost every day for those 8 months, and I fell for her, really hard. But 5 days ago she said she wanted to take a break. I understand that a “break” means the end, and she told me she doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t want to fix anything, but that she doesn’t want to break up either, just take a break. She kept telling me, so passionately and so many times, that she doesn’t want to lose a person like me, that she has no one else in this city (which is true, neither of us has any friends here), that she doesn’t want to look for a replacement, that she doesn’t want to meet anyone, and so on. That’s where we left it: on a break. We didn’t set any restrictions, and we never talked about whether we could see other people.

She went to visit her family for the weekend, and I stayed alone because I have nobody in this country. All my friends and family are abroad. These last few days I haven’t been able to find a place for myself. I walked around outside endlessly and tried to keep going to university. I really wanted to stay friends with her, because I truly didn’t want to lose a person like that, but the key word is “wanted.”

Believe me or not, it doesn’t matter, but today, after a super long walk, I came home and my gut feeling turned out to be 100% right. I decided to check a dating site to see if her profile was there, and drumroll... her profile was the third one that came up. After that I don’t even know what to think. I’m sitting here drinking and writing this text. Yes, yes, yes, I understand that she doesn’t love me, but she saw how bad I felt. We still saw each other for a couple of days afterwards, drank together, and talked about what to do. And now I don’t even know what to think. It just hurts so much that I’ve been lied to again. I could understand her signing up after a month or three weeks, but not even 7 days have passed and she already wants to meet someone, after telling me how hard it was for her to leave me and that she didn’t want new connections.

I don’t know if I need any advice, I just decided to write this here.

Translated using AI***

Anyone who has been through something similar or can explain his behaviour please comment🙏

I was with my ex 22M for almost four years when he cheated on me. He has been trying to push contact since I left 3 months ago. Last night, he tried to rekindle things. He said, “I only asked for my stuff back because I wanted to see you, I know I’m bad at communicating but it’s not that I never cared”

I told him “I have so many things I could say to you but ultimately, I am so so disappointed”

He went on to text me saying “I made a mistake, the grass isn’t greener on the other side, I want to work on things” he asked me to talk to him. I made the mistake of opening up a little. I told him I always tried to make him happy but it was never enough and he wasn’t the person I fell in love with.

Then he said, he’s changed and that he wasn’t fully ready to settle down but he’s realised now and he wanted to work on things with me.

AND THEN IN THAT SAME MESSAGE HE SAID, but to be honest… I’ve met somebody and I think it’s best we both move on.

Like what?? You reached out to me??

He then said, it’s not fair on her if we’re texting.

You literally texted me because you wanted another chance?? I’ve been pretty much no contact for months whilst he’s persistently messaged me.

Also pretty crazy that he doesn’t think it’s fair on her to message me when she KNEW about me and our relationship.

BTW he cheated so I had zero plans on getting back together with him, I’m not sure why I even replied. I loved him a lot, this whole situation is extremely hurtful. I also found that he does have a new relationship and it wasn’t something he made up to make me sad.

I don't even know where to start. Guess I'll give the back story. I was with my ex for a few years. We lived in San Diego at the time. Things were difficult from time to time. She was always wanting to go to the bar to hang out and I was trying to spend time with her outside of our friend group. It was a lot of partying/drinking when we met. I thought after we had gotten together it would slow down. We had some stupid fights over it. 2023 I got laid off. I spent over a year looking for a remote job so that I could move to Utah with her. I moved in with a friend to save some money, he took a job outside of the country and I had to figure out what to do. I was going to go with her but at the last minute she said she didn't want me moving with her without having a job. I had no where else to go so moved home all the way across the country to MD. I left and we said that when I got a job we would figure things out.

A couple months after being back, she moved back to Utah, I got a job. Everything I thougth we wanted and she said it was too late. I was heartbroken. I am still heartbroken. She told me that she had never loved anyone as much as me, and I have never loved anyone as much as her. The more I think about it I don't think I've ever loved anyone before her because I've never felt like this before. We were very close friends before we started seeing each other and I am devastated even at the thought of losing one of my closest friends.

This past week was her birthday. We've kept in touch, so I mailed her a card, told her I think about her all the time still, hope she's doing well and happy. While I'm waiting for it to get there, she posted a photo of her with a new man on a sailboat near Spain. I have been crying for days. It is more pain than I could have ever imagined. I came home Friday from work and drank a bottle of bourbon in 20 mins and fell over into bed. I didn't want to be here anymore and I've been having more and more thoughts of harming myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I love this person more than anything in this world. I feel like I will never be able to move past the idea that if we had gotten out of San Diego together, we would have made it. And now she's finally doing the things I wanted to do with her. Getting away from the bars, taking trips together, not living in a party town. All of it with someone else. Everything that I knew would make this relationship incredible. With someone else. I can't take the thought of it. It is killing me.

People say to talk to friends, keep busy. I have no friends. I try to see old friends from before I moved away and they never have the time. I've seen one of my friends once in the past year. I just go to work then sit around by myself and think about her. I don't know, maybe strangers can help me. I have nothing else.

I'm now nearly a year out of my five year relationship. I am trying to recover my life, move on and find peace. My ex had stated not wanting to be friends at all. They immediately unfollowed me on Instagram and deleted every picture of us. All of their friends unfollowed me. I tried to keep it as much as I could. Every item, every playlist, every social media follow they didn't remember. Every now and then I notice they unfollowed me on another platform or deleted a shared thing. It hurts everytime and I, stupidly enough, keep checking and keep my life centered around them. I tried blocking, but my dumb sentimental ass won't stop. Any advice on how to make it hurt less?

Does time eventually heal these wounds? I've tried dating, therapy and changing my entire life. It hasn't helped yet.

I'm not ready to delete it all. I'm sorry 😔

i think i’m just unable to not text him at this point, i really can’t control it.

is there a way to lock his contact in whatsapp with a password, so i can give it to a friend and physically be unable to text him on iphone?

because the lock option just let me put my face id or the password of my phone so it doesnt work…

pls help

I (24M) recently went through my first serious romantic experience. We dated for about five to six weeks and were exclusive, although we hadn't officially established boyfriend/girlfriend labels.

I'm struggling to understand how something that seemed to be going so well deteriorated so quickly. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on what happened, including my own mistakes, and I'd appreciate some outside perspectives.

The first five weeks

Things were wonderful, at least from my perspective.

She was incredibly affectionate, often spontaneously initiating physical affection, using pet names, and telling me things like "you're mine and I'm yours."

She frequently told me I was an angel, that I was great boyfriend material, and even cried during an intimate moment because she felt she didn't deserve how well I treated her.

We had serious conversations about our values, attachment styles, and what we wanted from a relationship. Importantly, she initiated many of these conversations herself, including within the first few days of dating.

I reciprocated her affection. I was attentive, replied to her messages promptly, made time for her, and took her words seriously.

I'd wanted to experience romantic love for a long time, and this was the first time I genuinely felt wanted and appreciated by someone. I thought we were building something meaningful together.

Then things suddenly changed.

On a Tuesday, she initiated a conversation about things she didn't like about my behavior.

She said I replied too quickly, was too agreeable and attentive, and was excessively affectionate. She even complained that because I made my interest so obvious, she didn't get to rant to her girlfriends about whether I liked her or not. She said she missed the anxiety of having a crush.

I found this incredibly confusing because she'd previously welcomed and reciprocated that affection.

She also said I was moving too fast and talking too much about the future, despite having initiated future-oriented conversations herself.

For example, she'd told me she wanted to remain in Connecticut permanently and that being with her would mean accepting that. This was a serious consideration for me because I'm pursuing a PhD and my academic career may require me to relocate.

I wasn't asking her to commit to spending her life with me. I was trying to understand why certain conversations were acceptable when she initiated them but apparently inappropriate when I did.

So I asked questions.

I'm an analytical person, and when something doesn't make sense to me, I tend to ask questions until I understand it. I recognize that this can sometimes come across as intense.

But I wasn't trying to interrogate her or convince her that her feelings were wrong. I genuinely wanted to understand what had changed and what specific behaviors she wanted me to adjust.

She interpreted those questions as though I was putting her in a courtroom.

The birthday party and the argument

The following evening was her birthday celebration with her friends.

When I arrived, she didn't greet me with the affection I was accustomed to, although she greeted her friends warmly.

Normally, I probably wouldn't have thought much of it. But after the previous night's conversation, I was already worried that something had changed between us.

I felt disconnected and insecure.

Looking back, I recognize that I probably read too much into that moment. She was hosting a birthday party, and I shouldn't have interpreted a single greeting as a reflection of her feelings toward me.

After leaving, I texted her saying that I'd enjoyed meeting her friends but had felt a little sad and disconnected during the evening.

She interpreted this as me being jealous of her friends and expecting her to give me all her attention. She told me not to be envious, said she couldn't babysit me, and eventually called me childish and manipulative.

That wasn't what I meant at all.

I wasn't resentful of her friends, and I certainly didn't expect her to spend her birthday paying attention exclusively to me. I was feeling insecure because of the conversation we'd had the previous night.

The argument escalated over text. I tried to explain what I'd actually meant, while she continued responding and making accusations. She also compared me to her ex, which hurt.

I acknowledge that my original message was poorly timed. I also made a passive-aggressive remark about bottling up my sadness in the future, which I regret.

But I don't think the escalation was entirely my responsibility. We were both participating in the argument, and I felt increasingly frustrated that my attempts to explain myself were being interpreted as further evidence that I was manipulative or jealous.

The breakup

Over the next few days, she became distant and asked for space.

I struggled with the sudden uncertainty and made attempts to contact her, including phone calls after she'd asked for distance.

I recognize that this was wrong. I was anxious and desperately wanted to resolve things, but I should have respected her request for space instead of continuing to reach out.

Five days after that initial Tuesday conversation, she ended the relationship.

She said she wasn't ready for commitment, needed to be on her own, and didn't want to force herself into a relationship.

But she also said I'd become too serious and attached too quickly.

In subsequent conversations, she described my questions as interrogations and said I behaved as though I was entitled to have her because I was good boyfriend material.

She also accused me of "treating her like my wife already" after just over a month of dating.

That accusation really hurt.

I wasn't asking her to marry me or make a lifelong commitment. I was treating someone I cared about with affection, consistency, and seriousness.

And what confused me was that she'd previously encouraged so much of that behavior herself.

She eventually described some of my attempts to communicate after the breakup as creepy and abnormal. I understand that continuing to contact someone who has asked for distance can make them uncomfortable, but it was still painful to hear those descriptions from someone who'd previously spoken about me so affectionately.

To her credit, she did acknowledge that she hadn't handled the situation well and apologized for how much it had affected me.

Eventually, I sent a final message explaining my perspective, told her I was closing the door, and blocked her. I haven't contacted her since.

What I'm struggling to understand

There are three things I keep coming back to.

1. The intensity wasn't one-sided.

She initiated many of our serious conversations and expressions of affection, sometimes within the first few days of dating.

She talked about the future, told me I was an angel, said I was great boyfriend material, and repeatedly expressed how much she appreciated my affection.

I responded to that.

So why did the same level of emotional investment become a problem when I reciprocated it?

I'm not saying she wasn't allowed to change her mind. Of course she was. But I don't think it's fair to describe the intensity as something I created entirely on my own.

2. Her expectations often seemed inconsistent.

She didn't want me talking about the future but brought it up herself.

She appreciated how affectionate and attentive I was, then criticized me for being too affectionate and attentive.

She told me I was wonderful and that she didn't deserve how well I treated her, then began describing me as manipulative, entitled, and creepy.

When I asked questions to understand these contradictions or requested specific examples of what she wanted me to change, she interpreted that as an interrogation.

I genuinely don't understand how I was supposed to know what was acceptable when the expectations seemed to change depending on who initiated the behavior.

3. Everything deteriorated so quickly.

We went from what felt like a mutually affectionate and promising relationship to a breakup in five days.

I understand that feelings can change, but the speed of that reversal has been incredibly difficult for me to process.

It makes me wonder whether she had doubts she wasn't communicating, whether the conflict itself changed her feelings, or whether we simply had incompatible approaches to emotional intimacy.

Where I think I went wrong

I'm not claiming I was a perfect partner.

I can be intense. I like getting to the bottom of things, and I struggle with ambiguity, especially when someone I care about says things that seem contradictory.

I became emotionally invested relatively quickly.

I should have handled the birthday situation better, and I shouldn't have read so much into her greeting.

And when she explicitly asked for space, I should have respected that instead of continuing to reach out.

Those are things I recognize and want to work on.

But I also don't believe my intensity developed in a vacuum. Her own words, affection, and conversations played a significant role in establishing the emotional pace of the relationship.

I hadn't felt genuinely appreciated by someone romantically in a very long time. When I finally experienced that with her, I allowed myself to become attached.

And it hurts that the same qualities she initially praised me for eventually became reasons she criticized me.

I don't think I miss the person she became during the breakup as much as I miss the relationship I thought we were building.

My questions are:

• Does this sound like an avoidant or push-pull dynamic, or simply two people who were fundamentally incompatible?
• Is it unreasonable to ask questions when someone's stated boundaries seem inconsistent with their previous words and actions?
• Can someone genuinely like you and still withdraw emotionally this abruptly?
• How do I take responsibility for my own intensity without accepting responsibility for a dynamic that both people helped create?

I'd genuinely appreciate constructive criticism. I'm not looking for people to blindly tell me I'm right or that she's a terrible person. I want to understand what happened and what I can learn from it.

me 30F and my ex 28M dated for 8 months and we met at work. we fell for each other deeply but we learned that we are just not compatible and we ended things. we see each other everyday and work next to each other. it’s hard because i still have feelings for him and we still communicate and hangout. i want to detach because even though we are not together we still see each other and i feel like i have authority or say in what he does and it’s making me crazy. so my question is how can i do no contact with my ex when we see each other everyday and things didn’t necessarily end on bad terms??

I feel like I’m going nuts and can’t get any of my thoughts straight.
I can’t explain all the context because it’s so deeply complicated; but also recognisable, because I still have a close relationship with my ex’s parents.

We broke up roughly 10 months ago and after the first couple of months I started going through more emotions. And in following months, I had started feeling like I was over my ex.
But as things get even harder in my personal and professional life, I just want to be able to reach out to my ex and speak to him about things. He understood.
Even though a lot of the time I felt deeply misunderstood by him.
Maybe I just want a friend and him back and maybe I want more.
But I don’t know if I can ever trust him again after what he did..
But maybe I view him as the bad guy, even though he was the victim.
The problem with not being able to recognise true emotions - is that you just cannot recognise your emotions.

All of this is quite vague, but if you can relate, please respond and if you need some clarification on what I mean, please ask.

I was with one women for 9 years and we went through alot together

I feel the relationship drifted after the abortion. We were 16 and coped differently combine that with being young and an asshole myself. We both struggled with depression and that definitely didn't help

I think all that and being young And lustful caught up with me

I talked about opening things up which selfish I know

But eventually

I broke up with her

we kept seeing each other and it got blurry attachment was still there but it was confusing

So im caught between being a fuckboy and lover boy selfish asshole either way

And I end up dating a girl with bpd

It was supposed to be a fwb thing but low key started to like her but it was messy because I had stuff with my ex and bpd girl was a free spirit respectfully

We end up agreeing to be exclusive but she keeps talking to other guys and past hook ups so im thinking she's not serious

But it slowly gets there and she starts cutting off people and im like is she for real or is this manipulation

Eventually i cut things off with my ex we sleep together that night and I tell her to leave me alone it was much angrier then that and colder

She tells bpd girl and it gets messy but bpd girl stays with me and we date a month

It was weird because dating her was like a mix of serious but trying to see if we could trust each other

I suspected her of cheating partly because my own behavior but the signs were strong

Are last big date was at a concert and I end up getting into a fight with her au to boyfriend two days later I catch bpd girl cheating but like its more like im replaced karma in a way

But I let her go as it makes since and she begs me to stay agrees to keep things the same but on the low

I dont text her after this because well its conflicting and not right

Well im a piece of shit to admit id do it but only with straight up communication

She finally blocks me and saids its because her new dude is everything she wants I dont chase her I let her go

And then she unblock me 4 diffrent times and blocks me now im just unblocked

I havent reached out yet or am sure to

Talking to my first love again to try and have some kind of closure because well we talk and still say I love you she won't take me back but I catch her stalking my socials and taking my calls and agrees to hang outs

Its all messy I love both these women recognize my own mistakes here and dont know what to do about either of em

All judgements and wisdom welcomed were all college aged and its messy need advice

The hardest thing to admit i still love both these women

Both enough to let em go or give em closure

I dont know if getting back with either is healthy not that its my choice

Created a new account for this. Here goes.

You live and you learn I guess, Had the best relationship of my life, together for 6 months and another 3-4 unofficially prior. There was so much at the time I didn't realize, let alone this deep rooted fear of communication that cost me dearly. I let this idea build up in my head that all roads were going to lead to breaking up and that it was the best for both of us.

There is far too much to say, but in summary: She was going to go see her family over a weekend, noticed things were off with me, and anxiously had asked me to reassure her that I wouldn't break up with her (as I am actively processing how I feel about the situation, I planned on moving in about a year, I didn't realize how much she was willing to do for me because we didn't have the right conversations at the time, well she did with her best friend and family but not me yet so I was unaware of where she stood) and I didn't want to lie, but was convinced it was for the best and whatever stupid, dumb, terrible switch activated in my head I decided to head straight into it.

The conversation was full of tears, emotions, uncertainty, everything. And I found out mid break up that she was willing to follow me where I go, change her life to fit it, and remain supportive and come to bigger solutions than I was anticipating for some of our issues. And I still chose to end it, unfortunately. Didn't process what I felt or why I acted that way and what my anxiety & fear based inner conflicts about communication and what I wanted out of the time were until about 2 months later. Thought about it every day, we agreed initially it might not be best to have the clarity conversation at the time, even though I did offer it and nudge it.

Again, been about two months. I reached out to congratulate her. Got a neutral response, decided to see where we stand and wanted to talk things over. Got a harsh response to move on and that she feels nothing about this and that she is done and that i messed everything up. Which I did, was just hurtful to hear I suppose. The next day, her best friend texted me and attacked me about reaching out and said to never do it again and there's no hope for reconciliation and that I'm a big sack of crap for everything that I did. That it's pathetic I don't understand my emotions. That only more hurt would come from another conversation and to move on because I don't deserve to be in her life, and it felt very aggressive and I know I handled that break up very poorly, just hurts a lot to hear all this back to back.

I don't know, I just wanted to get it out there I guess. I know what to work on and I am actively processing it just hurts. I don’t know if I’m ever going to find someone like that again and since I’m in the process of preparing to start fresh elsewhere and move to a new city I’m having to let go of this dream of wanting someone to have participated and been apart of my life with the close friends and family I’ve built here and that was the first time I got to taste that. No one else I’ve ever been intimate with has been apart of my circle of life and accepted my lifestyle and met all my friends and my immediate family.

And now it will probably never happen again. Hurts to know I did that and dug my grave but here we are. On the bright side at least I’m going to grow heavily and have learned whatever anxiety fear I possess about uncomfortable emotions and communication have cost me friendships and situations in the past and it’s something I know to actively work on and address to become a better person. Much more than that but yknow.

TL;DR: My ex (M31) and I (F27) were “together” now for almost 7 years. We broke up (3 yrs now) because he cheated. Despite being exes, we continued going on dates and being intimate because we never really learned how to let go of each other. But even though he’s repentant, I can never truly forgive him or see a future with him again.

I just want to share a story and maybe find out if some other people would also relate and understand.

You can call me Marissa (F27), let’s call my ex Jay (M31). Jay and I have been together for a while now, even though we’re exes, we’re still together. It’s a little complicated. Let’s just say we didn’t exactly know how to be exes after living together for a long time. Almost 7 years, actually. We didn’t work out because he had another relationship. He cheated. Typical, not surprising at all. But of course, it still hurts. All the time, effort, memories, and even the challenges we faced together feel like they went to waste. I really thought we would end up together in our lifetime.

We were close, very close. We knew how to have fun, we had the same interests, and we never had a huge fight. It was almost smooth, and almost perfect. Until it was not. So we became exes. Somehow, though, we continued going out on dates and even continued being intimate. It was okay for a while, but little by little, it’s becoming really heavy for me.

I have already decided before that if our relationship doesn’t work out, that simply means I’m not meant to end up with anyone else. And it’s been years now since we became exes. And I cannot continue this any longer. I don’t want to hold on to him, and I don’t want him to hold on to me, because we don’t have a future. And I cannot see myself really getting back with him.

And it hurts. I almost thought I could give us a second chance, but no. I cannot, and I will not. I would rather be alone than go through the same thing again, and because I know I will never truly forgive him for what happened, or what he did.

So there, I’ve been feeling really depressed because of this, lonely. But no matter what I do, with or without him, I don’t feel any joy anymore. Maybe because I feel like I’m being held back? Which I don’t like. And I wouldn’t want to hold him back either. I truly think we should finally end things, once and for all. I know I can’t be with anyone else now, but he still has a chance. Just not with me.

I think deep down I already know my relationship is over. I know it’s not going to get better, and I know I’m holding on to something that probably hasn’t made me happy for a very long time.
The person I’m with doesn’t seem willing to put any effort into our relationship anymore. I feel like he doesn’t listen to me, doesn’t care about my feelings, and mostly thinks about himself. And the worst part is that when I look back, I realize I’ve felt hurt, disappointed, and disrespected so many times throughout our relationship. I just kept making excuses for it.
Sometimes he acts like he’s simply tired of me, like I’m annoying him just by wanting some love, attention, or effort.
I’ve reached a point where I barely recognize myself. I feel unattractive, unwanted, and like I’ve completely lost my self-respect. I hate that I’ve allowed someone else’s attitude toward me to affect the way I see myself so much.
But what hurts the most is everything I’ve invested in this relationship. All the time, energy, love, patience, and hope. All the things we talked about doing together that never happened.
For example, we’ve been talking about taking dance classes together for almost two years. We’ve wanted to go to a particular restaurant, plan proper dates, and do so many little things that couples normally do. And somehow, none of it ever happens. I kept waiting, hoping, reminding him, trying to make things happen.
And now I feel like I’m grieving not only the relationship, but also all the experiences and memories we were supposed to have.
I know I deserve better than constantly begging someone to care. But knowing that doesn’t make leaving any easier. Part of me is angry about how I’ve been treated, and another part still desperately wishes things could be different.
So I wanted to ask other women who have been through something similar:
Have you ever stayed in a relationship long after you knew it wasn’t right for you? What finally made you leave? How did you deal with the feeling that you’d wasted so much time and love on someone who didn’t appreciate it?
And most importantly, did you eventually feel like yourself again? Did you find happiness, love, or simply peace after leaving?
I’d really love to hear your stories, especially from women who once thought they’d never be able to let go.
I think I just need to be reminded that there’s a whole life waiting for me outside of this relationship

Some context me and my ex were together for about 2.5 years. We are both early 20s and honestly he broke my heart. He lied about everything he was going through emotionally and mentally. Our personalities are perfect together and I love him because of that.

The start of our relationship was great like any other but slowly he slipped further into a depression for a lot of reasons. He was in therapy (he lied about talking about our issues for 9 months). Many empty promises later, many failed attempts at being there for him. Many times I cried myself to sleep because of how worthless and unlovable I felt.

7 months after we ended we met up, talked about our healing journey, what was really going on in our relationship and who we are now/who we want to be. We know that 7 months isn’t long enough to heal but we started hanging out and just cuddling and talking for hours almost everyday for a week. We miss each other deeply.

My issue, he wants to prove that he deserves me. He said he doesn’t yet but wants me to watch him be the person I know he can be, for himself not for me. We don’t plan to get back together, at least not anytime soon. But he wants me to stay in his life as friends that sometime kiss. I still love him, more than anything but he hurt me so horribly that I had to end it for my sake.

I fully believe that we would’ve been the best together and that if he cared even a little bit to try we would’ve been fine. I told him that I’m not going to put off dating or living my life (even tho i don’t want to date anyone but him). Told him that I don’t know if I can ever get over the anger I have for him and myself for allowing me to be in that situation and he understood. Do I just give it more time? Or am I fooling myself? Part of me wants to run away, the other part wants to just run into his arms

Also my friends hate him lol but they never understood why I was with him or even tried to

Betrayed by my boyfriend of 6 years, lost my home, and now I’m expected to share our friend group with him and his affair partner

My boyfriend of 6 years had a 5-month affair behind my back. Just days before he kissed her, he told me he loved me deeply and wanted to work on our relationship. He continued seeing her in secret, lied to me and our mutual friends, and I eventually found out the truth through her husband.
I’m completely broken. Within a very short period, I lost my partner, my best friend, our home, and the future I thought we would have together. I had to move out, while he immediately continued his relationship with her. He seems completely infatuated with her and shows little to no guilt or remorse. He appears more upset about being caught than about the pain he caused me.

Our mutual friends (his ones, i joined the group 6 years ago) are angry and think what they did was awful, but they aren’t choosing sides or excluding him. I am closer with Some than others. I understand they don’t want to split the friend group, but it hurts that he seems to face so few consequences while I’m left dealing with the devastation. Some friends have even suggested that we’ll have to coordinate who attends future parties and gatherings because we can’t be there together.
It feels incredibly unfair that I’m expected to navigate the social consequences of his choices, too, when I’ve already lost so much. I don’t want any contact with him, but I’m afraid of losing my social circle as well.

How do I come to terms with this? And how do I handle a mutual friend group where everyone agrees his behaviour was awful, but nobody seems willing to take a clear stance? I’m struggling to understand how someone can betray a person they spent six years with and seemingly move on without looking back.

I broke up with my avoidant after over 3 years. The reason for breaking up was based off my perspective vs the real truth. He hid his alcoholism so well, this whole time I thought he just wasn’t simply that into me and was just using me. Anyways.

I downloaded a dating app to be reminded that there are men who don’t just shut themselves indoors to drink and play video games and force their gf to deal with it. I know im not healed enough to try to date or even hook up, I don’t even want to at all. But I’ve been chatting just to kind of distract myself, experience the parts of a connection I’ve been so desperate to have in my relationship (like actually talking about stuff & cracking jokes). It’s been helping me really realize how I could have a much I’ve been neglected, not getting what I needed, all of that. I’ve been seeing how different I am when interacting with guys now that I’m much more mature.

I reconnected with an old flame— it was a long distance connection at the time. We met one time and had a cute lil breakfast date + driving playing music, talking etc. I lived too far from him so things couldn’t go anywhere. I just planned a lighthearted coffee date just to reconnect with him as he is proposing we give us a try now that I live closer. I’m excited! I’m doing something that my ex would NEVER do with me. Deep down I feel like I’m cheating, like I’m still waiting for my ex to come to my house to apologize and tell me he’s in therapy and getting sober (obviously that’s a fairytale but the chances are never zero right😂)

I guess I feel like I want some encouragement or if anyone else has done light dating after a bad relationship. I’m definitely not ready to sleep with anyone (I’m driving myself, I’m very secure about being safe and not doing anything that could get me in a bad spot).

I’ve struggled with loneliness most of my life (M22), so his presence lifted me up, giving me hope and reassurance that, no matter how bad things could go, at least I had him. Of course, I have family and a few friends, but our connection felt special because it was so intimate and vulnerable.

And now, well… my loneliness is weighing on me so heavily, and I think about our good memories with such a bitter feeling because, at the end of the day, I've lost something I've always dreamed of having — someone to lean on, someone I could turn to when life got hard.

I once had him looking at me with such care and love. Now I feel invisible to anyone around me.

Self-love matters, but it isn't enough when you've spent most of your life feeling lonely.

How do you manage your loneliness?

We broke up recently after I found out he cheated. It's been 2 months yet I'm not able to move on. He has moved on easily not caring enough.

Sorry for bad english, its not my first language.

A little about me - i am 26 y old male, doing blue collar - i know trade and i make above average amount of money in my country.

I am with my girlfriend since we were 17 y olds and after we finished highschool, she went to the college and i took 2 gap years because i had mental problems and was anxious as hell, also i never had any financial support of my parents so i couldnt even go to the college.

Every 6 months i had this kind of arguing with my girlfriend where we say a lot of rude stuff to each other and pause our relationship for a week and the next week we are kind and love eachother.

Yasterday, there was this argument where a lot of insulting words were said on both sides, in the end she started making fun of me because i dont have a diploma and that I only have high school, and that she is ashamed when she has to go out with me or talk about me to her friends who earned PhD.

Honestly i felt hurt even tho i acted like i dont care, i knew i was the only one who didnt go to college when i was hanging with her friend group but i never knew they've seen me like that or that she felt like that in our relationship.

Hey everyone. About 5 months ago, my girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me. She told me she burned out, lost feelings, she is unhappy, we are incompatible but wanted the same things in my opinion. The specific reasons she gave were my lack of interest in her hobbies and that I showed zero initiative to go out and do things together. I asked about her hobby, i really liked about whats she doing and cared. For the entire realtionship i felt like am not a priority.

Here is what is driving me crazy: whenever I actually initiated and wanted to take us somewhere, she almost always said she was too tired, and mostly we were spending time in bed and watching series, and her watching tiktok. When she wanted we always went somewhere.

I eventually stopped trying as much because my ideas were constantly being shut down. In the end, I got dumped and blamed for the lack of effort. She never communicated that something was hurting her.

She also wanted to live togheter so we rented a apartment, that was her idea. I the middle of move she broke up, saying she doesnt see future with me, she doesnt want to spend christmas with me. I asked if she is sure about this and she said yes and that she is happy.

Does it sound like she was cheating one me? After a breakup she changed her hair, started to wear glassess, changed her job. She acted like i never existed.

I am far better than in the first 1-2 months. She blocked me on every platform, due to asking her if we could fix things. Did I actually fuck this up by giving up too easily and missing something, or does it sound like she was already checked out and just looking for an excuse? I would really appreciate an objective, outside perspective.

So I'm about 4 months post 8 month breakup and I hit a point where I feel alot better. I have my moments still where I'm a little upset about us not being able to communicate issues or some thing that was misunderstood. But I've reached a point of healing where one thing has helped me stay grounded: Forgiveness. It's been so freeing and has helped me really move on. To come to terms that we were meant to meet but not stay forever.

For slight context, our breakup happened over incompatibilities. Ones we thought we could work through but just couldn't unfortunately. But we loved each other so intensely that it was eye-opening. It was worth the 10 hour drive for our first date. I still laugh at myself for accidentally being scared and screaming at her after waking up from a nap after she walked into the AirBNB 😅.

But I forgive her and myself. For the mistakes we made. For the actions that lead us to the breakup. The days where we just couldn't click. We were both hurt people trying to love when things got real and we couldn't measure up. I forgive you for not confronting me on things because maybe you didn't want to be seen as "mean'. In the same way, I forgive myself for not speaking up for myself because I didn't want to overwhelm you. I forgive you for breaking up with me so cold just as a I forgive myself for breaking down about it.

Thank you for teaching me so much and although we may never speak again, I hope you're doing okay. Safe travels, Little Blue Star, may you find the galaxy you need 💙 💜

I’ve never had a true break up before and I’m so lost as what to do. My partner before this had unfortunately passed so I didn’t have these same feelings that was just pure grief but now it somehow feels like I’m grieving but they’re still here. I don’t know what to do with this it’s like familiar and completely alien at the same time.
How am I supposed to be so okay losing someone that was my first message everyday and the last one at night, my closest confidant and comfort? I know things will get better but I just don’t know how to get there or even where to start.

Nothing to say I guess…just going through grief